FanFiction
Just In
Community
Forum

More
The Method by Zabzab
 Anime » Naruto Rated: M, English, Adventure & Humor, Naruto U., Words: 63k+, Favs: 1k+, Follows: 2k+, Published: Dec 8, 2019 Updated: May 19734Chapter 8
Naruto gave his ninja registration card to the Hokage and waited. Hiruzen looked at the card and at the photo.
"That's… How do I say that?"
"Not me at all?"
"Precisely. You'll have to redo it, Naruto."
"No."
Hiruzen sighed. "No?"
"I'm a ninja. People aren't supposed to know what I look like. The fewer photos of the real me there is, the better it is. You know I'm one of your ninjas, I'm already wearing a headband that announces my allegiance to the entire world - which is pretty hecking stupid if you ask me - so let's not add to it, shall we?"
The Hokage hummed. "Well, it would make a lot of sense if you were an ANBU but you're simply a genin."
"And? There is ninja in genin."
"Well… for administrative purpose, it'd be good to have your real face."
"Again, I can't see why," observed Naruto. "Anyone ever looks at those photos anyway? Apart from spies I mean?"
"Naruto, please?"
"Nope."
"Are you being like that because it's me?" The old man pleaded with another sigh.
"Maybe," Naruto answered with a grin. "If you can't accept this photo, then I fear I won't become a ninja," he said with a shrug of his shoulders.
"You know I could have one of my ANBU take a photo of you."
"Like any spies in the village, I imagine. At least that'd make them work on their stealth." The boy taunted with a snark, his eyes glancing at one corner of the office where he could hear one of the Hokage's silent protectors breath slightly too loud.
"I can't understand how you got so good in a matter of a month."
Naruto smiled deviously. "A good ninja doesn't reveal his tricks, am I right?"
"I thought you didn't want to be one."
"Yup but you want me to be one, so I'll act like one."
Hiruzen sighed again. "I don't know what to do with you."
"Yes you do, you just don't know if you'll suffer my snark for much longer or finally try to punish for insubordination. I'm curious about it myself. I still have things in mind for Konoha." The blond said flippantly
"Naruto… you can't fight my authority at every corner. We have a deal."
"Which never included anything about respecting anything, just me becoming a ninja."
"Being a ninja includes respecting your officers." The old man pointed out.
"I guess that's a matter of interpretation, then." Naruto shrugged. "You should have negotiated harder."
"I can't have a seemingly rebellious jinchuuriki in my forces, Naruto."
"It's funny because it really doesn't sound like it would be my problem."
"It could be."
"Ah, so we're back to threatening each other, huh? Do you want another war? I have no problems waging another one, let me be clear on that. You left me to my own devices when I was six, allowed the entire villagers to screw me over time and again, you didn't even bother to check if I was taught properly and suddenly I'm your all-important weapon? Nah, that's not how it works. That's not how any of this work. We struck a deal I'm gonna respect but don't expect me to put in any effort."
Hiruzen gave the boy a hurt look. "Am I that evil to you, Naruto?" He breathed out painfully.
"What do you want me to say to that?" Naruto retorted, slightly incredulous. "You pretended like buying me ramen once in a while and calling me your grandson was okay but you couldn't be bothered to do shit about my situation. You spared a glance once every so often and as long as I was alive, all was right in the world. Is that evil enough to you? Would you have allowed it with any other kid? What if it had been your grandson?"
The Hokage looked like he had been hit for a second before he composed himself a neutral mask. "I regret-"
"You regret but that doesn't change what I had to endure nor what I'm forced into. I'm your weapon, I get it, I'll be it. Don't expect me to love you like a human. What did you believe I was: some sort of happy-go-lucky idiot with an endless pool of love that'd accept everything thrown at his face without ever saying anything?" Naruto questioned with a frown.
"Well-"
"Don't answer that," cut Naruto with a shudder. "Anyway, you burned that ship."
