I don't remember much from my old life but the things I do remember I wish to forget but as much as I try to forget the past and all of its horrendous memories… It keeps creeping back into my mind… Eating away at me everyday… Oh Darius, why did you have to die?
2 years ago
It was like any other day. I was sitting by the warm fireplace next to my big, white, bow window. I always had my nose in a book, reading fairytale stories, realizing that soon I would have my happily ever after with my Prince, King Darius. I placed my book down on top of my periwinkle ballroom gown with a light blue ikat design thinking of when Darius would get out of his meeting with King Henrick. Henrick always seemed cruel to me, like he was always after blood but for the good of our people Darius reached out trying to make peace and hopefully combine resources so that Henrick's people wouldn't die from starvation this winter. It was said that, that winter was going to be the coldest it had ever been and Darius didn't want anyone to suffer, especially when we had means to help. I've never met anyone kinder than my fiance King Darius. I put my hand against the window, feeling the cold frost that started to form on it, begin to melt from my touch. I thought, 'Darius has been in that meeting for hours. How I wish he'd be done already. I miss his touch, I miss him.'
It seemed like time was moving in slow motion, waiting for my love to get out of his meeting. It felt like I had been waiting for ages, until one of the castle servants came up to me. The castle servant wore the same uniform that all the female servants wear. A long, teal, maxi dress that had a white apron on the skirt of the and puffy white sleeves that cut off around the elbow. She curtised, telling me that Darius wanted to see me in the throne room for negotiations with Henrick. I was alarmed by this because Darius never asks me to help with negotiations with Henrick. He always tells me it's too dangerous for me to go and negotiate with him but when the servant asked me to go all I could think about was Darius. I left to go to the throne room and with each step I took I had no idea that I was stepping towards my doom and my life change.
I could hear my high heels tapping on the wood flooring with every step I took. Hearing the sounds of just my heels tapping against the floor, echoing throughout the empty halls will forever haunt me. I was so focused on going to Darius that I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings… I wasn't paying attention to the silence in the halls… Our hallways were always filled with servants speaking and laughing… There was always noise in the castle but that day was the day it all changed…
I walked until I came up to a 8 feet high, dark brown, door with a gold door knocker in the middle of the door. Without hesitation, without even knocking, I put my hand on the black, pull down, door handle and opened the door, entering the room.
In the 1,200 Sq ft room I saw 5 stairs that led up to a circular platform that had a white gold, dark blue cushioned throne. Behind the throne were 4 windows that touched down to the ground and all the way up to the tall ceiling. I still remember the bright sun rays shining through the windows and although I saw the bright sunlight the room felt dark and cold. On the floors of the throne room was dark blue carpeting that had a gold brocade design throughout it. Throughout the cream colored ceiling were crystal chandeliers that lit up the room. I looked ahead of me seeing Henrick sitting on Darius' throne with his feet up on the arms rest. I still remember his chilling smile that lit up his face when he saw me come in. I looked down on the ground in front of the throne seeing a man laying face down on the floor. I still remember the clothing he had on… A white button up shirt, navy blue pants, and black dress shoes. His short hazel brown hair was messed up and he wasn't moving…
Off to the other side of the throne were 4 guards each of them held a halberd and they all wore the same guard uniform. A red hauberk that had a gold shield on the center of it, dark red hoses, silver chausses, a silver helmet, and silver cuisses.
I shouted, "What is the meaning of this?" I still remember the way Henrick's voice cracked as he said, "The meaning? The meaning of what is going on is I am King. I am the greatest King that ever lived. All of Ashlot (Ah/sh/lot) is mine, all of Hever (He/Vuh/Errr) is mine. I have conquered the greatest kingdoms in the world." I was confused thinking about how Darius is the king of Ashlot not Henrick. I asked him, "What are you talking about," and he answered me, saying, "Don't you understand? Only a king can sit on the throne to his kingdom. Here I sit on the throne of Ashlot because I am King. Darius no longer rules this kingdom I do." I still didn't understand, my mind would not allow me to process what he was saying to me. I again asked him, "What are you talking about," and he laughed, saying, "Will you not allow your brain to absorb what I say to you? The beloved King Darius has been dethroned by me. I am the ruler, I am the King, this is my Kingdom." I stood there, thinking my ears misheard what he was saying. I couldn't grasp the reality of what he had just said to me. For the only way for a King to be dethroned is if he were dead and my Darius couldn't be dead… Darius just couldn't be dead…
I looked into Hernick's cold dark brown eyes working up the courage to say something to him. I wanted to tell him off, for how could he disrespect my future husband and The Kingdom of Ashlot. I swallowed every bit of nervousness I had and with a tremble in my voice I worked up the courage to say, "You are not the king and you will never be the king of Ashlot. You dare sit on the throne of King Darius and you who are supposed to be loyal guards of The Ashlot Kingdom dare to stand by and allow this disrespect of the king to happen in front of your own eyes? When his Majesty gets back he will have your head."
