May 4th 2013; 3:55am
Everything slowed down.
In a split second, I felt as though my spirit had encircled my body, teasing it as though it wanted me to just give up and let go.
"Let go, Shay"
The whispers filled my head, and I opened my mouth to scream; I wanted to scream for all I was worth because at that moment, just like when you lose your balance and fall off a rope, or you're suspended in the air after you have been playfully pushed into a swimming pool, or simply when you trip over your own feet, it is as though you know that this is it.
This was the end.
When the human body starts to fail, and the realization that nothing can be done to undo the past sinks in, all that can and possibly will be done is acceptance of fate for what it truly is; it was in that second that I was more helpless than my body. Trapped in this piece of meat that was about to be eliminated, I felt as though I was in a peculiar place that only allowed me to see what it wanted me to see: void. I could feel nothing but the pain tugging at my heart, the pain of falling, and the fear of death, as countless thoughts rushed through my head.
I wasn't ready yet.
I didn't want to die.
Lolita.
In that split second, right before the car crashed into the water, I could feel the darkness below pulsating like a living being; as though it were drawing me further into the darkness and reassuring me that everything would be okay.
"Let go, Shay"
When the car eventually hit the water, the force reverberated through the entire car, shattering the windshield and two windows. It was then I heard the crunch of metal, and in that instant my entire body jolted forward. The last thing that I saw was the inevitable emptiness and never-ending darkness.
So I welcomed it.