That same day, Kanako found herself feeling guilty for the way she had acted. "I totally just made things worse by leaving that note for her and leaving her behind this morning..." she thought. Of course, Kanako had no idea if Haruna had actually read her note or not, but going ahead of her without letting her know was a pretty clear sign that at the very least, Kanako was avoiding her.
"I know it's wrong, but I'm still kind of mad. I mean, is it really that big of a deal if I don't tell her about what I told Mi-chan?" The main reason Kanako had been so reluctant hadn't been because she had told Michi everything. If it was only that, she would've had no problem relaying that information to Haruna. However, it was the second part of the conversation that made Kanako hesitate. There was always the option of leaving that out, but that felt dishonest too.
Then of course there was another issue weighing on Kanako's mind. It was one that she thought about through the rest of her classes, all the way home and into the weekend. All it was was a singular, simple question, but it summed up everything that Kanako needed an answer to.
Was Michi right?
Would she be better off letting go of her feelings for Akio and giving up on repairing her friendship with Haruna? The thought of moving on from her crush had crossed her mind once before. In the beginning when it was pretty rough between Haruna and Kanako, Kanako had decided that if she had to choose between her feelings and being berated, then she'd choose the former. However, now that the situation had improved, Kanako found that question much harder to answer.
For someone who had gotten a sort of an epiphany that they were in love, perhaps the idea of letting go of those feelings was one that they could consider. But, for Kanako, who had been in love for as long as she could remember, it felt impossible. She could say it, sure, that she'd just forget and move on, but she knew it wasn't nearly that easy.
When Kanako had met Akio for the first time, it wasn't love at first sight, but after a few sights, it began to blossom. Kanako was still young at the time, so she hadn't known what exactly the feelings were that she was experiencing, but she knew that they were something special. She knew that those feelings were ones she should hold onto until she had a name for them. And, finally, in the early years of elementary school, she found that word: love.
It had come to her while on a class field trip. A couple of the girls around her were talking about who they each like in their classes. As Kanako had listened, she felt that the word "like" was too small. There had to be a much better word to describe how she felt. At the same time she had thought that, a girl next to her proclaimed that she loved some other boy.
That was it, Kanako had thought. Love. She was in love Akio. That's what her heart had been trying to tell her and finally she could listen. Once she had that knowledge, Kanako continued on with a sort of sense of purpose. Being so young, she didn't find the need to have any strong aspirations yet, but she did know that this, pursuing the boy she was growing up with, was certainly worth the effort she could put into it.
When Kanako had discovered the name for her feelings, she had also made another note to herself: she couldn't tell Haruna. The three of them played a lot together, and for some reason, Kanako got the feeling that if she told Haruna, those fun times would come to an end.
Considering it that way also brought Kanako to another painful realization. She couldn't tell Akio either, out of fear of their group's dynamic changing. So Kanako came to a decision. She wouldn't confess. She'd keep her feelings to herself and simply enjoy Akio's company. That would be enough.
But then it happened. Haruna and Kanako had the biggest fight of their lives, and at the end of it, it was clear no one was the winner. Their friendship dissolved and degraded into animosity and Kanako felt like she had lost something precious. But, with that loss, she found herself leaning more and more into her feelings for Akio. Eventually, she just felt like she couldn't hold it in anymore, and with Haruna not in the picture, it seemed like a confession would be possible after all. "At the very least," Kanako had thought, "Even if he rejects me, I'll finally be able to tell him how I feel."
And yet, even with that strong will, it was quickly sanded down by the mere sight of Haruna standing outside, waiting for the same boy Kanako was.
It was true that Kanako had gotten to confess her true feelings to Akio, but she felt like part of that moment had rung hollow. It seemed more like she had been playing a role given to her in that moment rather than it being genuine. And now, after what Michi had told her, Kanako was beginning to wonder if that was true.
"There's no way Akio-kun knew something like that would happen, so how could he plan something like that?" Kanako wondered. "Besides, even if that was true, I doubt he's doing this for some sort of bad reason. But then... what would his reason be?"
And then there was Haruna. To be honest, Kanako had thought about trying to make up with her for years. When they had first fallen out, she had tried several times to talk to Haruna, but every time she was either ignored or yelled at into submission. After that, Kanako decided it would be best to give her space, but there's only so much space that can be given when you attend the same school and are next door neighbors. With each passing year, Kanako could feel the rift between them getting worse, making the idea of regaining their former friendship seem like all but a dream.
