Dome
He offered the tan man a sneaky smile that didn't seem understood by him. His eyes were dragging straight into tan man's. He was caught by his mesmerizing eyes, the way it portrays confusion, excitement and doubtful look. He guess that Pavel was really trying hard his best to decipher his moods and action. He can't blame the tan man, he was really confusing and do things unconsciously sometimes.
Being with Pavel was really a roller coaster for him. He can do nasty things even if it was not his thing. He just wanted to study hard but guess what, he seemed not to now. He was confused by himself too toward his own actions. He was not the same Dome that everyone in their home had known for so long anymore. His life was changed.
"What are you, Pavel?" That was the most stupid question that came out to his mouth before thinking. Guess that he was really lost with Pavel around. And it was scaring him partially.
Pavel's mouth opened and closed as if he wanted to say something but changed his mind then. Dome raised his eyebrows, pursuing him to answer.
"What question was that? Of course, I'm a human if you can't see and tell. Damn it Dome! Be serious right now. We're facing an issue here. Stop saying nonsense!" He raised his tone abruptly that caused Dome to jolted a little.
When he regained his composure, he pressed himself more to the tan man's back. Feeling the heat, he snapped again. "I'm being serious here. If you want to know why I'm not bothered, then answer me first!"
"It has nothi—"
"It has! It has to do with everything in the future. So, what are you? Just answer it."
"Is it me being straight or not?" He asked with a flat tone. "Fuck! Is this some kind of guessing game?" He muttered to himself but he kind of heard it even.
"Yes." One word but full of conviction.
"I'm straight, okay? And about the article, sorry for that. For what happened last night, I know it's—nevermind. It was a mistake. I'm–���
Before Pavel can even finish, he curses loudly to make the tan man stop. He slowly stepped backward, his mind became blank in a sudden. He thinks his heart just shattered into million pieces after hearing his answer. He's straight! He is fucking straight! Yes, of course. And what happened last night was just a mistake for him. A mistake!
He brushed his hair and laughed like crazy. He bit his lips to avoid himself from crying. Pavel's answer just breaks him.
"G-Guess I was wrong. Sorry for making the issue more complicated. I'll fix it then.I'll need to clear it immediately before it sets another wildfire."
All his hope faded away in just one glance. He was caught off guard. He was devastated by himself for making his hope higher. He should have listened to his mind not his heart. How could the tan man have feelings towards him, right? They are both men. At least, the man is. Because from time passing by, he was not sure to himself anymore. He feels gay with Pavel. Everything around him makes him feel gay.
"W-What? What are you talking about?" Confusion was written all over Pavel's face. Pavel was about to reach him but he took one more step backward.
Dome snapped his hands and shrugged. He made sure that there was no evidence of pain in his voice when he spoke. "Just that. Bye, Pavel."
"Wait Dome!"
He turned around again. "I can clearly remember what you said. You didn't mind if we are both men.
He stormed out the cubicle and ran as fast as he could. His feet led him back to their dorm. He was thankful because Chen was not home. He can be comfortable for now. He tossed his bag nowhere in his bed and didn't bother to change his clothes. He went down to the kitchen and looked for something to cook. He wanted to distract himself. He was too embarrassed by himself. He feels disgusted. Listening to his heart sometimes means being shameless.
After cooking, he put all the food in a container and brought it to his room. He closed the windows, dropping the curtain all over so no light could pass through. It was just his lampshade was on so the room was dim. He sat lazily on the floor beside his bed. He shoved the food to his mouth every one minute without even chewing it. He really wanted to get rid of all the feelings out of his heart. He wanted to feel emptiness. Because thinking what happened to the school really made him shameless especially when he confirmed to the article that they have something special going on between him and Pavel. And it all crashed down when Pavel said he is straight, without a doubtful voice.
Dome shut off his phone when it started ringing and the name of his friends appeared on the screen. Messaging him that they're worried because he was not in class. But before that, he cleared everything he had said about the article. He fixed it before it started another ruckus that will make everything more complicated. Hoping that Pavel will not see or hear what he answers because it will be embarrassing when they bumped into each other again, especially at the dorm.
His eyebrows knitted when he felt a warm small drop on his cheeks. He wiped it only to realize that he was actually crying. The sobs became a loud cry all over his room. He cried out loud to ease the pain, the destructive voice on his heart persuading him to get up and confront the tan man instead of crying all out his lungs.
"Fuck! I just wanted to study here. I even skipped mourning in person to my grandma's grave. Why do I have to cry all over this silly matter? What's happening to me?" He murmured as if someone would answer all his questions.
"And what about our make out session? Is that just a pace for him? He was just exploring things so he said it was just a mistake?"
He can clearly remember what happened to them last night. He was about to confess but it turned out to be a hot session between them. But fuck! How can he be so naive! Of course, it was all just a pace to Pavel. He will never like a man.
'Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!'
He was crying nonstop and even didn't realize that he was already drifting to sleep.