His lips are even moving and mine's stiff. I repeat, he's smooching my lips and here I thought that he'll regret it after pecking it but he didn't. But, I closed my eyes and didn't move. He is enjoying this but I don't know what should I feel. If I should feel happy or worried because what if he's just messing with me by making out with me? I know Ace, he can make serious matters a joke. A fucking joke that meant a lot to the other person.
My lips moved a little but I quickly pushed him away. Our eyes locked with each other but I see no shimmer or tint of amusement and joke in his eyes, he looked flushed and he looked down at his lap. "What are you doing? Do you even know what you're doing?" I breathed out, still shocked and my lips felt a little cold after his were gone but that wasn't important now.
"I-I...look..." He looked up and straight into my eyes and they look genuine while he sighs heavily. "I know what I'm doing, Lu...trust me."
"Then can you explain why...? Were you just messing with me? Is that it?" I suddenly grew angry at his words. He doesn't have a single clue about what he did and what will it do to me, to us. How it will make me like him more than a friend again and how will it make us awkward. It was a mistake and it shouldn't have happened.
He frowns and looked hurt at what I asked. "Luna, do you actually think that I'll mess with you like that? It was a fucking kiss! I wouldn't mess with you like that! You're the most important friend to me and you mean a lot to me more than I ever like!" His voice raised.
"I know you, Ace! I know how you mess with people! You like to mess with people a lot even when it comes to serious matters!"
"But I wouldn't do anything like that to you!"
"Then why the fuck did you kiss me?!"
"Because I fucking like you! Don't you ever think that I like you!? That's why I want to be close to you, always and I want to be the one who will you be clingy with because I know you hate it when other people touch you without your permission! I want that! I want to the one who will break your boundaries and we'll be closer than ever! I like you, okay?! That's why I kissed you! I wouldn't ever mess with your feelings like that, Luna! I wouldn't kiss you if I don't like you because our friendship means a lot to me!" He exhales deeply after he busted out his feelings.
I looked at him as if he was crazy and I feel like I'm more than crazy but I heard him and there's this part in me that already knew that he likes me but I didn't want to admit that and be stupid because I'll just hurt my feelings. But now, it's confirmed and I made him angry because I'm confused and I let out my anger at him instead of myself.
My eyes soften when our eyes met again and he looked so helpless and hurt. We stayed quiet until he sighs again and looked away. "And here, I thought that maybe you'll like me too. Don't you like me, Lu?" His voice breaks and my heart flinched at the result of what I did.
I didn't answer him for the first few seconds because I don't know what to say. I don't know if I still like him or not because I haven't really been focusing on my feelings for him because as of now, because of the situation, I couldn't think about anything else other than finding a solution and finding answers. When he kissed me it felt surreal like I'm in an endless dream and I'll never be able to wake up again but I don't know what to do because everything's confusing me.
"I-I think I still do..." I breathed out and bury my face into my hands. "Ace," I faced him. "My life isn't exactly in the right condition to think about these things so I'm not certain about my feelings because I thought it's gone. I am focusing on fixing whatever needs to be fixed by me so this can all end. But that doesn't mean that I don't care about you and your feelings. Maybe after all of this is done, we can talk about this and we'll figure it out. I promise you that." I hesitatingly cupped his cheeks and when our skin touched, my cheeks flushed while our eyes locked but I didn't move back. "Why confess now?"
His eyes were filled with different emotions, sadness, worry, guilt, you name it, whatever the fuck is it. "Lu, I'm sorry for pressuring you but I confessed before everything is too late...before everything becomes too dangerous. I want you to know about that, that I cared about you way too much. That is also the reason why I got so upset and heartbroken when you left and you didn't try to contact me since. I also tried contacting you but I guess you're busy so you never called me back. I'm sorry for not saying anything about everything that's going on but even now, Lu, they can see us, they're watching us and I can't tell you anything yet. Just bear with me." He placed his hand on mine and rubbed my hand while I nod.
"I never got to explain why I did what I did and it's because I liked you and I was afraid that it'll ruin our friendship and was afraid that everything will be awkward between us. I wanted to forget my feelings for you because I didn't want to have it but nobody can control this kind of bullshit. I'm sorry too you know." I smiled at him and let my hands fall to my side.
"We were kids and we didn't know any better because we liked having fun back then. Now, can I kiss you again?" Aannd he's back at it again.
I snorted and pushed him away.
"No."
"Please? Just on your forehead?" I've read about this somewhere before, you know, that if a guy wants to kiss you on your forehead or already did kissed you, means that he respects you but that's bullshit. Between me and Ace, there's no such thing as respect. We like to disrespect each other and that's how we are.
"I'm going to clean your elbow now shut up." I harshly grabbed his arm and he hissed but didn't move, from the corner of my eyes I could see him staring at me but I just ignored it. I have a first aid kit inside my bag just in case something happens to me or to anyone around me so I did more than to clean his scrape. He brushed a soft kiss on my forehead while I was occupied but I didn't say anything and just smiled like a fool.