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The Method by Zabzab
 Anime » Naruto Rated: M, English, Adventure & Humor, Naruto U., Words: 63k+, Favs: 1k+, Follows: 2k+, Published: Dec 8, 2019 Updated: May 19734Chapter 3
AN: abandon all hope.
Or alternatively, enjoy.
Hiruzen Sarutobi was the Third Hokage of Konoha. It meant, in everyday words, that he was the supreme leader of the Fire Country's shinobi forces as well as the dictator of the village and there was nobody to tell him what to do. Of course, no one put it like that. Being Hokage was all about being a gentle protector, a fatherly figure to the people.
Talk about a personality cult. The village's leaders even had their face sculpted out on the major cliff towering above Konoha.
Not that Hiruzen was a bad man, at least no more no less than any other dictator at the head of a military junta. Actually, he fancied himself a philanthropist and was a pacifist - but going through two ferocious wars as a fighter did that to a man. Compared to his homologues in neighbouring countries, he was a rather tame kind of man. Konoha had been founded by two men who believed in the Will of Fire, after all, the belief that one should fight for the good of the citizen rather than for purely personal greed and each Hokage ought to be a living embodiment of this ideal.
Like it was any different in the other ninja village. Save for the notoriously mad second Tsuchikage, the other Kage weren't bloodthirsty monsters. They were simply military dictators who had the interest of their nation in mind first and foremost and had the tendency to overwhelmingly rely on war as a mean of diplomacy. Sure, they weren't keen on free speech and other small liberties of that kind but really, Konoha wasn't that different.
Speak directly against the Hokage and you'd find yourself in a dark cell without judgment faster than you could say habeas corpus.
True, some Kage were more dastardly than the others and honestly, Hiruzen had not forgiven Kumo for their most recent attempt at "extending their bloodline capacity" but it was by a margin. Hiruzen was far from guiltless.
Considering Hiruzen had evolved in this pile of shit for the better part of fifty years, including close to forty as a Kage himself, and had survived and won two total wars, there was one thing, however, that he was good at: not being surprised.
There were still situations he did not know how to solve for the best, that was only human and he wasn't Kami. However, situations he did not even know what to think of were not common occurrences for him. He was too old to not have an opinion on everything.
As such, the behaviour of one Naruto Uzumaki - a child who had way too much resting on his shoulder to be ignored by the Hokage Tower, even if said child had no idea - was a true source of puzzlement for Hiruzen. It was almost like a breath of fresh air.
Naruto had been, until his eighth birthday, a bright orphaned child doing his best to be noticed by the village's population, who in turn did its absolute best to completely, entirely, thoroughly ignore him. The child was subjected to an unjustified - or totally justified if the average Konoha citizen were to be believed - ostracism he had done his best to fight with the weapons a child had: being loud, flashy, and persistent. In short, the boy was a brat but by circumstances much more than by natural character, an adaptative strategy to preserve his sanity.
The Hokage could have - should have, truth be told, considering the kid's pedigree and importance - done things to make it better. He could have run a propaganda campaign to have him accepted, could have encouraged certain key people to be seen with him, could have cashed some favours he was owned.
He did none of that and frankly, he had no explanation why. The kid seemed to endure it alright so he had not done anything.
Hiruzen did visit the kid personally once in a while, eating some ramen with him and discussing his life in between assigning two assassination missions. The kid always greeted him with the biggest smile he was capable of so Hiruzen had deemed that everything was good in the hood.
It obviously fucking wasn't, Hiruzen was far from being an oblivious cretin and in all honesty, it was a miracle his negligence hadn't blown up in his face already yet still, the Hokage did nothing.
Maybe he was secretly hoping for Naruto to snap. That would teach the stupid civilians to be so stupid, nah!
That would cause a massive amount of paperwork to invade his office though, so maybe it wasn't such a good idea.
He could pretend to be late and let the kid rampage? Then there would be no office anymore to deal with paperwork in?
Hiruzen shook his head and dispersed the alluring thought.
So anyway, Naruto was this ever-smiling orphaned kid everybody ostracised for reasons no one was allowed to speak of and who constantly did his best to be noticed, probably to fill the void of his life. He was registered at the Academy and was dead-last which wasn't surprising at all considering teachers ignored him and Naruto himself was constantly doing the clown rather than working. The situation wasn't surprising, considering no one remotely cared if the boy did well or not, which was the primary reason any child ever worked.
Naruto was obviously called stupid with disdain and Hiruzen had to resist many times going to town on the boy's teachers. If he started to punish people for how they treated the blond kid, he would have to kill ninety per cent of Konoha, including members of his extended family. He couldn't do that, his daughter-in-law would not let him hear the end of it.