I thought that I had stood my ground… I thought that I was brave but in reality I just couldn't accept what was going on… For I already knew that the man who laid on the ground was my Darius and that Henrick had already killed him and that was why the guards stood by him so fiercely… Protecting like he was the rightful king, but I wouldn't allow myself to process… My mind would not accept what was before my own eyes… Until I heard Henrick's chilling laugh that will forever echo in my mind. The next words he would say would be the start of the change to my life forever. With pride and happiness, with a smile from ear to ear, he said, "Do you not understand? I killed the king. See with your own eyes or do you not recognize the man on the floor?" With all the strength I had, I held back my tears, looking at the man on the floor whom I already knew the identity of. As I felt my heart hit the pit of my stomach, I looked back at Henrick, lying to him, lying to myself, and saying, "No I do not, why should I?" I thought if I pretended, if I didn't say I knew, then maybe, just maybe it wouldn't be Darius… But in my heart I knew… I could tell Darius from a mile away. I knew he was Darius but I didn't want to accept it… I couldn't accept it. Henrick planted his feet on the floor, sitting up in the throne, with a sharp smile on his face, and no expression in his eyes, he said, "Well Princess, go look for yourself and see who it is."
When he said those words to me it was as if I felt my heart snap and my mind came back to reality. That conformation in him saying what I already knew made everything more real. To know that he had killed the love of my life and was so joyful about it disgusted me. To know that the reality was my fiance was gone and there was nothing I could do to save him broke me to my core but still I made it a point to keep myself together. I refused to show my sorrows in front of Henrick. I had it in my mind that the only way I would beat Henrick, the only way I could make sure Henrick would never win, was if I didn't let him see me break down in front of him physically.
I took a deep breath blowing out all the pain I felt and slowly walked over to the man on the floor who I knew was my Darius. As I walked I glanced over at Hernick and even though I could see him laughing I couldn't hear him. It was as if my ears had shut off to every other sound except my walking. The sounds of my footsteps tapping against the floor as I walked to my Darius echoed in my ears. The only thing I could think is, 'Do not let Henrick see you cry. Brace yourself for what you'll see.'
Even though I had only taken 20 steps it had felt as if I had walked for a mile before I had made it to the man on the floor. I kneeled down to the man who was my Darius and placed my hand on his body. He felt like ice, as if someone had left him in the freezing snow for years, that feeling I will never forget it. I kept thinking, 'How could a man who's touch was once so warm to me, the man who's smile could brighten up any room, the man who always made me feel so safe in his arms, feel so cold?' Everything in me just wanted to wrap him up in a blanket just to warm him up so he wouldn't be so cold. I know it sounds foolish but that cold feeling to a once warm man… I just wanted him to not be so cold… Just one last time…
I rolled my Darius over on his back and saw his face and all the gashes on the front of his body. His once pinkish skin had turned dark pale. His once smooth pink bow lips were now dark red and cracked. His eyes were closed, covering his once lively olive green eyes… I'm glad they were, I don't think I could've bared looking into his now lifeless eyes that once looked at me with such love. There was a strand of hair that always fell upon his face, everyday. The same strand of hair that bothered him always. With everything in me I held back my tears, feeling nothing but pain in my eyes, as I brushed that strand back, out of his face, the way he liked. I kept hearing the last thing he said to me, "Everything will be okay," he promised me… He promised me. When I remembered what he said to me, what he promised me, I felt rage. I don't know why but something came over me. All that pain I had held back so well came out and with everything I had, I began beating his chest, shouting, "Liar, you lied to me, you lied to me, you lied."
