I have been laying on the couch listening to my mom yell at me. She never really raises her voice and I try not to disrespect her.
"You can't reject the Alpha, you can't it's the law! You could kill yourself and us too!! Don't be selfish, that is not how I raised you!" Her voice echoes in my head, for a moment. I hate when she is right, but my mate makes me feel way too many emotions and I wish he was just straightforward with me.
"Yeah, you raised me to believe in true love and happiness, but I feel like I am being suffocated, it's not right! Everyone has had a choice, but me! You call me selfish, you have had so many damn kids and what the hell do you do? You throw them at me, and I take care of them, while you leave to go on a bunch of trips. Mom how was that fair!? I raised them you think Milo helped, no he did not! Face it I was a 15-year-old mother, so you could prance around with your mate!" She looks at me and starts crying. Tears running down her angelic face. Oh, shit what have I done?
"I didn't realize how I was treating you, dear. I am so sorry. I am sorry, I did that, but you were just so good with them. You have a natural touch with children, one thing, I do not have at all hon. Open those letters each one of them has a bunch of money in it. I split everything your father had with you two, but he may have given you more. Probably because he had very little time with you. You were his baby girl! He was so protective over you, even when you were in the womb." I can see a faint smile on her face. My mom never talks about him. It's nice to hear about him sometimes. I wish I would have gotten to know him, but some days, I don't because he is gone and I would end up missing him even more.
"I was the same age as you were when he found me, even though I already had a huge crush on him. The summer I turned 16 was when we married, and the next spring is when I had your brother. You are so much like him in so many ways." She pulls me into a hug, and all I want to do is say, I'm sorry.
Tears blur my vision. "Mom I don't love my mate," I lie, I don't want to love him, just to let him go like my mom did with her mate.
My family doesn't have the best track record.
"It's okay, love. I know you care about him and he cares about you. You don't have to admit you are in love with him." You can care about people and you don't exactly have to love them. I care about puppies, but it is not like I love every single one of them.
Yeah sleeping with other women, he totally cares.
My inner jealousy and doubt keep getting the best of me.
"Just at least give it a try." I nod, wiping away the stray tears. Why would I want to do that!?
"Mom, can you get some ice cream? We can watch Vampire Diaries if you want together?" She gets up, and I run up to my room to get them.
There are about fifty or more in there and my birthday is in like 49 days. Maybe, I can open one a day. Or all of them today...you see I thought that when I opened these cards then he would be gone forever. I know it is stupid, but trying to live a life without your father is hard. I never got or had the chance to tell him, I loved him when he was alive, but I hope he did know I did and still does, even though, I remember very little about him.
I bring one with me, it is one for my first day of school.
Dear, sweet Anna.
I am sorry, I can't be there for you on your very first day of kindergarten. (Tell her to close her eyes and imagine I am with her today)
I stop and close my eyes picturing him picking me up and swinging me around the yard. It is a fuzzy memory to recall. But I try to make it as clear as day.
As you can see, I am with you, so I will know if you pick up cuties from any boys. Princesses your brother has been taken care of so he has no cuties. Stay safe and have a good time.
Daddy
There is a savings bond for 1000$.
I hold the note close to my heart and cry a little a few hot tears escape me. Wishing I could use the cutie disease on my mate as an excuse sometimes.
I can't imagine a girl my age running from a guy saying that. But it does make me laugh a little. I picture me doing it and then I realized how dumb it really is.
I put the note back in the pink envelope carefully.
I am surprised to see the bond is not expired. I am very interested to know what else the letters say. I feel like a kid at Christmas. I want to open them all up and to cherish and love each one of them.
My mom walks in with two spoons and a gallon tub of ice cream. Best mom ever, right?
"Thanks so much, mom I am so sorry." She hands me a spoon and says,
"I know, it's okay. Now move over. I need my men!" We both laugh out loud. Even though we both have perfectly attractive mates it's always good to observe from afar.
I turn on the TV and scroll through Netflix, finding it and turning it on. I can't live without Netflix it is literally all that keeps me together at times. My own escape from reality, the one I have to live.
Clapping my hands together and the lights go off, in one quiet motion. I get comfy and then the damn doorbell rings. I hate that stupid doorbell.
My mom goes to get it.
"Is Ms. Markus here?"
Oh my god! Who is it? I know that voice from somewhere...