When Akio had made his proposal to the two of them, Kanako had thought it sounded ridiculous too. After all, girls can't date girls, right? But while Haruna screamed in protest, Kanako had gotten an idea. She realized it was her chance. This deal would force Haruna to interact with her, so then maybe they could get on good terms again. Ultimately, Kanako agreed, and several months later, she found herself wondering if she had made a mistake.
This latest fight with Haruna was more evidence. While Kanako knew she was partially to blame, she couldn't help but feel like Haruna had lashed out at her like she used to. "I thought we had been making progress, but maybe I was wrong..." Kanako sighed to herself. Even with that knowledge though, the thought of cutting ties with Haruna completely was one that Kanako found very difficult to accept. "I've known her for so long. Even if I wanted to, I'm not sure if I could." Their lives were so intertwined that it would take more than just a meager attempt to undo that.
The rest of the weekend passed for Kanako with a sort of haze. By the end of it, she hadn't come up with an answer to her question. She felt like giving up completely wasn't going to do her any good, but at the same time, there was no way to be sure what she was doing now would really change anything for her future. In the end, the only real solution Kanako decided on was to do nothing.
Of course, making that decision also meant maintaining her fake relationship with Haruna, and in order to do that, they had to work together. Kanako sighed. "Why did we have to fight again? Making up with her is starting to feel like something I have to do on a regular basis."
Knowing what she had to do, Kanako made sure she was ready for Monday. She wanted to make things easier on Haruna, so she decided she'd make sure to wake up on time and have everything ready to go. "There's no way she can yell at me now," Kanako thought proudly.
But Haruna never came.
Kanako did actually manage to accomplish a rare feat for herself in getting up without the prospect of being late hanging over her head, but it turned out to be for nothing. She sat and waited near the front door, expecting Haruna to knock at any moment, but it never happened. "Where is she?" Kanako wondered. "Should I go over to her house?"
Kanako stopped for a moment. "Her house... when was I last over there?" She tried to think back. Even when their families got together, they normally went to either Akio's house or came to her home. In fact, Kanako realized that it had been quite some time since anything had been done at the Endo residence. "I wonder why..."
But coming back to the problem at hand, Kanako wasn't sure if she should go over to her neighbor's house. "It's been so long... what would I even say? Should I make sure I have a gift?" As Kanako thought over her situation, the minutes ticked away, until finally the clock on the wall chimed to signal 8:30. "Huh?" Kanako said, looking behind her. "Oh no! I'm going to be late!"
She rushed out the door, but stopped almost immediately once she was out on the sidewalk. Taking a glance over at the house next door, Kanako felt frozen in place. A part of her wanted to go over there to see if Haruna was just running late, or even to repay the favor and Kanako could get Haruna up and around. But, another part told her it was a bad idea. That not only she shouldn't go over there, but that she couldn't. "If I could take just one step forward, would that get rid of this feeling?" Kanako wondered.
Turning away, Kanako continued on her way to school.
*****
"I made it worse didn't I?" Haruna said, feeling annoyed. "Well, like, you did completely leave her behind y'know," Chiyo said while sitting on Haruna's desk. "She did it first..." Haruna mumbled. "Two wrongs don't equally a right Haru-chi," Chiyo sighed as she hopped off the desk. "Whatever. I-" Before Haruna could finish her sentence, the impact of the door being thrown open cut her off. In the frame stood a blond-haired girl with her two long strands hanging far below her head. "Mi-chan?" Chiyo said.
"Haruna Endo! I need to talk to you!" Michi proclaimed. The whole class stared, looking back and forth between Haruna and Michi. "Can't this wait? Class is starting soon," Haruna said, trying to ignore her. "No, it can't, and I will stand here until you come with me!" Michi shouted. "Have fun standing there all day then," Haruna said.