I couldn't stop myself, even when I knew the guards were shouting for me to stop. Henrick was so joyful, seeing me in my anger but I didn't care. To me Darius lied to me. He promised me he would be okay but he lied and as foolish as it might sound… I felt betrayed… The man that I loved, who had a special place in my heart, was now forever gone, and I felt betrayed by this… I kept hitting Darius, thinking it would all be a dream, and I would wake up in my library room by his kiss, like always, but it wasn't a dream. It was my new reality and I had to face it.
I kept hitting him, I couldn't stop myself, until Vic, one of Darius' most trusted guards, grabbed my arms, and said, "That's enough, pull yourself together woman." I turned my head, looking back into his sandy brown eyes, seeing his tears begin flooding his eyes, as he tried his hardest to hold them back. Then Vic let go of me and spoke, speaking to me in a way he had never spoken to me before. He said, "It is not becoming of a Lady let alone a Princess to act in such a manner. Will you not control your own emotions in front of a king? Console yourself or will the dungeon become your new home for the disrespect of a king?" The pain in his voice, I will never forget. As much as it sounded like a threat and disrespect I knew what Vic was trying to tell me. It was not a threat or disrespect, it was a warning of what Hernick planned to do to me if I did not control my emotions.
I looked back at Henrick seeing how much joy he took from my displeasure. Henrick was a monster from a nightmare. I had never known a person could be so evil…. Henrick said, "Once I threatened the life of his people, your life, he laid down and gave up everything to protect you, to protect them. Your powerful king just gave up… He gave up without putting up a fight… The guards now listen to my every word because he gave them the order to do so…. How foolishly loyal are they? To listen to the orders of a dead man? How foolish? Now I have everything I ever wanted. Another Kingdom and all its spoils. This day has been truly victorious."
His victory was my despair… Henrick has everything… He had stolen everything from me for nothing and I had to live the consequences… I became emotionless as I looked at Henrick and asked, "Where shall I live now? Will you throw me in the dungeon with the rest of the criminals or will you banish me from the kingdom like an outcast?"
The next words Henrick would say to me, still chill me to this day… I never thought he would go to this extent but he did… He went to a true place of pure evil…
Henrick got off of the throne, walking towards me with such stride. With each step that he took towards me I could feel my heart beat faster and faster. As anxiety washed over me, he kneeled down to me, grabbing me by my arm, and pulled me closer to him.
With his crooked smile I already knew what he was going to tell me but I had to hear it from him. He said, "You belong to Darius do you not?" With my heart beating as fast as it could and sweat rolling down my neck, I held all my emotions in, showing nothing on my face, and saying to him, "I belong to no man."
In my mind, hearing his chuckle, sounded as if it was the loudest sound in the room. I knew he felt accomplished, as if he had won the world. With a joyous melody in his voice, he said, "If you belonged to no man then you belong to a man now. For as you were his fiance, you were his spoil and I get all the spoils of the land. You will not be banished or imprisoned… You will be my concubine."
I could not form any words to say to him. My mind was going in different directions. One part of my mind knew exactly what he was telling me but the other part of my mind would not allow me to accept, would not allow me to process the words that were just said to me. 'A concubine? Darius never had a concubine… I didn't know we still had concubines… How am I supposed to be a concubine,' I thought.
I could say nothing, I could think nothing, but Vic spoke for me, Vic said, "A concubine? Your Majesty Maelee is beneath you. She is not pure, she was not even loyal to his Majesty King Darius, God rest his soul. The illnesses you would catch from such a woman, would not be in your best interest. Please allow me to go to your kingdom and get you one of your best concubines. I will have all the guards make sure she is escorted here safely for you to have as your own." Everything Vic had said about me was not true but I knew why he said it. He said it not from a place of disrespect and dishonor but a place of protection. He did not want to see me as a concubine. He wanted to protect me as he once promised to my Darius.
The offense that I saw wash over Hernick's face was a new emotion I hadn't seen before. To see his smile die down was something that brought me some form of joy. Hernick said, "I have no concubines… She will be the first and the only, until she agrees to wed me and if what you say is true than we shall have illness together."
