I stand on my balcony, watching the chaos unfold outside my window.
Things did end up going to shit in the end.
The door is closed & barricaded. The heating is on.
And the good old USA is on fire.
Honestly, I didn't expect to go like this.
Perhaps not a single person on Earth did.
He thought while taking another sip of his wine, looking longingly onto the sky.
A black hole is flying through space heading here at an unbelievable speed.
If what they say on the news is true, we'll die so quickly we won't even notice our deaths.
4 days.
That's how long we had to prepare for our impending doom.
Surprisingly, society didn't collapse into anarchy.
At least not in the US.
Mostly, people decided to find God.
After all, now everyone know death is coming.
Might as well do their best to go to heaven.
Some people did lose their shit, but they were quickly shot dead.
Praise be to Murica and its guns.
Bloody hypocrites. That's what they are.
As if the Lord will accept their pleas for forgiveness because of a sudden change of heart.
If he's real, he has reached the decision to end this planet.
Again.
And I don't see an ark.
He looked down at his now empty glass. And his bottle of pills which lays right next to it.
Death from a blackhole, from what I understood I'd feel every single one of my limbs slowly elongating and tearing apart as my body essentially experiences time differently.
I do not want that. I'm going to die in an hour anyways. An hour less, well, it wouldn't make much of a difference would it?
He then refilled his wine glass, and took, out his sleep pills.
One, two, three, four, five and he kept taking them out, and lining them up.
He grabbed three, and took a sip to wash it down.
Am I going to hell for this? Does it even matter?
I don't think I was evil. I didn't rape, I didn't steal outside of Piracy.
Sure, I may have not loved my neighbor, and have shed blood multiple times before.
It was in the name of my Lord & country.
I think the Lord would appreciate that.
He then grabbed three more pills, and took a large swig from his wine.
I lived life well I think. I have a nice car, a nice house, I haven't got to have children, but neither am I dying a virgin. My job was comfortable, and although my parents & family did not exactly keep in contact with me, I'm not leaving them on bad terms.
Honestly, I think I can consider my self content with my life.
It's fine.
I am 31 years old. I'm healthy & fit. I most likely still had a good 50 years left.
But, it may not be so bad to die now.
He took a few more pills, and chugged them down with wine.
What should I have done differently? I'm an okay, God fearing man.
I may not have truly specialized in any subjects, but I can be considered a renaissance man.
I wish I'd enjoyed life a little more.
Drink more. Fuck more. Vacate more. I've got a nice stash at the bank, but I'm not exactly going to get to enjoy it to retirement do I?
In the end, you can't tell when you will die. Perhaps I should have lived in the moment more.
I should have learned HEMA, it would have been interesting.
Perhaps painting instead of sculpting. I should have also seen the world more.
Too many hours have I spent playing games & roleplaying.
He then looked at what little is left of his wine, and the few remaining pills.
His hand started to shake. But non the less.
He picked them up & chucked them in his mouth.
A small tear came out of his left eye.
While he gulped them down.
He then said with a soft voice.
"I think, I'm okay."
He then got up from his chair. And looked around him.
He looked at his TV, his big couch, and went to his bedroom.
Inside, lies his big bed.
He walked towards it, as if it's calling for him to lay down for his final rest.
He took off his clothes, turned on the heater. And laid down on the bed.
Pulled his blanket upon his naked body. Lifted his legs up towards his chest and hugged them as he was drifting into sleep.
He closed his eyes, thinking they shall never be opened again.
"Good night"
Many times, he will wish it would actually be so.
This, is the start of Jonathan's story, of suffering.