Cordelia had settled on the library floor, her skirts spilling around her in a pool as she sorted through some of the simpler texts, trying to find some that would be more accessible to her younger students when Anna entered the room.
"My lady," Anna said formally, and Cordelia glanced up at her in confusion. "The Earl of Heinrich."
Before, Cordelia could answer or at least pull herself to her feet, Garin, the Earl of Heinrich, was walking through the library door. She stared at him, her mouth still parted in surprise when his eyes lit up with a trace of a smile at her very undignified seat. Quickly, Cordelia placed the books in her hands on the little pile she had collected and made an attempt to stand.
Garin's smile widened as he walked over to her, held out his hand, and rescued her from her floundering.
"Thank you," she murmured, feeling the heat crawl up her face at him catching her thus.
"My lady," he acknowledged with a nod, a smile still gracing his lips.
This was so dreadfully embarrassing and what was worse was that Cordelia could think of nothing else to say, so she just continued to stand there, staring stupidly at Lord Heinrich, hoping he could save her again by introducing a topic for discussion.
"Princess," Garin said, laughter just behind his voice, "Would you do me the honor of taking a turn in the gardens with me?"
Relief flooded through Cordelia. "Yes," she breathed, still trying to shed her embarrassment, "That would be most pleasant."
Garin offered her his arm and the two made their way through the castle and out into the gardens. The day was balmy, perfect for a leisurely stroll, and Garin led her through some benign topics of conversation before hitting her passion, teaching the village children.
As they strolled through the gardens, their conversation flowed easily. Cordelia had never been more comfortable with any other person as she was with Garin, and it was some time before she noticed that he had taken her far beyond the gardens and even the castle grounds. Cordelia's stomach twisted at the realization, and she tried to force the anxiety away from her mind as they continued to walk. What do you really know about this man? Her mind insisted as the queasiness intensified. An army of nerves crawled to attention on her skin, desperately trying to discern Garin's intentions.
Garin, however, seemed wholly unconcerned with where they had wandered and seemed to exude no nefarious intentions; rather his countenance was as open and friendly as his manner. The problem was with Cordelia, and no matter how she tried to comfort and sooth herself, she could not make herself as easy as she had been before.
"Princess?"
Cordelia pulled her attention back to her companion. "I'm sorry, my lord, I was not attending."
"Shall we return to the castle?" His voice war warm and conversational, but his eyes had been snagged by something behind her. Cordelia tried to glance casually over her shoulder, but the tension in her entire body made the movements jerky and awkward. She saw, with relief that there was nothing in the trees behind her, but the sudden tension in her guest awoke the anxiety and prodded it into frenzy.
"Yes," Cordelia answered too loudly.
"What?" Garin asked, a furrow appearing between his eyebrows.
"Let us return to the castle," She replied, taking several quick and forceful steps away from the woods not even glancing to see if the Earl and Heinrich was following.
When Garin finally caught up, he slowed his own steps to keep pace with hers until they returned to the castle. It was clear that whatever the Earl had seen in the forest was burdening his mind as he took his leave because though his eyes met hers, they did not appear to actually see her.
Cordelia wandered back into the library, trying to sort the events of the past couple hours and decide what her opinion was of Lord Heinrich. Her anxiety and panic in the light of the nothing that had followed it, seemed silly and ridiculous, but Cordelia could not quite shake the thought that she really knew nothing about the man in whose hands she had placed her life hours earlier. He had seen or knew something and didn't want her to know; that much was absolutely certain. On the other hand, he had not had her ambushed or tried to abduct her, so maybe she was just overreacting to something trivial and mundane. "I don't know," Cordelia whined aloud then clamped her lips shut, suddenly feeling extremely foolish. Something just seems… wrong, she thought, staring at the books without seeing them.
Throughout the rest of the night, Cordelia tossed on her bed, trying to lay hold of the offending action or words that would shed some light on her unease, but try as she might, there was nothing; Garin's conduct had been above reproach, and all that she could think was that she was being suspicious for nothing. Long into the night Cordelia wrestled with the Earl's impeccable conduct and perceived guilt, but finally, she fell into a fitful sleep, fraught with disturbing dreams but no definitive conclusions.
The next morning, Cordelia woke, feeling decidedly disappointed. She was no closer to sorting out her conflicting feelings for Garin, and she felt as though she'd been pummeled by a battering ram. Cordelia sighed and began her day with prayer, asking the Maker to help her figure out this mess she seemed to have landed in. There was no great epiphany; neither that morning nor in any of following mornings in the months that Garin continued to visit, but Cordelia, despite constantly telling herself to relax and enjoy the company, could not shake her vague sense of unease. It was always just below the consciousness, feeling out the situation and ready to flare to life at the slightest provocation. It seemed to Cordelia that Garin enjoyed her company, but it was secondary to something else that he was trying to do or find. Cordelia's conflicting feelings had completely claimed her time and energy to the point that even the children noticed.
'I need to pull myself together,' she thought as she readied the library for lessons. The older children had been quite anxious for her, and she didn't want to give them greater cause for worry. As the children filed into the library, Cordelia greeted them by name, inquired after the health of family members she knew had been ill. Cordelia's makeshift class had begun when her attention was drown by the shuffling gait of the steward, Hans. She caught his eye and smiled at him, no longer put off by his deformity, and he nodded back with the barest hint of a smile and continued to shuffle to the back of the library where his workspace was set up. After about a half-an-hour, Kurt's hand shot up, and Cordelia nodded at him. Kurt bolted up and almost ran to the back of the library. Cordelia smiled again and absently rubbed her aching neck, wondering at how warm it was getting.
The day wore on, oppressively tedious, and Cordelia could hardly understand why she felt so miserable. She vacillated between hot and cold all day and was developing a sore throat, but the realization that she was ill hardly made any impact on her cloudy mind.
When the children had all gone for the day, Cordelia laid her head on her father's desk and told herself that she only needed to close her eyes for a moment.
"My lady," Anna burst into the library, and Cordelia jerked her head up wincing as it throbbed in response. Concern leapt into Anna's eyes, but she said softly, "My lady, Lord Heinrich is here"
Cordelia nodded absently and pulled herself to her feet. "Lord Heinrich," Cordelia acknowledged as the handsome Earl sauntered into the room.
"Princess," Garin replied with genuine enthusiasm, taking her hand and bowing over it in greeting.
He began asking Cordelia questions about her day, including the teaching she'd done in his queries, but Cordelia's mind could not seem to form cognitive thought.
"I'm sorry," she replied, lifting her hand to her head which was throbbing so painfully that her eyes hurt, and the slightest sound made her want to cry.
"Princess, are you unwell?"