"Is that how it's going to be?" The Hokage asked with a tired voice.
"You made it that way." Naruto pointed out evenly.
"I'm sorry. Truly I am."
"You can be sorry all you want, I'm still the one paying for everything, as usual. You being sorry doesn't make my life better, you being sorry doesn't allow me my freedom."
"Life isn't fair."
"Yes, my own father and yourself made sure mine wouldn't be. Now if you'll excuse me, you'll have some visit in three, two, one-"
"En garde Jiji, kore!" A little boy wrapped up in a blue scarf bellowed while barging in the office, the door pushed open suddenly.
Naruto sidestepped the windmilling little brown-haired boy who tripped on his overly long scarf and fell face-first on the floor.
"Oww, Jiji, a trap? That's smart!"
"Are you alright? And there was no trap here, honourable grandson!" A ninja exclaimed from the door, causing the boy to grimace.
The brown-haired Sarutobi jumped on his feet and looked left and right. "An ambush then? Ah ah!" He exclaimed, pointing a finger at Naruto. "You tripped me!"
Naruto exhaled powerfully from his nose and gave the small child a dead look, Nara Inc. "Nah," he drawled. "You're so clumsy you fell 'cause of your scarf."
"Don't lie to me! You're one of Jiji's ninja, you defend him, you definitely tripped me!"
Naruto turned to look at the Hokage. "Was there anything like that in the contract?"
Hiruzen couldn't help the little smile that tugged on his lips and nodded. "Yes, I remember putting that in."
"Ah, so you admit to it!"
Naruto looked back to the child. "No." Faster than the eye could blink, however, the blond teenager suddenly rasped on the boy's skull and swept at his legs gently, causing him to fall again. "Here. Now I did it." He said with a grin.
"How dare you put your hands on the honourable grandson?" The ninja at the door barked, his frown and his sneer a clear indication of what exactly he thought of Naruto, even behind his dark sunglasses.
The blond sighed and waved at the ninja while looking at the Hokage dead in the eyes. "See? Totally no bias against me in your shinobi forces. Absolutely none."
The old man sighed and massaged his brow. "What would you have me do? Hypnotize them?"
The blond scoffed. "Oh, I don't know, teach them, explain, lead them? I thought your surname was "the Professor", so be the professor or something." Naruto deadpanned before he glanced back at the brown-haired child that was giving him a strange look. "As for you."
Naruto rasped his knuckles against the child head once again, eliciting a squeal of displeasure from him. "That's for accusing people wrongly. Don't be like this village thinking you don't get what you deserve for doing that."
Turning on his heels, the blond teenager showed his tongue to the ninja who was still at the door, frozen in shock or disgust, and exited the Hokage's office.
A few minutes later, Naruto was walking the streets of Konoha, a canned drink bought in a little store in hand, and whistling an atrociously out-of-key song - just to be annoying, he could whistle perfectly fine. Passers-by would throw him annoyed look at his overly enthusiastic, loud, and grating whistling and Naruto would answer each of them with a wave.
Suddenly, the blond teenager sighed and stopped. "You know, your stealth is absolutely terrible. Come out if you want something."
"Ah ha! As expected of you! You're as good as people say you are!"
"Kid, no one says that I'm good." Naruto corrected.
"My grandpa does!"
Naruto felt his eyebrows rise in spite of him. "Does he now? Because it isn't thanks to him. What do you want?"
"I want you to teach me!"
A lull of silence stretched between the two boys before Naruto shrugged and turned heels. "Not in the contract, sorry kid."
"Wha? Wait! Please!" The little boy pleaded, latching on Naruto's leg. "My tutor doesn't teach me anything! I need to become strong to defeat my grandfather but four-eyes doesn't teach me any jutsu!"
"And… ?"
"And what?"
"Well, what do you expect from me?"
"Well, well, you're awesome so you can definitely teach me the stuff!"
"Your tutor, was he the one in the office?"
"Yeah, lame huh?"
