"Anonymous-san?" Kuu asked her as he caught her head because she nearly rolled away from his shoulder where she leaned. "Are you awake now?"
"I'm not anonymous." She replied in a sleepy manner. "That's not my real name."
"Care to tell me your name now?" Kuu asked and realized that she was half-asleep, well maybe more than asleep than awake. It had been straight thirty minutes since she fell asleep on his shoulders and Kuu never moved an inch to support her. However, just as he caught her hair and placed it on his shoulders, her hair moved in a weird manner. "Wha-"
Her wig fell from her head and her true hair- the curly one was released from the rubber she used to keep them together. Kuu was startled and picked up the wig.
"No wonder why I failed to find you. It was because of this thing." He said and put it back on her again. "Now I confirmed it." He said in a serious manner.
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It had been half-past four the moment Akuji wake up from the first good [night] sleep she had since the past year, however, she found herself leaning on the piano. She immediately realized that Kuu had left her- and she checked her wig which was still there, stuck on her head and she removed it immediately.
"You are already here Akuji?" Yelda asked as she opened the door.
"What do you mean?" she asked after analyzing her words.
"Have you forgotten? Next week, this will be our new club room and I was supposed to clean up but it was a surprise that you already cleaned it yourself. So dedicated huh. I'm so happy!" Yelda said and leapt to her and hugged her.
"I didn't- by the way, the piano- what are you-"
"That piano can no longer be repaired. It's too old in the first place so they are throwing it away to give us more space. They will also throw away the sheets there since they already have the new ones in the music room downstairs. Do you want them? There won't be a problem if you take them home." Yelda replied and started cleaning. "Amazing! No speck of dust!"
Akuji stood there, frozen as she remembered what Kuu told him a while ago- but she knew she can't do anything about what will happen to the room that became their lair.
"Say, Aku-chan- what do you think of Fix [club]?" Yelda asked her suddenly as she arranged the sheet music nicely in one huge bag.
"I don't know. I think you made a bad choice inviting me to be a part of your club."
"Shall I give you a recap for the last meeting? It seemed like you were distracted. By the way, Sheena is an introvert so we can't expect her to open up to us yet. Carl and Makoto have PTSD and I believe that they have shared us about their traumas last time. Ray was clinically diagnosed with depression. Ryn and Lany were victims of bullying."
"Why did you lump me together with them?" Akuji asked frankly and stared at Yelda's eyes- however, that was when she realized that her eyes showed too much pain and she backed-off a little.
"I just thought that your eyes were like us. I'm sorry if I assumed… but FIX club is a safe place where people like us have a place, a sanctuary- sad people helping other sad people. Don't worry. Mr. Fukunaga is a licensed psychologist and we are very lucky to be under his leadership." Yelda said and handed her the huge bag that contained the sheet music. "I know you love music because your eyes become different every time you listen to them. Say, Akuji, what's your dream? Is it connected with music?"
"A dream? I probably don't have one." Akuji said and looked at Yelda as she was gazing at the sun beyond the window. "How about you?"
"Me? Oh, I want to become a singer- or any kind of musician and I will gather all the people like me- who are suffering different kinds of pain. I will sing for them at a huge arena and we will cry then and there, sing the same songs, cry over the same lyrics, we will put our heart out and lose our voices as we sing. I want to form a congregation of the sad and make them feel something-anything- because they probably are numb already for they must have been suffering." Yelda said and smiled at Akuji.
"Your dream is an amazing one…. While…I… can't sing happy songs." Akuji suddenly said and she sat down at Kuu's reserved seat. "If I tried, it sounds like a sad song after all."
"You do realize that music is for expressing yourself right?" Yelda asked her and smiled. "No need to be sad about it. It's just something you convey to others and little did we know- maybe you can touch someone's heart. You see, there are still stigma about us, about our mental illnesses, and if hearing you sing a sad song will make them realize what we are going through- that is seeing a supposedly happy something become a sad one, wouldn't that be great?"
"You are philosophical… Yelda-senpai." Akuji said and smiled at her. Are you feeling sad today? I have learned a song just now."
"Really? Did you write it?"
"No so don't go telling anyone about it. Alright?"
"Yep!"
Akuji started playing the keyboard the way she remembered and sang the lyrics as if they were from her heart.
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"Your voice is amazing….. It's not really sad though- I would call it heartfelt!" Yelda said and smiled at her as she wept. "I'm sure the person who made the song have a huge heart."
"Yep. The composer is kind." Akuji said and smiled at herself and looked at the room one last time because the repairs would be starting the next day and the piano will be removed there completely- the only witness of her beautiful time spent on the room.
"Should we go to the clubroom downstairs?" Yelda asked and held her hands.
"Yes. Let's go! Wait a minute- is the audition finished yet?" Akuji asked her and took her bag.
"Not yet but they are already on the Dance section." Yelda answered and dragged her out of the room.
"You didn't audition?"
"Why would I?" Yelda said and looked at her with her eyes wondering why she suddenly asked a shocking question.
"oh, nothing." Akuji just said and followed her around, not saying anything for the rest of their journey. They went down through the stairs and went straight to their club room where the others were waiting for them and what welcomed them was a fully organized circle of chairs, waiting to be filled by their bodies to mark the start of their session. Akuji, for the past meetings had plugged in her earphones on and refused to listen to the people who kept on talking- and crying because she hated drama- but she recognized the people welcoming her- the same people who cried their hearts out- and they were looking so much better then. Yelda leapt to her side and gave her a warm smile capable of melting ice.
"I know that you are still skeptical of our club, but just give it a try." She said and sat down as the others did the same. They smiled at Akuji- the kind of smile that made her want to leave that instant because it felt like she had just infiltrated a family with her own oddities. She started trembling but Yelda started talking. "How are you all? How's the start of your week?"
