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The Method by Zabzab
 Anime » Naruto Rated: M, English, Adventure & Humor, Naruto U., Words: 63k+, Favs: 1k+, Follows: 2k+, Published: Dec 8, 2019 Updated: May 19734Chapter 7
AN: Hello all. So, a few reviewers left me messages (very polite, no worries) about how this fic "wasn't serious" or "wasn't like Sign Here for ANBU" (one of my other fic).
Well... yeah.
This fic is to Sign Here for ANBU what Austin Power is to James Bond: it's classified as "humour" for a reason. I posted a warning in chapter 1, I'll post it again now: this fic is a happy power trip I hope you'll find fun(ny).
Do not expect anything more. If you want super-serious, violent, realist Naruto, you won't find it here. I don't want anyone to be disappointed and there'll be no hard feelings if you leave. That being said, enjoy. :-)
Today was the day of the Academy graduation exam. Naruto eyed the entrance of the place he had visited so little for the past four years and had nearly deserted in the past six months.
After he had won the war, the Hokage had told him the identity of his parents. The boy and the old man had had a very long discussion.
Naruto had broken the Hokage's desk and thrown the pieces of wood through the windows at the end of it but had agreed to several things after understanding the old man's point of view and worries and receiving his apologies as well as a coupon for unlimited ramen on the Hokage Tower's tab along with a couple of odd things here and there.
He was peeved about it but becoming a ninja seemed to be necessary after all. Being host to the Kyuubi put him in danger whether he wanted it or not and by learning the craft of a shinobi, Naruto would ensure his survival by becoming powerful. Given that he would be allowed to pursue his passions, the blond had relented.
There was also the matter that his father, the fourth Hokage himself, had been one of the most powerful shinobi of Konoha ever and Naruto had formed a clear objective after learning the bastard had been the one to seal the Kyuubi inside his own son only to kick the bucket and leave him in a village that hated him.
Naruto was going to become so monstrous he would relegate Minato Namikaze and his stupid Hiraishin no Jutsu to a footnote in history books. Naruto was more than a bit angry at his progenitor for doing what he had done and since the man was dead since a while already, Naruto would make him pay the way he knew how. The famous "Yellow Flash" would soon be eclipsed by… by… well, he still had to find himself a cool surname.
He didn't trust to shinobi population to come up with something good. "Yellow Flash", really? What was his father supposed to be, a lamp?
He had considered reducing Konoha to ruins for a second but after a short moment of introspection, he had decided that mass murder was not his thing and he preferred to leave that to the Uchiha traitor. He had also envisioned going to Iwa and becoming a ninja there just for the heck of it and make his father spin in his tomb but he didn't want to leave his little brother Kakashi to be all broody by himself in Konoha. So he was staying. He'd make sure to stay as bratty as possible, he'd maintain the citizens in fear of the Prank God and they would regret not treating him fairly, he'd rub in their face what they had done to the son of their "hero" and he supposed he would defend the village if push came to shove.
Naruto had no doubt it would be awesome. Now, however, he had an examination to pass. He had asked the old man to not reveal his heritage before he made genin so that he could crush the exam and flabbergast his good-for-nothing teachers without positive bias. He was especially impatient to see the rage in Mizuki's eyes.
That guy was a real asshole and Naruto's pranker instincts had repeatedly told him he was up to no good.
"Genin exam, here I come!"
Naruto was far from the first to enter the classroom. Students his age were discussing in hushed whispers about how they would become awesome ninjas and kick asses. The blond couldn't help but smile at how "awesome" they would be once tasked with washing the aftermath of his personal war on the village.
Indeed, even a few months after, there were still traces of the havoc he had wrought upon Konoha.
Nonchalantly, Naruto seated himself next to the brooding scion of the Uchiha clan.
Sasuke Uchiha, dark-haired, dark-eyed, white-skinned, handsome - and the boy was, no question, if one ignored his terrible haircut - was looking outside the window, his eyes resolutely refusing to meet anyone in the classroom, his fingers laced under his chin, a frown marring his brow. Naruto had no doubt the boy was contemplating how to painfully kill the assassin of his clan.
