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The Method by Zabzab
 Anime » Naruto Rated: M, English, Adventure & Humor, Naruto U., Words: 63k+, Favs: 1k+, Follows: 2k+, Published: Dec 8, 2019 Updated: May 19734Chapter 2
AN: Last chance to leave the ship before it sinks. If you're still here, "Eye of the Tiger" should perfectly accompany this chapter.
Either that or "Montage".
Their first meeting had been love at first sight really. Naruto knew it, even if his companion would deny it at every turn.
"You're gross and creepy," had then read the scroll.
Yes, yes, love at first sight, definitely.
After being thoroughly insulted by the changing parchment, Naruto had brought the mysterious piece of paper home. The library staff had not blinked an eye at the irregular borrowing, likely unconcerned about the fate of the decrepit looking scroll. Well, it was too bad for them and they were even more stupid than Naruto.
Even the living parchment had agreed.
It did not take long for the blond to follow the instructions that would inscribe themselves on the scroll, the Method providing Naruto with sound pieces of advice, if in a very insulting and grating way.
The first thing Method - for lack of a better name, that was the way Naruto referred to the scroll - had upheaved had been the boy's diet, insulting the blond thoroughly each times Naruto would fix himself a cup of ramen and offering the boy numerous, easy-to-cook and cheap alternatives.
The blond eventually bowed to the parchment, seeing as Method would not teach anything until Naruto had learned to eat in a healthy way. Once his diet was fixed and Method was certain there would be no relapse, he tasked Naruto with finding a secluded place.
A good ninja kept his abilities a secret and as such, trained in secret. The logic of it was quite unappealing to Naruto. Where were the flashy jutsu and the daring moves? Where was the sense of excitement, of adventure?
The copious stream of insults he received as an answer - some that made him blush even but overall considerably enriched his vocabulary and anatomic knowledge - was enough to set his mind straight. And so Naruto looked for a cave to train with Method.
He found one quite easily. Konoha was hidden "in the leaves" indeed but it was mainly shielded by a valley. There was plenty of caverns in the surrounding cliffs, some obscured by the forest itself and Naruto found a comfortable one, near a little stream. The boy was used to camping outside of Konoha proper and soon, the cave turned into a second home for the boy.
In his eagerness to learn, his attendance at the Academy dropped considerably. Proportionally, however, his fitness reached new heights as he submitted himself to the gruelling training of Method.
He kept at it, indifferent to the world around him, for en entire month before sister Cat grabbed him by the ear one day that he was stocking up on supplies and, by orders of the Hokage, dragged him to his classroom.
The following day, as he complained to Method, the parchment informed him in a deadpan line of text that blending in was a part of keeping his ability a secret and that Naruto was stupid for not realizing sooner that even his absence would end up being noticed.
The boy pouted and refused to read the scroll for an entire day.
After that incident, the boy started to attend class with a certain regular irregularity, popping randomly at least thrice a week, training away in his secret cave during the remaining days. He had to quickly learn to give the slip to a rather persistent chuunin who taught his class, a young man named Iruka.
On the one hand, being forced to work on his stealth to escape the teacher so consistently made Naruto's ability in the specific field skyrocket. The chases themselves were pretty fun to boot: Naruto had never played "it" before and running away from the chuunin felt like it.
On the other hand and tt the annoying insistence of Method, Naruto had to actually pay attention whenever he chose to attend class, the scroll grilling him on what he had learned during the day to check the boy had been diligent. Naruto being as hard-headed as a donkey, it took Method threatening to withhold on any further training for the blond to get to work seriously. Hence, Naruto's worldly knowledge actually increased, if shakily, incompletely, and randomly.
If the boy had to be honest, it wasn't that bad. His new teacher, Iruka, actually appeared to give a damn about teaching him, if only for the sake of teaching and had a knack to come up with easy to grasp explanations for Naruto. He was constantly on the blond's case because of his skipping, which in itself caused weird, unknown feelings to stir inside Naruto. The insistence of the chuunin educator was endearing in a way and Naruto started to leave small notes of thanks and encouragement each time he escaped the angry adult.
