Later the same night, I lay alone in my bed and felt miserable. I touched and studied the Zeto Crystal, but there was nothing that distinguished it from a typical blue sapphire. I felt remorseful, depressed, and full of angst. My innocence had been torn away in the last few months. It had started with Joshua's damn party. I ignored my gut feeling that told me I shouldn't go, and I went anyway. I ignored my gut feeling, when I followed the drunken Joshua into his room to 'talk in private'. He had tried to force himself on me, and I had unleashed my supernatural powers on him, causing havoc on his sanity and leaving him as a self-mutilated mental wreck.
But had it been justified of me to turn him mental, which led him to cut himself, and had him admitted to a psychiatric ward? I felt a rush of guilt surging through me. I quickly shook off the feeling. Regardless of Joshua's emotional state, he didn't have the right to rape me! Josh was just a rude, selfish prick. Alex, on the other hand, had been infatuated with me for many years, yet he refused to have sex with me unless I was mentally ready. Alex was always so kind and observant of my feelings, I knew that he would never take advantage of me.
My thoughts wandered to Yussuf, the suicide bomber, who had killed dozens of people and would have killed me, if it wasn't for divine intervention. Could things have been different, if I had used my superpowers and blasted Yussuf unconscious with a psionic blast, as soon as I sensed his agitated state of mind? There was no way for me to know, and it didn't make sense to knock him unconscious pre-emptively. Yet the thought wouldn't leave my mind.
I thought of Jakub Kluger, the Mossad agent who had murdered Dov in front of my eyes and was about to kill me, when lightning struck him. I could have saved him and yet I left him to die. I decided that his outcome was due to his own actions, but did I have the right to leave evil people to suffer and die?
Most of all, I thought of Simona Fischbein. I had dragged her into a dangerous situation, when I brought her to the Templar Tunnels at the Solomon Temple. There was no reason for her to come with me, and in the end, her contribution didn't matter. Yet, I had willingly risked her life, bringing her to the Tunnels. Although it was Ben Yehuda that had ended her life, I was complicit in her death, and it was something I would have to live with.
I looked at the selfie we took together, while posing as happy tourists outside the Solomon Temple. She looked so beautiful, youthful, and innocent in that picture, and yet, less than an hour later, the Mossad killed her. As I cried myself to sleep, I promised myself to never again let an innocent die because of me.