I didn't sleep that night remaining where i was not moving the ghost of my pain still chilling me to the bone.
That was how Exon found me the next morning.
Entering the den he rushed to my side.
"Raven what's wrong what happened?"
He noticed my burnt hands and instantly called out to Talieus.
Talieus took one look at me and told Exon to leave.
"Why? Whats going on what happened to her?"
"Exon go I said I need to talk with my granddaughter alone."
Exon's eyes widened it was the first time Talieus's had called me his granddaughter in front of anyone.
"Very well."
Talieus slowly approached me as he examined my hands. Then pulling back the furs I was wrapped in he studied my neck.
"What have you done Raven?"
I wanted to cry but I had no more tears left. He looked to my hands again.
"Two mates? Rejecting one is bad enough but two."
He put his forehead to mine.
"Why Raven?"
I wet my lips before I answered my mouth had become dry and hoarse.
"For the pack."
He shook his head.
"Is that the only reason?"
I remained silent that was the only reason I was prepared to give.
"He came here last night didn't he?"
He held up my hand that used to hold Zeld's mark.
He swore under his breath.
"I told him to stay away why didn't he listen."
I didn't know what he he was talking about and I didn't care.
"I never wanted this for you."
"I can live with the consequences Talieus as long as the pack survives."
He growled.
"I'll kill Tharon for putting those ideals in your head. Being alpha doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your happiness. Rejecting your mate causes the heart to go cold. You will never know true love. Did you think about your life after all this? Say we win and the pack is safe again how do you expect the pack to thrive if the moon goddess's line ends with you?"
I sighed.
"Just because I rejected my mate doesn't mean I wont find someone else to be with."
"It's not the same Raven and you know it."
I groaned.
"I don't want to talk about this any more."
I stood up.
"Are we going to train or what?"
He shook his head.
"Not today Raven."
I growled.
"Why not! The trails only three sleeps away."
Talieus stood as well.
"You just rejected two mates in one go Raven we are not training today and that's final."
I growled.
"Fine I'll train on my own!"
I put my jacket back on And started to leave but Talieus grabbed my arm.
"Raven don't you see it's already starting, your changing."
I growled.
"to win this war maybe that's what I need to be. did you ever think of that?"
"Not at the cost of your own soul Raven. You once said you didn't want to lead the pack by fear."
I groaned.
"Don't be so dramatic I'm still me I haven't changed that much."
He let go of my arm turning me with his hands on my shoulders.
"You haven't yet but you will. I have seen what happens to a wolf when they've rejected their mate you will start to resent your life and with it the pack."
I smiled sadly.
"Well if I start to get like that I trust you to do the right thing for the pack and banish me."
He stepped back in shock.
"You can't mean that?!"
"It wouldn't be the first time and i refuse to let the pack suffer for my choices. I did this to win this war right now they need an alpha that won't hesitate. Once there is peace again I will leave the pack to the elders."
"Raven if you become alpha your alpha for life you can't just abandon them!"
I growled at him.
"Your the one that's worried about me resenting them!"
"Argh your so much like your father self sabotaging he was exactly the same. Not once do either of you think about the people that actually care about you. Did you even think about what you would be putting Zeld through or even Ki?!"
I remained silent.
"Or even me I'm your grandfather I will not stand by and watch you whither away a lonely existence like your father has. I can't go through that again and I won't."
What the hell was he talking about?!
"My father had no choice his mate died what was he supposed to do die with her?!"
I watched as Talieus's face turned sad sighing. I watched as he run a hand through his hair answering.
"After your mother died and you were with Tharon Loki came back for a time. He tried to help the pack rebuild, there was a female named Sydney. Like you the moon goddess had given him a second mate."
Breathless I whispered.
"What happened?"
"He rejected her because he didn't think he deserved a second chance at love after leaving Lyieta to die. He left the next day to watch over you."
"What happened to Sydney?"
"She couldn't handle being rejected so she killed herself."
My hand went to my mouth in shock no wonder Loki never spoke about his past.
"So don't you see nothing good comes from loosing a mate and now you have lost two."
I sighed.
"The point is mute away since it's already too late what's done is done now I have to live with it."
"Well you can live with it on your own."
I raised my eyes in confusion.
"What are you saying?"
"I'm done find someone else to train you I'd rather fight in this battle and die then see what you will become."
With that said he left the den.
'What do we do now?'
'Don't the rules say we need to be trained by an elder to Enter the trails?'
I frowned.
'Yes looks like we go to the only elder left.'
'Are you sure that's wise Raven you saw how Keyon trains Zeld. Grit is of the same position as Keyon neither want you to prevail.'
'What else can I do Caryi I have to be trained by an elder.'
'I don't like this small one'
'We have no choice.'
It was still early in the morning as I left in search of Grits den. As I walked amongst the pack I realised I really didn't know much about any of them.
'Once the trails are over we should make a point to know everything about every one of them.'
I silently agreed as I saw Exon exiting what must have been his den. I smiled to myself as I hid behind the den near me.
'Might as well win one more dagger while we're searching.'
I followed him as he walked through the dens towards the trees surrounding the pack.
'Where's he going?'
'To hunt?'
