"I'M REALLY sorry, Pola, but the test is still negative," my obgyn and also my close friend, Dr. Lee announced.
My shoulders sagged, as I pout my lips in frustration. I knew it. This is my fourth time to undergo this freakin' test, but I couldn't get pregnant! Dammit!
"I'm turning 26 next year, and my goal is to become a mother before I reached that age!"
She let out a deep sigh. "You're too young, for crying out loud! You can marry someone, and have a child with him--"
"No," I said, waving my index finger, cutting her off. "No way. I would never do that. You, of all people should know. You're my best friend! You know that I don't do relationships, let alone marry someone."
She just shook her head disapprovingly. "I really don't get you."
"I know. I don't get me too, sometimes," I quipped.
"You're crazy."
"I know."
She shook her head again, chuckling this time. "If you're really that desperate, you can ask someone to have sex with you, then...boom! You'll get pregnant and have a baby!"
I narrowed my eyes on her. "Lou, I'm not that desperate, okay? If this won't work, I'll try to adopt again," I sighed and looked down, "Maybe, they'll allow me this time," I muttered.
I saw her sigh. "Are you really that afraid of men?"
"Nope. I'm not afraid of men. I just had enough men in my life! I have five older brothers. Not to mention most of my cousins are boys, too. And on top of that, the place I'm working at is filled with men! Not that I'm complaining, I love my job, alam mo yan. It's just, I feel tired of constantly being around men. And having a husband--Another man I have to look after? No thanks."
"Fine. Fine. But, at least consider it," she suggested, obviously just trying to annoy me. "How about, you try to ask the one you are managing," she started giggling like a schoolgirl, "Oh? What's his name again? Shin--"
"No way! Not even in my dreams!" I yelled, cutting her off.
"Why not? He's cute, passionate in his craft, and talented! That's what you want for your baby to become, right? Besides, you only need his sper--"
"Hey!" I screamed, trying to make her stop. I stared at her in disbelief. I can't believe she's telling me this!
I stood up, surprising her, but she laughed it off anyway. Tawang-tawa ang bruha!
"I'll get going, before this conversation gets uglier. See you soon!" I said, already walking out the door.
Everyone told me that I might have an OCD. I'm so scary organized and got everything in my life all planned out, to the point of even planning when I should be a mother. But heck, I researched that 30 years old and above women sometimes find it hard to get pregnant, and I don't want that. I don't want it to be hard. I just want a kid, dammit!
I wasn't in my best mood when I entered Mr. Cho's office. He's my boss, the CEO of the company I'm working. I'm a producer here, but I also take care/manage one of his talents.
"Pola! You're already here!"
"Hi Sam!" I greeted him back. A smile already tugging the corner of my lip.
My eyes roamed around, everyone is here already, from the managers to the seven boys we're working with. All except for Mr. Cho.
"You're late again, Polaris." Someone with a familiar, deep, drunken voice said, making me flinch on my seat.
"I–I was doing something important," I stuttered, as I fished out my notebook from my bag, calming myself.
"More important than this?"
I stopped what I was doing, and shot him a glare. "What are you trying to say, Shin?"
"Hey!" Han, the eldest of the group interjected, "You two sounds like a bickering married couple. Stop it."
All of the people inside the room laughed, except for me and Shin, who is now muttering to himself things that I couldn't understand, so I ignored him.
Nam Shin, is the artist that I'm handling. Originally, I should be handling the youngest, Min Joon, but that time, he went to New York, so unfortunately, Shin was given to me.
At first, I was so excited. I've been helping in producing their videos and music for a very long time already, so I'm so ecstatic to work with one of them. Shin is cool and everything. He is very passionate with his craft, and I saw how he really love making music, but I haven't really known him personally, but I soon realized that Shin is sometimes a stubborn asshole! He never listens!
He always makes things so difficult for me. I'm his manager, but he acts as if he's older; he often scolds me, and he always pries on my own business—
My thoughts were cut off, when Mr. Cho entered the room. He was smiling the biggest smile I've seen on him. Well, he's always like that, but today is different. His right hand is holding a bottle of champagne, and on his left are two wine glasses.
Everyone was looking at him closely, as if they're also reading what he's thinking.
He placed the champagne and the two glasses at the conference table, smiling from ear to ear. "We are invited to MAMA, because we are nominated in the 12 categories! We should celebrate!" he announced.
One bottle of champagne led to another, and also added with three bottles of wine, until we ended up going out on a Family KTV. We sang, we drank beer, we partied all night!
It was like a breather and a reward for all of us, for working too hard since their comeback. Especially me, I didn't only manage Shin, but I produced most of the music videos that we released. It's kinda tiring, but it was so worth it, and . . . I should be happy, right? I should feel accomplished, but why do I feel so frustrated?
One by one, the managers and the producers went home. Cho PD-nim was already sleeping, when his daughter and Min Joon decided to take him home.
But me? I'm still not in the mood to go, so I opened another can of beer, and I heard someone grunted when I did that, but I just shrugged it off.
I was ready to gulped on my drink, when a worried Gun sat beside me.
