The music changed then, and a slow tack began its melody, the singer's voice filling up the room.
I laid back on the bed slowly, putting my hands on my stomach. With a sigh, I stared silently up at the ceiling as I listened to the song that was playing. Avian glanced at me for a while, then he followed suit and also leaned back on the bed. Silently, we stared up at the ceiling and listened.
"You know, under different circumstances, this song would be a whole lot more of a turn on" Avian murmured, turning his head to place his lips next to my ear. I burst out laughing, rolling my eyes at the typical teenage boy laying next to me, and turned my head to look at him; I, however, did not anticipate him to still be looking at me.
Realizing how close our faces were, to the point that the tips of our noses were touching, I looked into Avian's eyes, a blush becoming evident on my cheeks.
He stared back at me, his eyes shining as countless emotions flashed through them. I swallowed softly then, not daring to move so as not to accidentally lean closer to him. Ignoring the butterflies, the way my hands were shaking, and the constant heavy thumping that my heart had recently taken up, I forced myself not to look away and it seemed as though he was doing the same thing.
I smiled.
"I'm sorry," Avian said softly, turning his body to face mine. He lay there for a couple of seconds, before I realized he was expecting me to do the same thing; he raised his eyebrow and looked at me expectantly. Slowly, I turned on my side, put my hands under my head to stop them from shaking nervously, and looked at Avian "you know, for what I said"
"I don't need this bullshit" I cringed as his voice flashed through my head, and I avoided looking directly at him.
"Oh!" I smiled falsely, looking back at him "you mean what you said about not needing all of this?" I waved my arms around my body to indicate what I meant by "all of this"
Avian burst out laughing then, shaking his head at my silliness. I smiled, glad I could take the tension off what had happened and sighed before glancing at him quietly again.
"I'm sorry too," I said quietly and his laughter died down slowly. He turned back to look at me and sighed, before nodding slightly and shooting me a small smile.
The image of the orange hospital band flashed through my head.
"Just," I bit my lip, glancing away and wondering why on earth I was about to bring this up after we had just established that we were friends again "just let me know if you're okay"
Avian sighed and ran a palm over his face, before running it through his hair. Slowly, he turned to me and gave me a small smile.
"I am," he said quietly and I nodded, trying my best to suppress the scoff that had threatened to burst from me. He had sounded anything but sincere but at that moment, I didn't want to fight with him again and I was prepared to take his word, even as false as it sounded, for it.
He would tell me what was wrong with him eventually.
But then, if the roles were switched, would I ever tell him what was wrong in my life?
"Everything's fine Shay," he said again, noticing my hesitant expression. I nodded then, smiling briefly.
Would he ever let me know?
Because if it was me, I certainly wouldn't. That sudden realization surfaced a sudden sadness deep within me.
Avian sighed then, and reached over ever so slowly to push my blonde bangs out of my face and tuck them behind my ear.
I swallowed.
Avian smiled softly at me, and then took my hand.
I groaned inwardly as the butterflies started up again.
He watched my expression as he intertwined our fingers and pulled my hand towards his lips, before slowly planting a kiss on the back of my hand.
Slowly, I let out a long low breath and stared at him, as he ran the fingers of his other hand over the side of my face. He turned his attention to our intertwined fingers and then started rubbing circles with his thumb on my hand.
At that moment, I'm pretty sure my heart skipped a beat.
"Is this weird?" Avian asked then, before moving his gaze from our fingers to meet my eyes.
Was it weird?
Not. If the fact that I felt as though I was about to suffer a massive heart attack meant that this was weird, and then this was extremely bizarre.
He had the fingers of one hand running up and down the side of my face and the other was holding my palm.
Was that considered weird?
Especially since my body was giving him all the right replies: the jittery feeling running through me, the fact that my heart was skipping beats like a crazy deejay, and a weird kind of satisfaction.
Alex flashed through my head then.
Unlike when my ex-boyfriend had been holding my hand and Avian had flashed through my head, I ignored the image of Alex and gave Avian a small smile.
What did that mean?
That I had stronger feelings for Avian than I did for Alex?
Alex and I had been together two years before I dumped him, and I had only known Avian for a month.
Was what I was feeling possible?
Or was I just extremely delusional?
I wasn't even sure what the answer to his question was supposed to be as I had forgotten it completely, so I ignored it and glanced down at our hands.
"I just don't want to rush you into anything considering…" he trailed off as I glanced up to look at him.
Slowly, he swallowed and averted his gaze.
He didn't want to rush me into anything? Did that mean that he had feelings for me? Romantically inclined feelings?
Wait, considering what?
Why had he gotten all weird all of a sudden?
Was he trying to hide something?
I glanced at him skeptically.
"Considering what?" I asked, trying to look him in the eyes but he kept avoiding eye contact. He sighed and ran his free hand through his hair. There was silence as my question hung in the air, like a wet towel put up to dry.
Avian sighed and reluctantly dragged his gaze back to me.
"Considering what you've been through with your sister"
I stared at him, my mouth hanging open slightly. Did he know about that? Wait, how long had he known? Why hadn't he said anything?
"You know about that?" I asked, my voice breaking slightly.
Is that why he came back to apologize? Because he found out what had happened that night? All of a sudden, I was this sad sorry girl that needed his forgiveness? All because of what had happened that night, I was suddenly fragile and couldn't take care of my self?
I yanked my hand out of his grasp and sat up on my bed, before pulling my knees to my chest and leaning back against the headboard. I watched him sigh and sit up, silently placing himself in front of me.
He swallowed and ran his hand through his hair slowly.
"It'll be kind of hard to not know about that" he muttered, before smiling softly at me. I seethed and ran my tongue over the back of my teeth, before glancing away from him.
"What, because of the rumors?"
Avian stared at me then, as though trying to figure out what I was talking about. I was the one that should be looking at him like that, not the other way around.
What was his problem? He was looking at me like there was something that I was supposed to know; something I was completely oblivious to. Slowly, he shook his head and inched closer to me, before placing his hand on my knee.
"You don't remember?" he said quietly, glancing up at me, partly in shock. He searched my eyes, as though looking for some hint that proved that I was lying to him about not knowing whatever the hell he was talking about. When he seemed to have found whatever it was, his eyes widened.
"You don't remember! What happened that night after we left you guys? You know, after the ambulance showed up?"
"What are you talking about?" I shook my head, wondering what the hell he was on about. "What do you mean "after we left you"?"
Avian stared at me in shock.
Okay, hold up.
What was happening?
"Shay," Avian said, looking at me in confusion. He scratched the back of his neck slowly and glanced away from me.
I stared at him.
He sighed then, before dragging his gaze back to meet my very confused one.
"I was there that night"
I looked at him as though he had completely lost his mind.
He stared at me then, as if waiting for it to click but I had no recollection of ever meeting him before the biology class. Why did he sound so sure? Like he meant every word he was saying.
What happened that night?
Avian sighed and shook his head.
"Okay, either you bumped your head by accident or someone wanted you to forget what happened that night because I was there. Me and my two cousins: Shawn and Drew"
I stared at him.
Who the heck were Shawn and Drew?
The way Avian was staring at me, it seemed like I was supposed to know who they were.
"We pulled you and Lolita out of the water"
I opened my mouth then and closed it, not exactly sure what to say to everything that I had just heard. Instead, I settled on silence and stared at him, slowly trying to process everything he'd just said.
When it eventually sunk in that I had a massive piece of information missing in my head, maybe caused by a memory loss induced by the accident or something a whole lot more complicated than that, I opened my mouth in shock.
"I'm sorry," I shook my head "What?!"