The blond had no doubt the Uchiha boy would explode before soon if he stayed like that. Too much seriousness killed seriousness. Heck, even Method forced Naruto to rest in-between two insane workouts, insisting that apart from killing himself, the boy would not accomplish anything if he pushed too far. Naruto had a suspicion Sasuke was like that and if he didn't loosen up, he would burn before doing much of his life.
"Naruto-baka! Give me the seat next to Sasuke-kun!" A girl screeched in his ears.
Naruto turned his head to see one Sakura Haruno looking at him with lightning in her green eyes and her fist raised and ready to punch. Her face was as red as her qipao and her peculiar, long pink hair were fluttering in a non-existent wind, probably to make her appear more intimidating.
Vaguely impressed by the hair trick, the blond threw a discreet glance at Sasuke next to him. It was fleeting, here not even for a moment, but Naruto saw it. The plea, the prayer in the Uchiha's eyes.
"Don't. Please."
The blond shrugged and started to rise from his seat.
"I'll owe you one." The eyes of Sasuke told him reluctantly.
Naruto smiled crookedly, sat and turned to Sakura again. "No. I was here first. Too bad for you, Sakura."
The girl faltered. It was highly unusual for a boy to refuse her and for a moment, she was lost. After a few seconds, however, she rose her fist again and endeavoured to plant it in Naruto's face.
The sound of flesh impacting flesh echoed meatily in the classroom and the students let their discussion to die down to look for the source of the commotion. Soon, the eyes of all those present found the sight of Sakura Haruno with her fist squished against Naruto Uzumaki's face. The girl was grimacing and the blond seemed indifferent. A second of absolute silence fled away from the classroom before Sakura jumped back, shaking her hitting hand as if she had badly burned herself.
"Owww! What the heck, what are you made of Naruto-baka," yelled Sakura in outrage.
"Steel reinforced concrete," Naruto deadpanned with a very serious expression on his face. "If you weren't made in marshmallow, you wouldn't have hurt yourself." He chided.
"What do you mean, made in marshmallow?"
"Just what I mean. Now go sit somewhere else, you're disturbing class Sakura."
"W-wha-huh?"
"Come one, shoo," gestured the blond boy with a vague motion of his hand. "Iruka-sensei is here."
Sakura startled and twisted with haste. Indeed, Iruka, the class teacher was waiting for whatever was happening to resolve itself, the vein pulsing in his forehead the sign his patience was running low.
"Sorry, Iruka-sensei."
"Thank you, Sakura. By the way, as you're still under my authority until tomorrow, you'll stay after class to copy some lines. You don't hit a comrade outside of a spar. Understood?"
"Yes Iruka-sensei," the girl squeaked, contrite.
"Good," said Iruka with a smile. "Now sit down!" He suddenly bellowed, his head growing to five-time its normal volume and his voice reaching the deafening power of a foghorn, the displaced air ruffling a few feathers and undoing a few hairdos.
Looking like an explosive note had just detonated mere feet away from her head, Sakura silently sat down, looking distinctly like some sort of disturbed hedgehog.
"Alright children, today is the day of the examination. It will happen in four parts: written examination, then taijutsu, shurikenjutsu and ninjutsu. You'll have one hour to finish the written examination after the top. I'll now distribute the paper, don't turn before the "go" or you'll be disqualified, no question. Understood?"
A chorus of "hai, sensei," answered the man and he nodded with satisfaction. It took barely a minute to distribute the exam to everyone and the go was given.
Naruto turned his sheet with confidence. He would not answer everything but maths, History and strategy would be a piece of cake.
An hour later, the teenagers were ordered to hand over their exam and guided outside for the shurikenjutsu examination. Naruto exited the classroom with a large smile on his face and a wink to Iruka, who smiled in return.
The Academy had everything necessary to train young wannabe-killers and as such, there were numerous fields for target practice and taijutsu sparring and katas within the precinct. Naruto's class was taken to a range for shurikenjutsu, a long alley with walls on either side to avoid stray shuriken injuring any passers-by. There were several targets - some of them moving - twenty to thirty meters beyond a firing line.
