"In love..."
"In... love?"
"In love?!"
The words kept playing on loop in Haruna's mind as she ran. It was the only thing she could think about. Denial was met with the truth, uncertainty was met with clarity and the tangled mess of dizzying confusion that Haruna had felt seemed to have straightened itself out. And yet... Haruna continued to run. She wasn't sure what it was exactly she was trying to get away from. Was it Kanako? Her own feelings? The world?
No matter the answer, Haruna kept going, each breath pumped out of her lungs helping to push her farther and farther away from her inner conflict. Or so she thought. Eventually, Haruna began to run out of steam, soon slowing to a halt alongside a road surrounded by trees in seemingly the middle of nowhere.
"Damn it..." she said to herself. "I have no idea where I am now..." However, even if being lost should've been a pressing concern, it didn't take long for Haruna's emotions to catch up to her. They slammed into her like a wrecking ball, and she found herself dropping to her knees from a mix of both physical and mental exhaustion. "Why did I do that?" she wondered. "Why did I just run away?"
Truthfully, it had been because she was scared. Haruna knew that on some level, but to find a deep answer such as that would require some serious soul searching, and that was something she was in no mood to do. Instead, she focused on another point. "Isn't falling in love with someone supposed to be something that makes you happy?" Haruna thought back to when she had realized her feelings for Akio. Sure, she had been surprised, but after the initial shock wore off, she was over the moon. It felt like everything was fresh and new and that her feelings could carry her through any day.
But this time felt different. "Why do I feel... so miserable?" Haruna wondered. "Why... I want to be happy about this, but I just... I can't..." Slowly, Haruna's vision began to blur. New tears replaced the old and dried ones, rolling down her face and landing on her knees. "How did this even happen?" she said in a shaky voice. "This wasn't how it was supposed to go. I was going to be the one that Miyashita-kun would pick. All I had to do was convince him I could be a good girlfriend. All I had to do was pretend to go out with Kanako... How... How did I end up falling for her instead?!"
Haruna's words hung in the air, with no one but the trees around to listen. "I don't get it... What am I supposed to do now?! WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THESE FEELINGS?!" Haruna screamed, her voice trembling with every syllable. "Damn it..." she cried. Her make-up began to run, creating faded black lines streaking down her cheeks and further helping to wash more off.
There Haruna sat, on the side of an empty road, in a dismantling and now-dirty yukata and ruined make-up, crying.
In all of Haruna's life, she had never felt more emotionally overwhelmed. The non-existent hate for Kanako that had once filled her. The joy of having her first crush on the boy she grew up with. The confusion she began to feel when she was forced to spend time with Kanako. The fading feelings for Akio. And finally, her heart leaping for not just someone else, but a girl no less.
In every sense of the word, Haruna was a mess. All she could do was sit where she was and wallow in her own despair. "I just... want to go home..." was all she could manage to say. After all, what else could she say? She had no idea how to make sense of this new realization of love. Hiding in her room certainly seemed more preferable compared to what she was doing.
For a moment, Haruna returned to more rational thought and wondered how she was going to get home. Looking behind her, she saw she had ran a fair ways away from the festival grounds. Not only that, but Haruna was pretty sure that the road she was on wasn't a well-travelled one. "Great. Just great," she said, irritated at her own rashness. "Whatever. I'd rather just sit here anyways..." And with that thought, Haruna went back to her own turmoil.
However, it wasn't long after that a car began coming her way. It came from behind and from the festival, most likely someone going home. The headlights shined ahead of Haruna as they grew closer, putting more and more of the dark road and its surroundings into a bright display. Haruna was content enough to just let the car pass her by, not caring enough to ask for a ride, but to her surprise, it began to slow down. Coming to a halt, Haruna could hear the gears shift to indicate it had been put in park.
The back door nearest to her opened and a person stepped out. "Excuse me miss, are you alr-" the voice started to ask. "Wait, is that you Haruna-chan?" Looking up, Haruna saw that it had been Akio who had stopped. "What are you doing out here?" he asked. Haruna looked away from him. "Tch. Shouldn't you know? After all, you follow me everywhere like a stalker." "Actually, I don't know," Akio said sternly. "I was busy helping other people at the festival all night tonight. That's why I never came to see you or Kana-chan." Haruna looked back up at the boy, who was clearly concerned. "Come on. We'll take you home," he said, offering his hand. Haruna hesitated at first, but she eventually took his hand and stood up.