"So you have a tutor. He is an active ninja given he had a headband. His lack of proper uniform indicates that he is at least tokubetsu-jonin considering his age. And you want me, a genin, to teach you?" Naruto asked carefully.
"Yeah!" The boy nodded with enthusiasm. It made perfect sense, right?
Naruto refrained from facepalming, sighed and crouched in front of the boy. "What's your name boy?"
The little Sarutobi's eyes widened. "K-Konohamaru," he muttered.
"Alright, Konohamaru. How much time has your tutor been teaching you?"
"Hum, three months. I'm beginning the Academy this year."
Naruto eye-smiled. "I see. You know, when I was your age, I wanted to become super strong super fast too. I thought there were shortcuts to strength. Then I met someone who set my views straight. I met someone who made me work and work and work until I was exhausted and beyond that even, every single day."
The blond tapped Konohamaru's cheek. "I have nothing to teach you that the Academy and your tutor won't. I can tell you one thing if you want to hear it."
The brown-haired Sarutobi nodded eagerly.
"There is no shortcut to strength. You have to work your ass off. And you certainly won't beat your grandfather by tomorrow."
"Team seven will be Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura. Your sensei will be Kakashi Hatake," announced Iruka before listing ten eight and ten and dismissing the class for lunch.
Sakura's scream of "true love triumphs!" hid the sounds made by a powerful eye-roll and a disgruntled sigh.
Naruto looked at Sasuke, whom he was sitting next to. The blond hummed in thoughts before he nudged the Uchiha's shoulder. Sasuke sent him a glare which Naruto ignored.
"Would you like to eat together, as teammates?"
Sasuke's glare hardened before he simply turned away, refusing to dignify Naruto with even a huff. The blond felt a vein pulse on his forehead and plastered on his face a grin that was all sharp and gleaming teeth before his hand gripped the back Sasuke's head. The Uchiha startled at the contact and struggled silently as, with a grip of iron, Naruto forced him to look at him.
"I asked you," said Naruto frostily, "would you like to eat together, as teammates?" The blond had his blue eyes narrowed and somehow, they seemed to hold the cold of a merciless blizzard.
Sasuke fought for a few seconds against the blond's grip and, seeing that it was futile, huffed. "No, thank you," he spat out behind grinding teeth.
"Oh? Why is that?" Naruto asked, his eyes reduced to two slits, uncomfortably predatory, his canine shining ominously.
"I didn't bring lunch." The Uchiha answered tonelessly.
"Now, Sasuke-kun, it's not good to lie. I can smell the tomatoes from here. Why wouldn't we share our lunch like the wonderful team we're going to be?"
"I don't need a team!" Sasuke hissed in a hushed but no less harsh voice, trashing in vain against Naruto's hold on him.
"You don't get to decide that," spat Naruto in return, his voice just as dangerously low. "Now be a good boy and come eat with your teammates."
"Unhand me," tried the Uchiha, his eyes projecting fire and lightning.
"Not unless you share your meal with me." Naruto answered in a tone that begged no contradiction.
The Uchiha tried and wrestled with Naruto's immovable arm and hand for another few seconds before he stilled, his face red with effort.
"Why the hell are you so strong?" He snarled.
"That's my business but I might be tempted to explain it to my teammates," Naruto answered with a cold smile that did not reach his eyes. "So, interested in a meal with me?"
Naruto could hear Sasuke swallow and after a few seconds, the Uchiha nodded lightly. The blond smiled a genuine smile. "Good. We might have avoided trouble already."
"Nhn?"
"Nothing, let's just go eat," Naruto said as he rose from his seat and turned, looking for Sakura.
The entire class was looking at him in silence like he had grown not only a second but also a third head. Iruka was conspicuously looking at a stack of paper in his hands.
"What are you lookin' at? Don't you have fishes to fry or something?" Naruto barked before he gestured to Sakura. "Let's go Sakura, lunchtime, am I right?"
