Part 1
I walked out of the dorm looking for Hirata.
He shouldn't have gone back to school, right now he might of gone to Keyaki Mall or the
surrounding area.
If he doesn't want to meet with other people, he is most likely at an isolated place.
I will have to search various places.
I searched for about an hour and finally found Hirata, who was sitting on a bench, his back
looking heavy.
"Hirata."
I called his name.
"... Ayanokouji-kun."
Hirata responded slowly and raised his head.
I haven't seen his face in a long time.
It looks like he hasn't gotten much sleep. There are dark circles under his eyes that were never
existed before.
"Can you make time?"
After hearing my request, Hirata opened his eyes slightly.
"That's enough. Why does everyone have to worry about me one by one. I was sure that
Ayanokouji-kun knows me well, and will leave me alone. You really disappointed me."
"Sorry. Is it annoying to have to tell me to go and run away like Mii-chan?"
Even though I deliberately said provocative words like that, Hirata did not move from the bench.
"Am I going to make time? No problem. However, as long as I'm still in this school, I have no
place to run away from. Now it's tiring, and even I don't have the strength to run away. But ... I
don't think I can fulfill your wish. "
In this short period of time, many students have spoken to Hirata.
Whether it was words of concern or voices of support, it hurt him.
Although I do not know 'who' had been talking to him, I can imagine the 'contents' of such
conversations.
They might have tried to heal Hirata's broken heart and wanted to use tenderness to restore it.
We both sat quietly on the bench.
"Then ... what do you want to talk about?"
I know exactly what Hirata is thinking.
He wants to listen to me a little, then just let it pass.
"Tell me all about you."
"Eh?"
Hirata's voice was a little soft. He thought that I would say something sympathetic to him.
"What kind of person were you before? What did you think of before? I want to hear it from you."
"Why?"
"I don't know. I always feel like knowing these things, so I can't answer the reason even if you
ask me."
Hirata sighed deeply and shook his head slowly.
"I don't want to think about the past. There's nothing to talk about."
"Are you not in the mood?"
"Why, do you ask that because ..."
Hirata showed a gaze saying 'You already know the reason why right? '
I ignored his gaze and repeated my question again.
"Why?"
"... That's because Yamauchi-kun was expelled."
I forced him to say something he didn't want to say.
He also noticed my intentions and looked unhappy.
"You really are making me say cruel facts."
"I'm just doubtful. I'm sorry if you feel upset. "
"It's okay."
Hirata doesn't have the strength to argue with me. He sighed.
He bent his back and shook his head feeling helpless.
He was like gesturing: Leave me, leave me alone.
"Does Yamauchi leaving school have something to do with you, who doesn't want to talk about
your past?"
Facing another question that that does not match the situation, Hirata once again showed a
surprised expression.
"My past has nothing to do with now."
"No, there should be."
Hirata wanted to forcefully end the topic, but it was overshadowed by my commentary.
"It's really sad for someone in our class was expelled. Anyone would think so. But we don't have
time to regret it. The special exam is soon. This time it's not just Horikita and Kushida. Even Ike
and Sudou have cleared their minds in preparation for the exam. But what about you Hirata?
You're always distracted by Yamauchi who has already left school, and hasn't help - "
Saying this, I paused for a moment.
Doing this, I wanted to show that I was reluctant to say these kinds of things, and change the
topic.
"What I want to know is of your past that has led you to form these values of yours."
"What will you do when you find out? Do you think I will even say it?"
"You have to say it. Because I want to tell everyone about the you now."
He wanted to reveal the truth, but on the other hand he couldn't. He is in a dilemma.
This time I have to use my eyes to communicate with him.
I looked at him with a strong, sharp gaze , as if threatening him to say it.
Hirata looked into my eyes with fear.
"The reason why Karuizawa-san said everything to Ayanokouji-kun. I finally understood the true
meaning of her words. She saw these eyes ... No, rather, you forced her to see them. These
commanding eyes. The darkness that is within them. "
The darkness that Hirata holds has eroded me a little.
This man is not waiting to die. Every day, he is hoping to be saved.
So he will reach out and grab the black spider's webs. All to climb from the depths of hell.
"I have told you once before ... Ever since I was a child, I had a friend who was very close to
me, but he was bullied during middle school."
"Yes, Sugimura."
"I didn't expect you to remember his name ..."
It was because I knew of the story, I can predict Hirata's mental state.
Hirata wanted to help his childhood friend, but he was afraid that he would become the next
target for bullying.
As a result, he spent the time just observing.
Then -
"My friend - committed suicide and jumped off the building."
He began to remember what happened at that moment.
He began to recount his past little by little.
"Even though he survived, up until today, he still has not recovered. He is in a coma ..."
