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The Method by Zabzab
 Anime » Naruto Rated: M, English, Adventure & Humor, Naruto U., Words: 63k+, Favs: 1k+, Follows: 2k+, Published: Dec 8, 2019 Updated: May 19734Chapter 9
Team seven met the following day in training ground three. All younger members of the cell were there at eight o'clock sharp. Sasuke immediately proceeded to glare dreadfully at Naruto before he started a warming-up routine. Naruto himself sighed and shook his head and decided to warm up too, sending a meaningful glance at Sakura, who hurriedly did her own stretches.
Thirty minutes later, the genins were perfectly warmed-up, their body ready to perform to their maximum. Save for Sakura, who was panting already, her feeble constitution catching up to her. Naruto eyed her, seemed to consider something, and walked to her.
"Can I be blunt?"
"What?"
"Too late. Sakura, you really need to start eating properly and build up your endurance and muscles. I already said you were made of marshmallow but this is ridiculous. You're a ninja now and you'll be met with situations where you'll have only yourself to rely on."
Sakura gasped like a fish out of the water, her eyes bulging out of her sockets. "Sasuke-kun will save me!" Her disconnected brain eventually made her say in outrage.
Naruto gave her the universal look that precisely said "did you just say that and are you actually retarded or did I hear you wrong?" before he sighed a second later. "Part of you is actually serious. Kami above. Do you believe the same guy who nearly roasted you yesterday will jump to your rescue? Well, Sakura, I'm happy to have known you. What are your favourite flowers?"
Momentarily too down struck by what the blond teenager had just told her, the pink-haired girl mumbled an answer without even thinking. "Lilac."
"Cool, I'll deposit that on your grave once you're dead."
Sakura paled and looked up at Naruto. The blond's blue eyes were cold as ice and his posture betrayed nothing while his features seemed carved into granite. The girl felt a queasy feeling creep up her stomach and beads of sweat pearled along her spine. "D-dead?" She croaked.
"Yup," said Naruto with an enthusiasm that sounded like a saw and a grin that didn't reach his eyes. "Dead. Kaput. Buried. If you don't move your bony little ass into gear, you'll fall at the first complication. That's fact."
Sakura turned green and took a step back.
Unperturbed, Naruto bulldozed on through the girl's conception of life and self-esteem. "Now, you can decide it's okay with you and in that case, I'll leave you to it and when you end up six feet under, I'll buy a plaque that says "I fucking told her so" and I swear to Kami I'll have it screwed to your tomb."
The pink-haired girl fell on her behind but Naruto could not say if it was from fear or shock.
Naruto suddenly extended his hand and looked at the girl dead in the eye. With a curiously deep and grating voice, the blond spoke. "Come with me if you want to live."
Sakura, apparently too frightened to answer anything, considered the hand for three long seconds, glanced towards Sasuke who was regally ignoring the two other members of his team, looked back at the extended hand and finally took it, hesitantly.
As the girl's finger brushed the boy's, the blond looked down at her with a warning in his eyes. "There is no quitting if you take this hand."
Sakura swallowed deeply, looked again at Sasuke, frowned with a shake of her head, and looked at Naruto again. With a resolute nod, she took the hand. Naruto yanked her up abruptly.
"Kakashi will be late a few hours so we'll put that time to good use."
"Wha?"
"He is mourning, don't ask questions. Now..." Naruto threw the pink-haired girl a glare that wouldn't have been out of place on a drill sergeant's face and, a kunai suddenly appearing in his hand, started barking like a mad dog. "Time to scare the civy out of you, you pathetic sack of bubblegum! Now get your ass into gear and run! Com'on, run if you don't want me to give you a new haircut!"
The blond boy hot on her heels, Sakura fled with all the might she was capable of.
The pink-haired torture was only beginning. After fifty minutes of being chased around at her full speed by Naruto, the boy nicking her with his kunai each time she showed signs of slowing, the boy set her up to doing various muscles building exercises: push-ups, sit-ups and whatever ups there was that could be thought of. Half an hour later, Sakura was laying in a pool of her own sweat, each muscle on her too-slender frame trembling of exhaustion.
"Shinobi have naturally enhanced muscles compared to non-chakra users. The reason for that is that when you exercise, chakra circulates everywhere and passively assists in rebuilding your body." Naruto explained to the panting and moaning girl in the tone of a teacher giving a class. "Of course, you can actively flood your muscles with chakra for a great boost of power but ultimately, it's multiplicative. If there is nothing to boost, you won't get a boost. Plus, it can be dangerous and downright inefficient when done incorrectly and that's not even talking about the chakra bleed if used constantly. Hence why you need muscles in the first place."