I could hear the tremble in Vic's voice as he said, "But your Majesty Maelee," Henrick interrupted him, the anger in his voice shook the room, as he said, "Will you dare test the order of a king or shall I give you the treatment I gave your beloved King." I glanced at Vic, knowing he was about to speak for me again. I knew Vic would get himself killed if he challenged the orders of a king so with all the bravery I had I said, "Do not defy his Majesty's orders." Henrick smiled at me with thoughts in his head that I was talking about him but Vic and I, all the guards in the room knew… I wasn't talking about Henrick's orders… I was talking about Darius' orders… The last orders he gave them… To follow Henrick's orders…
I looked at Vic as he hung his head in shame. I knew the thoughts of failure were playing through his head. As much as I wanted to hug Vic and tell him he has not failed me I couldn't… Not there…
A million things were running through my mind that night. I had so much to say, but I couldn't form any words to speak. Henrick said, "Take care of the beloved king's body and do not bother me and the Princess. For tonight I celebrate with my spoil in The King's Chambers." I knew exactly what he meant… I wanted to scream, with everything in me I wanted to scream, but I held my emotions.
Henrick took my hand standing me up on my feet and then lifted me up in his arms. Until that day I had never felt so disgusted with another human being in my life. As he walked out the room with me still in his arms a guard asked, "What shall we do with the king's body?" Before I could say anything, Henrick spoke, saying, "Throw it in a fire. Burn him until there's nothing left of him."
I never got to say goodbye to Darius… I never got to say I love you to Darius… I never got to see Darius ever again…
The first night Henrick took me to The King's Chambers was a night that I'll never forget. The physical pain I felt that night was horrendous but the emotional pain I felt… It was scarring… Henrick had taken everything from me in the matter of one night… One night my entire life changed…
After Henrick had gotten his way he felt accomplished. Laughing at what he had done to me and my fiance… He left me laying there, by myself…
I remember how quickly I took my bath, how hot the scolding water was… Even though my skin had turned red, I didn't care… I sat in the tub for hours until the water got as cold as Darius.
I threw my clothing in the trash, opting to wear a servant's outfit. The numbness I felt, the misery I felt, it was all something I couldn't describe.
I left The King's Chamber where the first night of my nightmare happened and bumped into Vic. I saw the pain in his eyes, the complete sorrow in his eyes, and just hugged him. Darius was his friend, they were as close as brothers. Vic would've been the Gentlemen of The Bedchambers had he not wanted to be a palace guard and knight.
Vic looked at me trying so hard to hold back his tears but failed. As his tears rolled down his cheeks he asked, "Did he…" I couldn't respond to him but he knew what I hadn't spoken… Vic covered his eyes, turning his back to me. At that moment, the only thing I wanted to do was console Vic.
I mustered up the courage to say the only thing that came to my mind, "It didn't hurt." Even though I knew I was lying, I wanted Vic to feel better. Vic turned to look at me and said, "Do not lie to me… I know it hurt… You have not known a man before… I was supposed to protect you and in that I failed. I failed you, your Highness and I failed his Majesty. God rest his soul."
I felt all the strength I had leave my body allowing one tear to leave my eyes. I looked at Vic and said, "I will not allow Henrick to have any sort of satisfaction. I will not allow him to know I have not known a man. I kept my mouth shut. I did not cry and I will not cry. I will be brave for Darius."
Vic held me… I felt warm for a second… Vic said, "He didn't cry… The only thing he thought about was you and his people… He made us promise to follow Henrick's orders, he did not want war, he did not want you dead. Henrick had one up on us. A trusted servant betrayed his Majesty in return for power from Henrick." I looked at him, saying, "A servant? Whom might this servant be?" Vic said, "It was the woman who summoned you to the Throne Room. She betrayed us all. She was always a servant of Henrick, an assassin. Had you not come, she would've killed you. She told Henrick our secrets, everything she could find. She betrayed the kingdom. Which is why I came to you for this last time… There isn't much time but there is a hidden doorway, in one of the guest rooms in the castle in the North Wing. You must find it and leave this place at once."