The goal of the examination was simple: "kill" at least twelve out of the twenty targets with twenty-five shuriken. A piece of cake and more of a formality for those present here.
Aburame Shino went first and as the discreet boy that he was, scored a relatively low fourteen. It was evident to Naruto that the Aburame heir could have done much better if he had been tempted to do so but Aburame ninjas were the absolute master at blending in the background.
Which was a pretty impressive feat considering they were all pretty fucking tall and dressed in an unmistakable way, with their long coat and sunglasses. Yet, they were some of the best infiltrators of Konoha somehow.
Naruto's classmates were called one after the other, Choji Akimichi scoring a fifteen, Kiba Inuzuka, heir to the Inuzuka clan, went for a more flamboyant performance and scoring a seventeen, Shikamaru Nara barely made it past the requirement by scoring a twelve with all twenty-five shuriken.
Eventually, it was Sasuke's turn. As the Uchiha boy advanced to the firing line, his fan club cheered him on. A faint grimace of exasperation painted itself on the boy's face but he quickly got his impassible countenance back and flawlessly scored a twenty out of twenty with four shurikens to spare.
"Uzumaki Naruto," called Mizuki.
Naruto accepted the throwing stars from the chuunin, immediately noticing they were blunted. The boy shrugged and smiled at his teacher before positioning himself at the firing line.
In a fluid motion too fast to appear as anything but a blur to those watching, he threw thirteen shurikens. The steel stars whistled in the air and impacted the cut-outs each made out of a solid plank of pinewood.
The first target struck caved in a shower of powdered wood, the star ricocheting off it to bury itself in another target's head, practically sawing it off. A quarter of a second later, another shuriken bore a hole the size of a frying pan in the torso of another target, continuing straight on to tear the head of another and bending a third. All eight moving targets fell from their railing, mangled to dust, in an eerie synchronisation. The last three shurikens took down two targets each.
Naruto eyed the result of his volley and clicked his tongue in annoyance. "Damn it, only nineteen. I missed the last ricochet" He said, giving his twelve remaining shurikens to a gaping Mizuki.
"Com'on, let's proceed," urged the blond after a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, gesturing to the few students who hadn't had their turn yet. "We don't have all day."
"R-right," mumbled Mizuki, who had to go to another firing range given Naruto had just annihilated the one they had been using.
Yamanaka Ino was the last to throw her shuriken, scoring an eighteen as was expected of a clan heiress. Nobody made any comment about her good performance: students were too busy looking at Naruto like he had grown a second head.
"Alright all, let's proceed to taijutsu." Mizuki ordered, his voice once again firm and his jaw firmly locked in a closed position.
The class moved to one of the sparring areas. It was a simple field of barren earth where several circles had been drawn in the soil to delimit fighting rings. Iruka was waiting for the class with two other teachers.
"Okay everyone, the exercise is simple. We'll fight at genin-level and you're expected to hold your ground or better, get us out of the circle in under two minutes. The fastest you get us out, the better your score. Now let's begin."
Once again, students were called to one of two circles where Mizuki and one of the unknown teacher - a large man with a big nose - would test them before giving the score to Iruka or his colleague - a petite woman with large round glasses.
The clan heirs each made a good showing save for Shino whose performance was average and Shikamaru who barely held his own during the required two minutes. When it was the turn of Sasuke, his fan club once again cheered, getting an exhausted eye roll from the normally marmorean boy.
Naruto was called exactly at the same time and found himself against Mizuki, who was eyeing him calculatingly.
"Hajime," called Iruka for both matches.
Mizuki immediately sprung into action, darting against Naruto at speed far superior to that of a genin.
Naruto unfolded a newspaper and started reading.
The teacher had closed the distance between him and the blond boy, his feet sliding to find a solid balance for his upcoming punch.
Naruto held a cup for a clone to pour him some tea. The blond hummed with satisfaction as he took a whiff of the fuming beverage.
