It was Friday afternoon, hours before her agreed movie night with Eric. Three days before she returns to her province and he returns to his country, Khazkatia.
The thought actually made her lonely. It was the first time Eric would be spending the whole summer in his home and not return in time for her birthday in May. It would also be the first time he wouldn't be watching the school opening week with her. Which meant local food festivities and a lot of dancing and band nights and stage plays out by the school lake without him.
"Damn it," she whispered and stood from her desk.
She anticipated a summer vacation more exciting. Without Eric, she expected it wouldn't be. Which was odd, because he had only been with her for the past three summers. He had grown on her like that and she had become too used to it.
She decided she would rather dance one last time before the summer than sit alone, waiting for her best friend to show up on time. Which he always didn't, by the way.
After having changed into her dance clothes, she went to one of the studios of the university and fired up her favorite song.
She started moving with her eyes closed, slowly and sharply, and then felt herself taken away by one of her daydreams.
This particular song reminded her of home and her life back then, when her paychecks, even as a working student in college, were all that defined her. They were fond memories, what she had. Working with other students in the university after class and coming home to her loving and fun family every long weekend or semestral break, no matter their family problems. Those were some of the best years of her life.
But they were all memories of a time when she was trying her best to appear happy and strong. When all she wanted to do was break down and give up and there was no one she could run to. When she cried herself to sleep and resorted to loud music for therapy. Memories with significant bits and pieces she just wanted to forget. And she wished she could just remember only her glory days. Her childhood days. Back when her father and her mother still chased each other under the moonlight. When her mother sang them songs and their father built them castles. When her grandparents brought them to their tailoring empire so they could play around laces and clothes like princesses. Those days. She wished she could bring them all back for her and her family.
You see, Kayla was not at all from a poor family, which could have been more appealing to her, to be perfectly honest. She came from what used to be of the wealthiest names in her province and she grew up with her eyes peeled to the luxuries of her third-world country life.
She grew up to bountiful breakfast mornings in their mansion's azotea and to more for lunch and dinner in their grand dining halls. She grew up to charm classes and horseback riding every weekend and to church every Sunday. She had private tutors to hone her artistic abilities even more and finishing school every summer. She had a perfect life. Until her father left them and everything they had ever built – even the tailoring empire of her grandparents – came crashing down.
You will bring everything back for us, her grandmother used to say to her. She believed her. And she knew she would do everything to make it happen. She swore it.
At that, she stopped dancing and heaved a long sigh. She walked towards the sound system of the room and propped her hands to the table to breathe, until her heart regained its calm. She forced her eyes shut and whispered her promise once more.
She needed more money and she needed it fast. She couldn't return to her home and see it as broken as her father made their family to be. She couldn't return yet to her mother, her pregnant younger sister, her youngest brother and her grandparents. Not now.
"I will be able to finish college and be a doctor, right, Ate?" Kieffer, her youngest brother asked her one night she was home, and she nodded. She nodded, knowing she would do everything in her power to give it to him.
Forcefully, she tapped the volume key twice and the music echoed across the studio even loudly. She didn't care. The university would be empty in a few minutes and she would be alone in her own world again. She chassed across the room, her movements crisp and snappy, and she turned wherever her feet took her.
She had forgotten how the dance went, her choreography of it back when she first danced it, and yet she believed she was still doing a great job. She was dancing the way she wanted to. That was all there was to this, right? Expressions. Emotions. Stories. Everything about dancing wasn't exactly about the movements. It was about the dancer and her world.
There was never a pirouette in her original steps, but she did it over and over as she heard the song coming to an end. She had to have a big finish for a song as great as this one and she needed to think of something fast. She was a dance teacher and even in her solitude, she had to be perfect.
She turned and turned, her hands almost forgetting their places and her ankle almost hurting, but she didn't stop. She started sobbing, not knowing whether it was because of the pain she felt on her feet or in her heart. For the first time in the months that passed, for the first time since Alex had left her, she cried.
In her final turn, she knew she would fall, as her visions started failing her. Her head was spinning and her heart was thudding hard against her chest. She had overdone it this time and she didn't know how to stop. She just had to accept she would fall and take it as her body hit the floor. So she stopped and closed her eyes, her body edging to one direction and her mind uncomprehending the move.
In a fraction of a second, she felt her descent, but was caught in the arms of a man she knew would always be there, and she smiled.
"I got you. I got you," he whispered as her cheeks leaned against his chest, her eyes still closed in satisfaction.
Eric had come.
"I have been waiting," she whispered back, as her hands found his arms and he slowly brought her to lie on the floor. She groaned, cupping her face with her palms, feeling so stupid as her world spun wildly and seemingly loud. "I feel really dizzy."