The pink-haired girl nodded in silence, apparently torn between screaming at Naruto for strong-arming Sasuke into doing something and just going with the flow because she had dreamed of a lunch with Sasuke for years now. She hadn't envisioned Naruto to be here but still, that was better than nothing.
Under the attentive stares of their classmates, the trio exited the classroom, Naruto with a firm hand on Sasuke's shoulder to avoid any flight attempt from the Uchiha. Two minutes later, team seven reached the open roof of the Academy.
Silently, Naruto gestured for Sasuke to sit down on one of the benches that lined up the edge of the roof. Sakura motioned to seat close to the dark-haired boy but Naruto stopped her cold when his hand fell on her shoulder.
"Naruto-bak-"
Whatever Sakura was going to say was lost when she saw the arctic look Naruto was giving her. She swallowed thickly and allowed the blond boy to seat her gently at the edge of the bench, a good meter separating her from the object of her affection. Naruto gave her a satisfied nod and a smile that gleamed with too much teeth to be anything else than a warning.
"If you move, I'll eat your face off." The blond silently communicated with his grin and an ice-cold eye-smile.
With Sakura cowed, Naruto cleared his throat and looked at his two unwilling companions with intensity.
"Alright, I know you don't want to be here for various reasons, Sasuke hates every second of it but I don't really give a shit. We're a team now and if we want to stay one, we're going to be friends. We're going to love it and it's going to be awesome. Understood?"
Both Sasuke and Sakura gave him looks that clearly meant that no, it wasn't understood. Naruto sighed.
"Look, I don't want to be here either, even less than the both of you. By circumstances and necessity, we're team seven. Now we have two solutions as I see it: we can become a team and learn from each others and that'll certainly help us not only stay alive but also achieve our goals. Or we can pout like immature children and die at the first mishap that falls on us."
Sasuke growled and uselessly attempted to kill Naruto with his eyes only. "I don't need a team, dobe. You both are weak and you'll be useless burdens." He spat angrily.
Naruto returned the glare. "And what do you need then, teme? And I'm weak? You didn't pass the taijutsu exam in two seconds!"
The Uchiha huffed. "Pff, luck and nothing else. Dumbass."
"Wanna test it, asshole?" The blond hissed threateningly.
"You're not worth the effort."
"You're scared, loser?"
That seemed to push the wrong button as Sasuke turned a death stare of an intensity not yet reached towards Naruto. The black-haired boy snarled like a savage animal. "You have no idea what being scared means." He growled.
"And you're going to teach me?" Naruto snorted disdainfully.
Sasuke slowly shook his head and rose from his seat before he came face to face with Naruto. "No," whispered the Uchiha in the blond's ear. "You don't have any family to lose. Do you, orphan?"
"Nah, never had this chance," answered Naruto casually. "I wonder how it is to have memories to cherish."
"When they have all been slaughtered," said Sasuke evenly, "It's a constant reminder of how miserable you are and how weak you were."
The blond Uzumaki stayed silent at that. Believing it to be his victory, Sasuke attempted to side-step Naruto but the boy suddenly pushed firmly against the bench. The push, gentle but powerful, forced the Uchiha to stumble back and sit down again.
"So what do you need, Sasuke Uchiha? A new family to heal your misery or strength to never be weak again?"
Sasuke threw him a murderous glare and growled once again. "Don't speak like you have any idea what-"
"Oh don't pull that card on me you arrogant bastard! Your family died and I can't understand your pain? Well I never had any family and the villagers despise me!" Naruto snarled. "Are you gonna be the asshole and pretend your pain is greater than mine? Are you gonna be that guy, huh?!"
Sasuke recoiled.
"You're on a team now, Sasuke. Are you gonna make the most of it? Nooo, mister Uchiha is too good for that! Mister Uchiha is gonna mop in the corner and wallow in his suffering. Mister Uchiha will pretend he can't see the hands around him and ignore what he can have! I thought your clan had good eyes but were they all blind as bats like you? It's no wonder-"
"Don't you fucking dare finish-"
"They all fuckin' died!"
