Ren was running.
He was flying through the cold forest, the air whipping across his face, cutting his skin, and leaving his eyes dry. He stared ahead, eyes wide open even though they were screaming with pain. The pain soothed the deep disgust inside his stomach that was turning over and over. The pain felt good. It was an answer he'd been praying for and it had finally come.
His lungs couldn't hold anymore air. He was gasping, but the breaths wouldn't hold. They disappeared like the days, months, and years had. He didn't know how he'd ended up here.
Well, he knew how he ended up in the forest. What he didn't know was how everything had come to this.
The years of adolescence were long gone. He was a grown man, but he didn't feel like one. He felt like a boy.
There were no tears this time. He glided through the forest, dodging fallen trees, and chasing after a dream that never existed in the first place. Everything had been a lie. The things he'd yearned for were always mist floating in the sky.
How many nights had the forest called for him? He knew it was too many. And then when he'd answered, when he'd followed the calling to the mountain, things had gone even further down hill.
His lungs burned and there was a deep ache in his side.
That's when he stopped. He couldn't go any further.
He was somewhere in the middle of the forest. Not close to his house, not the city, and not the Mantels'. He was nowhere.
He stood there. The sun was high in the sun, beating down on him. Sweat beaded on his face and soaked the back of his shirt. His chest heaved while the birds tweeted at him.
Sunbeams set the forest on fire. The trees were still intimidating, but they were no longer transformed by the dark shadows. Ren reached out to the one closest to him. The moment his hand touched the hard bark he was grounded. The tears that wet his eyes dried and the quaking in his stomach settled.
He forced himself to breathe evenly.
This was it. This was where he was going to die.
He fell to his knees.
He didn't care anymore. His mom was going to be fine. She could make it on her own without him. He was just a burden.
All of this had been for her anyway. If he didn't have her, he would have let himself be murdered by the killer in the forest or he would have let the Hunters shoot him.
The soil soaked his pants. The coldness hit his knees. His eyes crossed as he stared ahead.
The buzzing slowly started at the center of his chest. It materialized out of nothing and he briefly wondered where it had come from. That was one other thing he hadn't found the answer to. The thing within him seemed to come out of nowhere, but he was starting to think it had been him all along.
He laid down on the ground. He shook though it wasn't cold. He curled up, sheltering himself from the outside world with his arms.
***
"Well, isn't this interesting."
Ren was jolted awake by a sharp kick to his back. His hands clawed the ground, raking back leaves and dirt. His mouth opened in a silent scream.
He rolled onto his back and stared into the eyes of none other than Regan.
Regan sneered down at him. He was wearing an awful grey sweater and acid washed jeans. He was alone which was a surprise. Usually when he was trying to pick a fight with Ren he had others there to back him up.
Ren glared at him as he tried to sit up but before he could, Regan kicked him down in the center of his chest. Ren grunted as he fell on his ass.
Regan laughed. "What are the fucking chances?"
Ren was thinking the same thing.
Regan moved to kick him again, but Ren rolled to the left just in time to avoid the attack. His blood rushed to his head. He was high on anger. It was boiling through his body.
Regan was shocked for a second before he wiped the surprise from his face. He narrowed his eyes.
"I'm going to rip your fucking fangs out."
Regan pulled out a switchblade that looked eerily similar to Ren's. Caught off guard by the familiar looking knife, Ren was stunned for a moment, giving Regan a chance to make a grab at him.
Ren was quicker though he was stunned. The dirt was kicked in all directions. He felt Regan step in front of him in the hopes that that would stop him.
Everything went so fast. He was in a whirlwind of just doing as if someone else was controlling his body, but he knew it was him this time—not the thing. But even so, Regan somehow got one over him.
Ren tried to get to his feet because he knew he was screwed if he kept low to the ground. Before he could stand, Regan was on top of him, wrestling him down to the ground and wrapping his arm around his neck. Ren gagged as Regan tightened his elbow and jerked Ren's head back. Ren stared wide-eyed into the depths of the forest. He clawed at the arm holding him hostage
"Fucking hell! Stay still!" Regan thrashed him around as if that would make Ren fight any less.
For a split second, Ren thought about sinking his fangs into Regan's exposed arm, but he thought better of it. He just knew it would cause him more problems later on.
Ren flipped them over and pressed all his weight onto Regan. He heard a sharp wheeze and twigs breaking beneath their weight. Ren dug his nails in as deep as he could into Regan's forearm.
The blade of the knife shined in the sunlight.
He needed to get it away from Regan before he decided he was going to kill Ren right here.