Whatever the case may be, the boy undeniably got a taste for geometry and History out of Iruka's constant nagging. A year before, it would have been simply impossible to even conceive such a thing. Naruto himself had to double-check that the world wasn't ending the day he felt pride at finishing his mathematic and science homework.
Weeks turned into months and the strange rhythm continued for Naruto, the boy integrating half the knowledge of the Academy on one hand and the tricks and tips of Method on the other. Slowly but steadily, his training regimen increased further and further, his hastened healing ability allowing to munch down double the amount of physical work.
It was all fun and games for the young Uzumaki and soon, it had been an entire year since he had found Method.
"Eighty-five."
The voice, slightly strained, echoed in the cave. The cavern should have been plunged in darkness given its natural orientation but a fire was actually lit and burning just at the entrance.
"Eighty-six."
The fire cracked and sparks flew. The voice kept counting, a slight tremor betraying exhaustion.
"Eighty-seven."
Something fell in the fire and sizzled. A gust of wind made the flames dance happily and a burned log dislocated and fell, raising a flurry of new sparks.
"Eighty-eight."
Method was crazy and Naruto was probably crazier, as he was willingly following the mad scroll's instructions.
"Eighty-nine."
Somehow stuck to the ceiling of the cave right above the fire, sweating abundantly, proud Naruto Uzumaki, nine years old, was doing push-ups (or was it pull-ups?), the flame licking his back each time he pushed on his arms. The skin was red and hot and stinging but it was nothing. After all, the boy had already fallen into the fire once and that had hurt. There was an ugly scar that had yet to heal on his back that was proof of that.
"Ninety."
Over the course of the year, Method had instructed Naruto on a number of little things other than cooking and ridiculous strength training. One of the ninja tricks the scroll had taught the blond was the nifty ability to stuck to any surface by moulding his chakra the correct way and channelling it through the relevant appendage. The blond had been overjoyed to learn how to use the mystical energy all ninja knew how to wield but it had soon turned into a new way for Method to torture him.
"Ninety-one."
Apparently, doing push-ups while sticking on the ceiling of a cave by constantly using chakra over a fire was the scroll's idea of a "decent, youthful workout". Method had promised "even more youthful exercises" were coming. The way the scroll had worded it, this unusual insistence on youthfulness, the strange wobbly calligraphy as if unhinged and the orange tint of the ink; all of it had sent shivers down Naruto's spine.
"Ninety-two."
The blond huffed for a second, one muscle in his left arm threatening rather seriously to lock up on him. Eight more to go and he would be allowed to rest. Water. The word sounded so fresh right now. Without pause - because somehow, Method knew if Naruto interrupted his series - the boy kept counting.
"Ninety-three," he successfully spat, his throat tight with exhaustion. His entire body was slick with sweat, both because of the effort and the fire just below him but his fingers and his palms felt especially slippery and for a second, Naruto feared his chakra would not be able to maintain him stuck to the ceiling.
A minute later, the blond dropped from the ceiling, barely avoiding the fire, and hunched over. His arms were shaking and his shoulders felt like a brand had been applied on them. Every muscle of his core was wound tightly and his legs were like jelly. Even his neck was completely rigid. Yet somehow, the physical exhaustion felt amplified, strained more than it should have; all were signs of strong chakra depletion.
Resisting the urge to throw up and sprawl on the ground, the boy exited the cave and breathed a deep, lung-filling gulp of fresh air. He coughed as the inhaled fumes were expelled from his system. With uncertain steps, the blond walked the ten meters that separated his secret training spot from the stream and fell to his knee in front of the delicious, tantalizing running water. With crazed eyes, Naruto suddenly face-planted in the stream.
With coughs, snorts, and groans, the blond boy emerged from the water looking like a wet cat, his blond tuft of hair flat against his head, the impression reinforced by the whisker-like scars he had on his cheeks. Naruto looked for a second at his distorted reflection before he got on his feet and shook his head with energy in an attempt to dry his hair.