Mizuki armed a punch against his hips, readying himself for a strike of the age, one hit that would send the blond genin standing before him seemingly frozen and vibrating - in fear Mizuki had no doubt - out the circle, barring him from becoming a genin.
Naruto carefully folded his newspaper and threw a glance at the chuunin. With a yawn, he crossed his arms against his chest and frowned. Couldn't the guy go a tiny bit faster here? He had places to be!
Well, not really but his brother had invited him for tea and a reading session and Naruto was kind of impatient to discover whatever "priceless literature" Kakashi had promised him if he passed.
Mizuki fired his punch at high-chuunin speed, much too fast for any genin to see coming. Iruka cried something but the teacher was too far away to stop it now. Naruto would be knocked out by the punch and then, then Mizuki could rope the demon brat in his plan.
With the sound of glass breaking, the thoughts of the teacher stopped abruptly, along with the world. He felt something go up in his body, starting from his groin and ending somewhere in his throat. He coughed a drop of blood and felt himself be lifted up by some incomprehensible force. There was a collective wince as all the males in assistance dropped to their knees. A bird squeaked in indignation and sympathy. Then, a wave of unspeakable pain washed over Mizuki, that robbed him of his breath and his consciousness.
"M-match s-stop," sputtered a pale Iruka, his eyes wide at the sight of his colleague hanging unconscious from Naruto's right feet after a phenomenal shot in the privates. "M-medic," squeaked the teacher, flashbacks from his last mission gone wrong flashing before his eyes.
"Dude!" Kiba suddenly exclaimed from the sideline, his hand protectively placed in front of his own jewels, "not cool!"
Naruto turned to the Inuzuka, who flinched slightly but held his ground and his disapproving look. The blond turned back to the unconscious form of Mizuki and then to the Inuzuka again. "Too much?"
"Way, way too much dude. Everyone felt that!"
All the gathered boys nodded in assent and Naruto chuckled while scratching the back of his head. "Sorry guys. Didn't mean it. But that's why Iruka said to protect that part, right?"
"Well, yeah," agreed Kiba hesitantly, "but still!"
"Okay, okay," placated Naruto with his hands raised, the prone form of Mizuki gathered in a foetal position behind him. The blond turned back and nudged the unconscious teacher with his feet. "Sorry, sensei."
"Hum, N-Naruto Uzumaki, match over, two seconds," choked Iruka.
Nobody was caring anymore at this point. Sasuke simply recovered faster than his opponent and tripped him over the circle, enjoying a victory in fifteen seconds and slinking back into the crowd as unseen as he could manage, his fangirls too preoccupied to really pay him any attention.
Heh, ninja, right?
In the end, Mizuki was carried away to the hospital by a team of ANBU, and the exam was promptly finished without further incident.
"Everyone, time for the last part of the exam, the ninjutsu portion. Let's get to it."
Once again, the class changed location and neared a fake clearing littered with logs of all size and shape.
"Okay, we're going to test you at random, meaning you'll be asked to do one of the Academy three as decided by a dice roll. The better the mastery, the higher the grade. Now let's begin.
One by one the students were called inside the clearing, leaving it by another side so that no one from the remaining candidates could know who had passed and left with a headband and who hadn't. Eventually came the turn of Naruto.
The blond stepped inside the clearing after Iruka, who went to sit next to the petite woman with glasses.
"Okay Naruto, you're going to show us the Substitution Jutsu please."
Naruto nodded eagerly and a second after Naruto was still nodding eagerly except there was another Naruto right behind Iruka and the woman who was nodding eagerly. "Done," both boys clamoured, startling the two teachers. The Naruto in front dispelled in a puff of smoke, occasioning a shocked gasp from the two instructors.
Iruka recovered quickly and fished in a bag next to him for a forehead protector bearing the leaf insignia. He looked at the headband long and hard, mumbled "the world isn't ready," looked some more only to eventually shrug in indifference, whispering "not my problem" and handing it over to Naruto.
"Congratulations Naruto, you're a ninja now."