Sakura continued panting. The only indication she was even listening, was the look in her eyes. Far from being glazed over by fatigue, they promised revenge against her torturer.
Naruto chuckled. "Good, feel the anger in you and channel it. If you want to break my skull, that'll be as good a motivator as any for you to train." The blond shrugged, apparently not being overly concerned that Sakura would ever make good on her silent promise. "Anyway, to build muscles, you'll need the element to do so in the first place. So no more dieting, understood Bubblegum?"
Sakura gave a mix of a groan and a snarl and glared.
"I'm sure that'd be threatening if…" Naruto seemed to consider the form of Sakura on the ground and shook his head. "Yeah, no, it's really not. I'll even have to teach you how to snarl apparently. Well, get up Bubblegum, it ain't over yet."
"Is… the nickname… really… mandatory?"
"I'll get rid of it when you can put up with what I put you through, Bubblegum. Fair enough?"
"No."
"Too bad you don't get to decide I suppose."
When Kakashi arrived, three hours later, he was met with something he wasn't expecting. Sakura was asleep against one of the three hitting posts, the orange vest of Naruto covering her. A single glance was enough for Kakashi to see the hair matted with sweat, the few bruises and the bizarre cuts here and there in the fat of her arms.
Naruto was doing a handstand and pushing up and down on his arms. Kakashi was torn between the "youthfulness" of the position and the fact it was also his little brother definitely showing off.
"What happened here?" The white-haired jonin with an eye-smile.
"Sakura and I worked together on actualizing her physical levels," Naruto answered from his upside-down position.
"You ran her through one of your gauntlets?" Kakashi asked, his perfectly calm and nonchalant voice masking the worry he was truly feeling.
"Nah, she wouldn't survive it yet, I know that much. She is really weak for a genin."
"Yeah," Kakashi agreed weakly. "Where is broody?"
"You're one to talk." Naruto snorted. "I think he is over at the river, trying to evaporate the water with fire jutsus."
"I take it you're all warmed up."
"Hilarious."
"Wha-? Tch, I'll show you hilarious."
"Impossible nii-san, you're way too broody for that."
"I'm not!"
"Are too!"
"I'm getting better!"
"You mourned your porn stash for the entire night until… What time is it, eleven? You bet you're broody!"
"A little brother should be more respectful of his older brother's stuff!" Kakashi protested.
"Well, if you'd let me fail the true genin exam, I wouldn't have had to porn your Icha Icha collection," retorted Naruto.
Kakashi sighed. "It's not my fault Naruto. You know I couldn't do that."
The boy shrugged - which, in his handstand position was the equivalent of another push-up - and shook his head. "It's never anyone's fault. So what, because you're obeying orders, you're not responsible for your action? You're ordered to pass a boy who doesn't want to become a shinobi, another boy who is mentally too unstable to be a shinobi yet and a girl who is unfit to be a shinobi so you pass them, no question?"
Kakashi sighed again. "What was I supposed to do?"
Naruto jumped on his feet and shrugged. "Take the moral choice? I was only obeying my orders sounds a bit weak for an excuse. Is that what we are supposed to say when we slaughter people for the good of Konoha?"
"We are soldiers, Naruto," pointed the jonin.
"We are humans," retorted the blond with one of his eyebrow raised. "You wouldn't be so broody if you were an emotionless tool. Nor would you still be mourning people dead since more than twelve years ago." Naruto added with a gentle voice.
Kakashi choked on something - his mask maybe - and glanced down. Naruto sighed.
"Say, Kakashi-nii, am I remotely like my father?" The blond asked suddenly.
The white-haired jonin looked up, startled. "What?" He whispered the question like he was afraid of it.
"Am I like my father?"
Kakashi was trembling. After several deep breaths, the jonin looked back up and at the blond boy. "Yeah," he said softly while nodding a bit. "Yeah, you can be like him. You're quite like your mother as well."
"I see," Naruto said, as much to himself as to his sensei. "Then, I think it's my right to say my father wouldn't want you to choke on your guilt for the rest of your days and be a miserable, broody older brother to his son." The blond said, louder this time, as he walked towards Kakashi.
Naruto hugged the taller, older jonin. "Sorry. I'm still really peeved that the old man got me to become one of his ninja. Shouldn't have taken it out on you. Still, nii-san. You'll need to let it go." He said with a small smile.
Kakashi had to swallow thickly as something appeared to be stuck in his throat. "I… huh, I… thanks."
The two boys stood silently hugging each other for a minute before they separated. Kakashi cleared his throat and looked at Naruto with his one eye.