A fat, curly-haired person [volunteered] to share how his week went by but he smiled reluctantly, beads of sweat were forming in his forehead as he looked down to his feet and it was apparent that he was trying not to show anyone that he was on the verge of tears. "I-if you still haven't remembered my name, it's… it's Ryn." He said and tried looking up to everyone. "My… my week… started… normal… I g-guess? I woke up having a battle… whether or not I shall continue… continue living…. or just be stuck on my… my bed… and do nothing… I don't… I don't have anything I'm particularly passionate about… b-because I always end… up… end… losing… my.. my… heart… I'm always disgusted of myself that every time I want to look into the mirror I want to smash it and puke…. I'm sorry.. that wasn't the answer I was supposed to say."
Akuji looked at him as he stuttered and fought his tears. Funny how he trampled over his words while he was too fluent the moment he expressed how much he loathed himself. She thought and looked at the other's faces- and realized that she had that very same expression- pain, hurt, and disappointment that she could relate.
"uhm… I-I'm Carl. And my day started with a bang. A literal bang. I… I have PTSD and I can't sleep so much at night because of the recurring nightmares that looked so real- so vivid… Last year, I witnessed a human being murder his kin and the image never left my mind that they are still showing up today. One time, on our homeroom, when everybody was taking their sweet time laughing, I heard it again- the gunfire- the shriek- and without knowing- without noticing, I shouted, and they looked at me with disdain. I didn't know that I did that… but since then, everyone had been avoiding me."
"I'm… Ray. I was absent last Friday- don't get me wrong. I'm not flaunting it and I am certainly not proud of it. I was absent because I felt sick- well, I feel sick everyday and I don't have any motivation to even get up from my bed because my life is like it's just continuing… like even if I did nothing, my presence would still be insignificant because I'm useless… I'm without honor… I'm… sad. It's like when you are sad, nothing can make you happy anymore. I self-harm but I don't intend to do it- but people…" Ray said as his voice broke "told me that I am just an attention seeker because I cut myself, but I am still alive- why do they have to tell me that? Or maybe they are right because when I went to a psychologist, she told me that I am fine- and it is normal sadness normal students like me experience… but does normal sadness hurt this much? It makes me incapacitated. It makes me feel weak and left alone in the world. I hate it. I hate this world. I hate what they are doing to you people. I mean- you are all great- but is that greatness equivalent to you having to suffer great pain as well? Why is it like this? I'm tired."
Yelda, Ryn, and Makoto sprinted towards Ray and hugged him as he cried. The remaining people on that room- their adviser, Mr. Takinami, herself- and Sheena all had expressions of hurt on their faces. She hated drama- but she never realized until now that she only hated it because it's like herself- like sad things can only be said to describe her.
"Cheer up." Yelda said and hugged them as the others just watched.
"W-we had an assignment last Monday." Ray said, trying to change the topic at hand and sent Yelda and the others flying back onto their seats.
"Yep. I almost forgot about that- but is there anyone who wants to share?" Yelda said, but they all gave quick glances on each other- and the remaining ones were the introverts who shook their heads. "Okay then. You all should bring your assignments now-"
"I… I can't!" Sheena blurted out and crumbled the empty piece of paper she was cradling in her hands. "I thought about it… but there was nothing worth mentioning!"
"Sorry- what was the assignment?" Akuji asked and all the others looked at her- but the stares she got weren't apparent to her because she tried not to look at anyone's eyes.
"Oh, that is- create a list of everything you love about yourself- or any nice thing about you." Yelda replied as Akuji just looked down, already imagining the stares she got that she was thankful she didn't see- but the assignment lured in her mind, not being able to think of anything nice about herself.
"Me! Me! Me! I have listed some things about myself that I find nice!" Makoto blurted out and showed everyone the paper he had on his hands which to him- was a trophy. "Look at what I wrote!"
The paper contained a very terrifying penmanship that no amount of professional training could make anyone read it out. Makoto read the mood and took the paper back, gesturing everyone to sit- and read.
"1. I am a warrior- - - - > proof? The battle scars I have on my wrists, tummy, and thighs!
2. I am strong! Proof? I can go on with my life while carrying a huge burden on my chest.
3. I take a bath everyday despite my hate of seeing myself in the mirror.
4. I am a survivor- proof? Me standing in front of you, alive and kicking! I am so awesome!"
A laugh from the other side of the circle made anyone flinch and not believe what they were seeing. Ryn took his phone and captured the most beautiful scenery he has seen in his life- Yelda almost cried- and Makoto blushed so hard.
It was Akuji- she was laughing so happily.
"Hah. Amazing. Your nice things about yourself are amazing." She said in a manner that was so kind- that was so beautiful- her hair that used to cover her entire face except her eyes- she swept them upwards, revealing her pretty doll-like face to everyone- and her laugh- it was so happy that everyone started laughing at once as well. Her eyes no longer showed any hate or sadness- they looked so alive- so green- so beautiful that she looked like an angel- but her hair suddenly flew back to its original spot and everyone appreciated her presence.
"Yeah! How could you think of those things? I didn't know you were a genius!" Ray told the blushing Makoto- who at that time did not realize that his jaw dropped at the sight of her.
"You are amazing." Sheena said and looked at Akuji. "You are amazing as well, Akuji."
But Akuji did not hear her because she was trembling, wondering why she laughed so hard- and amazed for hearing her first laugh for like- a million years.
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NEXT CHAPTER PREVIEW!!!
--- Kuu's reaction regarding Akuji's wig
-- Mr. Murase and his former students
-- The Official Freshmen Band!