Brushing herself off a bit and trying to wipe off some of the ruined make-up, Haruna got in the car and Akio followed in behind her. Akio's parents didn't say a word, appearing to be thoroughly confused over the sight they had just stumbled across. Haruna shifted into her seat and put on her seatbelt, extending no explanation either for why they had found her the way they did. Deciding to just let their son handle it, Akio's father put the car back in drive and they began to move.
Silence filled the back seat as the car went along. For once, it appeared Akio didn't know what to say. However, he figured he should say something, so he asked a question. "Did... something happen?" Haruna glared at him. "None of your business," she said coldly. "Hey, I'm just trying to be a friend here," Akio said, feeling defensive now. "Yeah, some friend. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be in this mess," Haruna mumbled. "Wait. Does this have something to do with Kana-chan?" Akio asked.
He struck a nerve.
Haruna whipped around and gave Akio a very angry look. "God, why do you have to dig into everyone's business?! You just have to know everything don't you?! Just leave me the hell alone!" Guessing that if he said anymore, he'd be stepping on a landmine he couldn't recover from, Akio decided to keep his mouth shut. While the ride continued in silence, Akio got a text message from Kanako.
*****
"Harunaaa!" Kanako called as she stood at the foot of the hill. When Haruna had run away, Kanako had briefly tried to follow her, but she realized she'd never catch up to Haruna. Kanako hoped that her friend hadn't gone too far and that she could find her somewhere nearby, but as the fireworks show ended, so did Kanako's hope for that idea.
"I need to find her," Kanako thought. She had no idea what had happened. They had been having such a good time together for the first time in what felt like ages. And then, out of the blue, Haruna had been crying and bolted. "What went wrong?" Kanako wondered. "Did I do something to upset her?" Knowing she wasn't going to find Haruna where she was, Kanako made her way back to the main festival grounds and began combing through the remaining crowd. "Where are you Haruna?" she thought, looking at each face that went by her. Before long, she ran into one she recognized.
"Hey Kana-chan," Chiyo said, then she glanced around. "Where's Haru-chi? Wasn't she with you?" "She ran away!" Kanako said in a panic. "What?! Whaddya mean she ran away?!" Chiyo exclaimed. "I don't know! We were watching the fireworks together and then all of a sudden she just sprinted off!" Kanako cried, worried. "What should we do? I can't find her anywhere!"
As the two girls continued to panic, the cooking club members came up to join them. "What's with all the racket?" Rina asked. "Haruna's missing!" Kanako said, then Chiyo put a hand on Kanako's head. Already having calmed herself down, Chiyo explained the situation. "So she just left Kana-chan all by herself in the woods? How nice of her," Michi said sarcastically and clearly getting mad. "We should probably help to look for her," Mayu said. "Yeah good idea. We can split up to cover more ground too," Naomi said. "Wait a minute! Endo-san's the one at fault here! Why should we even bother trying to find her?" Michi yelled. "Because she's Kana-chan's and Chiyo's friend," Naomi said as if it were obvious. "If you got lost, wouldn't you want Endo-san looking for you?" "She'd probably be more likely to leave me to die," Michi thought, but with a sigh, she agreed to help anyways, if for no other reason than the fact that Kanako and Chiyo were both staring at her with pleading eyes.
Dividing into pairs, the group began looking all over for Haruna, checking closed stalls, taken-down tents and every place in between that they could think of. By the time they gathered again, no one had had any luck. "Who else would know where she went? Did someone take her home?" Naomi asked aloud. "Oh! I think Akio-kun was here tonight! Maybe he knows," Kanako said. "I'll text him."
Within minutes, Kanako got a reply. "He says that Haruna's with him. Thank goodness," Kanako said, breathing a sigh of relief. "Well, glad that's over. Now we can finally go home. I'm exhausted," Rina said. "Am I sleeping with you again tonight Rina-chan?" Saki asked happily. "D-Don't say it like that!" Rina shot back, flustered. "B-But sure, I guess..." The two of them waved goodbye and headed toward where they were going to meet their ride. After them were Mayu and Itsuki, then Naomi, leaving only Michi, Kanako and Chiyo left.