"Is it so bad to be a shinobi?"
The blond huffed. "Skipping the fact that it's not really my own choice of career, it's the way the old man words it that I don't like. I'm supposed to be Konoha's shield or something like I'm some sort of glorified guard hound but it's all okay because he won't ever sick me on Konoha's enemies." The boy snorted. "As if. I gathered what I could about jinchuuriki during our wars and they were all used to brutally impact enemies positions. According to modern military doctrine, I'm anything but a shield."
Kakashi stiffened. "Konoha has never used the power of any bijuu in any battle."
Naruto snorted. "Oh please, bro, don't be naive. Have you read the Nidaime's book you have at home? Like, actually read it? Because there are plenty of references to Konoha using the power of a jinchuuriki during the first and second shinobi war. Granted, these references are obscure and I guess they are supposed to be but the only acknowledged army killers at the times in Konoha's side were the Shodai and Nidaime and some facts definitely suggest there was a third. Heck, with what I know now, it seems obvious Konoha probably caught the Kyuubi after Hashirama and Madara's divorce fall-out."
Kakashi choked again. "D-divorce fall-out?"
Naruto nodded and gave the white-haired man a meaningful glance. "Yeah. I mean…" The blond gestured widely with his hands. "No? Well, I might be wrong but still. Anyway. It's not enough I can't do what I want, the old man has to be all hypocritical about it." The blond rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Super grating, 'ttebayo."
"The Shodai was married to a woman, Naruto."
The blond shrugged. "'Cause that was expected of him to have heirs. Doesn't change the fact there was a serious bromance between him and Madara before they decided they would try and kill each other."
Kakashi didn't choke this time. He was already developing an immunity. Instead, he only sighed. "I'm sympathetic, Naruto. I didn't know you disliked hypocrisy that much. I'll try to be as frank with you as I can."
The blond boy nodded. "Appreciate it, nii-san."
It was at this moment Sakura stirred from under Naruto's jacket. Mumbling something in her half-asleep state, the pink-haired girl scrunched her face, yawned so wide Naruto and Kakashi were both concerned she would unhinge her jaw and finally blinked several times to clear the sleep from her eyes.
"What time is it?"
"Nearly noon I'd say. You hungry?" Naruto asked conversationally.
"Why was I asleep?"
"'Cause I ran you through the ground, 'ttebayo. A few months like that and I'll make something out of you, Bubblegum!" Naruto exclaimed, nodding with satisfaction.
Sakura groaned but said nothing. Instead, the girl tried to rise on her feet. Shakily, she stood up just as her stomach protested loudly the lack of food. Naruto's answered in concert. Sakura blushed and Naruto laughed, scratching the back of his head.
"Well, sensei, time for chow."
"But… I just arrived," pointed Kakashi.
"That's because you were late. We trained hard, now we deserve food."
"Well, I'm not against it but I wanted to test you all, see where you all stand. Eat now and you'll puke." The white-haired jonin warned.
Naruto shrugged. "And if we don't, we'll end up so out-of-it it won't be much of a test. So we eat something light but nourishing. Easy."
"Okay," relented Kakashi who eye-smiled proudly at his younger brother. "You go fetch Sasuke then, I know just the place."
"Cool, be back in a few," Naruto said with a wave before walking off toward the stream where the Uchiha could be seen resting.
"Hum… Sensei?"
"Yes, Sakura?"
"I don't want to… What I mean is, Sasuke and Naruto had a fight yesterday so maybe…"
"Well, if they had a fight, they need to solve it now. You can't let an accident like that fester in a team. From experience, trust me. So I think it's a good opportunity for the two to hash things out."
"What if Sasuke, hum, what if he tries to spit fire at Naruto again?"
"I wouldn't worry about Naruto."
"It's not really Naruto I'm worried about," mumbled Sakura, torn between her anger at the pace the blond boy had imposed for her first serious training session and the realization that Naruto was strong.
"Hey, Sasuke." Naruto called in a neutral voice.
"What do you want, bastard?" The Uchiha bit in response.
The blond sighed. "Bastard" was his insult for the Uchiha, not the opposite. Plus, while he had never used the word for its root meaning, something was telling him that Sasuke was fully insulting him there.
"Leave my parents out of it, will you?"
"Like you left mine out yesterday?" Sasuke retorted with a dreadful glare.
"Look, I apologize," said Naruto with a ninety-degree bow. "I was wrong to say what I said about your family. You're right in saying that our pain isn't the same. You had and lost while I never ever had that chance. You call it a blessing, I'd call that a curse and we'll probably never agree. We know what it means to be alone, though."
