ExtraordinaryMe

an otaku going to one piece world which power he would have shringan , system , devil fruit no he don't have either of them so what would he have?

i don't own one piece or any another anime in the story.
(this story is harem/romance story)

* English isn't my first language *

you do you bru..I was just advising.............take a look at that dxd FF, the famous one with the massive harem,,,that actually had decent CD, and a proper SD but it was at the same time ****ty cause of the poke mon MC, its was boring cause the characters and their interactions and personalities became bland and repetitive, try not to do it

I thank you for your wise notes that helped me notice the things I need to improve and fix but I still think I can in 13-10 lovers to develop the story, the characters I believe I will also succeed in developing I already know what I want to do in all my plot.

CD-Character development...a few chps or paragraphs arnt enough to build an engaging character, and here where you have roughly 19 MC's..you wont be able to develop them and build their character, cause even if you do for all of em, there wont be a story and plus it'll be repetitive, ie: you'd just be repetition the same **** over and over for all of MC's lovers....and as a result there wont be SD, story development...and this isnt a matter of skill alone, its kinda impossible to create an engaging MC when he has over 18 lovers, and same could be said for all 18 of em

Man what is it all the CD , SD you talk about? I dont fully understand you . (And like i said i lowered the harem into 13 and few of them wont be always with the main chapter)

of **** mate....18 chicks,,,hell you could be JK Rowling and that still wouldn't work,....*sigh* I am out, you do you..18, ****, I am laughing, this is a massive harem.....bru, its not about controlling chicks to fall in love, thats one reason why people dont like harem FF, the other is this, its massive and its wrong, its like a man whore MC, and plus you cant develop any of them properly and even make a proper story, cause you wont be show there CD, like a paragraph aint enough, you need multiple chps to show the CD, and if you do that...over a 100 chps will be a somewhat repetition...it aint going to work..

Shit....god damn this comment made me laugh...you do you, but this is ****,,,,

[Take a look at the other massive harem novels, only one or two are still alive and thats cause they are the one that started Massive harem and have been out for yrs...all new massive harems are just dropped cause its retarded..........well you do you..GL but this is retarded]

**: maybe put a disclaimer in the summary that you are going to put 18 chicks in the harem, so that people wont call you out for making MC a pokemon dude]

The harem will be around 18 girls , but to make it clear there will be real romance as much as possible  without controling the womans to fall in love with my character.

Hey people this story is going to have big harem from various anime worlds including one piece , in this novel i will include  many animes more than another fanfiction and i am going to work on this novel (another novels i wrote will pause sorry for this who waited but i promise you this fanfiction is going to be the best you read ever!!


Also i don't show you the harem because i want  to     Stretch your curiosity😜😜


One of the MCs powers is to manipulate memories, brainwashing, and can implant emotions but it only works on women... so essentially the MC wants to create slaves and r*pe them because he wants to use this ability to create his harem... not for me

Damn.. this story has so many grammar mistakes… im like 99% sure that he isnt using google translate, because its even worse than what it would write...

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

хотелось бы новые главы почитать быстрее.............................................................................................................

le diste al mc algunos poderes  com muchas limitaciones hacendolos inutiles basicamente no hace nada que afecte a la historia  lo único que hace es conseguir chicas  además el haki se basa en una voluntad fuerte i el mc es vago hasta para participar por miedo no poder saber lo que va a pasar    

I love the story keep doing the great job .i wonder Cant  He Creat a power where  He Can control time so He can train more before luffy start he’s Adventure again 

This is my honest opinion
Good thing:
- You have a good taste I just say
- unique power and ability
- have some sense on kinky stuff
Bad thing:
- mc has personalities of bipolar 2-dimensional cardboard. Does he want to create a harem pirate? Gave up on the first day. Want to become a pirate hunter? Doesn't even do anything he even by a house. the point is He was Coward in fanlis body with only thing stay in him is a desire to take and **** any woman he wants, why You hesitate to not participate in war while you don't hesitate kidnapped girl and brainwash them. His resolve is as strong flies.
- the plot progression is stagnant he doesn't even go going something expects fucking and training for 20 or more chapters.
- the girls falling so fast that he doesn't need to brainwash or hypnotize any of them.
- many grammatical error.try to use Grammarly or something.

Overall: good concept, good ability, good girls, bad plot, bad romance, standard sex scene, one of the worst MC I ever see,  I don't care about brainwashing or kidnapped girl, the problem is he doesn't even have the backbone to do anything. He a bipolar coward guy in great body.

I dropped it pretty early, it really started off with a dude drooling over a power he can use to rape any girl.
The writing quality in general was bad, although I’ll admit it’s readable/acceptable for a fan fiction and it isn’t horrible 

System - No
Rebirth - Yes
Wishes - Yes
Harem - yes

ch20 now,  I did not watch the anime/manga where the summon girl came from so its boring for me.
so far the story is more focus on harem  and sex and other than background of one piece it have no one piece story at all. -------------------------------------

one piece the sneaky liar

Table of contents

Volume 1 :training Arc

Chapter 1 - Author notes