During Geography class, I sat down close to Autumn and Simon again. The tables in this classroom were in pairs of two, so I chose to sit down at the pair in front of them. In front of me, Chris and Maddie settled down. The chair next to me remained empty.
"And that was the recap on sediment and erosion, are there any questions before I continue?"
No one responded. It felt like everyone had lost their motivation for school already, and so did I. I was still sceptical about hanging out with Autumn and Simon and leaving Chris and Maddie behind so suddenly. It felt like something was off. Autumn and Simon were the outcasts of the class, and it wouldn't be right if I were to hang out with them, is what I thought.
"Lara."
Unexpectedly, Maddie turned around and called my name.
"What is it?"
"We're all free next period, so let's talk. Chris wants to talk too."
Chris hadn't turned around and pretended to be listening to the teacher.
"Sure, where will we go?"
"I was thinking about the grass fields."
I nodded and Maddie turned around again. I looked behind me, but Autumn and Simon were reading their textbooks intensely. I assumed that they didn't hear it, but it was still possible that they did. While I wanted to be glad, I was scared. Autumn's words from the day before were stuck in my mind, and they way Maddie asked me, didn't feel all too friendly. I anxiously awaited the end of the Geography period. When it finally arrived, Autumn and Simon left without saying anything. When he passed through the doorway, Autumn gave me a glance. He heard it.
"Phew, this bag is heavy."
Maddie placed her handbag on her shoulder.
"Well, let's go."
I followed them outside, and we exited the schoolyard. I looked around constantly, but couldn't see Autumn or Simon anywhere. It was a moment of relief when I realised they weren't following us. We didn't talk to each other for the entire walk to the field, and I hadn't heard Chris at all yet. We entered the Van Leeuwen Field, named after the founder of our school, and sat down beneath a random tree. The Van Leeuwen Field is a large, square grass field with a row of old oak trees on each side, and was owned by the school as a recreational and break area. Half of it is reserved for Physical Education during the summer periods.
"So, tell us about your relationship with him."
Chris didn't pose it as a question but commanded me. It was the moment I was assured this wasn't going to be a fun conversation. I also had no idea how I would talk myself out of this.
"Well, you see, we have known each other for some time now."
"How long?"
"We met during summer vacation, talked a bit and realised we were going to the same school. That's what… happened."
"That's bull, we've talked about him before."
Chris was countering my fake arguments really well, too well even. Maddie was just staring into the blue sky as if she never wanted to be part of this. There was no way I was going to get out of this.
"If you met him during summer vacation you would've run away."
"Why? I wouldn't-"
"That's what you said last year, during winter vacation. You never wanted to talk or run into him, because he was oh so gross."
I remembered that I did say that, but I never meant it. They were trash-talking him as well. It was all to go with the flow.
"You did-"
"It doesn't matter what I did, because I spoke the truth back then. You didn't. If you did meet him during summer vacation, I want to know how that happened."
I was flustered and stressed out. I felt my face warming up and my arms and legs trembling. I knew there was no way I could get out of Chris' questioning with these lackluster lies, but I continued anyway.
"Well, I went to the pool and-"
"You would never go to the pool."
"M-my family forced me to come with them."
"Wasn't your family away for work?"
I said all the wrong things. I had told them too much before, so Chris could counter any point I made. However, I was glad for a moment, as this meant Chris and Maddie believed the lie about my parents being away for work.
"Lara, stop lying. You know you can keep a secret with us."
"No..."
"No? We're your friends, right? We share secrets, and keep them-"
"That's not true!"
I yelled right into her face, and I could feel a tear forming in my eye. It wasn't true what she said. They spoiled my secrets to their friends numerous times before, about the first time I wore a bra, the first time I masturbated, and the first time I fell in love. Those three were the worst, but they told many more. I knew that if there was one thing they should never know, it would be Autumn's secret.
"Sorry, I-"
Why did I apologize? She should be the one to do that. Maddie too, as she goes with almost anything Chris does. I noticed Maddie was looking at us now. Something in her eyes told me, that this wasn't her idea. Chris likely forced her into proposing it.
"No need to apologize, you just need to tell me. What do you know about him, that we don't? It's that simple. Tell us."
My heart was pounding in my chest. There was no way out, I had to tell them. I felt the guilt already growing inside me.
"He is-"
The leaves of the tree behind me rustled heavily, so I turned around. Chris and Maddie also looked up at the tree, when the unexpected happened.
"I'm her boyfriend."
Autumn fell out of the tree and landed softly on the ground. He fell from a height of more than four meters, yet he didn't flinch. The realisation came to me only a moment later. Autumn was saving his own secret.
"You- How long were you up there for?"
Chris sounded annoyed. Not quite mad, but just heavily irritated. Autumn walked towards us, and Chris even went as far to go into a defensive position. I quickly looked around, but Simon was nowhere to be seen. It was just him.
"Longer than you've been standing there."
"So you heard everything?"
"More than that."
"What do you-"
"Leave her alone."
Chris was bewildered from being interrupted. She clenched her fist, but Maddie stood up and held her shoulder to stop her from going any further.
"Don't touch me, I'm perfectly calm."
She jerked away Maddie's hand, before walking past me and Autumn.
"Fine, we won't bother your girlfriend anymore."
"Great, because that'll make her life a lot more bearable."
"Tsk."
That was the last thing we heard of Chris that day. Maddie passed us and briefly apologized, before joining up with Chris again. I was about to burst out in tears, but Autumn stopped me by merely placing his hand on my left shoulder.
"I know it sucks to lose someone like this, but you should know that-"
"It's better for me. I know. They were shitty friends, but-"
He removed his hand from my shoulder and stuck it in his pocket. I looked up and saw a slight smile on his face as if he was proud of me, or happy for me. I didn't fully understand what it meant, but it was a lot better than seeing Chris' annoyed and disappointed face every day.
"You will have to prove… your loyalty to me."
I said it with the best smile I could pull at that moment. Because of my emotions, it probably looked twisted, but I couldn't care about that. Autumn chuckled and turned around. He started walking, and I followed him.
"You're strong, Lara. I like that."
It was the first time he called me Lara, and it was on such a friendly tone, that I wasn't even reminded of Chris and Maddie calling me that. It was different. It wasn't because Larissa was too long of a name, but because we were friends. True friends.
"Wait..."
"Hmm?"
"What do you mean with girlfriend?!"