"Arrgghhh!"
Sasuke jumped at Naruto with the enraged scream of a madman, his eyes blazing with fury, his cry of anger drowning the squeak of fright from Sakura.
Naruto pivoted and flexed his knee before he grappled one of the Uchiha's arms that was just above his head, grasping at nothing. With a roll of his shoulder and a shift of his waist, the blond threw the dark-haired boy across the roof. Sasuke had his breath robbed from him as he impacted the concrete on his side with too much force.
"You fucking no-name orphan! I'm going to murder you!" Sasuke bellowed from his crouched position as soon as air entered his lungs again. "I'm going to burn you to a crisp!"
"Pfff, that's if you can aim." Naruto dismissed the threat mockingly.
Sasuke was already running through hand signs.
"Aww, penis," muttered the blond before he leapt at Sakura and jumped away from the bench with the girl on his shoulders, a torrent of flames devouring the poor wooden construct and scorching the concrete away.
"Where are you, you fucking bastard?"
"Right here," announced Naruto with a chop to Sasuke's neck, causing the Uchiha to fall in a heap of sprawled limbs, unconscious.
The blond boy sighed and looked at Sakura, whom he still had on his shoulder.
"Hum, N-Naruto-san?"
"Yes?"
"C-could you… you know… let me down?" The girl squeaked, not daring to be too disrespectful right now, considering the blond had just downed the supposedly first-of-their-class Uchiha in one blow. She was also pretty dizzy because Naruto had moved at a speed she couldn't even fathom.
And also, he had just saved her from an indiscriminate fireball that would have cooked her alive if he had not intervened so being polite was the least she could do.
"Oh, you don't like it up here?"
Naruto could hear the blush that spread on Sakura's cheeks even is he couldn't see it. "N-no, I mean yes but it's okay now."
The blond shrugged and allowed the girl down. She took several steps back, her face an impossible mix of so many emotions, Naruto couldn't tell what she was feeling. He sighed.
"I went too far."
"Y-you did," Sakura said in a disapproving tone, apparently happy to have something to comment about.
"He wasn't very charming either."
Sakura stayed silent, her crush on the Uchiha momentarily out of commission after her close brush with death caused by said Uchiha.
"I'll apologize when he wakes up."
"T-that would be good, I think," approved the pink-haired girl.
"He is still an ass."
Sakura swallowed but didn't comment on that.
"But I was a bastard so that balances out."
When Kakashi finally arrived, his team wasn't in the classroom but already on the roof, where he had intended to make them race just for the heck of it. However, the trio of genins was far from doing anything he had imagined they would be doing.
Naruto and Sakura were eating on a bench. While his little brother - Kakashi was so proud to have won the janken competition - seemed relaxed, the girl was pale as a ghost and a bundle of nerve.
The strangest sight, however, was the tied-up Uchiha who was glaring a glare that promised pain and slow agonizing death to Naruto.
Kakashi didn't even try to piece together why a part of the roof was scorched beyond salvation. He set himself in his patented slouch, relaxed his shoulders and drawled.
"My first impression of you is that… you're weird."
Naruto gave him an exasperated eye-roll and Kakashi silently clicked his tongue. He'd teach his little brother to disregard him and his coolness like that.
"Normally, I'd tell you to get to the rooftop but you already cut to that part so let's have a little introduction, shall we? You know, likes, dislikes, hobbies and dreams, that kind of things."
Sakura timidly raised her hand but Naruto interrupted her by speaking.
"I'm Naruto Uzumaki. I like my adoptive brother, History and ramen. I dislike being forced to do things against my will. My hobbies include learning new stuff and training I guess. My dream is to understand why it's called "instant ramen" when it's clearly not instant."
Kakashi suppressed a snort and blinked to dissipate the ghost of Obito that had superposed itself with Naruto. and motioned for Sakura to speak.