"I can't believe she just abandoned you like that," Michi said with a huff. "I-I'm sure there's a good reason..." Kanako said, sounding like she hardly believed her own words. "Yeah, the reason is that she's a big jerk!" Michi said loudly. "Come on Mi-chan, she's not that bad if you give her a chance," Chiyo said. "I don't want to hear that coming from one of the biggest whores in the school!" Michi yelled, pointing her finger at Chiyo. "Mi-chan!" Kanako shouted. Michi ignored her. "And another thing! Stop trying to get so close to me! We're NOT friends, so keep you and your disgusting habits away from me." With that final remark, Michi stormed off. "I wonder what's got her so riled up," Chiyo said. "Are you okay Chiyo?" Kanako asked. Chiyo smiled at her. "I'm fine. It takes a lot more than that to bother me!" But then, in a voice barely audible, she added, "Besides, people have said much worse to me..."
"What? I couldn't hear you," Kanako said. "Oh, it was nothing important! Come on, now that we know Haru-chi's all safe and snug, we should be getting home," Chiyo said. As she walked away, Kanako stared at her back. "For some reason, I get the feeling there's a lot more to her than she lets on," she thought before following behind.
*****
When the Miyashita's car pulled up to Haruna's house, she got out and gave a quick thanks to them before heading toward her front door. The rest of the ride had been a tension-filled silence, creating a rather uncomfortable atmosphere in such a small space. Glad that it was finally over, Haruna unlocked the door and walked inside.
Surprising her was her mother standing near the entryway. "Oh, Haruna. I thought you'd still be out a little later." Haruna said nothing, setting down her geta that she had been carrying for quite some time. "What happened to you? Your yukata's filthy and your face is all dirty," her mother said with concern. Feeling emotion beginning to overtake her once more, Haruna took several steps forward before planting her face into her mother's shoulder.
"Oh?" Haruna's mother let out, caught off-guard by her daughter's sudden closeness. "Haruna, what's wrong?" she asked, but the only response she got was a gripping of her clothes in Haruna's hands. They began to shake as well, along with the rest of her body. "Ghh...nhh..." Haruna let out, trying her best to stifle the tears that were coming again. Her mother smiled, placing one hand on Haruna's head and wrapping her other arm around her daughter's back. "I don't know what happened, but it's okay now. You're home."
Unable to hold back any more, Haruna cried into her mother's shoulder.
*****
The next few days at school were incredibly awkward for Haruna. Not wanting to talk to anyone about what had happened at the Tanabata festival, but also not being allowed to skip, she decided the best course of action would be to avoid everyone as much as possible. That meant going to school well before she would meet Chiyo along the way, scurrying out of the classroom to eat lunch by herself in some tucked away corner and leaving immediately, giving no one a chance to ask her about her actions.
Haruna ended up spending most of her time in her room, lying on her bed and contemplating what her new feelings would mean for her. Of course, as she thought about it, she kept finding several problems.
Firstly, she just didn't understand how her feelings had even changed in the first place. It had certainly taken Haruna long enough to figure out how she felt about Akio, but looking back, Haruna probably been in love with him for longer than she realized. "What even made me fall for him anyways?" she wondered. Perhaps it was his kindness that led to a crush. Or, maybe it was because it felt like Akio was the only boy that Haruna got along with. "His looks aren't bad either," she thought. "I guess when you put it all together, it just sort of happened."
Haruna sighed. Once Chiyo had basically spelled out Haruna's own feelings to her back then, it had felt like everything made a lot more sense. Why she got anxious around Akio, why she wanted to be with him and especially why she wanted to be closer to him than Kanako was. Haruna kept looking forward to the day she'd get up the courage to confess and finally get to be his girlfriend. They'd go on dates and hold hands and do all sorts of couple-y stuff. Of course, all those dreams were shattered the moment that Akio had suggested Haruna go out with Kanako for a year instead of him.
That led to the second issue. Kanako had been someone Haruna loathed for years. She did everything she could to put that girl down, whether it was insulting her or picking pointless fights. Haruna typically felt like getting physical with Kanako would've been crossing a line, even for her, but if her displeasure could be voiced, she'd do it. Time and time again, all through junior high and into high school, there was an endless barrage of hate.
And now, within a few months, so much had changed. The two girls had started to "fake date" each other. They were getting closer to how they used to be, even if it had been initially unwanted. They had also managed to work out their past problems. But... all of that progress had led to a startling revelation for Haruna. Kanako had been a lot of things to her. Former childhood best friend, enemy and now even fake girlfriend. Now added to that list was love interest.
