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Chapter 13 - The Reawakening/ New Responsibilities

A darkness filtered through the air, soaking into him and filling him with power. A smiled twisted his lips as the magic flooded that chamber in his body that had been too long vacant. He filled his lungs with air, releasing it slowly, feeling the magic swirl within his inmost being like a welcomed friend. He bared his teeth like a feral dog and sent a command. At once, fire leapt from his fingertips, and with another subtle command, it consumed the wood in the hearth, filling it with warmth. He stood to his feet as if to leave the hovel that he had denigrated to, but it was late, and he needed to prepare. In due time, that stupid hunchback would pay for his crimes, and Friedrich had some ideas of how he would end that miserable excuse of a man. It would be glorious to see his life crumble before him before Friedrich finally put the ultimate end to that beast. Friedrich smiled again and began the exercises he had faithfully performed until his famine of magic had put an end to them so many years before.

Cordelia resumed her lessons with the children a month after her recovery, but she was much distracted with her new duty as a mother, and more particularly, with keeping John a secret for as long as possible. Cordelia was fairly certain that she knew what the outcome of the news of her new son would be. Her already spotty reputation would be forever destroyed, and although Cordelia felt it was inevitable, she found herself hoping that somehow no one would find out about the child until she could adequately explain him away. Such an enterprise was not to succeed, as she found later, but she tried nevertheless.

Cordelia found it was difficult to explain away her frequent trips to her rooms, and Anna could not be expected to clean the rooms by herself. Cordelia also disliked telling outright lies to the staff, so she avoided telling them much of anything, so it was that when one of the maids was entering the rooms to make up the fire, she found the princess with the squalling infant who had just wakened from his nap. Anna had tried to impress upon the girl a need for secrecy, but the news had traveled throughout the entire castle before that evening meal.

Cordelia felt the iciness immediately and mourned the loss. Despite all of the courtly gossip, she had at least been held in high esteem by the serving staff, but it would seem that too was at an end. Cordelia held her head high all the while hiding the tears for when she was conveniently sequestered in her rooms. Only Anna continued in her warm, loyal service. Dear, faithful Anna, Cordelia thought wanly as she gazed down at her sleeping child. He was so beautiful and innocent. She knew that though her life would be more difficult and nothing could ever be the same, she would not give up one minute with her darling boy. He was woven to her hears as closely as if she had carried him in her womb.

By the sixth month, Cordelia has ceased all pretense. John was a reality that no one could deny, and Cordelia had felt the ramifications immediately. Her actions had been called to question, but none would move forward without the King, and as the war continued to drag on, no one, it seemed, would inform the King of her indiscretion. Soon a year had passed, and Cordelia had settled into a routine. Cordelia still had the village children to the castle grounds once a week, but far fewer came since the news of her illegitimate son had spread throughout the surrounding towns and villages. Since her illness, Cordelia had seen the last of the Earl of Heinrich, and she couldn't help but wonder if he had heard the news of her child and was avoiding her.

Well, his avoiding her was of no consequence, especially with her new challenge of raising a son by herself, at least that was what she tried to tell herself, but she felt increasingly more despondent without his cheerful presence to lift her loneliness.

As Cordelia looked in on John, she felt a wave of discontent wash over her. How she wished that there was a man who would see past her stained reputation and would be a father to this precious boy. John was squealing with delight kicking his feet and waving his pudgy arms as forcefully as he could. Cordelia smiled as she caught John fist, raised it to her mouth, and kissed it. Her darling boy kicked his legs more vigorously and let out a squeal that ended in a gurgling giggle. Cordelia's heart melted at his enthusiasm, and she lifted the exuberant child to her from his crib. "Come, John, we shall take a walk in the garden today. There is such fine weather for it."

Cordelia cared for John without any help from the staff save Anna. No one had even bothered suggesting that she find a nurse for him to feed or watch over him, so Cordelia did both for herself, finding something close to contentment in her duty as mother. Finally, Cordelia's mind and energy could be used for something of lasting worth rather than merely ordering the household to perform the tasks that would be executed just as well without her.

Cordelia carried her squirming son to the gardens where she let him down to pad along next to her. Holding his hand, Cordelia showed him the flowers, telling him which species each was and pointing out the bugs, John jabbered back at her, but Cordelia couldn't understand anything that he said, and Cordelia had to paused repeatedly in order to take something from his grubby hands that he was determined to put in his mouth.

Time continued its march on, and Cordelia, slave to its demands, found that while many forgot her "indiscretion," there were so many who could not.