Ren placed his feet flat on the ground on either side of Regan's legs. He put all his strength into heaving himself up, but he was still being pulled down by Regan's strong grip. It was a lot stronger than he would have thought it would be given that Regan was a lot shorter than he was. And because he was human.
Ren gritted his teeth. Regan was still gaining his breath when he began to tilt the sharp tip of the knife toward Ren's face.
There was a thought that passed through Ren's head at that particular moment. As he gazed back at the blade, he realized he could let Regan ram the knife into his skull. He'd wanted to die in the forest not long ago and here was his chance. This was his way out.
It was barely a second where he thought about how all his problems and pains would be gone. He wouldn't have to feel anything anymore after one more intense pain that would become his release.
But Ren hated Regan. And he didn't want to die.
Not like this.
Ren let out a deep growl that vibrated through his chest. It wasn't a growl that could have come from any vampire or human. It was a growl that sounded like it came from the pits of hell. Regan froze, his hands stilling, and that's when Ren took his chance.
He slammed his head back, knocking his skull hard against Regan's nose.
"Ah! Motherfucker!"
Ren shoved Regan all the way off of him and jumped to his feet. He grabbed the knife out of Regan's loose grip and pointed it back at the now defenseless teen. Regan was rolling back and forth on the ground with his hands covering his face. Ren could see and smell the blood running from his nose. The smell was tantalizing, but it wasn't as nice as Ashton's blood.
Ren's nose twitched as the smell tried to get him to take a taste. He forced the burning need in his throat down. His fangs popped slightly through his gums, but they weren't throbbing as they usually did.
Ren swallowed as he stared down at Regan. It was the glare—the pure hatred in those eyes—that made his lips twist into a snarl. This wasn't the first time he had to deal with Regan. But it was the first time Regan had attacked him so blatantly and so out of the blue. The other times he had others to watch as he humiliated Ren.
This time…
It felt strange. It felt like it had more of a purpose than it should have.
Ren hadn't noticed he was panting until he tried to speak.
"Where did you get this?"
Regan looked at him like he was mad.
Ren ignored it. He took a slight step back, watching Regan's body language. Regan kept still, not even moving his hands from his face. Their eyes locked.
Ren lifted the knife. The handle lined up with Regan's face. He watched Regan as he got a closer look at the details of the knife.
It was blue. Almost a cornflower blue. There were specks of gold and white mixed in with the blue. On one side, there were gold metal embellishments. They were like long elongated leaves that ran the entire length of the side. On the other side of the handle, there were three initials.
Ren's knife—the one he'd found among his grandparents' things in the attic—was just like this one.
Except the initials.
Regan seemed to be completely caught off guard. He tilted his head and his brows furrowed as he stared at Ren like he'd grown two heads.
"I'm not telling you shit."
Ren ran his thumb over the embossed handle.
Footsteps. Ren heard them and of course they weren't Ren's or Regan's.
He didn't have to think as he stepped to the side and turned toward the direction of the footsteps. He made sure his back wasn't to Regan. He watched him carefully out of the corner of his eyes and searched for the person walking toward them.
His mouth dropped open and his grip on the knife loosened.
Darrien—wearing all black—closed the small distance between them.
Darrien didn't look like he belonged in the forest. His blank face and his narrowed eyes made him look like he was a killer in a movie. Ren's hands sweated. He tightened his grip, pressing his nails into the palm of his hands.
He floundered, but he hadn't forgotten that Regan was still on the ground.
He was torn between believing Darrien was on his side and unsure if this was a plan between him and Regan. There was no telling between the two.
Then he remembered he'd seen them on multiple occasions going off together. Maybe Darrien's kind facade was just that: a facade.
Ren and Darrien stared at each other for a long time. Ren thought it was interesting that Darrien didn't look at all surprised he was there with Regan. There wasn't a single amount of emotion on his face and that unnerved Ren. People this good at hiding their true feelings were the most dangerous.
He couldn't believe there had been even a small sliver of himself that wanted to trust Darrien. It was a good thing he hadn't.
Darrien looked down at the knife in Ren's hands.
Ren unconsciously squeezed it. He felt the embossed design sink into the palm of his hand. It slightly hurt, but it was a dull ache. He kept his gaze on Darrien while also watching Regan.
Something was in the air. He could almost taste it. His senses were fried, making it hard to feel anything. His eyes burned. His sense of smell faded.
Then, Darrien looked away. He looked over at Regan and there was a flicker of something on his face Ren couldn't read. He was sure the two either hated each other's guts or they were good at putting on an act.
