As I type this I have urges to destroy everything in my room from the walls down to the photos of precious memories I can never get back. I can't really remember half of them. Every childhood photo of smiles I can't remember them. I want to hurt I want to make someone bleed. I want to be bled. I hate myself and my anger I don't think I'm sane I want to hurt everyone everything around me I want to suffer. I can't though and that makes me angry, and be angry that I was angry.
I'm angry that I will regret it later. And later I will regret being angry. No one takes me seriously when I'm angry. I feel like they should take me most serious when I'm angry it's when I'm most dangerous.
I'm somewhat calm now I had to take a break.
I get really strong when I'm angry. I'm just lucky that I've made sure to keep my physique so deteriorated that I can be stopped by my family if it comes down to it.
If I had something lethal when I'm truly angry I'm not sure on who I would use it on. Myself or something/someone else.
I scratch when I'm angry or sad so right now my neck burns. One of my arms has a old scar from an older attack and I don't remember how I made it I just remember coming down from a big panic attack and seeing blood.
My body and mind tries to destroy itself. I sometimes wonder if that's a sign to stop living.