"South Hill, VA. 23970. There are about 13 hotels located around that area but I want at least 25 of you out there. It's a seven hour drive so we leave now. Load up the cars, I'll be down in ten."
"Yes sir."
I watch as the man leaves my office and the doors slam behind him. I pick up my phone and dial the only person I can think of. My heart races as the other end rings.
"Hello?"
"Holà mì mariposa."
"Ah, hey Carlos." I grin as soon as she says my name. I missed hearing her voice. "Is everything okay? I haven't heard from you since I left...I was getting worried."
I sigh. I can hear the disappointment in her tone. "I know and I'm sorry. I'm busy but I should've made time for you. I hope you won't hate me too much."
"I could never hate you. I'm just happy to hear your voice, I miss you."
"Damn Butterfly. I miss you too, I'll come visit you soon I promise."
"Will you let me braid your hair the next time I see you?"
"For you? Anything."
"Mhm," She groans into the phone and my heart throbs. "How soon? I really could use a kiss right now."
"Keep making those sounds and I'll do a whole lot more than kiss you."
"Dee, I need you!" Someone in the background calls for her. "I'll be there in a second!" She says back to them. "Fuck, I really don't want to hang up but I've gotta go."
"It's fine mi mariposa. I'll call you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, that would be nice."
We sit there for a moment just listening to each other breathe. "Talk to you later Carlos."
"I'll talk to you later."
Just as I go to hang up she speaks again. "Oh and Carlos?"
"What is it?"
She hesitates to speak. "I...I really just can't wait to see you again."
"Me too Butterfly. Me too." Just as I put my phone in my pocket. Why the hell did I even call her? I should have just texted her. As if not seeing her was hard enough now all I can think about is how much I want to hold her in my arms again.
"The cars are ready boss." I break away from my thoughts and get up from behind my desk.
"Good. Let's go."
[Back in the hotel room]
I am disgusted with myself. I feel like trash and it might be the mood swings but I just feel terrible. But it's not for me, I'm doing this for the well-being of my children. So despite how I feel, I'll continue to lie. I'll lie to myself for the rest of my damn life if I have to.
"Everything okay? You've been quiet for a while now."
His voice pulls me away from my thoughts. He has a tight lipped smile on his face but his eyes look so dull. They are a constant reminder that he's still not all there but neither am I.
"I'm fine, just tired I guess."
He nods and squeezes my shoulder. "Are you hungry? I can go grab you something real quick."
"No I'm fine. Let's just stay like this a bit longer. I've missed your arms." And I did. Of all the things I have to lie about, laying down with him again clams me. It lets me believe that I'm still back at the mansion with him, before we got married, before I was pregnant...Before everything began to fall apart.
"And they have missed you as well mami." He places a kiss on my neck and stretches his hand out and places it on my belly. "Kaz." His hand pauses for a second and I smile. I know what he's about to say. "Did you feel that? It kicked! I felt the baby kick."
He sits up from the bed and looks at me with the widest grin on his face. The color had slightly returned to his hazel eyes but it doesn't last long at all. Huh, I wonder what makes them do that. "Yeah, they've been doing that a lot lately since I've been with you. They're saying hey to their daddy."
A tear falls down his face as he stares at me. "Oh no don't cry! You'll end up making me cry too." My eyes instantly water and he laughs.
"I'm sorry." He wipes my face with his thumb then gazes into my eyes. "I just never thought that I'd ever be here...Married to the love of my life and a soon to be father in less than a few months." He puts his hand in mine and lies on my chest. "I'm so happy to have you back baby. I really am."
As I rub his back my mind starts to wander again. It's like I can't get the bad thoughts to go away. "Ricky?" He lifts his head from my breast and looks at me. "You remember when you said that you didn't know if you wanted to kill me or love me?" I fold my arms across my chest. "Well I think I understand what you meant now."
"Oh?" His brows lower in curiosity. "I'm assuming you want to kill me is that it?"
I shake my head. "No. That's not it..."
He grins and licks his bottom lips. A mischievous look in his eyes tells me what he's thinking. "What are you saying Kaz? You want to love me now?"
"What I'm saying is that this is just-"
"Wrong?" He interrupts me and finishes my thought. "You still fighting the urge to slit my throat while I sleep?" He pulls off his shirt and my face flushes and I look down at my feet. What the hell is he doing? "Mírame." When I don't look up at him, he marches over to my side of the bed and grabs my chin. "Look at me damnit!"
My eyes land on his chest. He's covered in all kinds of scars and each one looks like it was deep. "Wh- What happened to you?" I can't stop staring at them. There has to be at least fifthteen of them,each one bigger and deeper than the last.
He grabs my wrist and put it to the smaller on that looks like a bullet hole on his shoulder. "I got this one when I was getting jumped outside a bar." He moves my hand to a gash wound on his gut. "And I got this one killing a man for saying very rude things." He gives me a chilly smile and makes me touch the scar on his cheek. "This on is the most recent. I was fighting underground and the dick had pulled out a knife, but we both know who made if out of there alive."
I snatch my hand away and hold it. His smooth skin now turned rough and cold scares me. "What was the point of this?" I ask while trying to hold back tears. How can he change the entire atmosphere in just a few seconds?
"To show you that someone already beat ya' to it mami." His smile widens. "I've died a million times baby, and each time I come back I only get stronger." He steps closer and wraps his arms around my big belly while stroking my hair. "So I guess your only option is to love me," He squeezes me harder. "You have to love me Kazmaria. You have to."