She excused herself from his company as soon as was polite, but she saw the small twinge of anger in the way he gripped his glass.
She headed straight to her father's bedroom under the pretense that she wanted to 'freshen up for him' which he seemed pleased with.
Her father had sobered a little in the past hour. She assumed this was only because he wanted to join the party soon. He was eating crackers brought by his servant and she stood there in the door. A hand sliding off the frame as the servant left at her request and she entered the room.
The words left her lips before she could think of how to spin them eloquently enough for him to listen and she winced internally at the startled angry look on his face.
"Father, I can't marry Boren."
She strode across the room and took his hand.
"Its not that I don't love him, or that I want to dishonor you, or even that I'm not ready to be married off. It's just, he is cruel and..."
She back pedaled; shocked as his hand met her jaw. She touched the spot as she sat on the floor blinking.His voice came out harsh and angry.
"We've been over this!" He lowered his voice and crouched on the floor in front of her. His rancid breath fanned her face and she wanted to puke. Vile rose in her chest fueled by panic and she pushed in down. His voice became gentle as if he was telling her some great secret.
"Boren will accept you for everything you are, and It's time for me to be out of this debt Nadine. Your mother would be ashamed if she could see you shirking your womanly duties. You are twenty-six afterall. I think I've given you enough freedom as is."
He touched her cheek gently and his fingers were both scratchy with cracker crumbles and slick from touching cheeses and meats.
"Now. Make your mother and me proud and give Boren a respectable acceptance of his proposal."
She nodded, and he smiled before standing up and walking out to the hall to join the party. Somthing inside her died as her reality turned her cold, so it was to be inevitable then. Her hand fell in to her lap as her body felt more and more weighed to the ground. She sat on the floor long enough that a servant cleared his throat behind her.
"Are you feeling well miss Nadine?"
She plucked an earring and turned to hold it out to him.
"Just looking for this." The servant had a broad frown on his face but said nothing.
She stood and smiled exiting the room at a brisk pace. She closed the door to her room and ran to the bathroom. Her face was pink. She hadn't bothered to cry she didnt have time to cover that up anyway. She washed and scrubbed and reapplied thick cream. Blending the cream over the pink. She took a shaky breath when she was done. She would cry tonight for all that she had lost. She made a promise that that would be the last time and walked away from the mirror her head held high.
***
The party was thinning. Her arm was sore from Borens rough grip on it throughout the night.
Her face was tired of the smiling but she had a long night ahead of her still.
Boren steered her to the gardens by the stables and she put a bold hand on his chest.
"Not those gardens. They are rather boring. Let me take you somewhere more beautiful." She smiled her glossy lips gleaming in the moonlight.
She didnt want to be with him in the gardens where she had met Edward.
He nodded and let her lead the way to her father's personal gardens a white fountain gurgled in the middle and she invited him to sit. The stone was cold through her dress, but she didn't notice. His hand was gripping her knee and she sat up straight faking a playful smile.
"You look lovely tonight my dear." He kissed her suddenly. It was bold. Not at all like a hesitant peacock of men she'd kissed before. Not like the soft ravaging kisses from Edward.
This was rough and untamed. The kiss of a man unhinged.
She flinched and pushed away everything as he bit her lip drawing blood. His hand gripped her throat and another small piece of her died as she leaned in and kissed him back.
He leaned back and she forced a lazy smile on her stained lips.
"I will look even more lovely in my wedding dress."
His brows rose and his face twisted into a smile as he kissed her again.
She kissed back her insides numb.
She stood, "I've already started the designs with a dress maker in town. It's going to be beautiful. I assume we will hold the wedding at the venue of your choice?" She questioned.
He stood and gripped her waist dragging her closer.
"You are to be my wife. Have the dress maker bill me and I will send you the venue manager so that you may arrange everything to your liking."
She smiled brightly.
"That will be lovely Boren." He searched her eyes seriously and she forced a giggle that felt unnatural to her very core.
"What?"
His gaze was hooded. "You've changed."
She shrugged, "Aren't people suppose to change when they're engaged to be married?"
He kissed her roughly and pulled her to the hall.
"I suppose. Make your arrangements. I must leave to make my own."
"Its late dear. As excited as I am I think it would benefit us to wait until morning."
"Careful dear," He said backing towards the stables. His eyes were sharp on her face, "Somone might think your not excited."
She swallowed and stood stock still as he walked away; a smile plastered on her face. She knew him, she knew the threat for what it was.
After his carriage was heading down the road and the air was clean of all traces of his cologne she turned and floated away to her room. Tomorrow she would need to find a dressmaker.
***
The dress she chose the next day was elegant silk under tight lace. She stood in front of the mirror as the seamstress fitted it with pins. It was pulled tighter at her waist loosened in the hips and a veil was added. The lacy collar came all the way up her neck with sparkling diamonds. Her arms were fitted to her wrists with more lace and diamonds. The silk only covered her breasts down to her knees. Flowing swaths of lace flowed to her ankles with a small train. Nobody would need to carry it. Her face was blank as the woman babbled to her happily about this and that. She responded curtly. Not caring much about the little details that most brides would be fussing over.
The woman looked at her shrewdly.
"You dont seem to be worried much about anything deary."
She responded simply, "Nothing is perfect."
***
She went to the little tea shop she had always loved. The man at the counter smiled genuinely at her. She knew that he had a thing for her.
"Do you want the usual?"
Her usual was cheap; practically free. A hot cup of water with lemon. Nobody ever noticed.
"No. I'll have a calming tea with a dash of numbing and a crumble with a calm spike. I've had quite the day of shopping" she said when he rose his brows suprised.
"Bill it to my father." She added faking a small smile.
He nodded.
"I'll get it to you soon Lady Nadine." He flashed her a bright smile and she smiled back before going to find a table.
She took her time in the shop and walked home. She wasnt suprised to see Boren's carriage in the stable yard as she returned. No doubt he wanted to hear of her progress with the wedding planning today.