He walks into the house at a quarter past nine. Tired from a long day at work, the old floors in the house creak as he gets closer to the bedroom door. I can sense his frustration, but when he walks in and smells what is baking, he then smiles.
More to himself, then at the joy of me.
"What is in the oven?" He asks slowly coming towards me. His arms wrap around my waist and I am pretty sure I have a grin just as goofy as his.
"Your favorite cookies, I had to keep occupied you know how I can't sit still." He smiles again grabbing one of the already baked cookies off the cooling rack.
"Double Fudge with a peanut butter glaze. Have I told you how much I love you today?" I muster up my most serious face and think for a second. I tap my chin just to further tease him.
"No, I don't think you have. Oh, wait yeah there was a guy who looks exactly like you this morning, too bad he's still at work." I flirt, he smiles and the timer goes off.
He unwraps his arm from around me and I grab the last tray of cookies.
"Your dad was here earlier, he knows." The room goes cold, I can hear his heart racing as he gives me a blank stare. I don't notice anything until I clumsily spill the hot tray of cookies onto the ground.
"I'll g-get it." His demeanor hasn't changed and it is starting to freak me out.
The cuddly feeling is now turned to ash. As he runs his hands run through his hair in panic.
"His scent is on you?" He questions and looks panicked.
"Yeah, he gave me a hug." He looks lost like he is fighting back his wolf the veins in his neck and teeth change for a second and then he takes a deep breath.
"What was he here for?" He asks with the same almost blank face, he is trying to h
"He wanted to make sure I was happy." His right eyebrow shoots up as he asks, "are you?"
I was as happy as could be if forced into this circumstance, until about five minutes ago. That wall that he always holds up, has never fallen. Well not for long. I shouldn't fear my mate when he is like this. I shouldn't have to guess what is going on in his head. He should try and let me in.
I don't think I know him that much mentally. I only know what he lets out. How can I love a mystery? His voice clears and I can feel myself turn blood red.
"No," I don't know where that shot of courage came from, but it stung like hell.
"Why are you not happy?" He asks sitting on the back of the black and leather couch. He kicks off his shoes and they both make a large clunk that startles me.
"How come you never let me in?" I ask choking back tears. One escapes the grasp of my self-control. The room is dimly lit so he can't see as I sweep up the rest of the cookies I spilled.
"You have never wanted to," he states coldly.
"You judged me before getting to know me. You expected the worst from me and I became the worst part of myself. You helped me realize the good. You were always an angel, so pure. But no matter what good I did I never thought I had your attention. So I fell into the wrong crowd and hauled my best friend into it. Only to find out that I did have you, I just lost you when I shoved you away. I teased you because I have always loved you." He says and now tears are pouring out of my eyes like a faucet.
"Why did you push me away?" I ask throwing away the last of the mess.
"Because I thought you didn't deserve me. I am Alpha and you were just some stupid girl, I couldn't get out of my head at the time. I thought if I cut you off, I could happily find my mate." My mind fogs up with so many emotions.
"Do you think I deserve you now?" I choke back the tears.
"No, I think you deserve more." I sigh out a breath of air I didn't know I was holding.
"Now you listen to me we deserve each other, we love each other. We both chose to give each other our love. You more than deserve mine." He slowly walks over to me like I am prey.
"And you deserve all mine." I feel a warm tear get stopped by his even warmer thumb. He captures it and wipes away the hair that is sticking to the fresh tear stains on my face.
The room still feels cold as he leaves. I silently cry before making dinner. Wishing he would come back and just hold me.
How could he be so cold to the woman he loves? That is not how he should treat me. He opens up a bit and then runs.
Dinner is quiet, we steal glances at each other and all I do is play with my salad.
"Please, eat," he demands.
"I am not hungry." I get up from the table and speed walk to our room. Tears and footsteps follow.
"Please, eat," He more than begs out causing me to roll my eyes and look at the floor in shame.
"No, I don't want to." He clenches his jaw tight and his fists tighter.
"Eat, NOW!" He pulls me out of bed and carries me kicking and screaming.
"I will not see my mate be as stubborn as my mother. You need this." I want to ask him why, but I shut up and go back to eating.
I am hungry, and why did he bring his mother into this.
She died of natural causes. I was there, she was sick. Bruised and afraid of her mate.
I connect all the things, she was abused.
She was always covering up and claiming she was just clumsy. Was Anthony abused too? Is that why he was afraid his father touched me?
I close my eyes, a few tears fall down my face.
"What is the matter, Anna?" He asks.
I keep my eyes shut tight. The images of the abuse fill my head. I can't take it anymore.
"How bad did he hurt you?" I finally have enough courage to open up my eyes and it is like looking at a ghost.
I repeat myself.
"How bad did your father hurt you?" All I want to do is wrap my arms around him, he looks as fragile as a young boy. Did he watch his dad beat the life out of his mom every night? Did he stop? I never see bruises on his stepmom.
"I was 6, when it first started and 16 when it stopped, 4 years after she stopped breathing. She took all the hits for me. She died struggling to save me. I watched him through the keyhole one night, I walked in, he then swung at me and my mom took the blow to her head. Your father was a strong Alpha who had numbers and strength. He came here to help us even though he was sick, he was my mother's best friend. He tried everything to fix my father, and it worked. He is a way better man, but I can't look at him without seeing my mom." Tears escape his eyes and I run to him to comfort him in a way he has never comforted me. How can a man who has been never shown this, show it?
"I don't want to be that way, I can't. But I keep an eye on him so he doesn't go back to his old ways." I hold his head close to my chest and I run my hands through his hair as I speak.
"You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, he loves you so fucking much and regrets a lot. I can tell, he came over to make sure you were happy if we were happy together. He may have not changed quickly but for right now it is for the good. You are not as cold as your father, you are a caring man, a family man. You are everything he is not. He ran from you, you are strong. You are mine. I love you so fucking much, it hurts to see you be hurt org-." His hot lips crash onto mine as I finally admit my love for him.
"You don't know how much I fucking love you." I smile and hold him the way he needs to be held, with love. He needs to know my love for him is true. Anthony needs to know what his father did.
"Your father when he came over did something with every ounce of protection. I think that is his way of saying we have to start trying thanks to the pack's law." As I say this he grins.
"Well then let's get to work," he picks me up, and I sequel in excitement. Fear runs through my mind for a second before my wolf mutes it.
The fear of motherhood.