Michi was getting visibly frustrated, but then she had an idea. "Well fine. I guess we'll just talk here, and I can tell the whole class about what's really going on between you and Kana-chan!" Haruna's eyes went wide and she immediately glared at Michi. Standing up, she marched over to the shorter girl and towered over her. "What. Do. You. Want." She asked through gritted teeth. Michi was slightly unnerved, but still managed to maintain her confidence. "I want-"
Michi didn't get the chance to finish as the teacher walked in. "Alright everyone, take your seats," the teacher said. "Hm? You're Fukuhara-san, right? You should be getting to class." "Yes, sir..." Michi said, then she turned back to Haruna. "Meet me at the auxiliary kitchen room at lunch. You better show up, or else I really will tell the whole school about your 'deal,'" Then Michi left, leaving Haruna in a very foul mood.
Everyone else in the room was sure to avoid Haruna, as she was practically exuding an angry aura. Even the teacher seemed to be a little uneasy. "I can't believe she threatened me like that! What the hell is wrong with her?!" Haruna screamed inside. "I mean, sure, I don't want to talk to her, but seriously?! And where does she get off blackmailing me when she accused me of doing the exact same thing?!"
By the time lunch rolled around, Haruna had managed to rile herself up pretty well. Practically stomping down to the auxiliary kitchen, she whipped the door open, only to find no one was there. "Great," Haruna said as she leaned against a nearby counter. However, she didn't have to wait long for the other girl to arrive.
"Good. I'm glad you decided to listen for once," Michi said smugly. "What's with you? I knew you were kind of a bitch, but this is a bit much for you isn't it?" Haruna commented. ���I'm not- you know what? It doesn't matter. I'm the one with leverage here." Michi walked further into the room, soon coming face to face with Haruna. The blonde-haired girl stood in front of her, arms crossed. "I really only have one simple request for you," she said. Haruna glared in response.
"Break off your deal with Miyashita-san and Kana-chan."
"...what?" Haruna said in disbelief. "Why the hell would I do that?" "Because if you don't, I'll tell the whole school about what's going on. I'm sure you don't want that," Michi said, seeming almost proud with herself. "I know everything. I know you both confessed on the same day, I know how Miyashita-san manipulated Kana-chan into his twisted proposal, and I know you're getting something out of it too!" she proclaimed with a pointed finger. "The only thing I'm getting out of this is getting annoyed," Haruna emphasized. "Oh please. I'm sure you love that you get to push Kana-chan around as much as you want now. I mean, she has to stay with you, so as long as you put up a good front, you can get away with anything. Too bad for you I can see through it all. I know how miserable Kana-chan is with you and I'm going to put a stop to it."
Haruna stared, then started laughing to herself. "You're really an idiot, you know that?" "Excuse me?!" Michi screamed. "Come on, it's not that hard. If I back out of the deal, then Miyashita-kun won't pick either of us. That's bound to make Kanako miserable just as much as when she's with me." "I can live with that."
"Huh?" Haruna was confused. "What do you mean you can live with that?" "Every girl gets their heart broken now and then. All I have to do is be there for her to get her through it. Then she'll forget all about Miyashita-san," Michi explained. "What the hell is wrong with you? You'd seriously hurt Kanako just so you could support her or whatever?" "Kana-chan's a strong girl. I know she'll thank me for it later, because she'll realize it'll make her better. And hurt her? That's pretty rich coming from you."
Haruna was stunned. It was true she had been pretty awful to Kanako over the years. She knew that, and part of her had truly begun to feel bad about it. She had begun to feel a desire to make things right with her and to find a way to move forward. Because of those new feelings, something in Haruna had been renewed: a desire to protect, something she hadn't felt for Kanako in a long time. It wasn't like she was going to go out of her way to help Kanako, but she knew she couldn't let Michi go through with her plan either.
"I know I've been a jerk, alright? But listen to yourself for a minute. If you tell the whole school about Kanako and I's deal, it will hurt both of us. No matter what you do, no one is going to win in the end." It felt unusual for Haruna to be reasonable, but there she was, trying to make sense to a girl who had a very narrow view of things. "It doesn't matter. I'll be there for Kana-chan. I can make sure she comes out of it okay," Michi said in a disturbingly calm voice.
It was then that Haruna had a realization. "This isn't even about Kanako is it? This is just about me and how much you hate me." Michi's expression changed from calm to angry in a flash. "It's both. But you're right. I do hate you. You've caused Kana-chan nothing but pain for years, and now you get to be closer to her? What kind of bullshit is that?! I'M the one who gave her encouragement after you belittled her. I'M the one who listened to her cry about how much she missed you. I'M the one who's had to carry the baggage YOU created! So why?! Why is it that when I try to tell her to stay away from you, she takes your side?!"