The whole thing gave Haruna mixed feelings. She didn't show it much, but she was happy that she and Kanako had talked things over about their fight. Haruna was also happy that they were on better terms now... but... "Is it really okay?" Haruna wondered. "I mean, we fought for so long and now I'm thinking of her like this..." She rolled over onto her other side. "Well, even if it was okay..."
Haruna came to her third, final and biggest issue of all. "...We're both girls..."
That was something that Haruna had no idea how to process. It was one thing to see two girls or two boys together in a picture or to hear about someone experimenting in college, but when it came to actual experiences, Haruna was lost. She didn't know anyone who liked the same sex, and she definitely had never given it any thought before now. "Where do you even start? Is it the same as when a girl likes a boy?" she wondered. But there was still a bigger question to be asked.
"Let's say I knew what to do. I could tell Kanako about my feelings, but... would she accept them?" The wonderings of someone with a crush of whether or not the person they like would accept their feelings is something that everyone goes through, but in this case, the thought had larger implications. It wasn't just, "will she accept or reject these feelings?" It was also, "If I'm like this, will she accept me, a girl asking her, another girl, to go out?"
Haruna curled herself up a little tighter. These were the questions that had plagued her ever since the night of the festival. "I just don't know..." she said out loud. Feeling exhausted once again from worry, Haruna quickly changed clothes and then drifted off to sleep.
*****
The next morning, Haruna awoke to find herself wearing her uniform. "Oh, right...I changed into this for some reason before I fell asleep..." she thought groggily. Straightening it out some, Haruna decided it was good enough before grabbing her things and heading downstairs. She was still trying to beat Kanako to school, so breakfast was quick and then she dashed out the door.
Walking with pace, it wasn't long before Iwanai High came into view. Haruna ran up to the doors and changed her shoes as fast as she could, but when she slammed her locker door shut, she jumped. "Hey Haru-chi," Chiyo said with a smile, but Haruna got the feeling there was some serious anger brewing behind it. "H-Hey, Chiyo," Haruna said nervously. "Um, well, class is about to start, so-"
Haruna tried to go around Chiyo, but she threw her arm up as a blockade, keeping her hand pressed against the lockers. Haruna then tried to go the other way, but Chiyo moved with her, mirroring her previous motion. Glares were exchanged, and the two girls began dancing back and forth. Every way Haruna tried to go, Chiyo followed, swinging back and forth between the sets of lockers on either side of her.
"Chiyo move! This is ridiculous!" Haruna shouted with a huff. "No!" Chiyo yelled back. Haruna stared at her, and Chiyo looked up with a sad expression on her face. "I just want you to talk to me girl... Tell me what's been going on with you..." Haruna was surprised. She didn't see Chiyo look like that very often. "Sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you or anything. I've just had a lot on my mind lately and I wasn't sure what to do..." "You know you can always come tell me stuff right? I'm your bestie, ain't I?" Chiyo said, almost with a sense of pleading. "...You're right. But seriously, we'll have to talk later, because class is starting in less than a minute," Haruna said, pointing to a clock on the wall. "Ah!" Chiyo exclaimed, and the two girls booked it for their classroom. They both ended up being late and were scolded by the teacher.
The rest of the day went by like normal, which was a first for Haruna in several days. However, "normal" still didn't consist of interacting with Kanako. On the first day back from the festival, Kanako had tried to talk to Haruna, but she had ignored her and just went home. The next day, Kanako had weakly tried again, but also to no avail. It didn't take her long to pick up on the fact that Haruna clearly didn't want to talk to her.
Unfortunately, Haruna knew her actions were going to have very unpleasant repercussions. She was sure Kanako was hurt by how Haruna was avoiding her, and when the time came, there was probably a possibility that there'd be some sort of reckoning. Haruna shivered at the thought. Kanako, by all intents and purposes, was a girl who could be described as quiet, a little shy and kind. However, when Kanako got serious, she spoke with confidence, knowing exactly what to say and how to say it so it would have the most impact. It was an experience that Haruna wasn't eager to go through yet again. "Seriously, how does she not know how scary she is when she gets like that?"
