"I'm sorry for how my parents acted yesterday," I said, looking down at my trembling hands.
I introduced Ansel to my parents yesterday, and they acted quite embarrassing in front of him. My mother fawned all over him while my father acted all tough and kept asking all these questions as if he was interviewing an employee.
I was afraid that he'll be turned off after seeing my family and would want to distance himself from me.
"They were actually quite endearing." Ansel held my hand on top of the table. We are currently at the college cafeteria, meeting over lunch before the start of our classes. Since we are from different year levels, we could only see each other during lunchtime or after all our classes ended. "I had a pleasant time meeting them."
Although Ansel was looking at me with sincerity, I still can't erase the anxiousness in my chest. "My father is not usually rude like that. I don't know why he acted that way."
The first thing my father told Ansel when he arrived was, "are you dating my daughter with marriage in mind, or are you simply going out with her in a whim?" I felt like I could die of embarrassment after those words left his mouth. I haven't been dating Ansel for that long, and this was their first meeting too, yet my father had the gall to suddenly actually talk about marriage in front of him.
"You don't have to worry yourself about that," Ansel reassured me while rubbing small circles with his thumb on top of my hand. "I kind of get where he is coming from."
"You do?" I spoke softly, the warmth of his hand around mine had an effect of calming my nerves.
"Of course," Ansel replied. Suddenly, he leaned in slightly towards me and brought my hand to his lips, making my cheeks redden. I could only hope that no one saw the act, yet that would be impossible with the bustling cafeteria. "His beautiful daughter suddenly introduced a strange man as her boyfriend, and that same man could steal his daughter away from him. I would also be guarded if I were in his shoes."
I sighed after what Ansel said. Although gone was my anxiousness about what happened yesterday when he met my parents, right now, I felt quite ashamed for being overly insecure about our relationship. As he is my first boyfriend, I am new to everything, and I did not know how to act around him altogether.
"Thank you for being so understanding." I smiled apologetically at him. I could only be thankful that my first boyfriend is someone like him.
"Stop worrying yourself about such stuff," Ansel spoke, a small smile decorated his face. "I'm honestly excited to meet your parents again. I loved your mother's cooking, and your dad is also a great conversationalist."
"Not so soon, please." I widened my eyes at him, pleading. I still haven't forgotten the nervousness I felt the entire night, and I wanted to have a long rest before it could happen again.
Ansel merely laughed at my expression. He removed his hand from mine and ruffled the top of my head. "As you wish."
***
"You," my mother called, scowling at my plate. "You're almost thirty and you're still skipping your greens?"
Ansel let out a soft chuckle opposite to my seat on the dining table, his deep voice sounded like an enchanting melody to my ears. My cheeks flared at his reaction to my mother's scolding and I stammered out, "I'm only 28 years old!"
My mother rolled her eyes at my response and said, "I don't think that justifies your hatred for vegetables."
"I eat other vegetables," I said, defending myself. "Right, Ansel?"
Ansel seemed surprised for a moment at my sudden inquiry, yet with his usual detached voice, he spoke, "I do remember you pushing your vegetables onto my plate."
"See!" My mother's laughter filled the dining room after what Ansel had said.
I frowned at the two in front of me. It felt like they formed an unspoken partnership to torment me for the whole evening by teasing me. My mother would bring up old embarrassing subjects about me, and Ansel would support her stories by adding fuel to the flame, like what happened just now.
We finished preparing the dishes for our dinner at around 7 PM, and to say that my mother overexerted herself was an understatement. Seeing the food on the dining table, no one would think that it was prepared with only three people in mind.
At first, after the three of us took our seats around the dining table, there was quite an awkward atmosphere surrounding us. Although Ansel and I had formed an unexpected teamwork by peeling and slicing a bunch of potatoes and carrots, it appears that facing each other on a dining table, with nothing to distract us, made both of us tongue-tied.
Fortunately, my mother, a woman brimming with sunshine, started to make the atmosphere lighter by initiating a conversation between us, but unfortunately for me, in the end, the said conversation became a recollection of embarrassing stories about me. Yet, seeing my mother laughing so gleefully right now, I guess I can bear being the clown for the evening.
I was expecting the worst tonight. Although I knew that Ansel would not treat me badly in front of my mother, I was expecting that it would be a quiet night without any exchange between us, but surprisingly, the whole day had been nothing but pleasant. From the grocery shopping to the food preparation up to now, nothing of what I had expected happened, and instead, the whole experience was rather nice.
"I'm saving it for later," I said, defending what is left of my dignity, yet my mother merely laughed at my reaction.
It is true that I hate leafy vegetables. In the past, I would always put the leafy vegetables from my meal to Ansel's plate that it already became a kind of habit for us. One day, when my mother saw me transferring a piece of lettuce from my plate to Ansel's, she reprimanded both me and him, saying that he was spoiling me too much and that I am taking advantage of Ansel's kind nature.
