"An objection is not a rejection; it is simply a request for more information" – Bo Bennett
October 7th 2013; 6:45pm
Avian and I walked down the long stretch of the beach in silence; I let out a sigh as I took in the view of the sun setting over the ocean, mutely signaling the end of another day. Different shades of orange, pink, and yellow spread across the sky gracefully, designing the landscape like something out of a painter's imagination.
The sand crunched silently between my toes, the gentle breeze carrying the locks of the wig on my head as it drifted past calmly. I slowed to a stop, turning to stare at Avian as tiny goosebumps formed on my upper arm, the evening getting cooler. Slowly, Avian lowered himself to the ground and sat delicately on the sand. When he'd gotten comfortable, he glanced up at me expectantly. Sighing, I mirrored his actions, staring out at the ocean.
There was silence.
The only sound that could be heard was the gentle crashing of the waves greeting the shore, dishing out strands of seaweed and tiny beautiful seashells. In the distance, the sounds of seagulls could be heard fighting over their fishy dinners of brook trout and yellow perch.
Avian cleared his throat then.
"I'm sorry"
My throat constricted then, and I turned to look at the boy I had so easily fallen in love with.
Avian stared back at me and let out a sigh, before turning his gaze back to the ocean.
"I should have told you the truth about the tumor"
I jutted out my chin and frowned at him.
"So why didn't you?"
Avian sighed, before dragging his gaze to look at me.
"It was my ninth birthday," Avian pulled his legs up toward him and placed his arms on his knee. He ran his hands through his hair and stared at the sand between us "I was about to cut my cake, and somehow, ended up passing out and falling face-first into the confection"
I couldn't help it; I burst out laughing. Avian chuckled, glancing up at me with a smirk as I covered my mouth.
Why was I laughing? There should have been nothing funny about a nine-year-old boy slamming face-first into his birthday cake.
"It's okay," Avian smiled at me, before turning his gaze back to the water "it is pretty funny"
My laughter died down when I heard him grunt in pain, a result of laughing even as gently as he had. I looked worriedly at him, but he sighed and waved me off.
"Anyway, my mom took me to her brother, my uncle Mason. He's a doctor"
I nodded in realization; that was the same doctor I had seen in the hospital. No wonder his mom was so familiar around him; she'd even slapped his head when he'd called her Mrs. Carter. No client would do that on a natural doctor-patient relationship.
"Mason detected the growth and to cut a long story short, I spent the next seven years fighting it; I went into surgery three times, and we all thought the tumor was gone. Finally, I could live my life in peace"
Avian laughed bitterly then, glaring at the sand hatefully.
"It came back after four months, more deadly this time, and I must have done about five more surgeries. My mom signed me up for countless hours of therapy with some fancy psychologist, and I spent almost every weekend in treatment at the hospital"
A couple of kids ran past us then, playing a game of tag and laughing their heads off. I smiled as Avian chuckled slightly, watching them until they had disappeared down the stretch of the beach. We were silent until Avian took in a deep breath, and continued.
"Last year on my sixteenth birthday, I spent the whole day in the hospital" he sighed and ran his hands through his hair "that was when I looked around and realized that the only friends I had were the nurses, some doctors that substituted when Uncle Mason wasn't there and some other sick kids going through the same thing as me, that I made up my mind that I couldn't do it anymore" he turned to look at the ocean "I couldn't spend my life-fighting something that wouldn't go away"
I bit my lip, and waited for him to continue.
"I decided to accept reality for what it was, and stop postponing the inevitable. Mason says that if I had just done a couple more surgeries and treatment sessions, the tumor might have vanished for good, but I didn't believe him"
"What if he was telling the truth?"
Avian turned to look at me then, his mouth turned up in a bitter firm line. He scoffed and glanced down at the sand.
"We are all born to die Shay," he said softly, glancing up from the sand to look me in the eyes "some go earlier than others. I decided that I wanted to accept my fate and stop fighting it" he laughed humorlessly, glancing away from me once again "better late than never right?"
I bit my lip and glanced up at the horizon. The sun was almost completely gone, but there were still some streaks of purple, pink, and orange spread across the sky, and the water was a shimmering midnight blue color that reflected all the colors above beautifully.
It looked peaceful
I turned to stare at Avian. He had chosen to accept his fate and stop postponing the inevitable, so what about me? I was still yet to accept something that had happened months ago, but here Avian was, accepting something that hadn't even come yet.
Was I that weak? Was I so vulnerable, that I couldn't bear the thought of losing my only sibling? Why couldn't I accept the truth and move on?
I was the exact opposite of Avian.
I cleared my throat.
"Wow," I muttered, swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat "I had no idea"
"Yeah, well" Avian said, shrugging as he dragged his gaze from me to stare at the ocean.
Could I do this? Was I strong enough to let him in?
Was I ready to accept what had happened, and possibly lose her for good?
I swallowed.
"You know my sister right?" I said quietly and Avian turned to look at me. He nodded slowly and waited for me to continue "yeah well, I still see her" I slowly lifted my gaze to meet his.
Avian stared at me in shock; he opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't find the words to explain, so he closed it again.
"Shay…"
"I wasn't ready to accept that she was gone," I cut him off, my voice cracking slightly as I looked at him "I couldn't deal with it. I was in shock; I didn't know what to do."
Avian put his hands on mine to stop them from shaking and looked up at me. I stopped talking, swallowing the panic that had threatened to burst from me as I stared at him.
"It's okay"
"No, it's not" I shook my head, glancing away as I swallowed "nothing about it is okay! It was all my fault and I can't take any of it back," I took in a deep breath as something slowly built up in my throat.
A sensation I had never felt before.
"I was her older sister, Avian," I said, sniffing slightly as I looked at him "I should have protected her, not put her in danger. The man was after me, and she was trying to help me, take me home. It should have been me Avian"
I glanced down at my hands then; they were shaking profoundly. At that moment, I felt as though my world was crashing down around me, piece by piece and I could not do anything to stop it; all I could do was watch. The sudden realization hit me like a brick, the realization that I had lost her months ago, and I had fooled myself into thinking she was still around; into thinking that my little sister was still alive.
I missed her.
There was a deep sense of sadness that rushed through me then; the kind that makes your heartache and causes you to condemn anything good in life. My hands shook in fear, and I glanced up in shock at Avian.
"She's dead" I muttered, my body shaking at the sudden acceptance of the truth; I stared at the ocean motionlessly.
A single tear rolled down my cheek.