Naruto beamed him a smile and bowed deeply. "Thanks, Iruka-sensei. Ya know, it was pretty fun to have you as a teacher, even if I wasn't here a lot. You are a pretty cool sensei, 'ttebayo," said the blond, his shining smile still in place before it faltered and suddenly, Naruto looked bashful.
"I know I wasn't the best student but I want to thank you but I didn't really know what you like so I got you this," mumbled Naruto with a dusting of pink over his cheeks, holding a small present to his sensei out of nowhere.
Iruka swallowed thickly, his throat suddenly tight, and blinked several times to clear his eyes from the annoying bit of dust that had settled inside. "Thanks, Naruto."
The blond smiled again. "I hope I hit the mark!" And with that, the boy darted away, forehead protector in hand.
With slightly trembling hands, Iruka unwrapped his present, revealing a small costly-looking book. "The ins and outs of barrier ninjutsu," whispered the chuunin instructor, his eyes widening before he looked up. "How did he even know?" He wondered aloud.
"Iruka-san?" The woman inquired, curious as to what the boy had gifted his sensei.
Iruka looked at the woman, giving her a puzzled look. "It's a book on Barrier Ninjutsu. It's a domain I've been wanting to try out for a while now but I never found the time. I just have no idea how Naruto could know I was interested."
The woman shrugged. "Luck?"
Iruka nodded hesitantly. He wasn't sure there was such a thing as luck when Naruto was concerned.
None of the teachers noticed the Naruto hidden behind them who silently dispelled with a smile on his face.
Naruto walked through the streets of Konoha until he reached the address Kakashi had given him. He looked at the door of the high-standing building he was standing in front of.
Damn those filthy rich jonins and their fancy condominiums.
Naruto rang at the Hatake name and a second later, a buzzing noise informed him the door was open. The boy climbed the flight of stairs until he reached the fifth and last storey. One of the doors was ajar and Naruto knocked before inviting himself inside.
"Hey Kakashi-nii, it's Naruto."
After a very serious, deadly competition of janken in one hundred matches, Naruto had lost the right to be the older brother. The blond was a bit peeved about it, especially considering he had lost to Kakashi using the Sharingan to read his movements and guess his next move. He should have gone faster.
But heh, ninja, right?
Kakashi exited his kitchen, wearing an atrocious pink apron which Naruto stared at for a full five seconds before he shuddered.
"And they said orange is ugly," he mumbled, taking here and then the decision that this apron would not be tolerated. It was no wonder his brother was a brooding mess!
"Heya, Naruto." Kakashi eye-smiled. "So you passed."
"Well… yeah. Wasn't complicated really." Naruto exclaimed with a smile that fell to reveal a frowning, pensive expression. "It was almost too easy now that I think about it. I wonder if there is another surprise for us."
Kakashi felt a bead of sweat roll down his spine. "Naaahh, you have the headband now, they can't say anything anymore, right?"
Naruto thought about it for three solid seconds before he smiled. "Yeah, no way, right?"
The two adoptive brothers laughed good-naturedly, although Kakashi did sound a bit strained. Naruto dismissed it: there were many reasons a jonin could be anxious, especially one wearing such an ugly apron.
"So," said the boy. "What book did you want to show me?"
"Well," Kakashi answered with enthusiasm peaking in his tone. "I have a couple you might find interesting! Let me show you the place first, though."
Kakashi lived, as Naruto had guessed, in a condominium for filthy-rich jonin. Everything was spacious, clean, made by a designer and whatnot. The boy noted that it was decorated with a taste he would never have guessed his older brother possessed. Eventually, he was shown to Kakashi's personal library.
The room was large, larger than it had any right to be, and each wall was actually a large bookcase, from one end to another, from floor to ceiling. There had to be at least a thousand books here. The coolest thing, however, was the three gorgeous chairs that looked sinfully comfortable.
"Holy Kami," whispered Naruto.
"Not bad, huh?"
The blond turned to his brother with stars in his eyes. "That. Is. So. Cool!"
Kakashi smiled. "Tea should be ready."
Naruto nodded distractedly and turned his attention to the countless book. With careful steps, as if he was afraid that walking too loudly would disturb something, he approached one bookcase. His eyes lit up at the titles he saw.