And it was all because of a piece of lettuce I refused to eat.
Remembering what happened, it was quite embarrassing to be scolded continuously by my mother over my hatred for leafy vegetables, but after that bout of scolding, Ansel and I were too stunned to process everything and merely laughed what happened off.
"Ansel," my mother said in between her laughter. "Do you remember when this girl first introduced you to us as her boyfriend?" My mother paused, trying to stop the laughter that is trying to escape her mouth. Ansel turned her gaze to my mother, curiosity evident in his eyes.
"After you left, she actually cried and got angry at us saying that because of me and her father, you might break up with her the next day," my mother continued, chuckling at the memory.
Ansel turned to look at me with amusement in his eyes and the corner of his lips curving upwards. He was a sight to see, but knowing that he is looking at me like that because of something embarrassing I did in the past, I could only redden in shame under his gaze.
"That's because I didn't know what to do at the time," I scowled at my mother, much to her amusement. "You know he's my first boyfriend and when I brought him home, you fawned all over him and dad acted all tough even though he's far from it."
My mother merely laughed at my blabbering self. She continued talking on behalf of Ansel and me, and I did not know how much time had passed. She finally moved on from embarrassing tales about me and began talking and ranting about her friends from the neighborhood.
I kept stealing glances at Ansel, checking his expression now and then. Although his face remained emotionless, he was listening intently to my mother's every word and would respond to her now and then.
I could only smile as I shift my gaze between the two, a familiar warmth spreading in my chest at the sight in front of me.
'As if nothing had changed.'
This was the usual scene whenever Ansel would visit us before, my mother chatting nonstop, my father, and I mostly drowning her off while Ansel would politely listen to her. This was also the reason why my mother would fawn all over Ansel because he is the only one among our family who could keep up with her talkativeness.
I struggled to keep myself from giggling at the sight. The whole day has been nothing but nice, and seeing the two most important persons in my life in front of me made me wish for the day to never end.
***
A few hours must have passed by without us knowing. We had an unexpectedly pleasing time during dinner, and my mother was quite reluctant to send Ansel off, but since all of us need to wake up early in the morning tomorrow, we had to bid our farewells already.
"Take care of yourself, Ansel," my mother said while reaching out towards Ansel for a quick hug. When she pulled away, she spoke again, "You're always welcome in our house."
"Take care of yourself as well," Ansel replied, a small smile present on his lips.
My mother once again tasked me to send Ansel off to his car. Once the two finished talking, Ansel and I walked silently towards where his car was parked, leaving my mother standing on the front door of our house. The only sound that can be heard while we're walking was the soft gust of the night breeze and the synchronized sound of our footsteps.
Perhaps because of the pleasant atmosphere that we had earlier, once we arrived in front of his car, I had no qualms talking to him this time. "Thank you so much for spending time with us. I hope we didn't interrupt your busy schedule," I said, grinning widely at him.
Ansel kept his staring at me, almost ignoring my little speech. His expression was unreadable, and the courage I had earlier slowly turned into awkwardness as I did not know what to do under his gaze. I forced a laugh out and spoke once again, "I hope my mother did not make you feel uncomfortable with all the talks about the past."
Ansel kept his gaze at me for a moment and then he blinked. A few seconds later, a sigh left his mouth, and his eyes that were staring straight at mine were now cold. "It's nothing. Even if I am averse to the idea, it was Elena who invited me for dinner, how could I decline?"
My eyes widened at what he said, and it felt like I was slapped in the face by reality. A sudden ache shot through my chest, and I felt so embarrassed that I could not look at him in the face.
"O-of course," I stammered out, forcing a smile at him.
Ansel then curtly bid his farewell and slipped into his car. A few moments later, he finally drove away, leaving me alone at the side of the road while staring at the retreating back of the black car. Once he was out of sight, a soft chuckle left my mouth.
I felt like I was making a fool of myself the whole day.
For the entire day, I kept thinking about how glad I was that I am finally having a normal interaction with Ansel. I was carried away by the meager attention he gave me to the point that there were times today that I felt like I was brought to the past. I got lost in the moment, forgetting about the five years that had gone by.
I felt like I was back in the past for a short while that I even forgot that I did something ruthless to him five years ago.
How foolish and thoughtless must have I been?
I felt my heart ache at the realization. The supermarket, the kitchen, the dinner - every second with him made my heart beat fast against my chest, the images from the past resurfacing in my head, almost blurring the past and the present.
But that was just me getting lost in my head. For a short while, I dared to think that my sins to him were erased.
Of course, he would not want to dine with a person like me if not for my mother. It was just me indulging myself in a fantasy for the whole day, forgetting all the wrongs I did to him and deluding myself to the thoughts that perhaps, our relationship can be mended.