Naruto was supposed to be all that. Except that, for two years already, nearly three, he wasn't. Not anymore. Hiruzen had not paid attention to the change. His ANBU looking after the boy had simply notified him that he had changed his diet and started working out but Hiruzen had not considered it a bad thing.
Rather, it was a good thing.
Until it turned ridiculous and the boy started to cut class to exercise. He ordered Cat to bring the boy back to class and Tiger was tasked with grilling a certain green-clad jonin if he had taken an apprentice, even unofficially.
The answer had been no and Naruto had gone back to class, if irregularly.
Hiruzen had cocked one eyebrow, shrugged, and allowed the matter to lie low. He would not be on Naruto's case because the kid endured so much already, the Hokage had decided to allow him nearly complete freedom.
Then Naruto had started to cut class again, escaping his chuunin teacher with astounding ease and even giving the slip to his ANBU watcher once or twice until Cat upped her game. The boy's routine had been modified without apparent reason once again, the boy suddenly spending entire days in the library to read up on medicine.
The root of all things seemed to be an old scroll Naruto appeared to be talking to. Hiruzen had to wonder if the boy really had finally snapped - only not in a way he had predicted. When Cat had discreetly investigated the piece of parchment, it had revealed itself to be completely blank save for the title.
The Method.
Hiruzen knew there was something about this scroll that did ring a bell somewhere in his mind but he could not uncover precisely where. Considering Naruto did appear to work his bottom off both physically and mentally, acquiring muscles and knowledge - if the unconventional kind - Hiruzen had decided to allow it, on the condition the boy did not ignore the Academy completely. The boy complied and Hiruzen deemed him old enough to go for a time without constant watching and recalled Cat for traditional ANBU work, on a recommendation of her superior officer.
Minimum interventionism was his go-to policy as far as Naruto Uzumaki was concerned. It had worked until now and Hiruzen hoped it would continue to. The Hokage scratched his goatee and hummed. Everything would be fine, he decided eventually.
ANBU operator Cat was worried about her little brother. She knew she should have been thinking about the mission - some unimportant courier interception at the edge of Grass and Earth Countries - but she could not.
The cat masked ANBU was not in any way blood-related to the Uzumaki boy but still, it was as if. She had helped him clean his flat more than once when he had been six and had had the supreme honour to bathe him once or twice, having to explain in passing why it was important that he wash that part of his anatomy.
The orphanage matrons had laughed for one single second when Cat had visited them to ask why she had been the one to have to explain basic male hygiene to a young boy of six when it should have been their job.
Then the matrons had not laughed at all when Cat had unsheathed her tanto.
Those heart-warming adventures did make them brother and sister and Naruto did call her sister Cat anyway so that was the end of the discussion.
Anyway, the ANBU was worried for the little blond. It had begun innocently but soon enough, the boy had gained in height and in muscles and in Cat's honest opinion, it was a crime.
Naruto Uzumaki was such a cute little boy, it would be a waste to have him grow in size and bulkiness.
Everything was the fault of this damn scroll the boy had found. She had seen him converse with it as if it was alive. Her investigations had yielded nothing. She was absolutely certain that the scroll was abnormal, however.
She had almost decided to get rid of it, to preserve her little brother's perfect figure but had changed her mind at the last moment. It wasn't very healthy but Naruto seemed so happy with his scroll and his life was so miserable that she did not have the heart to take his one comfort from him. She had lost all power to influence his development as the Hokage had reassigned her to more standard ANBU duty - taking names and breaking knees in the name of Konoha. Apparently, her little brother was old enough that constant surveillance was not needed anymore. She wanted to vehemently disagree with that. By Kami, her little brother was talking to a scroll!
He had never been offered a Teddy Bear so maybe he was compensating? Should she offer a Teddy Bear to her little brother? No, he was past that age. How about this book she had seen the other day in the bookstore? How was it again? "How to make your big sister fall for you?", right?
No, that was way too daring, she couldn't! But what if she did?
Cat slapped her hands against her mask and shivered, a girly "kyaaa" escaping her despite herself.
Tiger inched away from his companion very slowly.
Cat did not notice. She dearly hoped her sensei in heaven wasn't watching at her too closely because if she did, Cat was sure the fiery woman would descend upon her in a hail of fury and fire.
Cat's sensei was the mother of Naruto, after all.
Kakashi dragged his feet across Konoha with a slight limp in his steps and adjusted his forehead protector over his right eye.
Why he had even allowed Gai to even rope him in one of his insane training session, the man would never know.
Facts were, he agreed to it once in a while, because, come rain and high water, Gai was one of the very few true friends Kakashi had who was still alive. And for that, he was ready to endure a few hours of gruelling effort every now and then.
With that deed done, however, it was time for him to take a hot bath, change cloth, and indulge in his favourite literature.