I couldn't process what Vic had done, what he was saying to me… I asked him, "Why is this the last time?" A guard yelled, "GET VIC." I looked down the hallway seeing guards wearing uniforms similar to ours but different in color, running down the hallway. Those guards did not belong to our kingdom but the Kingdom of Hever. I looked at Vic, asking, "What have you done?" Vic said to me, "She betrayed us, she made you a concubine, I let my rage consume me… I killed her…" Henrick's guards grabbed Vic and Vic shouted, "You must do as I said My Lady, do as I said."
That was the last time I saw Vic alive. As they dragged him off, they dragged him to his death and there was nothing I could do to stop them…
A year slowly went by… The Kingdom of Ashlot and the Kingdom of Hever combined into a giant kingdom. As winter rolled around the people of Ashlot slowly started to die off from starvation. Henrick's cruelness, was killing off my people and I had no power to stop him. The only thing I was, was a concubine whom he would call to the Bedchambers regularly and with each call he made for me the angrier I got. I was not permitted to show any anger. No emotions, so I became numb to him, I became numb to everyone. I bathed each time in scalding water every time I was called upon by Henrick. The enjoyment Henrick got from calling upon me was the most wicked thing I had ever seen in my life.
As time went on I began to feel my hope shaking. I went from being on top of the world to having everything stripped from me and I was angry. My Darius did not deserve what happened to him. My Darius was a kind king who took care of his people. As much effort as Henrick tried to put in to ensure the people forgot about Darius, the people, his people never did. What Henrick didn't realize was that he would never gain the respect of the people, the people, the guards, nobody from Ashlot would ever respect or view him as their king. The only thing the people saw Henrick as was a tyrant who needed to be stopped.
Henrick's pride and haughtiness got the better of him. To him he had thought he had done it, he thought that he was the greatest King in the world. That if he could just stop the people from talking about Darius that he would have full control over the people. So Henrick made it law not to utter Darius' name; offenders would be killed for disobedience. Not even I was permitted to speak about my beloved Darius…
Although Henrick had made it law the people were still bold to speak about Darius and though a few offenders were killed the majority were not. For not even the guards of Ashlot would report offenders of this law. Henrick was too blinded by his pride to see that the people were brave and the people would not put up with the abuse from him much longer and the same way he obtained the Kingdom of Ashlot would be the same way he would lose the Kingdom of Ashlot.
What Henrick would not see before it was too late, what Henrick would not know before there was nothing more he could do, was the people's retaliation towards him would be deadly and I would obtain my freedom.
You see the year I had been forced to be a concubine I had been looking for the secret door Vic had told me about but with over 50 guest rooms just in the North Wing of the castle and a limited time to search them I could never find it until the night everything changed… Which was the night of The Artian (Ar/tuh/in) War.
What Henrick was too prideful to see was the people of Ashlot sent word for help to save them from the cruelness that Henrick had unleashed upon them and the word for help had finally reached all the way to The Artian Kingdom and to the Artian King. So the surprise war they unleashed onto Henrick and his guards was a war Henrick was not ready for. For just as Henrick had sent spies and assassins to spy on Darius to take over the Kingdom of Ashlot. The Artian king had also done the same. Using every bit of resources he had in order to be able to take down Henrick and sit on the throne of Ashlot and Hever.
The day of the war I will never forget it. I was sitting in my library, this time for the last time, looking out the same bow window I always had looked out and noticed a yellow light in the distance, lightning up the pitch black, starry, sky. I didn't understand what was making that light. I did not realize that, that light would be the key to my freedom. I stopped looking out the window and I heard the shouting of guards. "ATTACK, ATTACK, THERE'S WAR! MAN YOUR BATTLE STATIONS KNIGHTS AND GUARDS," a guard yelled. I stood out of my seat, dropping the book onto the floor that I had, had in my hands.
Then it happened. Panic set around me as servants and guards ran around the castle, not knowing what to do or where to go, just knowing that they had to get out of the castle. The only thing I could think of at that moment was, 'I have to find that door while everyone is distracted. This is my chance for freedom.'
Without hesitation and without thinking about it, I took a deep breath, and I ran trying to find the door Vic had told me about. Knowing it was only a matter of time before they knew I was missing and they would come looking for me.