"Awesome, Kakashi-nii." Naruto breathed out.
Naruto was leisurely sprawled in one of the most comfortable seats in existence on this miserable world of angles and hardness. In his hands, he was holding a limited, signed edition of the "History of the Elemental Nations" by none other than Tobirama Senju, the Second Hokage.
The man had been a brilliant scholar during his life - a better researcher and inventor than Kage, in Naruto's humble opinion - and each one of his writings were treasures troves of information. Obviously, that meant they were nearly impossible to find.
Next to Naruto, also Naruto - but a different one - was reading a little journal with a leather cover. The small book, covered in neat handwriting, was a gift from the Yondaime to his last student, consigning inside an insane wealth of knowledge about fuinjutsu. It was a handwritten book, it was literally unique and Naruto was holding it open on his lap, trying to puzzle its wondrous content.
His father might be a bit of a bastard and not much of a father but damn Kami he was a brilliant seal master.
Kakashi was lounging in the third and last chair, his lone eye perusing the content of a little orange book. The tea had since long gone cold and it was getting dark outside but the two brothers were too absorbed in their readings to care.
Until Naruto's stomach growled loudly in protest. It sounded like a mining shaft was caving in, like a volcano was awakening, like the Earth was opening in two.
"Huh. I might need something to eat," commented the boy cooly.
"Yes, it would seem so," said the second Naruto with indifference, his nose still in his book.
Kakashi smiled. "You're famished aren't you?"
Naruto scratched the back of his head and chuckled. "Yup, didn't see time pass. You hungry bro? Ichiraku ramen, best ramen in town, my treat." He offered.
Kakashi hummed before he nodded. "Ramen it is."
Ayame Ichiraku, the sole daughter of Teuchi Ichiraku, renowned ramen chef of Konoha, was busying herself behind the counter of her family's small restaurant when a most peculiar vision came to her on this early evening.
She was pretty certain the sun was setting westwards like usual and the sky was already tinted in all kinds of orange and mauve for it yet she had to blink when a second star suddenly appeared in front of her.
"Heya, Ayame-chan!" The sun greeted with enthusiasm and in a voice that was definitely familiar. "Meet my brother!"
The young woman blinked again and scratched her brown eyes, too full of light and brightness to see clearly. Shielding her vision, she saw that there was some sort of moon behind the ball of shininess that was sparkling in front of her.
She blinked a third time and her sight finally adjusted, revealing a young, blond teenager that was full-in transitioning between boyishly cute to handsome standing in front of her counter; following him was a tall, lanky man with spiky white hair and an eye-smile, the lower part of his face hidden behind black silk. The maiden felt her heart suddenly race.
Who was this pair of stunningly good-looking (or at least, Ayame assumed the masked man was as handsome as his little brother) shinobis, the waitress wondered with stars in her eyes.
"Huh… Ayame-chan, hello?" The voice called again, unsuccessful in cutting through the fog that was paralyzing the young woman's mind.
"Oh! Naruto! Long-time no see, boy!" Ayame heard her father call from deeper in the kitchen.
That tore the veil that had fallen in front of her eyes and the waitress finally recognized Naruto. She felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment and surprise both. How come she hadn't recognized her first customer and favourite boy and when had Naruto become so handsome?
And who was this tall, mysterious man behind him he called a brother? Ayame was certain that the blond boy - poor boy - had no family.
"H-hello Naruto-kun!" She sputtered eventually with a flustered smile on her lips. "Her for dinner?" She asked, deciding to operate in known boundaries.
"Yep, bringing my nii-chan too to taste your awesome ramens!"
Ayame eyed the boy's "brother" and smiled. "Sure, please take a seat."
"So, Naruto!" Her father bellowed with a chuckling voice. "Where have you been?"
The blond smiled. "First, Teuchi, Kakashi," he said while pointing at the tall man next to him. "Kakashi, master Teuchi."
The two older men exchanged a greeting, Kakashi throwing a light "yo" and the cook formally welcoming the new guest in his establishment.
