Days went by in a blur. I didn't eat anything in the past few days. I forced myself to stand up. I have been living in the living room this whole time because it was too much for me to even walk on the stairs. It is weird realizing that I have many memories of my brother and me sitting on the stairs. After out mom and dad went missing, we would eat our meals on the stairs because eating at the table felt empty. Dayn, you made me feel safe and secure when our parents weren't there. What do I do now? Only thinking about it makes my throat tighten again. Something that hasn't stopped happening since three days ago. A hand suddenly resting on my shoulder makes me tense up. "It's me, Audry." Hearing her voice right now doesn't calm me as it used to. "We need to get you out of here, people are looking for you." "In a bad way." She added.
*changing of perspective*
Audry was shocked when she came to Sya's home. Sya was kneeling on the kitchen floor. It seemed like she had kneeled like that for a full three days. Her tears had already dried up as if there was not a single tear left in her. Audry had grown up as an orphan, she had already seen countless people die in the first Sendrit-Sencia war. Although she felt sad for the loss of her friend, Dyan. She hadn't expected Sya to be like this. Maybe it was first having a family and then losing it that was harder.
After grabbing a few necessary items, Audry helped Sya up and brought her into her car. She promised Dyan that she would take care of Sya if anything ever happened to him, so she would. She cursed herself for not coming to pick her up earlier. Sya wasn't able to take care of herself while mourning.
*back to normal*
I couldn't enjoy the drive to Nercay city like I normally would. I didn't want to cry, but there seemed no reason to laugh anymore. "What do you want to do in Nercay city?" After Audry saw that I wasn't going to answer her, she continued. "You could become a nurse in the hospital. They need more people there."
Five minutes past with absolute silence, only the motor of the car could be heard. If I wasn't so stupid in that critical situation this wouldn't have happened. My brother's death was my fault. I had been thinking it over for the past days. If only I hadn't stopped, life would have stayed beautiful. Dayn wherever you are, please find mom and dad for me. I missed them. I miss you.
I am desperate to hear your voice telling me everything is going to be just fine. I need it now more than ever. You told me about your dreams. You wanted to fight for your country and make life beautiful for us again. But it already was beautiful, Dyan. Because I had you. After the war, you wanted to study to become a doctor. You wanted to save people. Why couldn't you realize that you already saved so many people? Why couldn't you realize that I needed you too? Can't you find a way to come back? I can't fend for myself, you said it yourself. On my eighteenth birthday two months ago. You said I would always be your little girl. But if you're not here, who am I?
I closed my eyes, but I couldn't sleep. I was tired, but I couldn't rest. What was the point of sleeping? It wasn't like I deserved to forget everything. It was my fault, my mistake. I had to keep grieving. Because he deserved it.
My mind went blank after that. I guess not eating for three days was taking its toll on me now.
I can't tell you exactly how I became a nurse in the city's hospital. My face was devoid of any emotion all day. At night I cried myself to sleep. It became a pattern. The head nurse already saw that I wasn't capable of comforting patients, but they needed all the nurses they had, so I mostly did the administration. When I did need to take care of someone, that person was already half-dead and wouldn't need any comforting. I saw more people die in those two weeks than in the rest of my miserable life. I couldn't take it. I promised myself one year. I needed to live at least one year and repay all my sins by saving people. Just like my brother wanted to do.
The rebellion of the Sencia people was still going on. Now without my brother of course. Bombs were placed in the homes of officers. Their wives were bullied at the market. Sometimes I could see a familiar face in that crowd. But I had already put that life behind me. Audry promised to visit every other day. And she did. Sometimes she just came to say hi and brought something to eat. Other days she would stay with me for hours in silence. I loved those times. The silent company comforted me more than any words could.
I would become strong. I had to. At least for a year.
Just one year.
And it starts now.