Hirata clenched his hands into fists.
"I ended up forcing him to end his life. This responsibility of mine cannot be changed."
"It isn't just your fault. The root of the cause lies with someone else."
"Yes. But I think the observers are also just as wrong."
Hirata once said this during our time on the boat. Since then, he has always thought of trying to
help the people around him.
In fact, every time a problem occurs in class, Hirata immediately leads in taking action.
He always works hard to solve problems, and will not hesitate to do so.
For example, during Sudou's dispute and how he helped Kei by pretending to be a couple.
However, there are still things that cannot be explained with just this.
"I understand that you are still in doubt. "
Hirata didn't look at me and continued.
"My friend tried to kill himself by jumping from the building. But, it is not the full story ..."
The rest of the story he hasn't told me back when we were on the ship.
"I thought that after my friend tried to commit suicide, the chaos would end. After paying such a
great sacrifice, there would be no more bullying at the school. But I was too naive. After this
incident, I was able to see the true darkness of human nature."
Hirata trembled, his eyes containing a feeling of revenge that he hid.
"THey turned to the next target in the class to bully."
He suppressed his feelings and began to murmur as if talking to himself.
"This is hard to believe. But, bad events like that happen, and incidents of bullying are just
beginning. People who used to be bystanders have received the same treatment. And even
those who did not previously participate in bullying have joined in."
The oppression is endless.
"If the person with the lowest rank in the class no longer exists, the second lowest student will
automatically be the last. In other words, it is natural law."
"I don't think I can let that happen again. I think it is necessary to stop this kind of thing."
"Then ... did you take action?"
Hirata nodded two to three times.
"In order not to let mistakes like this happen again, I took several methods."
Hirata slowly raised his head and looked at me.
"The method, simple and direct, I used terror to control the class."
"Are you trying to use this method now, Hirata?"
"Yes. I'm not as strong as Sudou-kun or Ryuuen-kun. But, when I seriously raise my fist, no one
chooses will fight me. I became the only person in power in the class, and the other students
were all put at the lowest level. I just wanted to eliminate incidents of bullying in class. If there
are any disputes, I immediately intervene. I gave both parties the same sanctions and pain. This
behavior may not be any different from bullying ... But this method does provide a temporary
calm for the class. "
Hirata also understood very well, that it was not a just action.
But even so, he did not want to see a world where someone was intimidated.
"As a result ... I finally ended up breaking all the students in the class. They all lost their smiles
and spent their days like emotionless robots. This was known throughout the entire area where I
lived. It spread ... Almost like a disease."
"How did the school handle it?"
"I think that should have handled the case as such earlier. They forced all classes to be
disbanded once. Then arranged for everyone, including me, until we graduated to be always
under strict supervision."
If this was a famous event, of course it would have been widely spread by the public.
It would have been impossible for this school not to realize this.
No, it was because the school knew about this case, that they let Hirata enter this school.
In short, I finally understood the reason why someone as perfect as Hirata was assigned to
Class D.
"You cannot forgive their actions for targeting Yamauchi."
"Well ... I thought that as long as it did not spread, I could pretend that I didn't know. I wanted to
remain silent until the vote in class."
As a result, because of the decision made by Horikita, people in the class who were not needed
were exposed.
"I really am useless. Of course, I am a person who cannot unite the class. Even though I tried
my best, I was unable to save Yamauchi-kun ... You understand, Ayanokouji-kun. I can't do it
even if I want to protect him. On the other hand, I want to try using terror again to control others.
I know it's wrong, but I ... "
Hirata's voice trembled.
The feelings in his heart will collapse.
Hirata believes that whether it is happiness or sadness, it should be shared with everyone in the
class.
If someone suffers or falls, he can't stand it.
For all this time, he must have repeatedly asked and answered himself many times.
I don't know whether he has told this to Mii-chan or other students, or to what extent he told it to
others.
However, I was very sure that they would say the same thing after hearing his words:
'This is not possible.' "It's not your fault Hirata-kun." "What's wrong is Yamauchi-kun who
betrayed the class."
Regardless of who they are, they will think that Hirata is right, while the others are evil.
Only this understanding will never change.
In this case, the problem will never be solved.
Hirata takes action to protect someone in the class. There is no point in persuading Hirata by
using words that blame others.
Instead, it will only make him trapped in his own shell.
"I want to clarify a few things beforehand. If it wasn't Horikita's fault or my responsibility that
made Yamauchi drop out. Then do you know whose it is?"
"... Well. This has nothing to do with it, we couldn't have done anything."
Hirata whispered a sentence, 'I will not blame you.'
My words seemed to blame Hirata, and emphasizing this was not my fault.
When he hears it, this can also be interpreted 'Don't you hate me?' But.