Dreading the chance of being subjected to Kanako's wrath, Haruna trudged through the halls and out the front doors once the bell had rung to signal the end of the day. "Hey, wait up Haru-chi!" Chiyo called as she ran up behind her. "Whoa, you're lookin' a little pale girl. Are you sick?" "Huh? No, I'm fine," Haruna responded. "So anyways, you wanna tell me what's on your mind?" Chiyo asked. Honestly, Haruna didn't really want to, but she also knew that it was times like these that Chiyo seemed to thrive and offer good advice.
Resigned to the impending conversation, Haruna nodded, but decided to stay quiet until they reached somewhere they could sit down. Along the way was a playground area, so the two girls went in and each sat down on a swing. Then Haruna started speaking.
"...You were right, Chiyo," she said quietly and with a bit of resentment. "Huh? Right about what?" Chiyo asked. "About... you know... me and Kanako..." Haruna said hesitantly. "What about you two?" Chiyo asked. "Ugh! You're seriously going to make me say it?!" Haruna yelled. "I don't have a clue what you're talking about," Chiyo said. "F-Fine... I..."
"I'm in love with Kanako."
There was a pause, and then Chiyo gave a wry smile. "Gah, I knew it! You were just trying to get me to say it weren't you?!" Haruna shouted. Chiyo laughed. "Well, I'm glad to see that you've accepted it," she said. Haruna went back to being silent. Chiyo looked at her. "Y'know, for a girl in love, you don't seem too giddy about it."
Haruna sighed. "I guess... I'm just struggling to come to terms with it." "What's there to come to terms with?" Chiyo asked. "I mean, you were all good with the idea of being in love with Akio-kun." "I know, but... this is just different somehow..." Haruna said. There was a long silence before Haruna continued.
"I've known Kanako for a long time. We've been through a lot together. I know most of the problems we've had in the past were my fault, but that doesn't mean what I felt back then wasn't real." Haruna looked at her best friend. "I hated her Chiyo. I mean, I really loathed her. It felt like she had hurt me and I lashed out because of it. But now that that's all in the past, I... don't know what to do."
Chiyo listened to every word before coming up with her own response. "Shouldn't you just confess?" she said with a shrug. Haruna shot up from her swing seat. "C-C-Confess?! Are you nuts?! I can't do that! No way in hell can I do that!" "Why not?" Chiyo asked simply. "Huh? W-Well, it's just... I mean..." Lost for words, Haruna sat back down. She knew that what Chiyo had said made sense. When you have feelings for someone, you eventually tell them. Then those feelings either get accepted and you get to be in a relationship with that person, or you get rejected and life goes on. But for Haruna, it didn't seem that simple.
"Why can't you confess Haru-chi?" Chiyo asked innocently. "Because... Because she's..." Haruna mumbled. "Because she's what?"
"...Because she's a girl."
Chiyo stared blankly before offering a one word response. "So?" "S-So?! What do you mean 'so?!'" Haruna yelled. "So what if she's a girl? As long as you're in love with her, that's all that matters," Chiyo said easily. "But it's not that easy! I mean, there would be so many problems, and-" Haruna panicked, but Chiyo put her finger up to cut her off. "Love is love Haru-chi," Chiyo said. "What's that supposed to mean?" Haruna asked. "It means that you can't help that you fell in love with someone even though society thinks that you shouldn't have," Chiyo explained in a scholarly way. "It's just like Romeo and Juliet! Or when two different animals fall for each other in those cute kids movies!"
Haruna scratched her head. "I still don't get it." Chiyo sighed. "Then how about this. You love Kanako right?" Haruna's face lit up with surprise. "Well, I, um!" Feeling extremely embarrassed, Haruna put her face toward the ground and meekly nodded. "Okay! Then that's all that matters!" Chiyo exclaimed. "Seriously?" Haruna said, looking up with doubt in her eyes. "Yuppers!" Chiyo said happily, standing up and taking a few goose steps forward. "Sure, at first, you loved Akio-kun, and that was fine. It took you like, centuries to get there, but you did eventually." "Hey!" Haruna yelled, but Chiyo ignored her. "But feelings aren't as concrete as you make them out to be. The heart is fickle Haru-chi, and when it wants something, it'll give chase with all 100 percent it has to offer. It used to want Akio-kun, but now it wants Kana-chan." Chiyo turned around to look at Haruna. "And honestly, the look you gave me when you admitted you were in love with Kana-chan was totally 10 times better than when you realized you had a crush on Akio-kun."
