"Adam…" I muttered.
Yes, Adam… the first man of my life. I met him back in Senior High. We clicked and became a couple. We were young… nothing special, but I loved him. He was the first person that sparked the fire of love in my heart. Our relationship, did not end well to say the least. We were a couple for a year and 8 months. We broke up after because he needed to go away for college. I begged him to stay, there were many prestigious university in the US but… him and his parents had other plans. It was a huge blow to me… also the reason I chose the university I am at now because it was farther from him. I didn't want to take the chances. He wanted me to go with him but… I didn't want to have college abroad. He studied in the UK, medicine. He wanted to be a surgeon. He was someone my family never knew. We broke up just before I was about to move out for college. They never saw me suffer our breakup and never heard anything about it. I reminisced even more… when I realized he was already looking at me.
"Ford!" he exclaims.
I smiled politely and nodded. I was about to turn and walk away when he ran to me. He asks how I've been and I tried to show how fine I am.
"Don't lie to me." he said.
"I really am. Nothing that concerns you, at least." I smiled gently.
"Ford… c'mon. I know what will cheer you up." he says as he grabs my arm and takes me to walk with him.
He dragged me to a nearby convenience store and bought me a cold chocolate shake. It's funny… he used to do this, too when we were still together. Whenever I feel down he'd buy me one of these; it was a comfort food. I sat with him in silence as I drank the chocolate shake he bought me. He was uneasy… he wants to say something to me but I guess he couldn't figure out how.
"I know there's something you want to ask or tell me…" I said out of the blue.
He looks at me… straight in the eye. His eyes… I remembered I fell in love with them. He's not like Brad, appearance wise. Brad was rather built and the perfect eye candy for anyone. Adam… he was chubby. He wasn't fat, he just had more meat in him. Not to mention he was shorter than I, the tip of his head was just around my nose. I loved that about him because he was cuddly and like a stuffed toy. He had nice eyebrows, thick and firm. His lashes were long and he had a lot of them. His eyes sparkled endlessly whenever I looked at them. Unlike before, though, it seems the years in medical school drained him a bit. They don't sparkle like they used to and his eye bags are prominent. I took a deep sigh… seeing that he still can't tell me what he wants to.
"How's medical school treating you?" I asked, hoping to break the awkwardness.
"Not good, really. Kinda exhausting. But I'm doing well…" he says and chuckles.
"When will I be able to call you Surgeon Adam?" I asked jokingly.
"Well… four to eight more years from now I guess…" he responds with a very deep sigh.
"Well if you can find someone who inspires you there, I guess you'll be fine." I said as I looked away and continued watching the people around us.
The conversation goes on a sudden stop again and it became awkward once more. He moves closer to me, obviously still, wanting to tell me something.
"I never left for UK." he said suddenly.
I looked at him in confusion. He looks back, but this time… his eyes looked so broken. He tries to smile gently but I could feel something boiling behind his smile.
"I couldn't leave. I wanted to but… I felt lonely. Instead I studied at the university we both agreed on. I hoped you were gonna be there but… to my surprise, you weren't." he explained.
That's right… before the idea of him going to UK came up, we chose a university that both had curriculum for Arts and Medicine. We wanted to be together even in college. Since I chose to be nowhere anything that will remind me of him…
"Why?" I asked.
He looks at me. He puts his arms around me and hugs me.
"I still love you… more than I ever did." he whispers to me.
Really… the last thing I need right now. Why now, Adam? When I've moved on from you? I removed his arms around me and stood. I looked at him…
"I'm sorry, Adam…" then I turned around and walked away.
How can it get worse? So much worse… my past and my present? Why is the world challenging me? I walked away frustratingly… I stopped when I bumped into Farrel who immediately questions me about my distressed state.
"I'm sorry… I just want to go home, please." I told Farrel.
Everyone was there already and they took me home. I rushed to my room to sulk. I cried even more until I drifted away to sleep. Hours have passed and I was awoken by my phone ringing… it's Brad. I ignored my phone and went out. It really was a long sleep. It was already 1 A.M. I went out to the living room and saw Farrel watching. I sat beside him, quiet.
"Is this a good time to ask or no?" he asks, obviously curious.
"I saw Adam at the amusement park today. Not at all amused." I said.
"Adam…" he said in a way as if he's familiar with the name.
"You never knew him… he was my first boyfriend. It ran through senior year." I explained.
I continued to tell him the story and he listened quietly.
"We knew… actually." he said after I finished.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
He explained that after I left for college, Adam came to our house looking for me. He told the whole story to my family and wanted to see me. He wanted to talk to me and he wanted me back. Farrel took charge of the incident and asked Adam to leave. You see, before I left, out of caution, I told Farrel that no matter what happens, whoever comes looking for me; do not tell where I am. For past 3 years… Adam has been visiting and re-visiting, hoping Farrel would tell him where I was or which university I was. Social Media didn't help Adam, after we broke up I blocked him everywhere and changed my name so he wouldn't find me. I hid most if not all information to reduce his chances of tracking me.
It broke my heart more… to know that the person I once loved, never stopped loving me all those years. I became confused. Should I stop thinking about Brad and continue the relationship I left off with Adam? Or should I continue to ignore Adam and return to Brad? It was all hell of a mess. I asked Farrel what he thought… but he couldn't answer me. He said that things like this… should come from me. It was a big decision after all; a decision of who I was going to keep.
I watched with Farrel who tried to make me forget by putting on some tapes we had growing up. Well, they're no longer tapes. Farrel had them converted to a more modern format so it doesn't get lost. He said it will be things that we can show our future kids. It lightened the mood up and I was able to relax even for a little while. All was well and good… until I heard a knock on our door.
I stood and opened the door…