He who could not control his temper is a man who is selfish and cares only of his perspective.
Have you ever have the urge to destroy something that they would never be able to return to its former shape?
This thought are something that never leaves his mind and seems to have grown as a part of him. As he grows older it grows as if a child slowly and progressively though it never gets out of controls it still manifest sometimes as little crimes.
It was after work when he remembers that he doesn't have any more supply for him to consume so dragging his tired body he goes to the mall and goes straight to the supplies he needed.
Then there is it the empty aisle where less people goes he look left and right before he stood in front the machine and turn it off and slightly messing its arrangement feeling relieve he move through other aisle as if nothing happen.
Why does he do this? It was the satisfaction and the little rebellion he could not show that frustrated him due to work and personal reason. The thrill of being caught but then you would never be suspected because you look proper and professional.
These small reason as if had the mind of their own always want to get out but without outlet he let out on those poor things feeling a little bit sorry to the attendant who have to arrange it but still in his mind it was the only thing that could help him survive the frustration.
He goes home cook and then rest thinking of his friends and colleagues that are slowly starting their own family and thought of having one of his own but thinking about his hidden crime he was disheartened thinking someone wouldn't even give him a glance if they've known it.
Thus even of how much it eats his consciousness he still does it. It started with little crimes like stealing a small eraser to a pen into messing the arrangement of things and into turning the machine off and hopefully it was the last of his hidden crime and would not escalate to something more dangerous.
He hope to find someone who can and will understand him then tell him that it was okay and that life will always be good though being judge is and will always be a part of human nature thus their words are not as important as the teaching you receive and the faith you have.
But finding this kind of person seems to be impossible in this world where appearance is being judged.
How did he grow up to this kind of person though?
Simple. Growing up he was consider as a smart kid who is kind and doesn't misbehave like other kids his age. Someone who is polite enough to smile at others even if he doesn't know that person thus with this prejudice he grow up minding his manner around other people since he doesn't want people to talk about his parents and say they were irresponsible enough to not teach their kids of manner as he heard his mother and other parents talked with each other as if the children were too young to understand their talks.
As he grow up he learns to control his emotion as if it was a daily task he had to achieve while smiling he does his task efficiently even when he is being scolded he still smile while saying sorry then tries again. He learn to play with others to their satisfaction even when he doesn't even want to do any of that even as he grows up and started working he still had this mentality where though he is obviously on the losing side and being abuse he still work with a smile in his face thus when he was transfer to another branch he tried to change his demeanor with a poker face he started working then as time passed by he discovered that he is still the same. How he observed that since the first day he was transfer since he couldn't worked in a messy space he regularly clean the area not knowing when it star the people had stop cleaning and relied on him leaving their mess and just waiting for him to clean up so he decided to stop and observe but maybe since they are already used to someone cleaning their mess they didn't mind leaving it even when they saw how it is piling up in the area waiting until a certain someone does them.
They didn't even asked and assume that he just like doing things that is why he does it. "People never changed" he thought as he cleans the area. From childhood till this day nobody ever asks what he wants and what he wanted to do. To not give his parents headache and heartache he followed their wishes step by step even when he doesn't even want to do anything just to put a smile on their face.
Will there ever be a day he would be able to freely choose what he wants?
Will a day come where his emotion can be shown to other as raw as it is?
Is there ever a day he will be free and lost at the same time?