"Who do you think should be responsible for making Yamauchi drop out?"
"I think ... it is his own responsibility."
Although that's what Hirata said, he didn't want to admit it, thus he reached this conclusion.
He is sure. Because Yamauchi's ability was low and lazy, this resulted in him becoming a
dropout candidate.
"You are wrong. "
I refuted Hirata's statement and directly denied his thoughts.
"Yamauchi dropping out is your responsibility, Hirata."
"Wha ...!"
Hirata looked at me.
He showed an expression saying 'I don't understand what you're saying'.
"If you really wanted to help Yamauchi, you would have tried everything to save him."
"B-but I ... I've already tried my best! It was impossible!"
"Ichinose in Class B didn't let any of her classmates become victims."
"T-that's because she was in a special situation. They had much more personal points
compared to us so they managed to protect their classmates."
"That's because you didn't lead the class to collect enough points in the first place. That is the
problem. If you collected points for a year like Ichinose did, you could have saved someone from
dropping out."
In this case, no one will drop out of class C, and the class would still have 40.
"Impossible. We lost our class points shortly after we entered school. Even if we hadn't lost it,
according to our current class situation, students in Class C won't listen to my request to save
points."
"It doesn't matter if the class points to 0, or if the class does not agree to save points. This is
your responsibility."
No matter how much he wanted to run away, it was his responsibility. This fact will not change.
"That doesn't make any sense. It really doesn't make any sense."
"Of course, it doesn't make sense. But it's the truth. This is the path you chose. To save
everyone, this kind of thing can only be done in illusions. In this case, no matter who drops out
of school, you are unable to blame yourself. But you always pour these feelings around you, so
you have to take responsibility when you fail. You must have this kind of awareness. "
"... I-I ——!"
"They all misunderstood you. They always think that you are a top student and someone who is
respected by most classmates. But it really isn't the case. You are just a weak and incompetent
student who can only complain about things that you cannot do. That's who you are, Yosuke
Hirata. "
This was an extreme conclusion that must be pursued. He is not an incompetent person at all.
Hirata is a good student, so people feel that he is an extraordinary talented person who
surpasses many students in year 1.
So, he will never need to take any responsibility even if he it was something he cannot achieve.
Even so, I have to blame Hirata.
Continue to blame him for everything.
Give him heavy pressure and stubbornly push him until he collapses.
Am I doing this for Hirata's sake? No.
Is this to make Hirata grow so he can protect the class after doing this? No.
He doesn't need to protect everyone.
At some point in the future, there will eventually be more dropouts.
To prepare for such events and for the class to continue smoothly, Hirata must continue playing
his role.
"How long do you want to keep dreaming?"
In this way, he does not need to leave behind his compulsory education.
High school is a place where he chose to go of his own free will and to decide on his future
career.
"This, is this your true nature ... your words are terrible, cruel, cold ..."
Tears flowed from his right eye.
Immediately the left eye followed suit.
"Having the wish for freedom. But if you really want to fulfill this expectation, at least fight and
fight until the very end. There is no other way. If there is expulsion, then you can only reluctantly
accept reality. After all, there is only going forward. "
"That's terrible ... To say that."
"If you stop now, the students around you will fall one after another. That is why you must
continue to move forward until the end. If you do so, when it is all over, there will be many
students still standing behind you."
It takes a lot of courage to take one step more than others.
I don't know when there will be obstacles, and I don't know when he will be troubled again in the
future.
"But ... What should I say to those who are discouraged ... should I endure it all and keep
moving forward?"
"There is no such thing. You can count on other students when you face difficulties. Horikita,
Kushida, Sudou, Ike, Mii-chan, Shinohara, it doesn't matter who. You just have to tell them.
That's fine. This is fine. It has nothing to do with the person's position. "
There is no rule that the person standing in front has to be someone who does not show any
weakness to others.
Those who stand behind the leader are there to provide support when the leader falls.
The people in the class will definitely listen to Hirata's discouraged words.
"I ... I ... People like me ... do I really deserve to walk in front of everyone ..."
"No problem. As long as you can keep moving forward from now."
I gave him a small pat on the shoulder.
With this small pat, Hirata's eyes filled with tears.
Let it all out.
I emptied all the great burdens Hirata carried.
Hirata, who was still unable to move psychologically, could finally lower his weight and stretch
his body to stand up.
"Thank you ... Thank you ... Ayanokouji-kun."
Many tears ran down Hirata's face.
Men are complicated and problematic creatures, because they cannot easily shed tears in front
of other people.
That's why men want to have good friends who can they can show their tears.
There was nothing else I needed to say.
As long as a friend can stay by his side and listen to his bitterness, it will be fine.
If I do this - he will be able to move forward again.