I walk in the surgery room again with green dress made from disposable fabric and shower cap on my head. My body shivers a little due to coldness of the room. I even have goosebumps on my arms and feet.
The room is almost silent despite of quite many people in it. The only sound I hear are the beeping of the heart-monitoring machine and the clinking sound of surgery tools every now and then. Maybe there are other sounds there, but I am too drawn away to Jennifer who lies on the surgery bed. Her now big belly is already naked and being covered with antiseptic liquid. A thin tube is also placed in her lower abdoment, in between her ligament.
"Madam, we're ready."
That voice alerts me. My eyes immediately scan the room, trying to recognize the presence of Mrs. Rauss. There. I found her face on the screen of a 16" laptop, starring straight at the bed where Jennifer lies.
"Has her husband presented ?" Mrs. Rauss asks back to the man who greeted her.
"He has, Madam," the man with surgery gown, surgery gloves, shower cap, and medical mask answers solemnly.
Mrs. Rauss nods. "You may start the procedure, Doctor."
The man nods and walks toward the center of the room where the bed is placed. "Let's start," he says to four other doctors that already surround the bed, all wearing surgery gowns, surgery gloves, and medical masks.
"Anesthesia ?"
"Total."
"Heart rate ?"
"70."
"Blood pressure ?"
"110 / 70."
"Okay, good. Scalpel..."
A man gives the doctor a small knife.
"Abdominal incision." The doctor says while making a vertical incision from below the naval to just above the pubic bone. He does it repeatedly with a very gentle and harmonic movement.
"Uterine incision." This time the doctor's ams go a little deeper and gently make a cut horizontally across the lower part of the uterus, again repetitively.
"Breathe, Sir," a whisper right next to my ear jolts me a bit. I turn my head to have Mr. Paresh stands next to me. He is already wearing a surgery gown, gloves, and shower cap. "Don't forget to breathe," He reminds me again with a thin smile.
As turning my head back to the surgery that is still happening, I mindfully feel how the air get into my nose, goes to my throat, and fills my lung. It is when I realize how tense my body was. Maybe Mr. Paresh is right. Maybe I forgot to breathe back then.
"Breaking fetal membrane" The doctor, still with his calm voice telling others what he is doing.
"Taking the baby." He then says while his hands groping something inside Jennifer's belly.
I once again subconsciously hold my breath when he slowly lifts his hands up, bringing a tiny little creature out.
"Clean the face"
A man wipe the tiny face to clean it from blood and liquid.
"Umbilical cord cutting"
"Doctor, she's not breathing.." I can hear another doctor whispers to him.
"Umbilical cord cutting." He repeats his order. Another doctor cuts the cord right next to the baby's naval.
The doctor then hold the baby by her legs and flips her upside down.
"What is he doing ?" I hisses in panic to see his action while my eyes can not move form it.
The doctor then pats the baby's chest gently for few times. I'm about to step my feet to prevent him to do anymore dangerous action toward my baby when suddenly I hear a little sounds of coughs before followed by a loud cry.
All tenses in my body disappear. My eyes are getting warm and soon become blur as they are filled with tears. I bite my lips to hide my sob.
"Here is your baby, Sir," A man says to me then guide my hands to position them to hold my baby. Due to all tears cover my sight, I can not see her face clearly.
"Congratulation, Mr. Bennet. She's beautiful," Mr. Paresh whispers next to me. I wipe my eyes with my shoulder to clear them away from tears. Now I can see her more clearly. She is beautiful. Despite of her black hair and thin lips like mine, her other features belong to her mother.
"Hey, baby Sophie," I call her with a choked voice. She, of course, doesn't care and just keeps crying out loud.
"Please... let me see my grandchild," Mrs. Rauss' voice is heard out from the speaker. It is such a joyful moment to me and I want badly to share this almost unbearable happiness to someone else. And the only person that could have the similar joy is Mrs. Rauss at the moment. So, despite of disagreement we have, I walk toward the camera and lift Sophie a little to show her off to Mrs. Rauss.
"Oh... she is so beautiful," Mrs. Rauss says with a little joyful shriek. Her face is red in excitement and her eyes are all teary up. "Does she have a name yet ?"
I nod. "Sophie," I tell her while placing my eyes on this beautiful creature on my hands.
"Hi, little Sophie. This is granny..."
I wince to hear her saying. "You are not..."
"We need to keep her in NICU for now," A woman cuts words I'm about to say to Mrs. Raus.
"NICU ? Why ?" I ask in confusion.
"She is a preterm. It is a standard procedure to make sure her safety," the woman explains to me.
"We're ready for the heart surgery, Doctor," Another man's voice is heard, this time he is talking to Mr. Paresh.
"Okay," Mr. Paresh says to him. He then walks toward me. "You better go with her to the nursery room, Sir." Mr. Paresh says after standing next to me.
"I... I want to stay here," I persist.
Mr. Paresh gives me a thin smile. "You better not, Sir. I am the one who leads the surgery. I hope you can put your trust on me."
I sigh heavily before nodding. "Please, safe her," I tell him, almost pleading.
Mr. Paresh nods. "I am going to do my best, Sir."