It's been 2 weeks in this school and to be honest, it's not that bad.
Except for the fact that Matt's always taking Hans away from me whenever I want to hang around with him, everything is fine. But I've made a lot of friends. And I haven't got mad and threw anything or broke anything in so long! I can't believe I'm actually happy!
I was sitting outside for lunch, eating my apple. Hans was sitting next to me, looking gorgeous as ever.
Does he like me?
Will he ask me out one day?
No, why would he like me?
Hans caught me staring at him. I looked back at the book I was reading, feeling embarrassed.
He laughed and I looked at him, confused. "What's so funny?" I said.
He bit his lip. "You are... erm, you are holding the book in a wrong way, in upside-down direction."
I looked back at my book to see he was telling the truth.
"Haha, oops am not that into studying this, for now, hehe," I said, smiling and giggling awkwardly.
He was about to say something but then Matt came towards us, with his group of friends.
"Hey Hans, want to go play some football?" Matt said.
He wasn't looking at Hans that much, mostly at me.
I rolled my eyes and looked at my book. Don't go, Hans, don't leave me, I thought to myself.
"Sure, why not?" He said, happily in enthusiasm.
I bit my lip, getting angry at him. Why does he keep on leaving me?
"Sorry CeCe, but I have to go-" he was interrupted.
"It's fine, I'll see you next time." I smiled and stood up ready to leave, acting like ignoring everyone. He nodded and packed up his stuff.
I looked at Matt who was staring at me like he was confused. Hans went with Matt and his gang.
Here I was, left alone. Again.
I walked to the library so I could finish my homework.
I saw Ryan, Han's best friend and sat with him. We've been very close lately. Every time Hans would leave, I used to hang around with Ryan.
"Hey, what's up? You seem down." He said, looking at me. "Let me guess, Hans left again?"
"Yes!" I shouted, angrily. The librarian shushed me. I bit my lip. Oops.
"Why does he keep on leaving whenever Matt comes?" I whispered to Ryan.
"Don't know," Ryan said simply and he quickly went back to his work. He looked really guilty for some reason. Was he hiding something that I didn't know about?
"Spill," I said. He looked at me, confused.
"I know that something's up so just tell me now or I'll find out later."
"CeCe..." he sighed, it was looking like it's hard for him to tell me about this.
"Please...?" I said, making a puppy face and staring at him with puppy eyes in need of food to fill her stomach.
"Fine." He said, giving up.
"But don't tell anyone, okay?" he added and I nodded.
"Okay." He whispered to me.
"Matt's dad died 4 years ago when he was 13." My eyes widened in shock.
"And..." Ryan continued. "Ever since then, the few weeks before his father's death anniversary, Hans does whatever Matt wants him to do because Hans doesn't want to hurt him. Also, Matt tries to find many reasons to spend time with Hans and his friends."
I looked down.
I didn't know.
I didn't know.
I didn't know about anything like this!
"He used to be really close with his dad and that's the reason why he's always naughty and does mischievous things."
I bit my lip to stop myself from crying. All these mean stuff I've been thinking about Matt when the truth is I never really knew him.
All he wanted was his cousin to be with him and
I just turned against him.
I'm such a bad person.
I got my stuff and ran. Ryan called after me but I ignored him and ran upstairs to my room.
I heard a knock on the door.
I didn't say anything and just covered my face with my arms.
"Cerina, are you okay?" It was Dad.
My dad.
The dad that I was being mean to, the dad that I wanted to suffer.
I didn't want to see my dad ever again when he left me, but the truth is, Matt won't be able to even if he wanted to.
"Sorry, I mean CeCe," Dad said in a low voice, but all he got from me was silence.
"Did something happen?" I said nothing. Not because I didn't want to talk to him.
But because I couldn't trust my voice and if I said anything or looked at him, I would burst into tears.
"CeCe, I may not be very close to you but we could always talk. You know, about school and stuff. Not the girly stuff though, I'm not really an expert on that." I smiled when I heard his cheeky remark.
"If you need me, all you need to do is call." He said, before going away from the door.
I got up and looked out the window. Okay CeCe, these are your aims for school.
One: Be friends with Matt even if it kills you!
Two: Don't get emotional ever again!
Three: Make it easier for Dad!
I was about to go downstairs when I saw Matt kicking the ball from my window. He looked so happy with Hans. They were laughing and throwing the ball at each other.
I smiled, watching them have fun.
I guess I've found another reason to like Hans.
Because he makes everyone happy.
Especially Matt.