Sasuke's glare morphed into a sulky expression and his frown twisted from furious to morose.
"Sasuke."
"What?"
"I know it sucks so much, so why?"
The Uchiha stiffened and his glare returned full force. "I don't have to answer you."
"You don't. You don't have to accept help, you don't have to accept people, you don't have to do anything. You can stay surly and angry and alone all you want. Will that make you strong?"
"Shut up."
"Will that make you feel better?"
"Leave me alone! You have no idea of what I must accomplish! I have to do it alone!"
Naruto sighed in mounting annoyance. "Says who? Is it about that man you want to kill? Sure you can do it alone, whatever! Does that mean you have to do everything by yourself? Are you stupid or what? You can't get strong if you train without help!"
"I won't become strong training with you!" Sasuke bit out disdainfully.
"You won't know until you try. Look Sasuke, try! Try and if you're absolutely convinced that team seven won't get you anywhere, then I'll leave you alone. But at least try!" Naruto exclaimed.
"Why are you even trying?!" The Uchiha snarled. "What's it to you?"
Naruto rolled his eyes. "I told you already. We are a team now." The blond eyed Sasuke, who was grimacing. "Don't you dare groan and think it's cheesy."
"I definitely wasn't," harrumphed the Uchiha.
After a silent second stretched into awkwardness, Sasuke sighed. "Why are you still here?"
"Time to eat. Kakashi-sensei wants to do a group exercise and even you need food to live." Naruto explained before he threw a sideways glance at the black-haired boy. "You… you do need food to live, right?"
Sasuke rolled his eyes back into his skull so hard, Naruto had to wonder if he had seen his brain and exhaled impatiently by his nose. "Yes, yes you cretin, I do eat." The Uchiha said curtly before he walked away, leaving Naruto alone before the stream.
"Rude," whispered the blond. "And the joke was funny too." Naruto hummed, his chin cupped by his right hand while his left supported his right elbow. "It's a wonder if the metaphorical stick isn't actually stuck up his ass." The blond hummed again. "That'd be an interesting surgery but I'm not sure I'd have his consent."
With one last shrug, the blond walked where his team was now waiting for him.
"Alright, my cute little students, we'll now have a team exercise," declared Kakashi.
After a light but replenishing meal, team seven was back in training ground three and the white-haired jonin was dangling two bells in front of his seated students.
"Your goal is to get a bell before the time is over. Those who don't get a bell will be tied up to a post and left here for the night or until they can free themselves. Any questions?"
"There are only two bells," remarked Naruto.
"B-but," stammered Sakura, who was already seeing her chance at getting a bell plummeting. "That means one of us…"
"Will fail," completed Sasuke darkly.
Naruto cocked one eyebrow. "Kakashi-sensei, you said the goal was to obtain a bell before the alarm rings, correct?"
"Correct indeed."
Naruto eyed his big brother with the meanest glare he was capable of and extended his hand. "Are you ready to shake on that?"
Slowly, Kakashi extended his own hand to shake Naruto's. "Sure. No trick."
"No trick. Those exact words."
"Yup."
Naruto smiled suddenly. "Cool. We're good then." And having said that, the blond shook his teacher's hand and sat down again. "When do we begin?"
"Naruto?" An unsure Sakura asked, not understanding why her teammate looked so happy.
"We begin when I say go," said Kakashi. "Oh, one advice, come at me with the intent to kill or you'll never do anything to me."
Naruto looked up just as Sasuke's expression hardened and Sakura shuddered in surprise.
"K-kill? Sensei, isn't that dangerous?" The pink-haired girl hazarded timidly.
Kakashi snorted lightly. "Don't worry about me, Sakura. I'm a jonin and you three are genin. Give it your max. That's the goal here: to put you in a situation."
Naruto nodded and mumbled something for himself before he looked at his brother dead in the eye. "Sensei, I'll ask once. You're sure about it?"
Kakashi eye-smiled. "Yup."
The blond shrugged, "okay," and rose to his feet. "Are we ready team?!" He suddenly barked in his drill-sergeant voice.
Sakura jumped on her own feet with a startled "hai!"
Sasuke snorted and got up.
"Very well," smiled Kakashi. "Begin."
It was when Naruto started to shimmer like a mirage in a hot summer afternoon only to disappear without a whisper that Kakashi knew, he'd fucked up.
He didn't pay attention when the other two jumped away back into the tree line. Carefully, Kakashi lifted his headband to reveal a red eye where three black tomoes were swirling in an orbit around the pupil. As the light hit the blood-red iris, the spin of the tomoes slowly accelerated.
