There was a young man sitting at his computer desk, punching away at the keys with his fingers. This man went by the name of Matthew, but most people just called him "dumbass" because of his…well, let's call them…tendencies.
He was an average young man of the newest generation of scholars. He displayed his visual prowess by wearing fancy clothing, a dark blue shirt with gray sweatpants, and DON'T forget about his pink-Crocs…
His hands were typing rapidly and easily going over two-hundred words per minute. Then they began to shake and he began to make errors…making him "have a Matthew" as his family would say.
"FUCK!!! GOD DAMN IT, STOP FUCKING SHAKING!!!" Yelled Matthew as he slammed his hands on his desk. This made a loud ruckus as he started to "think out loud" about his circumstances.
"Shit, what am I doing with my life? Ah, FUCK! I forgot which line of code I am on." Said Matthew with a large sigh.
Matthew sat there, staring at his computer and remembering what happened…
"Nine fucking years? I'll show those motherfuckers what they were missing out on. I'll be sipping Pina coladas, on my own island. Hahaha!"
…
Don't be mistaken, Matthew is not a mean person. In fact, he is a little too nice. But this project was deeply important to him and it had been so very long…too long.
As the typing resumed, the 21st generation processor in the computer began to silently send Event:19 errors stating that it was drawing more power than necessary.
After an hour Matthew hit save and rejoiced. "Annnnnnndddd done! There we go, that is the dynamic storyboard online, this shit is going to be so amazing."
As he was about to celebrate, more and more of the errors were occurring…
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[Ding! Error:19 Administrator please respond ;) ]
A corrected hardware error has occurred.
Reported by component: {Cute} Quantum Processor Core
Error Source: Corrected Machine Check
Error Type: Translation Lookaside Buffer Error
Processor APIC ID: 2
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"Well, there we go, now that I have'r saved, just gotta' get me some ramen and some Mtn Dew." Said Matthew as he slowly got up. His legs were like Jell-O after sitting too long.
As Matthew stumbled his way through cooking, he narrowly avoided burning his place to the ground…
Walking back with a-*SLUUUURRRRRRPPPPP*
He soon realized he should have waited…
"AH, HAWT, HAWT, HAWT!! Huh?
The hell is goin' on here?
Maybe it is a scheduled Linux update?
HA!, like I'd use Linux."
Matthew leaned in to look at the boot process and noticed it was taking too long when suddenly…[BSOD 00000000x124]
As the computer crashed out of startup, Matthew began to yell.
"WHAT THE HELL, HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??? Why am I getting a processor failure blue screen of death, it is fuckin' quantum, this shit is supposed to last longer than ME!"
He began to pace back and forth, attempting to rationalize it to himself.
"Okay, okay, calm down. Maybe there was a BIOS update or a driver is causing a crash? Ah, it could be the RAM, never trust that Rip-*Beeeeeeeeep*-….uh oh…."
Matt ran over with his Mtn Dew cans swinging wildly in his pockets, setting his ramen down on his spare chair. Then he sat down to look at the problem.
"Alright, let's see what we have here…what the???"
The computer started to crash constantly, at least once a second. He panicked and got down under his desk to pull the plug out, but he noticed that the computer was running hot, very hot.
"Oh, that is a little too hot, maybe I need to change the cooling system or get a new power supply? Well, I might as well go ahead and do some maintenance while I am down here."
Matt began to undo his tower's screws and popped the side panel off.
"Look at that beast, 512 cores….I am going to cream myself thinking about the power. Then we have the BOI-5, a motherboard BOIS-Terabyte memory chip. Then we have the G.O.A.T, THE MYTHICAL, THE BEAUTIFUL, S.A.R.A.H the Quantum CPU. *whispers* I love you Sarah… *Muuuah*
Well, where the hell is my can of air?"
As Matthew looked around, he noticed that it was all the way on the other side of the warehouse on top of his back-up, back-up minifridge.