Screaming fell into silence, and Michi dropped to her knees. "I've done so much for her, and yet she just keeps going back to the person who hurt her..." Haruna didn't know what to say, but before she could even find the words, Michi looked up at her with fierce eyes and tears forming at the corners. "It's your fault. If you would've just kept your feelings to yourself, none of this would've happened."
"So, you're going to give up on Miyashita-san. Then Kana-chan won't be with him either, which will mean she also won't have to be with you. And if you don't, I'll tell the whole school."
With that statement, Haruna had had enough. "You know what? Do whatever you want. I don't care." Then Haruna began to walk away. "W-Wait!" Michi yelled. "I'll do it! I really will!" "Who cares?" Haruna said as she turned around. "Half the school already thinks were lesbians anyways, so who would really notice one more rumor floating around?" "But it's not a rumor! It's the truth!" "Good luck convincing people. Also..." Haruna broke into a cruel smile. "I can't wait to see the look on Kanako's face when I tell her about this. I'm sure she'll be shocked."
"H-Hold on. Please, don't tell her," Michi said weakly. "Why not? You were ready to completely expose us a few seconds ago, and now you're begging?" Haruna said with a smirk. "If you tell her, I'm sure Kana-chan will believe you. She'll never want to speak to me again. She told me not to do anything, but I didn't listen. So please, I'll do anything, just don't let her know."
Haruna walked closer to Michi and crouched down in front of her. "Alright, then here's MY proposal. You can hate me all you want. Hell, I don't even care if you're nice to me honestly. The thing I do care about though, is you sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. So stay out of my way, and Kanako will never hear about this. Deal?" Michi's only response was a small nod. "Good. Timing worked out too considering lunch is almost over. Of course, I'm starving because of you now," Haruna said, annoyed. Then she walked out of the room, leaving Michi sitting solemnly on the floor.
*****
"So how'd it go with Mi-chan?" Chiyo asked when Haruna got back to the classroom. "Well, I guess I don't have to worry about her trying to blackmail me anymore," Haruna said as she sat down. "Hmm. Well, Mi-chan does care a lot about Kana-chan. I guess it makes sense she'd go a little overboard," Chiyo mused. "You talk like you know her personally," Haruna said. "Believe it or not, I'm like, totally a good-person meter. I can tell she's got a good heart." Chiyo explained. "Yeah, except that 'good heart' almost got me in trouble," Haruna thought. "Still, I knew Fukuhara-san was close with Kanako, but I didn't realize she'd try to go that far." The amount of drama had made Haruna feel like she was in a TV show. "Seriously, what was that?"
It didn't take long for Haruna to put it out of her mind. She had managed to stop Michi from ruining everything, so there wasn't really much point in giving it any more thought. So, Haruna went through classes like normal for the rest of the day, feeling oddly content about how she had handled the situation. However, like always, her good mood didn't last long as when the end of the day drew near, she remembered there was still something she had to do. While she had indirectly protected Kanako, Haruna still hadn't made up with her yet. "Might as well get this over with," she sighed, then set off to try and find her.
*****
Ultimately, it wasn't until clubs began to let out that Haruna and Kanako met up. Kanako had just finished cleaning and was on her way out when she found Haruna near the front doors. "O-Oh. I... wasn't sure if you'd be waiting. You didn't the other day," Kanako said. "Yeah, well, I'm here now," Haruna said, then, in a tone more lacking in confidence. "We... should talk." Kanako nodded and the two of them headed outside and sat down on a nearby bench.
"This is awkward..." Kanako thought as they sat in silence. Neither of them knew what to say. Haruna kept intertwining and then undoing her fingers, and Kanako was looking away. Then, with a sigh, Haruna spoke. "So, listen, about our fight. I'm...sor... sorry," Haruna mumbled. Kanako looked at her, then smiled. "Me too. I shouldn't have acted all secretive like that. I can tell you about what I told Mi-chan, if you want." Haruna stared and almost said yes when she remembered what had happened earlier that day. "If she tells me, doesn't that mean I have to tell her?" she thought. It wasn't as if she felt an obligation to Michi. Really, it had more to do with trying to protect Kanako's feelings. Haruna wasn't entirely sure where she was getting that from, but she decided to listen to her instinct.
