I was standing at the window looking for something.
looking for something that can relieve the pain I felt.
I was crying with no tears.
"you need to get up, sobbing and getting stress yourself won't help you" I heard aundrey said behind me.
" can you tell me, what would I do,where can I start to live like nothing happened?"
he sigh.
" I am not an expert but through my experience I can help you to start over again"
*************
I can say that aundrey become the only person I can rely on.
in short period of time I feel comfortable with him.
he taught me how build up my self again.
"I can't to this anymore, I'm gonna die" I said while catching my breath.
he train me at his work out area and the first thing I did is stretching but gosh it hurts and it very hard.
" you can do it" he said while running at the treadmill beside mine.
I close my eyes and think how others look at me with disgusted.
I sigh.
yes. I can do this, I can fix the broken pieces of my self again .
aundrey ask me to go out with him .
I want to stay and hide here as long as I can but he insists that it's better to face the places where I had hurt than to continue hiding from it and cannot have the freedom to live peacefully.
In so many places I want to stay away is in the mall.because I know I will gonna see my PERFECT family were I am not belong .
I was slap by the painful thing every time I saw them wearing their happy smiles .in billboard, advertising products , and even in magazine who have the title of THE PERFECT FAMILY.
I really need to force my self to be insensitive.
I need to force my self to forget that I won't never be enough for them.
I was wearing a black shirt and jeans until aundrey intTtroduce me to his friend.
named Tristan .
maybe someday I can repay the goodness of aundrey.
We are about to go the restaurant that owned by Tristan but a loud crowd suddenly come yelling and a few seconds I saw my family .they were happy and they really look closed to each other.
A public figure Family.
I didn't notice that I already walk very near to them I am hoping that maybe,maybe a I can have a little time from my family, maybe they would asked me what happened to me,or why I didn't show up .
when my mother saw me her smile fade away and it was replaced by disgust and anger.
" hi mo--" I didn't finish my word when she smiled very sweetly but her eyes screaming for anger then she asked me.
" I'm so sorry, do I know you?"
I want to say a word but she hug me and she whispered to me."stay away from us you pig"
I was SPEECHLESS.
I should expect that but I was so stupid to force myself to them.
they passed me.
and the tears that I was holding stream down to my face.
I saw aundrey come and embrace me.
"I'm sorry, it's my fault"