The man scratched his shaggy white hair matted with sweat and looked around a few minutes after exiting the training ground he and his friend had just demolished. Exhaustion had guided his walk and here he was not at all near his flat like he thought he was. With a groan, he decided he needed something to focus on and fished in his flak jacket for a book with an orange cover.
With a sigh of content, the white-haired ninja allowed the force of habit to guide and his preternatural senses to avoid any collision with the citizenry of Konoha. It worked quite well until suddenly, it didn't.
Something, something heavy, bumped into him and made him take a step back.
Now, he wasn't as solid as Gai but Kakashi was an elite jonin. His body was carved in rock and chakra was continuously coursing through it, reinforcing it further. For someone to make him take a step back by bumping into him was… abnormal.
Instantly on guard, Kakashi relaxed at the sight that offered itself to him.
Sprawled on the ground was Naruto Uzumaki, blond extraordinaire, pointing a finger at Kakashi as if to say something before the boy bit his tongue and looked down, contrite.
"Sorry, mister Mask. I wasn't paying attention."
Kakashi cocked his visible eyebrow. Well, that was certainly a change compared to the last time. The man eyed the blond kid once more and his grey orb widened. When was the last time he had seen the boy exactly? Naruto seemed taller by at least a foot and a half and had filled out with taut muscles. How old was the kid? Had Kakashi jumped through time?
As he was trying to piece together why Naruto looked like he was nearly fifteen rather than twelve going on thirteen, the boy rose on his feet and gave him a slight bow.
"Hm, sorry mister Mask, you're okay?"
Mister Mask? Was that supposed to be him? It was endearing in a way, Kakashi supposed. Especially considering he hadn't given his name to the kid. He hummed aloud. Was he okay? He was definitely shocked by Naruto's appearance. There was something he was missing here.
"Yeah, you?" He answered distractedly.
"Oh, I'm fine, thanks mister Mask!" The boy gave him a grin bright.
"Good," said Kakashi. He had a place to urgently visit then he would shake himself firmly and finally take an interest in the life of Naruto Uzumaki.
The boy was supposed the be his little brother and it seemed like he had missed too much, blind as a bat behind his slanted forehead protector and apparently way, way too lost in the road of life. He hoped his sensei in heaven wasn't looking because he was sure the quiet man would descend upon him shrouded in sadness and disappointment. If there was one look Kakashi could not bear to receive, it was his sensei's special "I'm disappointed Kakashi, I know you can do better".
Plus, his sensei was the boy's father after all.
Naruto, seating on top of a large boulder in the middle of the forest, not far from his cave, was in a bit of a pickle. Actually, it was more of a dilemma. Or maybe the proper word was philosophical questioning?
So, as he saw it, he was strong. That was a fact and he knew that. He could quite literally reduce rock to fine powder by punching it - liquefy it if he really tried -, he could run a lap around Konoha in under a minute - fifty-eight seconds to be exact - and he had yet to test it but he should be able to survive a free fall from the Hokage monument even if he landed on his head.
Especially if he landed on his head, had assured Method in a not at all unusual snark.
At age twelve, approaching thirteen, he surmised that this was pretty good and that wasn't even counting the fact he had an ace up his sleeve. He knew just as well that he could become even better if he kept training. The jonin ninjas were probably stronger than him still and the Hokage was even above that but that was okay. He was not even a genin yet, cut him some slack, 'ttebayo!
He was also knowledgeable about a few useful things like medicine and - it was an acquired taste - mathematics as well as History. He had never applied his medicinal knowledge to anyone other than himself but he was pretty sure that with a bit of supervised practice, he could do something out of it. Certainly he did not know any of the fabled iryo-jutsu that medical ninja knew but one didn't really need the mystic spells to be a decent doctor. Most doctors actually didn't know the mystic spells.
What truly held his fancy nowadays, however, was History. How dumb he had been to never pay attention to anything not related to the Fourth Hokage! The stories about the First, the Second, and the Old Man were pretty awesome too. He wondered if Kage from other villages had awesome stories to tell like the ones in Konoha.
Now the question was, what to do with all that?
He knew he had entered the library, four years ago now, because he wanted to excel in the Academy and graduate and become a ninja but over the passage of time, going through the grinder of Method's training had become its own fun. So long ago, becoming a ninja was just a mean to be seen, to get recognition, to be acknowledged.
Since he had discovered the joy of lifting, Naruto had to admit that he did not really care anymore. He worked out for himself, he was strong for himself, he was the one he did not want to disappoint. He had come to realize he did not really want to be a ninja anymore. He would not mind becoming one, sure, but he would not be disappointed if he did not.