"Pola! It's your fifth bottle already. You should stop," Gun said, trying to steal the beer from my hand. My eyes roamed around his handsome face; his chiseled jaw, his well formed nose, down to his sultry lips that often gives everyone a rectangular, silly smile when he's so happy. Tsk. This kid. He's my favorite among the seven, but I couldn't imagine him to become the father of my future baby.
What the fuck? I shook my head as I cringe. What was I thinking? Gun is like a little brother to me! Ah shit. Maybe the alcohol is already affecting my sanity!
I pried his hand away. "Listen, kid. I'm older that you! I know what I'm doing. I can take care of myself!"
Gun just scratched his head. "But, you will drive alone, so you shouldn't drink too m--"
"Don't worry about her, Gun. I'm going to drive her home," the familiar drunken voice spoke again.
What the?
I threw him a judging look. "W-what did you just say?"
He rolled his eyes, as he gestured to Taehyung to stand up so he can sit beside me. "C'mon, Kim Hyun-Ae. Let's go."
"Who gave you the right to call me, by my real name? It's Polaris!"
Instead of answering, he forcefully snatched the can from my hand, and helped me to stand up afterwards.
I tried to pry his arm away from me, but when I stood up, I thought the room was upside down. So I tried to grabbed on something, but Shin immediately wrapped his arm around my waist, preventing me from falling.
My eyes widened for a moment, as our gazes met, but he's the first one to look away, helping me again to stand up straight.
What was that? I shook my head again. Crap. I think Gun is right. I already drank too much.
"Be careful!" Shin scolded me. Saying, "So clumsy" under his breath.
"I heard that!" I hollered, followed by a hiccup.
"Yeah. Yeah. I don't care. C'mon! I don't know what's happening on your mind, that you drank too much alcohol!"
"I thought, you don't care?"
He scowled at me, but he said nothing, and just pulled me towards the parking lot. My head feels light already, that I didn't know that we're already walking towards the elevator going up to my condo unit. Shin's a fast driver. I'll take note of that.
When we entered the elevator. I immediately went in and leaned on the wall.
I quickly closed my eyes, because of the dizziness that I was feeling.
I then felt pair of judging eyes looking at me. Yeah, I couldn't see it, but if me and Shin are in the same room, I always expect him giving me that look.
"Hey!" he called on me, so I opened my eyes. I was expecting to be welcomed by a scowling face, but I was surprised to see worry on his face. Jeez. Impossible. What am I thinking?
"What?"
"Why did you drink too much?" his voice now sounds really...concerned?
"What is it to you?" I snickered.
"Hey. I'm asking you nicely," he said in a warning tone.
I stopped myself from rolling my eyes. Maybe this also the effect of alcohol on Shin's mind-- he becomes nice!
His eyebrows furrowed, his eyes looking at me intently, as if studying me. His face is already red, he's like that when he drinks two and more bottles of beer, so I'm sure, he's also tipsy like me, but he's to smug to admit that.
"Somebody saw you going in an ob/gyn clinic. May I know what are you doing there?"
I cursed aloud, not caring how he would react. "Mind your own business! You just said that you don't care, so why do you care now?"
He didn't got the chance to retort, because the elevator door openened, telling us that we already reached the 11th floor, where my unit is.
Even though I'm struggling, I marched outside the elevator with my head held high. I can't believe we're having this conversation. I'm managing him for just half a year, but each and every day, he makes me feel like I'm an idiot.
I quickly pressed my password, and went inside. I tried to close the door, but he immediately blocked it. Dammit! Ugh!
I threw myself on the sofa. I don't usually do that, but I'm just dead tired of this day. I can't even enjoy the success of the album, because of my frustrations about the baby!
I felt his presence on my side, so I opened my eyes again. "Kim Hyun-Ae!" I grimaced, when I heard him calling my real name.
"What is it again? Please go. I want to rest."
He sat comfortably on my carpeted floor as if he owned the place, before he asked, "Are you pregnant or something? If you're pregnant, then why did get drunk like that--"
I scoffed. "Pregnant?" I let out a humorless laugh. "I wish, I was pregnant."
He gave me a confused look. "What do you mean, you wish, you were pregnant? Were you expecting?"
I laughed at his question, remembering what Lou told me.
Why not? He's cute, passionate in his craft, and talented! That's what you want for your baby to become, right?
I glanced at him for a moment. He looked away again when I caught his eyes.
I laughed at myself. I know, Shin is cute, but he's cute in a very manly way... Sexy even!
Ah. I think I'm already going crazy, but... why not, right? From his very cute eyes, down to his thin lips, plus his talent? Damn right, he could be my baby's father.
"Shin," I whispered, as I crawled on top of him. In my mind, ai'm stopping myself, but my body has its own mind as of the moment. Maybe it's the alchohol, or much worse... Maybe my sanity is starting to leave me.
He was so surprised with what I did, I am too, but I still continued.
He suddenly closed both of his fists, and scooted away from me. "H–Hey! What are you doing?"
I smiled at him. I don't know if it's the alcohol kicking in, or it's the desperation that's motivating me to do and ask this...
"Can you be the father of my baby?" I whispered desperately.
He let out a choked sound. "W–What? What are you saying--"
"I just want to have a baby. Promise, no strings attached!"