As we followed him he stopped near a tree using my wind I sent a gust to his right to distract him while I snuck up from his left. Pulling out one of my blades I stepped in pressing it to his side.
"I win."
I whispered in his ear.
He spun around smiling.
"I was wondering when you would make your first move."
I chuckled as I put the blade back inside my clothes. He pulled out one of his own blades handing it to me.
"Fares fare."
I took it putting it with my other two as he looked sideways at me.
"So you going to tell me what this morning was about?"
I shrugged.
"Nothing just a difference in opinion."
He narrowed his eyes.
"Seemed like more then that to me."
I frowned.
"I don't want to talk about it."
Exon went silent like he was contemplating whether to continue or not. Feigning a smile he opted for another subject which only served to make things worse.
"So Talieus give you a day off from training?"
I shook my head remembering his words.
"Not exactly it's kind of why I followed you I just wanted to know if you could show me which den is Grit's?"
Surprise was in his face as he looked at me.
"What for?"
"I need to ask him if he will continue my training."
"What do you mean continue your training what happened to Talieus."
He started go turn back in a panic when I stopped him.
"Exon he's fine he's just not training me any more."
He stared at me trying hard not to question me further but I could see him struggling.
"Look all you need to know is we had a fight and now he refuses to train me so since Grits the only one left I have to ask him."
Exon grimaced.
"Look I won't ask why but can't you two work it out?"
I shook my head.
"No Exon Talieus's mind is made up its Grit or I don't enter the trails."
"I don't know about this Raven out of all the elders Grit is the most dangerous especially for you."
I sighed getting frustrated.
"Will you help me find him or do I have to ask someone else?"
Exon hesitated so I started to walk away when he stopped me.
"Fine I'll take you to him but Raven please be careful."
I nodded smiling.
"Thank you Exon you really are a good friend."
I paused as I added.
"My only friend right now."
His face turned sad as he pulled me in for a hug.
"I'll always be your friend Raven no matter what."
He grabbed my hand.
"Come on I'll take you to Grit."
I followed him back to the pack as we approached the second biggest den.
Before we got too close Exon stopped me.
"Are you sure about this?"
I nodded.
"Positive."
He stepped back as I started towards the entrance.
Grit come out before I could enter his steely eyes glaring down at me.
"Raven to what do I owe the pleasure?"
I hesitated.
'Might as well just jump right in Raven he doesn't seem like someone who appreciates beating around the bush.'
I took a breath.
"I'd like to request for you to continue my training."
He scrutinised me, his glare turned into an eerie smile.
"Come inside young pup and we will discuss this...."
He raised an eyebrow.
"Situation further."
I took one last look at Exon as I followed Grit into his den. When we entered the first thing I noticed was that it was bigger then I had first thought. While the den I was in currently consisted of a floor covered in furs, Grits den however had four separate rooms. Each had enough room for three in wolf form. While it still didn't have much in the way of furniture still being wild wolves it did at least have its own area for a fire and logs to sit on around it.
It was at the lit fire where he indicated for me to follow. There were green eyes watching us from the adjacent rooms at least ten of them that I counted.
He noticed me looking around at the wolves and without turning away he yelled.
"All of you leave now."
One by one they all left some in wolf form some in human. Grit waited til the last one was out before he started talking.
"So young pup I assume since you've come to me Talieus has not approved of your decision to reject both your mates."
My eyes widened at how much he knew. He smiled in that eerie way of his.
"Not much goes on in this pack that I don't know about. So while Talieus may disagree with your decision I on the other hand commend you."
I eyed him suspiciously.
"You don't trust me that's good it means your smart. My question to you is why?"
I looked at him sideways in confusion.
"Why should I train you? It's no secret I favour Zeld as alpha so why would I train you when if I refuse you can't enter the trails. So give me a reason as to why I should change my position. What makes you the better choice?"
'He is sizing us up.'
'Yes you must think about your answer carefully Raven one wrong word and he could ruin any chance of you becoming alpha.'
I thought about what I would say thinking hard of the right words that would impress him enough to do as I'd asked. My smile matched his as I answered.
"It's simple I'm willing to do anything to keep this pack save no matter the cost."
Grit eyed me, his face blank as he took in my words, finally asking.
"Anything?"
I sat up straighter.
"Anything."
"Even if it means sacrificing your very soul?"
My face blank I answered.
"I think I've already proven that I'm not afraid of sacrifice."
He rubbed his cheek thoughtful.
"So you have and that my dear was your first step to becoming the greatest alpha that ever was."
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
"You young pup are full of surprises."
He stood extending his hand over the fire. Slowly I took his hand in mine as the deal was struck.
"Go back to your den and gather your things we leave tonight."
"Wh- leave? What do you mean leave?"
He chuckled.
"If I'm to train you then I will do it away from any distractions. I intend to make you into an alpha worthy of your pack."
Silently I left his den taking a deep breath as the cold air hit me like a brick wall.
'Why do I feel like i just sold our soul to the devil?'
'Maybe because you just did.'
I sighed as I could feel Caryis disapproval.
'I'm doing this for the pack Caryi it may be the only way we survive.'
'I hope your right Raven.'
'I do too.'
Silently I made my way to my den to do as Grit had asked. The words repeating in my head as I did.
'For the pack.'