I feel my head escaping me
The words evading me
The thoughts drowning me
I want to let everything go and drown in my thoughts.
My actions are simply clear I'm beating myself up, over things I can't control, I'm a mess who can't remember yesterday and can't see two steps ahead.
As my heart and head feel squeezed what's supposed to be a joyous day turns into one of bleak.
I don't want to live right now.
As I type this.
I will probably regret posting this later.
But I would rather type this than have a panic attack again.
People look at me differently when they find out I'm broken so I usually hide my empty emotions until they become too strong for me to hold.
I find a quiet place to cry where no one can hear me, where no one can see me or judge me.
Even if I use things like stress balls or breathing techniques I just feel like I am stuffing the emotions back into wherever they came from only to reappear with the new emotions that have been added by something that stresses me.
There are times where I have cried and panicked so much that I'm not able to properly breathe, it makes me panic further because it feels as though I am dying I sometimes can't see when that happens.
I feel like lead afterwards.
I'm just tired, but I don't know of what, myself? Living? My emotions? I don't know