-ANSEL-
"Sir Caesar," a middle-aged man spoke from the entrance of his office. Ansel nodded at him in acknowledgment and gestured for him to continue. The man walked towards his table with a folder on his hands. "Here are the documents that you requested," the man said as he placed the said folder on top of Ansel's desk.
The middle-aged man who just entered his office is Ansel's secretary whom he calls Brigham. He has been working for the Chadwick family for almost twenty years now, and when Ansel returned to his family, Brigham was immediately appointed to be his secretary.
Brigham looks like he is in his late forties or early fifties, and he has dark brown hair that is cleanly pushed back. He always wears a crisp black suit, and the employees around him find him intimidating with his poker-face and toneless voice.
Ansel picked the folder up and skimmed through its contents before closing it again and placing it on top of another pile of documents on top of his desk. He cannot admit to himself that he has been distracted for the past few days, but the pile of documents on his desk merely proves how inefficient he has become lately.
"If there's nothing more, I will be returning to my office," Brigham bowed his head lightly before turning his back onto his superior, but before he could leave the room, Ansel spoke, "I have a query."
Brigham was surprised at the sudden statement but was able to perfectly mask his expression. "What would that be?"
Ansel sighed and leaned back on his chair. "This friend of mine has confided to me, and he has been bugging me with questions," Ansel started.
Brigham wanted to raise an eyebrow at his statement for he knew Ansel so well, especially since he is the one who organizes his schedule, and he knows that if there is something his perfect superior lacks, it would be so-called friends.
Although Ansel is good at socializing for business purposes, he does not have someone he could call a friend, especially not one who would confide in him.
Brigham remained silent, signaling for Ansel to continue.
"My friend met his old lover again, after so many years. They were not able to have a clean break, but my friend was so sure, within those years that he did not see her, that he does not have any feelings for her anymore," Ansel said, a slight hesitance can be heard from his usual confident yet cold tone. But the hesitance in his voice was only noticeable for those who knew him well, and Brigham, after working for Ansel for so long, is quite confident that he knew his superior well enough to notice.
Ansel did not continue with his account for a few moments, and Brigham grew impatient with his curiosity to find out what is making his usual unemotional superior hesitant, therefore, he asked, "Is she your friend's, first love?"
Ansel stared at Brigham for a few seconds and replied, "Yes."
'Ah,' Brigham thought as he finally realized what has been distracting Ansel for a while now.
"Did your friend found out that he still has feelings for her?" Brigham asked. He may not know Ansel well before he became his assistant, but he knew him pretty well now to know he is not talking about a 'friend.'
Ansel shook his head and replied, "No, but seeing her again made my friend rather confused. He thought he was angry at her, but when he saw her again, he is not sure anymore."
"Angry?"
"The woman hurt him before."
Brigham nodded, slightly grasping Ansel's predicament. He placed his hand under his chin and analyzed the situation. "So your friend met her again, and he was supposed to be angry at her, but he found out that that might not be the case, and that even though your friend thinks he does not love her anymore, that might not be true as well."
When Brigham raised his head to look at Ansel's expression, he found him furrowing his eyebrows at him. "I did not say that my friend may still have feelings for her."
Brigham's eyes slightly widened at the defensive tone in Ansel's voice. "I'm sorry for the misinterpretation," Brigham spoke, his voice lacking sincerity. "My understanding of your story must have been inaccurate."
"But how can your friend be so sure that he does not have any feelings for her anymore?" Brigham asked, and despite his usual monotonous voice, he is quite enjoying the current situation.
It is not common for a person like Ansel to ask someone for a piece of relationship advice.
Ansel looked quite surprised at his question for a moment but immediately masked his expression and spoke, "As I have said, she broke his heart, and he completely lost his trust for her. What sane man would still love someone who broke their heart?"
'You. I guess,' Brigham thought, but it was something he could never say in front of him.
Brigham wanted to sigh at his superior's lack of understanding about human emotions, but he is not the one who has a say about that as well. "Then, what is making your friend confused if he is so sure that he does not have feelings for her anymore?"
There was a long pause before Ansel could answer Brigham's question, and despite the lack of expression on his face, Brigham knew that Ansel must have been wracking his brain for answers.
"He said some hurtful words to her when they met again, he was angry at her, and before he knew it, she was already looking at him as if she is trying her best not to cry. When he saw her expression, he wanted to take his words back and comfort her."
As he has never seen Ansel get upset before over personal stuff, Brigham could not imagine what transpired at that time. Ansel has been all business and no personal stuff for the past few years to the point that Brigham could not even imagine his icy boss trying to comfort a crying woman.