Looking up, he saw the sky was darkening steadily. Considering it was the beginning of November, it might have been something like five in the evening. He still had time before it would be completely dark. Exhaling deeply, Naruto turned towards the cave and found Method.
"I did it, 'Thod." He announced to the scroll with a beaming smile, eagerly awaiting for the ink to write the answer.
"Well done, lazy-ass, maybe we'll do something out of you yet," read the scroll.
Naruto ignored the insult - it was the only mode of expression the parchment knew of apparently - and smiled at the praise. "Do I go for the usual?"
"Yes, you idiot brat, go punch a rock, chop-chop!" The ink scribbled on the paper.
The blond grinned and positioned himself against a particularly flat portion of the cave wall. Assuming a simple stance he had been taught at the Academy which had been corrected by Method because "frankly, those good for nothing teachers of yours should be ashamed, idiots the lot of them", Naruto readied himself for his knuckles to bleed once more.
His legs were trembling, his arms were heavy as lead and his entire body was protesting against the very notion of more but the blond soldiered on. No one would care if he stopped here if he took a break if he gave up. No one but him and Method. Naruto refused to disappoint the scroll. He knew it was just a stupid, magic scroll yet disappointing the one who provided him with his guidance was a blasphemous thought.
So with a huff, he punched the wall. Again and again, alternating between both fists by shifting his stance, the boy punched, slowly but surely smearing his blood on the rock, the flesh of his hands torn away to reveal the bones. Soon, had promised Method, soon it would be the very rock that would yield before Naruto.
First, however, Naruto had to suffer.
If anyone had bothered to look in the most remote row of tables in Konoha's library on this sunny day of June, they would have been greeted with a sight many still thought impossible. They would have exposed to the brilliant - and hilarious - spectacle of Naruto Uzumaki nose-deep in a book, trying to make head and tails of its content. More than one would then be surprised to see the book was about medicine, a field very rarely explored by ninjas, even experienced ones.
The fact it was a sunny day of June reasonably explained the absence of any public to do justice to the Uzumaki's little scene.
"Everybody gangsta until it's time to learn biochemistry," had mocked Method before ordering Naruto to read up on the medicinal arts, specifically anatomy, acupuncture, chakra network and balancing and various other things.
According to the scroll, one could not hope to train their body if they did not understand it so the damnable piece of parchment had tasked Naruto to learn "what the hell he was doing to his own body" so that they could "do it better".
The boy's initially strong reluctance was easily vanquished by Method using even more colourful insults and refusing to teach him anything else until he had put "his idiot brain to work".
And so Naruto once again visited the library to satisfy his strange master's orders, gathering all the material he could about ninja medicine and fighting his way through most of it, with lots of sighs, groans, wails of despair, and cries of agony.
The other readers did not even bother to shush the Uzumaki boy any longer, either resolutely ignoring him or maybe taking pleasure in his self-inflicted suffering.
With tears in his eyes and snot running down his nose, Naruto was currently fighting his way through a book discussing the application of acupuncture to heal and injure the body, to balance and unbalance chakra, and to stimulate the growth of certain organs.
The boy blushed when he read exactly what organ could be enhanced. He could not see any reason to enhance that specific part of the body and for some reason, it sounded naughty. Like the adult kind of naughty.
Despite his miserable outward appearance, the blond was actually doing his best to understand and assimilate the content of the book, as Method would grill him without mercy on it later on. Naruto knew that if his answers were unsatisfactory to the scroll, he would be sent back to the book again and again until he got it right. There was no sense half-assing it since he would not be allowed to anyways so he had resolved to give it his all.
His resolution did not make learning the material any easier. A lot of concepts were worded in strange, incomprehensible ways and he had to often whisper towards Method for clarification. The scroll would oblige most of the time or tell him to "move his lazy ass" and look in a dictionary.