"R-Really...?" Haruna said softly. "Mhm!" Chiyo nodded. "Besides, it's not like you're the only person in the whole wide world who gets feelings like that. I mean, I even know of some girls here in Japan that play both sides of the field, if you know what I mean," she said with a wink. Haruna rolled her eyes, but then asked a question. "Have you ever... you know... d-done it with a girl?" Chiyo walked slowly over to Haruna and leaned in close. "Why do you ask? Would it make you jealous if I had?" she whispered with a seductive tone into Haruna's ears. "Absolutely not," Haruna answered flatly. "Ouch!" Chiyo cried, pretending to fall backwards like she had been hit. "It's so clear to me now that your heart only beats for one girl and one alone!" "S-Shut up! You don't need to tell the whole neighborhood!" Haruna shouted, running up to clamp Chiyo's mouth shut.
"To rweely answer your queston," Chiyo said through pinched cheeks. Haruna let go. "No, I haven't ever done it with a girl. Although, there was one time when a girl hit on me and I was pretty tempted. She had a smokin' hot bod and her boobs were huge!" "God Chiyo, you sound like some sort of sleazebag," Haruna said with disappointment, putting a hand to her forehead. "But for real Haru-chi," Chiyo went on, putting her arm around Haruna's shoulders. "I'm happy for you." Haruna smiled. "Thanks Chiyo."
After talking with the gal, Haruna felt a lot calmer about the whole situation. It was still too soon to say that she had accepted everything. No matter how you looked at it, it was a lot to take in. It would still take Haruna time to get used to the fact that she was now in love with a girl instead of a boy. On top of that, it was a girl that she had known for a long time and had quite the rollercoaster with. But now, maybe, just maybe, Haruna felt like she could take her first real step forward in earnest, this time in the direction of Kanako.
*****
When Kanako got home from club that same day, she walked inside, took off her shoes and immediately went to flop onto the couch. She laid there for a moment, then decided to sit up straight, grabbing a pillow to hold between her arms. Then, she let out a long, heavy sigh. "Haruna, you dummy! Why won't you just talk to me?!"
Kanako had tried several times to find out why Haruna had ran off during the festival, but every attempt had failed. Somehow, Haruna had managed to evade her every time. Kanako had decided that it might be best to give her space, but something about the scene she had witnessed really bothered her. "It was so un-Haruna-like," was the best was Kanako could think to describe it. Seeing her look genuinely happy, then suddenly crying, and in between... "There was that compliment..." Kanako thought. "At least, I think it was a compliment. I guess she could've just been calling the fireworks beautiful, but she was looking right at me..." Kanako felt her face get a little hot. "Ugh, seriously, what am I even thinking about? I should be trying to figure out why she ran away!"
The girl was at a loss, and unfortunately, that wasn't the only issue. Haruna had been picked up by Akio. Knowing that the two of them had been alone together made Kanako feel a little irritated. "I know nothing happened, but still... We have that deal to see who will win Akio-kun's heart by the end of the year. How do I know Haruna didn't try to gain some points with him? Or worse, what if she tried to make some sort of move on Akio-kun?!" Kanako began to panic, but then she took a deep breath and let it out. "No, Haruna wouldn't do something like that. She may seem scary to others, but she's actually kind of timid. There's no way she'd be able to do something so aggressive." Kanako took solace in that thought. "I still have plenty of time to become the one that Akio-kun will pick! I'll out-girlfriend Haruna and really impress him!"
However, even with her newfound determination, Kanako went back to being dejected. There was still the issue of Haruna avoiding her. "I've got to get her to talk to me. Maybe if I could somehow get her alone...?" Kanako kept thinking, then finally, an idea hit her. "Well, she may be aggressive, but I can be too!"
The next day at school started off with a chaotic mess. First, Kanako had made sure she got up extra early so she could catch Haruna in the morning, but as soon as Haruna had seen her, she ran. Kanako chased after her. "Stay away from me!" Haruna yelled. "I just... want... to talk!" Kanako yelled back in between breaths. They continued like that all the way to school. Finally, at the lockers, things evened out and Kanako managed to catch up to Haruna. She tried to get away, but before she could, Kanako grabbed Haruna's arm and pulled her around a nearby corner.