As Matthew got up and walked over to it, he sung his favorite ancient song.
"Oh, Ocean man, take me by the hand, lead me to the LLLANNND that you understand-…
He picked it up and as he was heading back to the computer, he heard his mother's ringtone, another classic.
"I'M BRINGING SEXY BACK! YEAH!..."
"Ah, damn. I will be right back sweetie!" Matthew said, looking at his beast.
As Matthew was walking to get his phone, he noticed that his computer was attempting to boot again…with the cord unplugged.
"The hell? Muttered Matthew as he picked up the phone and then answered. "Yo Ma' I need to do something real' quick, can I call you back in a few minutes?"
His mother sighed and then said. "Sure thing sweetie, I will be next to the phone, don't forget to call me back….again…"
"Ah…I won't m'ah, I love you! *MUUUUUUAHHHH*"
Matthew ran back over to his computer tower that was beginning to smoke!
"AH, WHAT THE HELL??? SHIT, SHIT!!!"
Matthew ran for his powder fire extinguisher, and as he was running back, he tripped over his pile of dirty clothes and he heard a loud *PUUUSHHH* from one of the cans.
"AH, FUCK, dammit!"
[I have to save the CPU at least!] Resolved Matthew as he got back up.
Matt sprinted (with a limp) back to his computer, he felt something wet on his leg and running down into his Croc…
"Ah…Whatever." He said while ignoring the Mtn Dew, and then he began to extinguish the fire.
[Anndddd pull the pin, aim at the base, squeeze, and sweep.]
*SPRRRR, SPRRRR, SPRRRRR*
*Panting* "AH, ah, there we go, HAHAHA, that was so close to being really bad."
"Alright, let's take us a little look'see here…shit, the 512 is fried, but hey SARAH is looking good. I wonder how the motherboard is doing? SHIIIIEEETT, I might as well go ahead and pull that bad boi out."
As Matthew reached his hands inside his tower case, he noticed that the heat was substantially increasing.
He triple checked the computer and remembered his redundancy power supply that ran from his city's pole. He then tilted the tower and yanked it out from the second socket. There was blackened char around the prongs.
"Well, it should be unplugged now, there is NOTHING giving it power…" Said Matthew as he walked back over to call his mother.
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"Hey ma, how are you doing?"
"I am doing okay. The doctor says that I will be able to make a full recovery."
"Well SHOOOOOT, that is great news! We should celebrate! Do you and dad need anything?"
"No sweetie, we are doing really well, just going fishing out on the lake, and your dad is trying to get that old junk'r working again. I swear, I do not know how that man can keep working on it all day, I try to help him but after 20 minutes he tells me to get out."
"Well, ma, it's probably all the questions ya' ask."
"Oh hush, you know you shouldn't talk to your mama like that! Boy, when is the last time you went to mass?"
"Ah, you know, just last week…" Said Matthew as he scratched the back of his head.
"Mmhmmmm, lyin' is a sin ya know! The devil will get'cha if you keep lying like that…"
"Well, mom, I better get off here, I need to order some new parts for my computer. My Alt-CPU went bad, I think I fused a few threads…"
"Alright, but you know I don't know nuthin' 'bout that computer talk. Just be careful fixing it, that electric stuff is dangerous. I told you about your uncle, right?"
"Ya, ya, Steve got electrocuted messing with the Quantum Chips. But it was gen-16. It didn't even have redundancy voltage regulation. They could barely call it a quantum chip…heck, there was no freakin' room for--"
"WATCH your language young man! You know you shouldn't be talkin' that filth!"
"Sorry, ma…I gotta go, I love you. I will call you before bed, we can have a video chat. I miss seeing Bowser…he is getting old…"
"Yeah, we are all getting' old...alright baby, I love you. Give mom a kiss. *MUUUUUAAHHHH*"
*MUUUUAHHHH*
*Click* "The call has ended."
....