He wanted to take a step back, but he forced himself to stay where he was. His jaw clenched and his hand tightened even harder on the handle of the blade.
Regan curled his upper lip at Darrien.
"I don't need help. Not from you."
This was really good acting. Ren might have been impressed if Regan hadn't just attacked him and wanted to gut him like a fish.
Regan moved to get up. He struggled for less than a second before Darrien was right in front of him. Regan fell back, mouth dropping slightly in shock. He flinched, but his eyes were just as cold as before.
Darrien reached into the back of his pants.
Ren had an idea what he was reaching for and it wasn't something he wanted pointed at him. He still didn't move though his body was screaming for it. The other screamed—screamed for blood and murder. He wasn't exactly in control, but he was as in control as he could be.
He kind of liked this. He almost felt like he could do anything.
Like morality couldn't hold him back.
With Darrien standing over Regan, Ren made his move. He took his time as he stepped closer. He flicked the knife open. The soft familiar click gave him satisfaction as he saw Darrien stiffen.
Darrien turned his head just enough so he could look at Ren. "I'm not here to start trouble."
It was the way he said it that made Ren think otherwise.
Ren narrowed his eyes. He looked down at Regan who was glaring at Darrien and then back up at Darrien once more. "It's pretty interesting that you two ended up here, isn't it?"
"You want me to shove my fist down your—"
Darrien kicked Regan square in the chest. Regan slammed back down on the ground with a grunt.
He snarled. "Fuck you, cocksucker."
Darrien gave a soft snort but otherwise ignored him.
"What do you want me to say?"
The confidence Ren had been riding on was waning. The tremble started at the tip of his fingers and it slowly traveled up his fingers to his palms. Then, it was in his wrist and he was doing everything he could to keep the obvious shaking down to a minimum. He was thankful Darrien was turned away. Regan was scowling at Darrien so he hadn't noticed either.
"The truth obviously. What are you doing here?"
Darrien's gaze dropped.
Ren figured he wasn't going to get an answer. That was okay. He had a hunch. He should have known there was no one in this world that could be trusted. Everyone had their own agendas and no one really cared about others.
He was used to it.
But it still stung. Even though he'd never believed Darrien truly wanted to be his friend.
Ren flicked the knife close and tossed it at Regan's feet.
Regan stared at it before he looked up at Ren.
"Next time, it'll end up in your throat."
Ren backed up until he couldn't see the two of them anymore. Then, he ran.
As he ran, he thought about how it might not have been a great idea to threaten the obvious person who wanted to ruin his life. But his life was pretty much over already.
What was there left to protect?
He didn't know how long he was running. The soles of his feet ached and his toes were blistered.
He wanted to make sure he was as far away from Darrien and Regan as possible. It really didn't matter where he ended up. He just wanted to be alone. He wanted to suffer in peace.
He was panting by the time he stopped. He doubled over, hands on his knees, and his head spinning. The forest floor was a blur. He staggered to the side and leaned against one of the many damp trees.
When he tilted his head, raindrops hit his face.
He should have let Regan kill him. That was what he wanted, wasn't it? He wanted to be taken out of this world. He wanted nothing to do with vampires, witches, and hunters. Normal wasn't going to happen. Ever.
He'd finally stopped hoping and all it took was for everything in his life to go to shit.
Ren screamed at the top of his lungs. It didn't matter if Regan or Darrien found him again. The thing was at the surface. Morality vanished and all that was left was his want to destroy everything. No one deserved to be happy. Not when he was in agony.
His head was spinning. He was out of control. He frantically looked around the forest. There were hundreds of eyes on him. He could feel them looking down at him from the tops of the trees. There were whispers from the distance he was somehow able to hear. He pressed his hands to his head, squeezing his eyes close until he saw sparkling stars in the dark midst. He was going crazy. There was no one here. He was sure of that.
Or was he?
He clenched his jaw. His teeth ground together and his gums ached. The throbbing caused an even worse headache to form at the front of his forehead. With his eyes closed, it wasn't much better. The pain was still enclosing, circling him like a vulture, just waiting for him to give up. The thing wasn't in control either. They were both floundering, but while he was panicking as if the world was crashing down around him, the thing was quivering in the background.
There was something about it he couldn't understand. Well, there was a lot about it he didn't understand, but he really couldn't understand this. Things were changing too fast for him to comprehend. One second the thing had full control over his body and was making him do things he would never do in a million years and then the next second it couldn't do anything to him.