"I'm Sakura Haruno. I-I like… Hum, there is a person I like. As for my hobbies huh…" She glanced at the tied form of Sasuke and a strange blush heated her face, half self-disgust, half… Kakashi didn't want to go there. "My dream is…" A trickle of blood rolled down Sakura's nose as the girl's eyes lost themselves in unspeakable contemplations. With a start - and a nudge from Naruto -, the girl came back to the present. "I dislike Ino-pig!"
Kakashi hummed. Fascinating, fascinating. Had Rin been that shallow? No way, right? His sight shifted to the Uchiha, who was still issuing death threats by glare alone.
"What about you, blacky?"
Sasuke snarled but said nothing.
Kakashi felt the onset of a skull-splitting headache knock at the limit of his consciousness. "Okay, I'll stay polite and pretend you didn't try to ignore a demand from your superior officer. What happened here?"
Naruto sighed. "I was a bastard, he was an asshole, we fought." The blond snickered mirthlessly. "He lost."
"Unbind me I'll show you losing," the Uchiha hissed.
"Nah, thanks. Why don't you answer Hatake-sensei?"
"I don't like anything, I despise this team and I have better things to do than explaining my hobbies. I have a man to kill," he snarled.
Kakashi massaged his temples to alleviate the pain that was pulsing through his head. The Uchiha was charming, much like himself had been he supposed
"Alright team," said the white-haired jonin. "Tomorrow will be our first exercise together." He announced with as much enthusiasm as he was capable.
"Hum, exercise, sensei? What kind?" Sakura asked.
"Survival training."
"We did that already," remarked the girl. "In the Academy."
"I know," answered Kakashi with an eye-smile. "You see, you aren't genin yet so this is your last exam to see if you're worth teaching or not."
"What!" Sakura exclaimed in panic while Sasuke growled in anger.
Kakashi ignored them. Naruto had a gleam in his eyes that he didn't like. That's when he remembered.
His little brother did not want to be a ninja. He had all the reasons to sabotage his own true exam.
The Hokage would not accept it if Kakashi were to fail team seven, not after he had gotten the Uzumaki to become a shinobi. Naruto had agreed to it but if he were to somehow be officially failed, no one could hold it against him. Plus, the squad itself was too precious: its composition was way too much fire-power to be squandered.
"You know what," hurriedly said the jonin, "I see potential in you so I think there's no need for you to pass the exam!" Kakashi conscientiously ignored Naruto as the blond's eyes slowly started to glare murder at him as the blond realized what his adoptive brother was doing. "So here we are!" The jonin said with as much enthusiasm he could muster. "Team seven is activated!" He finished with an eye-smile.
"Wha?"
"Tch!"
"I'm going to burn down your porn stash."
Neither Sakura or Sasuke had any time to wonder what Naruto had said as both their sensei and teammate disappeared in powerful bursts of speed. A note fluttered in the rushing wind and Sakura snatched it.
"Hm, it says to meet at eight tomorrow at training ground three." The pink-haired girl read.
"Nhn," answered Sasuke.
Sakura swallowed thickly. "S-should I untie you, Sasuke-kun?"
"Nhn."
"Oh, okay."
AN: No AN at the beginning because I'm crazy like that. This was unusually serious for this story but it's mainly an attempt to lampshade some of the Canon... erm... weirdness. It might make you snort in dark humour.
Leave a review if you did.
« First « Prev Ch 8 of 15 Next »
 Review
Jump:Chapter 1Chapter 2Chapter 3Chapter 4Chapter 5Chapter 6Chapter 7Chapter 8Chapter 9Chapter 10Chapter 11Chapter 12Chapter 13Chapter 14Chapter 15
Share: Email . Facebook . Twitter
Story: Follow FavoriteAuthor: Follow FavoriteContrast: Dark . Light
Font: Small . Medium . Large . XL
Desktop Mode . Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service