Kakashi shifted and the training pole behind him exploded in a shower of wood-dust.
"Well, penis," whispered the jonin. His head turned in spite of him, guided by the preternatural reflexes imposed on his body by his left eye. The tomoes were whirling faster than ever by now. Once again, Kakashi shifted from one foot to another, escaping an axe-kick that should never have been that fast.
"Why the hell did I ever train him in stealth," thought the white-haired jonin, berating himself for his obvious oversight of Naruto's true capacities. He knew the boy had trained his body, which he found was good practice and discipline. He also knew the boy had a modicum of talent, given he knew the Shadow Clone and Kakashi had coached him for an entire month on stealth and asymmetrical warfare.
However, from what he was currently experiencing first hand, Naruto had trained with an enthusiasm worthy of his friend Gai and that was bad news. The blond boy - in addition to being an Uzumaki - had the chakra of the mightiest bijuu filtering in his system continuously. It meant that, if Naruto had trained that seriously for four entire years already - like the report from the Hokage Office actually suggested without saying how intense the boy's workouts were -, then Naruto was a little monster.
The ground caved under Naruto's heel and Kakashi had to hop over the gouged soil to not be thrown out of balance. A punch, the form perfect, clean and deadly, rocketed toward his midsection.
"That'll break a few ribs if it touches me," analyzed Kakashi silently just as he sped through hand signs. The second hitting post took the blow for him and cracked into two. With a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead, Kakashi took a kunai in a reverse grip and motioned to cut the blond's neck.
Naruto bent his knee and rotated, losing a spike of his blond hair to the jonin's blade before his right feet suddenly shot sideways for a kick. Kakashi struck the calf of his student with an abrupt, downward circling motion of his left forearm, his right hand reflexively withdrawn in a guard. Just as the heel of Naruto glanced against his ribs, Kakashi's blade bit into the blond's leg.
The jonin felt himself being lifted from his feet just as pain exploded in the left side of his chest. Thrown three good meters backwards, Kakashi restored his footing while breathing raspily. He could taste something hot and metallic in his mouth.
The blood psychopath had pierced one of his lung with his kick. Kakashi blinked. Naruto was so fast that even all the jonin's experience was only enough to reach equilibrium.
"What the fuck," muttered Kakashi incredulously. "What the fuck, what the fuck, whatthefuck!"
He focused on Naruto. The blond was looking at his thigh, frowning at the kunai that was embedded deep in his flesh. With a sigh, the boy grimaced and tore the knife away before Kakashi could say anything.
"No don't-"
"Relax, sensei, you didn't hit an artery and… I heal fast," Naruto motioned vaguely at his stomach. "We continue or you want to surrender?"
"Com'on Naruto, you don't have me beat yet. We barely exchanged taijutsu." He couldn't surrender to his little brother. Kakashi hadn't expected to lose to him already and it was already a fifty-fifty chance as it was but there was no way his pride would allow him to surrender.
"Alright, the rule still stands?"
"About going seriously? Yup," answered Kakashi with an eye-smile, all the while sweating and swallowing thickly.
Naruto gave the "you asked for it" glance and shrugged. "Time to kick it up a notch then."
Kakashi paled. "Kick it up a not-"
Naruto slid forwards with a sweeping step and lunged. For Kakashi, it was a surreal scene, reminiscent of when he had first received his left eye. The world happening around him felt dislocated as if he was tearing causality apart and looking at it under a microscope. With the minimum amount of movement, a simple shift, Kakashi was able to dodge the fastest of attack, provided his body was capable of doing the small gesture necessary.
After all, a body that wasn't up to par with the Sharingan was useless and rendered the Sharingan useless.
Just as he started moving, the jonin knew he wouldn't escape just as he knew he wouldn't even finish moulding the chakra for his Substitution Jutsu.
Naruto's strike shot from his hip, a bolide Kakashi could see coming but do nothing about. The earth cracked under the blond's feet just as his tightened fist impacted the man's stomach. Naruto roared.
"Mountain shattering thunder missile, mildly serious!"
"He is like his father," the jonin had time to think before pain robbed him of his lights. "Wait… mildly serious?!"
The jonin fell on the ground, unconscious.
"What the shit, Naruto!" Sakura screamed from the tree she was hiding in.
AN: still no AN at the beginning, straight to the action. OP Naruto makes his debut and his attacks have name like any good shonen protagonist with self-respect. Also, Minato.
As a scale for comparison:
Mountain shattering thundering missile, mildly serious: Gai (no weight) level of punch.
Leave a review with the name of Naruto's axe kick.
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