Konoha and its people? Well… they didn't care so frankly, he wasn't sure he did. He did not feel quite comfortable with the thought, however. Konoha had paid for the orphanage, for his education, and for his lodgment as well as his food so repaying the village felt like something he should do, if only because it was a debt. Yet it wasn't a real answer. If he paid back to Konoha every Ryo the village had spent on him, what came next? Working for the village with such a hollow goal in mind was a temporary solution at best.
Plus, he could definitely become a doctor or a historian to repay the debt. There was no need for him to be a ninja.
He did feel, however, lonely. Method was Method, a good companion and teacher but ultimately, Method was a scroll. A sentient, very snarky, foul-mouthed piece of parchment but a piece of parchment all the same. Naruto would like to make some friends, human friends if at all possible.
The people at the Academy, the other kids in his class, weren't his friends. The still saw him as the clown even if he wasn't playing this part anymore and they called him dead-last because, well, he had been for a long time and still was one of the stragglers.
It was out of a perfectly assumed choice but it was true all the same. It was his choice to attend the Academy only two times a week, his choice to work through the material by himself with Method to help when the scroll could be bothered, his choice to focus on other pursuits. Obviously, despite his steep progress in mathematics and his genuine interest in History, his low attendance meant he could not know everything there was to know.
Given that Method was absolutely adamant that he did not reveal any of his physical abilities - Naruto did not understand why, really; he wasn't that strong - the boy fought without any strength. He also fought without technique apart from the Academy style because his taijutsu was something mister Gai had shown him and mister Gai had insisted those moves were to be used against enemies only.
His classmates weren't friends but they weren't enemies so Naruto did not use his "river cutting flowing palm" or his "earth-shattering foundation fist". Plus he wasn't quite sure mister Gai really intended for Naruto to learn those techniques. Sure, the taijutsu specialist had shown them to him but he hadn't taught them so Naruto felt a little bad, like he had stolen something. He was working hard to come up with his own techniques though, so he could soon use them to fight.
However, all this holding back meant he was barely better than Shikamaru and so he was "dead-last" which wasn't a very friendly nickname given to him by not very friendly people.
Maybe becoming a ninja would allow him to meet new people and make friends? For some reason, being a doctor sounded like a much better way to do that.
Naruto shook his head. No matter his feelings, the real crux of the matter was that if he wanted to become a ninja, he was faced with a serious problem.
He couldn't do any ninjutsu and it was required to pass the final examination. An alternative was to have the support of a jonin but Naruto knew there was no way in hell he would ever get something like that. He barely knew two jonin and if Gai was nice to him, he already had a team anyway. As for mister Mask, Naruto was pretty sure the man had absolutely no interest in taking a student. He did not count sister Cat because she was busy being an ANBU.
Naruto bit his lips and wondered for a second if sister Cat would be disappointed if he did not become a ninja. What of the Old Man? He wasn't sure what Iruka would say. His teacher frequently repeated - with a tired smile and no heat behind his words - that the world was not ready for Naruto Uzumaki. Naruto wasn't sure if Iruka-sensei meant the ninja world specifically or the world at large. In the latter case, it was twelve years too late.
Taking his chin in his hand, the boy's face set itself into a look of intense reflection. Should he maybe ask around? That he could do, he supposed. His acquaintances could probably take a minute of their time to counsel him regarding whether or not he should become a shinobi. The Old Man seemed always happy to see him because that gave him an excuse to take a break from the paperwork he seemed to always be submerged in.
His decision made, Naruto hopped off the large, perfectly round rock he was sitting on. The piece of rosy-red granite, measuring something like two meters in diameter, had undoubtedly been part of the mountain surrounding Konoha. Around the rock were fastened large ropes the size of the boy's arm. With a huff, Naruto grabbed two dangling ropes and hoisted the rock on his shoulder.
He was quite proud of his rock. He had carved it out by hand on Method's recommendation as a portable way to do some more strength training.
He supposed it could also serve as a weapon if he dropped it on someone, considering it probably weighted around a dozen tonnes according to his own calculation. It might injure someone if he could take them by surprise.
The surprise factor would be automatic he supposed. No one would prepare themselves for a big rock falling on their head.
That was a mistake, in Naruto's humble opinion.
The twelve years old boy started his walk towards Konoha without a care in the world, apparently unbothered by the slab of rock he was carrying on his shoulder. He wouldn't enter the village proper with it of course. It counted as revealing his capacity after all but most importantly, he would have to leave it outside the Hokage Tower and he did not trust people to steal it.
Maybe he could train one of the cute pet in the forest to act like some sort of guard dog? The boy hummed. That was an idea to consider for later. For now, he had people to visit.
AN: You might be tempted to leave a review. Yet again, you might not. Yet again...
*For the sake of all cat lovers, you are allowed to consider the part with Cat as non-Canon. For the rest of you... hehe.
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