But the anger was there. That hadn't changed. The main difference was that he wanted to give in. The hunger clouded his judgement and it would be so much easier to let himself become the monster everyone already thought he was.
Nothing would change. Nothing was ever going to change in the first place.
He sagged to his knees. He groaned, dropping his hands from his face. He wrapped his arms around his body, huddling as close as he could. A gust of wind slammed into his body. He rocked. The wind was cold on his face, burning his already chapped lips. He licked them, tasting salt.
Dried tears from who knew how long ago remained on his skin. He cracked his eyes open. The forest was finally quiet. He couldn't enjoy it though. He was spiraling. His thoughts were going a hundred miles a minute. He couldn't grasp on just one for more than a second before it was replaced with another. Thoughts that were so deranged it was clear something had cracked within him.
The damp dirt soaked through his pants.
So hungry. He should have drained both Darrien and Regan. He was going to die anyway. His life didn't matter. He might as well just do whatever he wanted before everything ended.
He stared and stared, stomach growling and the thing getting angrier and angrier.
Something had to give. He was going to snap soon.
He didn't know how long it was before he felt and heard something.
Please, he thought, not someone else.
He slowly moved back. He made not a sound. Holding his breath, he sat against the tree. The footsteps were light against the silent forest. He could barely sense the person moving closer to him.
Then, there was silence once more.
His brows furrowed. The thing was agitated. It was pounding and scratching at the invisible cage it was locked in. Ren ignored it as best as he could when it was like this. He was getting better at it and he was seriously surprised he hadn't lost his cool so far.
He was on the edge of doing something horrible. As much as he should have been worried, he wasn't. He didn't care anymore.
He looked around the large tree. There was nothing.
However, as his vision cleared somewhat, he saw a small slope that led to what he thought might be a revine.
There was a moment of hesitation. It was the old Ren creeping back in, the one that was scared of everything and was trying to please everyone. He banished the old Ren away, forcing him back with the thing until the worried thoughts were gone.
He walked out. Twigs and brush crunched beneath his feet. He was as loud as he wanted to be as he casually made his way to the slope. Someone was there. They were standing in the middle of it.
Ashton.
Ren recognized him before he could get a good look at him. The connection they shared was enough to identify him, but it wasn't just that. The thing perked up when Ren got closer to Ashton.
Ren stood there. He took in Ashton's form. There weren't many times where he got the chance to just look at him. Most of the times when he was with Ashton, they were fighting things or arguing. And it would have been weird if he'd just openly stared at Ashton. Even if he had a good reason to do so.
Ashton was good looking. Ren could admit that. Anyone with eyes would be lying if they said he wasn't. But this was the first time Ren started to see just why he was so attractive.
He couldn't see his face, but he was thinking about it. The slope of his nose, the plushness of his cheeks, and the angle of his jawline. His eyes were slightly turned down and his brows were lower, giving the illusion that he was always glaring. Ren traced the outline of Ashton's hair with his eyes. It was a dark and almost dirty blond, but it became lighter in the sunlight. He could see the golden highlights in the strands now. The sun shined down on Ashton, making his hair glisten.
And he was fit too. He was always wearing something that made him look high class. He was of course, but he was almost showing it off like it was something he was proud of.
Ren hated that. Well, resented. Ashton always looked good and it was annoying that Ren would always look far worse next to him in his casual clothes, but that wasn't at all important.
It was a couple minutes that he simply looked at Ashton. He couldn't look away. He was rooted at the spot as his eyes drank in every inch of Ashton so he wouldn't miss a single detail. He was so lost in the act of memorizing everything he didn't realize Ashton had turned until it was too late.
Hunger lurched in his gut and in his gums. His stomach growled and so did the thing. Ren didn't fight the hunger. He let it consume him. He licked his lips as his eyes fell on the base of Ashton's neck.
Something about that spot called to him. The place right where the crook of Ashton's shoulder met with his neck. He just knew the fresh blood that flowed from that certain spot would be the most delicious he would ever taste.
His eyes locked with Ashton's. They were honey brown—the natural color when Ashton wasn't using his powers.
Ren's lips parted. He took in a steady breath, filling his lungs to the point of bursting.
The thing was quiet. Still. It wasn't going crazy like it would have been when he was hungry and there was a meal right in front of him. The thing had been scratching at his insides to get out when it was Regan and Darrien, but that wasn't the case now.
He walked down the slope of the ravine. Their eyes never parted. Ren wondered if Ashton was just as hypnotized as he was. It was like he'd been put under a spell, one he didn't want to be freed from. He would be sated and that was all he wanted right then.