Haruna hit her back up against the wall with some force from being pulled abruptly, but after recovering from her initial shock, she realized the situation she was in. Kanako was standing in front of her, with one hand up against the wall so Haruna couldn't avoid her. "Is this... a wall slam?" Haruna thought. "I think I've heard of those in manga. Man though, I get why those girls react the way they do now. This is... pretty... intense..." Haruna's mind began to drift, with only her eyes really doing any work.
They stared at Kanako, who was looking back up at Haruna with a determined expression. "That's... so cute..." Haruna thought. "Why is this so effective?" She began to feel her face getting hot, and things only got worse when her eyes happened to slip down to the collar of Kanako's uniform. Due to their height difference and the angle that Haruna was at, it was inevitable to not see at least some of the smaller girl's chest. Immediately, Haruna turned her eyes away and her blushing spread to her entire face.
"Huh? H-Haruna, are you okay?" Kanako asked. "I-I'm fine! Just tell me what you want already!" Haruna said loudly. Kanako cleared her throat. "Haruna Endo!" "Y-Yes?!" Haruna reacted, surprised by her full name being said. "I'm demanding that you study with me tomorrow after school at my house!" Haruna's mind went blank. "Study for what?" she asked, confused. Kanako looked confused too. "For this term's finals... You do know they're next week right?"
Haruna's eyes went wide. "I totally forgot!" she screamed inside. With everything that had happened recently, studying for tests had dropped significantly on Haruna's to-do list. "O-Of course I know that, stupid!" Haruna lied. "R-Really, because you looked pretty surprised just now," Kanako commented. "I did not!" Haruna shot back. "O-Okay... well, anyways, y-you'd better show up. If I don't help my fake girlfriend pass her tests, I'm sure Akio-kun will think I'm falling behind you," Kanako said.
Haruna felt a little annoyed by that last statement. "Whatever. It's not like Miyashita-kun will have the time to worry about our test results anyways when he has his own." "Well, I guess that's true..."" Kanako said quietly. The two girls fell into an awkward silence.
"S-So, uh, Kanako?" Haruna began. "What?" Kanako said. "Are you gonna, y'know, move?" Haruna asked. They were still in the wall-slam position. "Huh? Oh, right! Oops, haha," Kanako said, finally getting off the wall and letting Haruna free. "Come on, class is probably about to start," Haruna said with a huff as she walked away. Kanako caught up to her. "Hey, don't you think that was kind of like a scene in a manga?" she asked. "It was not! Stop saying dumb things..." Haruna said, then thought. "So she thought that too..."
They were nearing the corner they had gone around when Haruna felt something brush up against her hand. Flinching, she looked down to see it had just been Kanako. "W-What's wrong? We always do this," she said. Haruna stared at the hand being offered to her. "It felt like my heart was going to explode for a second," she thought. "Actually being in love sure makes things a lot harder..." "I-I know alright? I was just thinking about something else, so you surprised me," Haruna lied. "Is that so? You must've been deep in thought," Kanako said. "Y-Yeah, sure..." Haruna muttered, taking Kanako's hand as she said that. "It's warm... and soft..." That was something that Haruna had noticed before too, but thinking it with love in mind made such a detail feel a lot more meaningful. All the way to their classrooms, Haruna blushed for all to see.
Once they reached the point where they split off, Haruna was about to go when she felt a tug. Kanako hadn't released her hand yet. "Y-You better show up tomorrow," she said. "I will, now let me go," Haruna said. Kanako did and the two of them finally went into their separate classrooms.
*****
After working out the finer details via text, Haruna had agreed to meet Kanako at her house after she got home from club. "Ugh, why'd I even agreed to this?" Haruna complained. "It's all because of the situation we were in. That whole scene made it impossible for me to say no... Kanako also looked pretty serious too, so that didn't help either."
Accepting her fate, Haruna carried herself over next door and knocked. Greeting her was Kanako, who was still in her uniform. "Oh, H-Haruna! Good timing, I just got home," she said. "Yeah, I guess," Haruna said. She felt anxious. The way Kanako had been so aggressive had made Haruna begin to think that there was something more to what they were doing aside from studying. "D-Do you... want to go to my room?" Kanako asked nervously. Seeing her like how she usually was provided Haruna with a bit of relief. "Maybe I'm just overthinking things."
