"Fucking slut!"
I flinched as I heard my father shouting. I curled up myself further with my hands covering my ears, trying desperately to shut away any noise.
"No... I'm sorry, Stop please... It hurts." My mother cries.
"You slut! Do you think you can escape from me!? Who is it huh? Are you fucking him ha!?"
"No.. no. I don't— there's no one really. Really, i only have you..."
Sounds of crying and shouting filled the house. I can hear my father beating my mother and my mother begging him to stop.
This happened many times. It's a daily occurence in our house. Again and again. It never stops.
I pressed my hand on my ears harder, hoping that this would block out the noise.
Why can't they just stop?
Why can't they just stop?
"There you are!" I heard my father shout as he yanked my hair out of the cabinet I am hiding in.
"Ahh! Papa—" Before I knew it, I felt a sting on my face. Father slapped me, hard.
"Don't call me papa! I am not your father! You're just a bastard's daughter of this slut!" My father roared, still gripping my hair in his grasp.
I winced in pain, but I didn't made a sound. I don't dare to make a sound. For how many years, I came to learn that the more I let out any sound, the more my father will beat me. It's best to keep quiet.
I gritted my teeth, enduring the pain from my father's beating. I can feel my whole body hurts, from the punches and kicks.
I lay down on the cold floor, letting my father take his anger out on me. I opened my eyes and saw my mother sitting not far from me.
I look to her, my eyes pleading for help.
But she just looked away.
Pretending I am not here.
At that moment, I can feel my eyes turn moist.
My whole body hurts but it's nothing compared to the pain I can feel in my chest.
Who am I kidding? There's no one who will help me.
It's been years Kristal, haven't you learned your lesson? No one will help you. No one will love you. No one wanted you. Why are you still hurting? You learned how to not cry even when your father is beating you. You can do this too.
Stop expecting. It will only hurt you.
I just wish to disappear. Where no one can see me. Where no one can hurt me.
I closed my eyes and let the darkness consume me.
I am falling deeper into this deep abyss.
And no one can help me.