"No, it's fine. I don't care anymore about what that stupid girl said," Haruna said. "Really? Because you sound kind of mad still..." Kanako said. "I'm not mad. I'm always like this," Haruna said. Kanako giggled. "Yeah, I guess you are." Then she stood up and offered her hand. "Come on. Let's go home." Haruna blushed, then took her hand.
As they walked, Haruna couldn't help but feel a little uneasy. She still did want to know about everything Kanako and Michi had talked about, but she felt like it wasn't fair to ask anymore. Not when she had her own secret now. "I guess we're both keeping secrets," she thought.
They went along mostly in silence, but it felt comfortable. Walking hand in hand, Haruna got a feeling that could best be described as peace. For some reason, it just felt right when they were like this. "I used to hate the idea of even getting near her. When did I get so okay with being this close now?" Haruna wondered. On the outside, she still appeared unwilling and begrudging about holding hands, but on the inside, Haruna had begun to look forward to it. Those moments felt like they were the only good ones in her day sometimes. "God, if I said that out loud, people would probably think I was depressed or something," she thought.
Days for Haruna tended to be more on the annoying side not because of any sort of sour outlook, but mostly because her prickly personality made things more difficult than they needed to be. Getting annoyed with teachers and mad at her fellow students was pretty much par for the course. It wasn't that she looked down on them or thought that she didn't need friends. Truthfully, she just wanted to live her life however she wanted, but with school taking up so much time, that made that objective hard to attain. That was a big reason why Haruna was in a bad mood a lot of the time. Of course, even if she did have as much free time as she wanted, she had no idea what she'd do with it.
But, in the times when she walked from and to home hand in hand with Kanako, Haruna felt like none of that mattered. She could just enjoy the moment. Or at least she could if it weren't for the nagging feeling in the back of her head telling her this wasn't okay at all. That it was ridiculous she was even going through with such a stupid plan and she should just abandon Kanako and find some other way to get Akio, even if it meant screwing Kanako over. And yet, lately, it had become easier to suppress those kinds of feelings. They certainly weren't gone, and Haruna had a suspicion that she'd have to face them eventually, but for now, she could find some level of happiness in the quiet times with Kanako.
When they arrived at their houses, Haruna reluctantly let go of Kanako's hand. The two of them then said their goodbyes to one another before walking up to their individual front steps. However, just before Haruna went inside, she heard a groan. "No, no... Why now? They couldn't have waited?" Haruna backed up and looked over at her neighbor's house. Kanako was standing there with a note in her hand. "Oh, wait, there's the spare key!" She said happily, then tilted a fake rock up to get it. "What the?" she said, pulling a piece of paper out from underneath. "Why didn't you just put it back Dad?!" Kanako yelled after reading the second note. Then her shoulders drooped. "Now what? I could call my parents, but if they're at work then they won't answer... Ohhh, what should I do?"
Haruna watched the entire situation unfold. "I should just go inside. She can handle it herself," she thought. But, when she tried to do just that, she found herself feeling like she was being pulled toward Kanako. Realizing what that probably meant, Haruna gritted her teeth and marched over to the property line.
"Hey," she said. Kanako looked over. "H-Haruna? I thought you went in already?" "Well obviously not since I'm standing here," Haruna spat back. "Look, I heard you whining over here, so I came to find out what was going on." "My parents left a note on the door saying that they had to go back to work for an emergency and that I'd need to find someone to take care of me until they get back. Then, when I looked for the spare key, I found another note from my dad saying he had used it but forgot to put it back." "He thought to leave a note but not put back the key?" Haruna wondered. "Wait, why didn't they just text you or something?" Kanako sighed. "My parents aren't very good with technology..." Haruna thought back and remembered the Nakatomis coming over to her house on multiple occasions when they were baffled by a new phone or TV.
"I guess I'll call Mi-chan. I wish her house wasn't so far away though..." Kanako said as she pulled out her phone. Hearing the mention of Michi caught Haruna's attention. She wasn't sure what it was, but she knew she didn't want Kanako going over to Michi's house. "Wait."
Kanako looked up from the screen. Haruna looked away, feeling her face getting hot. "W-Why don't you just... come over here...?"
"Huh?"
End of Chapter Two.