Heading upstairs, the two girls went in Kanako's room and sat down on the floor. However, Haruna noticed that something was different. "This is Kanako's room..." she thought. It wasn't like it was the first time she had seen it. In fact, there was really no way to count how many times Haruna had been there. But as she sat, Haruna knew that this time was different than all of the others, because this time, she was in love.
But while Haruna had changed, the room itself hadn't, at least not by much over the years. Kanako's walls were still pink, faded from the years past. Her bed still sat in the far corner and her desk was across from it. The room was always kept clean (unlike Haruna's), and the walls had a few pictures hanging up here and there. However, even though the appearance hadn't really changed, even something as simple as the atmosphere within it felt different now.
The room of the girl across from her suddenly felt so much more special, and with just the two of them there, it was like it was a space just for them. "It's just us... alone in her room..." Haruna thought. Her mind began to empty as she was now feeling lost. "Wait... what did I come here to do again? Studying right? How do I do that? What am I supposed to do? Should I ask Kanako questions? Will she hear me? Am I too far away from her? Should I get closer? Maybe we should be a little closer. After all, we're supposed to be fake dating. What if Miyashita-kun shows up? We have to be able to show him we're convincing. Then again, I don't really care anymore, but Kanako does."
As Haruna's thoughts spiraled out of control, she started to feel dizzy. "Um, Haruna? Are you okay? Y-You look... flustered," Kanako said. When she spoke, it brought Haruna back to her senses. "Huh? Flustered? It's probably just from the stuff in the textbook," Haruna said. "But your books aren't even open yet..." Kanako said softly. "O-Oh! Right! Haha, so stupid of me!" Haruna said loudly, quickly moving to get out her books and notes. Kanako gave her a questioning look.
"Hey Haruna, can we talk about-" As soon as Haruna heard the word "talk," she knew what was coming next. "She wants to ask me about the night of the festival..." Haruna thought. "But... I can't... Even if I had the courage to, what would I even say? Hey, sorry I ran away, it was because I realized I'm in love with you? Yeah, like that would go over well." So instead, Haruna cut Kanako off. "No, no talking. You invited me over here to study right? So that's what we're doing. End of story." Kanako wanted to say something in response, but she couldn't come up with anything. "Why can't she just tell me?" Kanako wondered, but she said nothing else, instead turning to her own notes.
It was quiet in the room, with both girls flipping through pages. However, while Haruna absentmindedly went through the material, Kanako found herself continuing to be distracted. "I want to know," she thought. "I want to know so bad about what happened. Haruna hardly ever reacts like that, so what caused it? Was it me? Was it my fault?"
Question after question barraged Kanako's mind, to the point where she was no longer able to focus. "I have to know," she thought resolutely. Shutting her history textbook, Kanako looked directly at Haruna. The other girl looked up back at her and briefly appeared to be surprised when they locked eyes. "Haruna," Kanako said. "W-What?" Haruna asked. "Tell me what happened. Why did you run away from the festival ... and from me...?"
Haruna froze. "Damn it," she thought. "This is exactly what I didn't want." "I just... Look, can we not talk about this?" Haruna said aloud. "No!" Kanako exclaimed, then quieter, "Please Haruna... can't you just talk to me?" Her response put Haruna on edge. The exact same sentence had been spoken days after their big fight. Even though Haruna had tried her best to move on from her past problems with Kanako, that was easier said than done. Feelings aren't so easily overwritten or forgotten. Those words ended up triggering a sour response from Haruna.
"I don't want to," she said sternly. "And now that I know that's why you really asked me to come over, I'm leaving." Haruna started to gather her things and stand up. "W-Wait! We can still study! I promise I won't ask you anymore!" Kanako said. It was true that she really wanted to know what Haruna's reasons were for her past actions, but she had also just gotten Haruna back as a friend. Already having another fight seemed like an action that could shatter such a new and fragile relationship.
"Forget it," Haruna said. "Besides, I didn't even want to do this stupid study session in the first place, you idiot." A silence fell over the room. "...Sorry. That... came out meaner than it should've been... Old habits and all that..." Haruna said, barely above a whisper and gripping her left arm with her right hand. "Thanks... for trying to help." Kanako stared at Haruna for a moment before turning her face away with an expression of dejection. "Sure..." she mumbled.
An awkwardness began to build in the room. Not knowing what else to say, Haruna left.
End of Chapter Eight.