"What will it be for you two gentlemen?"
"Miso with extra pork and a dash of chilli for me!" Naruto ordered immediately with the ease of someone who knew the place well.
Kakashi pointed at the boy. "I'll have that too if possible but without the additional chilli."
"Comin' right up!" Teuchi assured with a large smile. "Anything to drink?"
"I'll have some lemonade."
"A beer for me."
It took a second for the drinks to be set on the counter.
"Well, cheer," said Naruto, who proceeded to throw down half his bottle of lemonade in two large gulps.
Kakashi simply raised his glass a little and drank through the silk of his facemask somehow.
Ayame sighed in vague disappointment before she returned to her cooking, still allowing her ears to listen to what was being said.
"So?" Teuchi pressed his question, curious of where the boy had been. It had been a while since she and her father had seen their favourite customer and Ayame would be lying if she said she hadn't been worried a little.
"Well, I was here and there, ya know? Asking myself questions about my future and learning ninja stuff."
Teuchi pointed at the boy's headband. "You're a shinobi now, though."
"Yup. And I intend to celebrate tonight. It's on the Hokage's tab."
Ayame could hear the brow of her father rise. "Are you sure?"
"Yup, yup, negotiated that with him not long ago. I have a credit of ten thousand Ryo of ramen here. That should hold me for a while," explained the boy who suddenly beamed a smile. "Noodles for free for the next five years!" He exclaimed.
"That's… that's a… nice present, I suppose," said Teuchi, unsure of what to think.
Ayame could, once again, hear and guess the mischievous smile that bloomed on the blond's lips.
"Oh but it's not a present," the blond chuckled. "It's a spoil of war."
"A spoil of war?" Teuchi repeated, not understanding.
"I still can't believe you got that out of your victory," commented Kakashi who sipped on his beer.
"Meh, Konoha lost. Konoha pays the price."
"Konoha… lost? What are you talking about, Naruto?" Teuchi asked with a frown.
The boy waved his hand. "Nothing important, Teuchi. I was the one Konoha fought two months ago."
Ayame whirled on her feet, eyes wide and mouth agape. She pointed a trembling finger at the blond and stammered. "Y-you caused all this-this chaos?!"
Naruto shrugged and pointed a thumb at Kakashi. "I had help."
The maiden frowned dangerously. "Naruto, do you realize how worried we were? Konoha was suddenly at war with someone unknown, you had disappeared somewhere unknown, and it was absolute chaos! You could have… you could have warned us!" She lectured, not amused by the boy's pranking exploit if her expression was anything to go by.
"Relax, Ayame-chan, nothing happened to me. Rather, I happened to Konoha," he said with a broad grin.
Teuchi guffawed and shook his head, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like "those damn Uzumaki" - it could have been "I need more wasabi" though, Ayame wasn't sure. The daughter narrowed her eyes suspiciously at her father. Did he know something she didn't about Naruto? She glared for a second before turning to face Kakashi.
"And you helped him? What kind of big brother allow his younger sibling to do something so dangerous?!" She chastised, her arms crossed over her breast.
Kakashi eyed her with a seriousness she wasn't prepared for. "The kind of big brother who has full confidence in his little bro's capacities." He affirmed with a light but firm voice.
Naruto beamed at the praise. "Kakashi-nii is awesome Ayame-chan and he helped a lot so don't be hard on him!" The blond explained.
Ayame huffed and served her two guests their order. She wasn't really mad at either of them.
She was more disappointed to not have been part of Naruto's war on Konoha. She could have… She didn't know really, be part of the logistic and in charge of the food, maybe?
Her disappointment increased when Kakashi started eating his noodles - very neatly, like a proper gentleman, contrary to Naruto - with his facemask still on.
AN: if you enjoyed, leave a review. If you thought Kakashi's entire collection of books was porn, denounce yourself in a review.
Warning, you're entering the RaNt CoRNer.
"Please make this a harem, please do this, please do that." My answer will be simple, short, and to the point:
NO.
Phew, you're leaving the RaNt CoRNer.
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