Ashton didn't look like he understood what Ren was doing. He didn't look like he was weary or skeptical about Ren's actions. He was still as the trees. His wavy hair ruffled by the soft wind. Poised like a statue, Ren was hit once more with how perfect Ashton was. Everything about him seemed like it had been crafted with a purpose.
Had he always thought about Ashton this way? Or had something changed?
It had to be the thirst. Though it didn't seem to be the case right now, the hunger made him think things that weren't at all what he would have thought before. It warped his mind so much he was starting to wonder why he'd ever hated Ashton so much.
But he could still feel the anger and resentment. It was buried alongside the thing, trapped beneath layers of sorrow he couldn't access because he would have to care. He was done with all of that. He just wanted to blindly take what he wanted. Fuck what others thought and fuck it if he hurt people in the process.
Each step—every time he got closer to Ashton—he doubted himself even more. But the hunger couldn't be sated by turning away right now. Ashton wasn't running. He must know. Ren's eyes had to be glowing with how much he was struggling to hold himself back. That was one other thing he couldn't understand.
He should have been ballistic being around Ashton. He should have thrown himself at Ashton, sunk his teeth down until he hit bone in his throat, and taken what he'd wanted. But he hadn't. He didn't understand why he could be so calm around him when he'd been so out of control the other times.
He stopped a foot away from Ashton. Ren stood as still as possible. That was a lot harder than he thought it would be.
Ashton stared back at him. His eyes looked deep into Ren's, searching maybe, Ren couldn't be sure. And then, he looked slowly down. Over Ren's throat, his chest, and down his legs. He took his time, mapping out Ren's body with no shame. Ren had done the same, but it felt wrong when Ashton was doing it. Ren wasn't good looking like Ashton was. He felt like he didn't deserved to be looked at like that.
And he almost couldn't believe Ashton was actually looking at him like that.
Ren reached out without thinking.
He grabbed Ashton's hand. His fingers wrapped around his delicate wrist and pulled it up. He wasn't sure what he was trying to do. He just wanted to feel him, to touch him.
He pressed his fingers to Ashton's pulse point. The soft beating of his pulse caused Ren's mouth to water more. He remembered the taste of Ashton's blood. It was a faint memory, but it was one he couldn't get out of his head. There had been a sweetness to it that had been nothing like the artificial blood in the vials.
"Were you looking for me?"
Ren was startled. He clenched harder on Ashton's wrist as if he was going to pull away. Ren had looked away just briefly to marvel at the way his hand looked against Ashton's. He was just as mesmerized by how different they looked when he looked at Ashton's eyes.
Ashton's voice was soft. It was strange to hear him speak without putting some kind of edge to it. He had to know Ren wasn't like his old self anymore. He was hardened, no longer the soft boy who let people push him around. There was, of course, that small part of him that wanted to treat people better than they treated him, but he wasn't listening.
And his hunger must have been shown in his eyes. If Ashton didn't know just by the way he was acting.
Ren gazed back at Ashton. He glanced down at Ashton's mouth and then his neck once more. He licked his lips again and leaned forward.
Ashton leaned back.
"Think about this, Ren."
Ren paused. He was right there. Another few inches and he'd be able to press his lips to Ashton's neck.
He tilted his head, catching Ashton's worried eyes. There was confusion as well and it looked so good on him. This was something Ren hadn't seen before. He'd done that. He didn't know why that filled him with joy, but he wanted so badly to make Ashton feel ways that others couldn't.
"I have."
It was torture. As many times as he thought about it, the pain when he never got what he longed for never once lessened. It was the same and constant, draining him just the same as all the fighting had.
Ashton barely pulled his hand away. Ren tightened his grip. He barred his fangs. A deep growl started in his chest. The low rumble surprised him and Ashton.
Ashton raised a brow. "Are you going to let me go?"
Ren was going to do it. His grip loosened, but then he thought again.
He yanked Ashton forward. Ashton's eyes went wide as he stumbled into Ren.
Ren put his lips by Ashton's neck.
"Stop me," he whispered.
Ashton didn't move.
Ren wished he knew what was going through his mind. He didn't expect Ashton to quiver in fear, but he thought at least he would fight. He was still stronger than Ren, much better at fighting, and surely it wouldn't take much for him to overpower Ren right now.
But he didn't do anything.
Ren's stomach flipped. He was almost giddy as he pressed his lips to Ashton's neck.
He hesitated.
The brief second was Ashton's chance to stop it.
When Ashton relaxed, letting out a long held breath, Ren knew Ashton had given in.
And then, Ren bit him.