"What were you doing?" Eric asked, his voice playfully joining the spin. His voice was like one in the cartoons. It wobbled like her feet.
It was a question she didn't know the answer to. She opened her eyes and stared at the handsome face, albeit spinning, too, and laughing as he looked down on her.
She smiled. "I don't know," she replied, crying and laughing at the same time.
"Man, you are a handful, you know that." He joined her on the floor, lying beside her with his head touching hers and their bodies a perfect acute angle.
They stayed there for a long while in silence, until the sky turned bright orange and purple from the setting sun.
"So we're still good for tonight? Pizza and then movie? I already have the popcorn and the beer and the sodas."
"Sure you do," he teased softly, whispering as she did.
He knew she loved movie nights, especially when it was chick-flick night. Oh, how he hated chick-flicks as much as she hated horror movies. "But I have to meet someone for dinner first, so we can slash pizza off the plan. Just beer and the movie," he said.
"You're standing me up for some date?"
"Of course not." He chuckled, taking her hand and squeezing it. "A relative of mine is coming. I have to meet him for dinner and then I'll come to your apartment."
Eric barely missed movie night, especially if Kayla was the one buying popcorn and beer. "I believe you," she spoke softly, as she stared at the ceiling.
"I would take you with me, but…"
"Noooo." She shook her head and stood up, her exaggerated response making him laugh. He sat on the floor, his elbows on his folded knees and his hands together. "I really do not want to meet another relative of yours, Eric."
"Well, it's not like I'm meeting another cousin." He laughed, perfectly amused at the way she reacted. His light brown eyes shone, revealing how much he loved teasing her.
She raised an eyebrow at him and brought her hand to her chest, sarcasm building in her tongue. "Oh, thank the heavens. I thought I would be doomed to heartache again."
She walked over to the sound system and turned it off, arranging it back to how she found it. She pretended to be doing something else just to avoid the topic, but she knew better. Eric was the type to easily read people. It was one of his many gifts. And it was a curse to her, for she hated it when he knew exactly what played in her head.
"Alex is a great guy, you know. Once you get to know him more."
"I did, Eric," she cut in. "I dated him for seven months and he left me."
Eric had been a witness of it all. He had witnessed how she fell in love, how she gave herself almost completely, how she stared blankly when Alex left, how she asked if he would return and worse, how she never cried.
"Idiot, isn't he? He did not even see the woman I see you every day to be."
"That woman is poor and she needs to work hard to support her single mother, her pregnant younger sister, her ambitious youngest brother, and her funky grandparents," she said.
That was something she would not deny, especially to Eric. He knew who she was and who she wanted to be.
"I know. I've met them. And they are a wonderful bunch of people."
"I need a raise."
Eric chuckled. "Why not try looking for a different job?"
She looked at him and cocked her head to her side, trying to remind him the fact that they had discussed this over and over. Kayla had no intentions of leaving her job, even as it did not pay as much as she wanted it to. She loved her job and the people she worked with. Unless that job entailed dancing and teaching and working with the same people, then perhaps she would consider it.
"You know why, Eric."
He gave her that look, which confused her for a moment. It was a look, which told her he wanted to say something and yet he couldn't. Narrowing her eyes, she watched as he stood and walked over to her and took her bag.
"We have to go. I have to meet this guy if I want to make it on time tonight."
He offered to still drop her to her apartment in his fancy car and they were quiet on the way. She expected him to ask why she was sobbing when he came, but he didn't. He sat there, wheel on his hands and his eyes ahead of them on the busy Manila roads, quiet as if he was unsure. He looked almost frozen and she began wondering why.
"Eric?" she started, as soon as she had gathered her things, ready to get out of the car. Half of his dark brown hair revealed his blonde highlights under the incandescent streetlights, and the other half stayed almost black in the dim. Yet his too-light brown eyes were perfect. "Is something wrong?"
"No. Why would anything be wrong?"
"You seem quiet," she said.
He forced a smile. "I was just thinking why my uncle would visit. He doesn't usually come to me personally."
He was hiding something from her and she was sure of it. She didn't know a lot about him, but she knew when he wasn't being honest. "Okay."
"So I will see you in a three hours, okay?" he said.
She conceded, certain that he wouldn't say anything more.
"I want you to come," she said with a low voice. "I want you to come tonight, because I will be going home soon and I want to see you before I leave."
"I promise."
Satisfied, she smiled weakly and opened the door.
As soon as she was out, she turned to him and nodded, convinced that he wasn't lying about coming and that he would not lie about anything to her. She watched as he smiled back and waved his hand before speeding off with his car, headed for the heavy traffic to get to where he would rather be than his best pal.