Days then weeks then months passed as Naruto crammed as much medicinal knowledge as he would understand inside his brain. His attendance record at the Academy dropped spectacularly and eventually, Iruka proceeded to drag ten-years-old him to the Hokage's office to explain himself. The two adults did not know what to answer after Naruto told them he was learning about medicine, the boy actually proving his claim by answering in-depth a number of tricky questions asked by the Hokage himself.
At the end of the exchange, a deal was passed: Naruto had to show up at the Academy at least twice a week, Wednesday and Friday without fault, and he would be authorized to continue his self-study on the condition that he reasonably kept up with what was taught at school. The blond saluted and scampered back to the library.
It had been a Thursday after all, meaning he was free to do as he wanted.
Learning about medicine did not mean Naruto had it any easier when it came to his conditioning. Method imposed increasingly long run, push-up, squat, and sit-up sessions that the boy had to complete in an increasingly short time.
Six months in his tenth years, Naruto met a strange, green-clad jonin who seemed absolutely over the moon at the sight of Naruto sweating his body off in a mad run around Konoha at five in the morning. The man, Might Gai was his name and Youthfull Jade Beast was his title, had offered several pieces of advice to the boy, many of which Method had approved of.
Save for wearing a green onesie similar to the one Might Gai was sporting: that specific point had been refused by the parchment with a large "no" and a threat.
Apparently enthused by Naruto's "youthfulness" - whatever it might mean - Might Gai, who actually revealed himself to be an elite-jonin-level taijutsu specialist, offered pointers to Naruto about his taijutsu, correcting the young boy's stance, and showing him the various ways to throw a mortal punch. After surmounting his surprise at being talked to, once again positively, by a jonin he did not know, Naruto eagerly followed Gai's directives.
It was with his body constantly strained and his mind constantly fed new knowledge that Naruto hit his eleventh birthday.
"Nine-hundred ninety-seven."
Suspended above a roaring fire, Naruto completed yet another push-up. The flames licked his back but it did not hurt anymore. The scar he had gained the first time he had attempted the exercise, nearly two years ago he realized, was faded and nearly invisible: a patch of skin slightly paler than the rest.
"Nine-hundred ninety-eight."
A tremor coursed in his arms and a jolt of pain erupted in his shoulder just as his core contracted painfully. His body was protesting the treatment but Naruto willed the signals away. Pain was a thing of the mind and he had forged through it time and again, learning to take as just another information his body provided much like his sight or his smell. Pain was some sort of sixth sense by now.
"Nine-hundred ninety-nine."
To think that two years back he was nearly incapable of doing a hundred measly push-ups. It nearly made him laugh but he focused on the exercise instead, listening to his body like he had learned to over the past years. His breathing steady and his heartbeat leashed tightly, the boy pushed once more.
"One thousand."
A smile blossomed on Naruto's face as he counted the last repetition. Basking in pride for a second, he stayed stuck on the ceiling to enjoy the feeling of accomplishment washing over him before going down. With the grace of a gymnast, Naruto fell from the ceiling, avoided the firepit and righted himself on his feet without a hitch. Pain, the good kind, the kind Naruto had learned to appreciate after countless hours of self-inflicted torture, coursed through his body. Without a sound, the boy walked towards the stream and kneeled in front of it.
The boy then proceeded to faceplant in the running water as had become his habit.
Some things did not change after all.
A second later, Naruto emerged and shook his head, droplets of water scattering away from his blond locks like in a shampoo commercial.
Sitting in seiza, the boy took a full minute to relax his body, his controlled but powerful breathing helping the only sound in the little clearing bar the gentle song of the stream. Eventually, Naruto rose on his feet and walked back inside the cave to stand in front of a wall. The surface had been straight and almost smooth two years ago.
Today, it sported a sizeable dent, cracks running from the crater-like impact in a web. Naruto smiled and assumed his stance. His entire body hurt and no one would care if he stopped here, if he took a break. No one but him.
When his fist met the rock, it was the latter that exploded in a shower of dirt and smoke.
AN: *whisper* Hey, you! Yes, you! Leave a review!
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