"And after that, she said that she would leave again and she would never return this time. When she said those words to my friend, he tried to make her stay."
Brigham widened his eyes at the last bit of Ansel's little speech. 'How could he have said those words yet not realize his true feelings?' He thought as he tried not to show an incredulous expression on his face.
"My friend does not know the reason for his actions, but lately, even when she is not present, he was constantly reminded of their past, and he cannot concentrate right now because his head is filled with nothing but confusion," Ansel said, finally ending his rather obvious explanation.
For the almost five years that Brigham has been working alongside Ansel, this is the first time that he talked to him about his personal feelings, even though he used a 'friend' as an excuse. For the first time as well, Brigham realized that despite the usual confidence and all-knowing air around Ansel, there are things that he cannot fully grasp, and Brigham could empathize with his predicament.
But as much as Brigham wanted to tell him the obvious, he does not want to say anything certain as no one really knows what is in another person's heart. He may think that Ansel still has feelings for the woman, but he could not say for sure as it is truly hard to understand one's heart, especially one that is enclosed with thick walls.
And because of that, and also because Brigham does not want to influence Ansel's feelings, he said, "I may not be fully informed with your friend's predicament, but from what I understood, there are two possible reasons for his actions that I can think of."
Brigham paused and looked at Ansel for an indication to continue. Ansel nodded at him, and Brigham closed his eyes for a moment, thinking about how to start his speech.
"You, sir, might know that most of the starts that we see at night are already dead," Brigham started and Ansel simply nodded in response.
Brigham is not trying to be pessimistic nor poetic, but he does not know how to clearly explain his idea without using an analogy. He once read a comparison between stars and love, and he thought that it would be applicable in his superior's plight.
"We can still see the light from the stars despite them being already dead," Brigham continued. "The first reason is perhaps, your friend is merely seeing the light from those lifeless stars."
Ansel furrowed his eyebrows at Brigham's words, unable to comprehend what he is trying to say. He remained silent, waiting for Brigham to continue with his explanation.
"What I meant is, your friend might not have any feelings for her anymore, but what he is experiencing right now might be mere fragments of his past feelings. He might just be remembering their past as those memories brought him the happiness he could never forget, but that does not mean that he still loves her, it just means that despite the lack of romantic love, he still treasures those moments he had with her."
"Similar to a star, even though you can still see its light, in reality, that star you are looking at is already long gone."
Ansel looked down on his hands, taking in Brigham's explanation. As much as Brigham hated to boast, he thought that he delivered it quite well, and seeing Ansel trying to comprehend his words made his chest feel a little warm as he felt like a father teaching his son about love for the first time.
It felt like an eternity had passed before Ansel raised his head and stared at him. Brigham, despite his earlier claims that he knew his superior well enough, cannot read Ansel's expression right now, but that must only mean that he is pondering over Brigham's explanation.
"What about the second reason?" Ansel asked.
Brigham tried to suppress the smile that wanted to appear on his lips and replied, "Well, perhaps your friend might still be in love with her."
***
Ansel was reminded of Brigham's words the entire day he spent with Alina.
From the time he spent with her at the supermarket up to their dinner, he did not try to bring up Alina's departure nor even try to say something that could hurt her. He tried to keep his interaction with Alina as casual and civil as possible in order to find out which of the two reasons Brigham presented must be true for him.
And admittedly, the whole day has been pleasant, and even though Ansel thought that the time they spent together was nice, everything must come to an end, and right now, watching Alina speak right in front of him, he finally knew which option suits him best.
"I hope my mother did not make you feel uncomfortable with all the talks about the past," Alina said while laughing.
Ansel cannot deny that spending the day with her made him feel like he was back in the past, the blissful memories he had with her resurfacing. He remembered how they used to shop in the supermarket together, how they used to cook in the tiny apartment, how Alina taught him how to do simple household chores, and how happy he felt with just her beside him.
He was reminded of how contented he felt doing the simplest things just because Alina was with him.
And even though there is still resentment in his heart for when Alina left him, he finally realized what Brigham meant, and his next words had become his answer to himself.
"It's nothing. Even if I am averse to the idea, it was Elena who invited me for dinner, how could I decline," Ansel said, staring straight at the woman in front of him.
As he said to Brigham last Friday, there would be no sane man who would still be in love with a woman who hurt him in the past, and he does not think that he is that out of his mind for Brigham's second reason to apply to him.