I wondered why my heart felt happy every time she came. She would take care of me.
She would message me without tiredness. She would speak to me. She would tell me the weather outside, or she would talk about some important matter to me.
But I never felt uncomfortable. Hearing She talked with a gentle voice at me made me calm and comfortable. She always believed that I would wake up, and I would be healthy again. How co\ame such a gentle girl became my wife, and I never noticed it.
But I wonder since when she stopped coming here. I didn't know how much time had passed, but it felt so long for me. I could not talk, I could not move my body, and I could not open my eyes. So, I didn't know what happened to her? Lately, I always had a nightmare. Her body felt cold in my arms.
S
he didn't open her eyes even though I called her many times. He didn't talk, and her body became stiffer each time passed. Her body became white and pale like a ghost and blood everywhere. I always had this nightmare. It hurt my heart every time I saw that pool of blood.
She didn't come at all yesterday too. Times felt so slow and long. I never knew that I could not see her and could not hear her voices would torment me so much. I didn't even feel like this when Miona left me abroad. I was sure to time passed not long since she last came, but I could feel the time was too long, and I was worried.
What if the dream was not a dream but a future premonition? I didn't believe in something unlogical, but the scene felt so real like it happened in real life. I could even feel how cold her body temperature.
Every time I had that nightmare, I could hear my mother's word in my head: "Don't do the things you will regret later." The time I found her cold body, I regretted it deeply how little we spent our time together, how little I knew about her, how little we talked together and, my tears wouldn't stop flowing.
The time I found her cold body, I could feel my world already collapsed. I could feel my reason to live is gone. I could hear my father's word in my head: "Losing your mother is the same as losing my world when you find someone you truly love. You will know what it means.".
That time I was too young to understand. How could the world collapse just because my father lost my mother? But this time, I knew what it meant. The world collapsed when she died. There was no meaning in life anymore.
I could not see her smile anymore. I could not see the beautiful face anymore.
I could not hear her soft voice anymore. The thing I could hear was only emptiness and silence that tormented me.
If I knew to lose her is so painful, I would act more gentle towards her if I knew how unbearable it was when I could not see her. I would spend more time with her. But it was too late because you noticed it too late.