starting off, I'm only 14 and I have a learning disability along with 80HD and alot of people can understand how I think. My mom was great, I think, I love her but comparing us and how we think, I see things way different. I see that she baby's my little sister way to much and my little sister gives up and only wants the awnser instead of finding it out herself. she busts me alot. my dad isn't the same I dont think. i dont like how he slaps both of us upside the heads if I needed to ask my sister nicely to stop doing something. My parents got divorced when I was younger, around 5 and I can remember it. Now this can get a little personal but I need to get it out. That night my dad came home all drunk. my mom was sick of it and she argued with my dad. my dad then somehow got on the subject of me and my sister. he was gonna take me away instead of my sister. Now I'm not saying with just to be saying this, this is all true. I was thrown in rue back set of the truck and with my mom running outside crying and yelling at him he drove off. My mom hoped in the back of to bed of the torch and we drove to the desert. I woke up after my I heard my mom screaming in pain. I realized my dad ran over my mom. He drove her to the hospital and then that's when she throw up and wouldn't stop cursing at me. I was broken I thought it was all my fault and i thought that way for years, and I still think it is. as for my sister, shes spilled baby and gets what she wants. my mom was mostly hard on me but I thought nothing really of it. That part was traumatizing for me as a kid. I didnt understand what was really happening and what was really going on. now I'm moving on. I realized that this story should help me get through the negative and start heading up in life. I do t just wanna say this I wanna think that this will happend and I wanna believe someone is always here for me but what would be live with out alittle negative. I wouldn't say I wanna kill my self but I do hate my self. I am bullies for how I looked and dressed but diddnt give to shits beacues I was to busy doing something else or working on something just to keep my mind busy and flowing, I wanna ask myself how I became so desperate to be with someone to have support and be successful. I feel like I could be come someone worse then me, my dad or my mom. keeping how I feel to myself so no one would have to worry. every day after school I would walk walk with teires and my eyes and fall a sleep only to be woken up from a nightmare beacu ees s I though I was late. I feel sorry I did question and horr things when I was age 8 beacu ees s I couldn't unsee my cat dieing right be for me. dont tell me wrong beacues I loved a cat. at age 8 I killed thing for gun like birds lizard and snakes. I quiet at school and I justed wanned everyone to leave me alone. I wanned to be known as the loner unill I ment a guy... this guy was named Noah. i hated him at forsted but KEEPED bugging me and he made me make friends with his friends and then there friends and then I was in a group. I realized that women had it alittle harder then men beacues women are shamed for every single thing. people expect us to have perfect body's and attitude. abscly a dream girl. but I realized when men get doners or get smaed there not shamed or judge for it. they would be prazed and rewored for it. when women have get laid they would be called a slut or a whore, if our periods go throw our pains we are make fun of and embarrass. Would I be wrong to think this? and most people would disagree but if you really think about it, it's TRUE. Why cant people see they way I see it maybe they would open up alittle and have a better look at life and what needs to change. maybe people can raise there child right and better. hopefully the world would change. if the negative would just go away please I beg you to look on the bright side of things and to never stop. if your stressed out take a brake or tell a friend that you trust, dont go around saying shit if you know it true. Life is difficult and yet so diffident for so meny people, you may hear that alot but it's TRUE and you have to look at things a different way to understand the back story of 5hat else might be going on. a simple smile can change a person's day even if they are mad just play a simple game of rock paper scissors just beacues. even if your shy you have to own it and stand up to get up and what's the point in hiding when you can shine? gell me why we are here and dont give me some bull shit awser beacu ees s I wanna know the truth beacues some people just can figure it out. your not ever really broken even though you might hate yourself or wanna kill yourself but that's not the right way. as a kid I always hate talking to a therapist beacues it's like tdd talking to a stranger. I don't see the point and I dont care for it. I still do hate my self and every moment I get I try to change that into something else. I wanna become famous by writing about what i think. I know I might not but I think of it as whatever and sild it off. I'll keep trying and I might give up or take a brake but then soon return. I have friends all around me to prove that there is someone here and if you dont have anyfrineds then make some beacues so help you that you might bot make it without someone by your side, you might have to open up a little whitch .ight hurt but trust me it could be a good chance that it's worth it to make a point and prove it's right if you believe so. so.wtimsd you can let it go so.wtimes you cant. the world won't end but it wount end, and sometimes it will help to get up and take a single walk by yourself just to realized how alone you might be. I'm not asking to explain everything or expressing anything I'm saying to make your self aware of your own astounding beacues it's harder to make others listen but you have to prove your point and make them listen to the pain what your going through beacues your mine is informed and feel like it could sing into the bottom of a sea that will never end of negative emotions and memories of what your want to forget or forgive. make them listen to you befor you brown in that ocean beacues trusted me I when it's hard to swim up when you are sinking down. Dont cut or kill yourself beacues you will keep comming up with reasons. cutting only hurts the people around them and when you look at them it seems like they become changes of emotions and actions that you will ever forget and if you have a child and they ask you what they are and you tell them a stupid ass lie beacues you cant. when you read something sad ita ok to cry. if you have that felling that you need to fell sad, let it out dont keep it in. some people have to learn to let things go.its hard for alot of people beacues the things other might do can ge tromaziong and even life threatening I guess.
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