"What dies it feel like knowing that you let a child die?" the little girl asked.
"It...feels...t...terrifying..." I barely whispered.
Why? Why is she still here? Why can't I just move on? Wait no...that was a stupid question. Who could ever jist simply "move on" from letting a child die right in front of you? The answer was simple: You can't. No one in their right mind would ever be able to brush off the guilt of letting a young child het killed by a monster.
"How...are you talking," I asked. "Didn't you lose your head?"
"You know what my voice sounds like," she answered. "You heard my cries."
I didn't know how that made sense, but I guess that doesn't really matter. Whether she's talking or not, I'll always feel guilty.
"What was your name when you were alive?" I asked.
"I can't tell you my name."
"Why not?"
"Because I never told you my name."
It finally hit me when she said that last sentence. She wasn't some kind of ghost or anything. She was just some kind of conscious or personality in my head. This conversation that I'm having with her isn't even with her, it's just all in my head. None of it is real. I'm just going crazy.
"How do you think your parents are doing right now." the "little girl" asked.
"My parents?"
"My parents are dead, so I was wondering how yours are doing."
"Well...I uhh...I would like to think that they're doing fine back in Japan."
"Maybe they're bored...maybe they're having fun...or maybe...they're dead."
".... ..... ....."
D...ea.....d...?
An image of my parents lying on a bloody couch without their heads suddenly flashed across my mind. I shook it off violently.
"N-No...you're...you're wrong," I rejected. "They're not that! Why would you ever think that?!"
Actually, her "personality" is just a made up conscious in my head, so I'm basically asking myself that question.
"When you left them, did you ever think about how they felt?" the "little girl" asked.
"They supported my dream and told me to follow it," I said. "That's the truth."
"I meant on the inside."
The inside? Does that mean that they were just pretending to be supportive, and instead they were feeling terrible? No, they wouldn't just lie to me like that.
"Maybe they felt sad and thought that they were failures as parents," the "little girl" said. "Maybe they didn't want you to leave. Maybe the fun that you had on your last day was enough for them to not want to let you go. "Maybe they felt so guilty...they killed themselves."
That last part was barely a whisper, but I heard it perfectly. It was in a very sinister voice and it terrified me to the very core of my soul. I've been frozen in place this entire time, but now it felt like I couldn't even speak.
"How do you think it felt like when they died," the "little girl" asked. "Maybe they went the classical way and tied a noose around their neck. I just can't help but wonder what it feels like to have your soul sucked out of your body. The desperation to take in air only to be rejected by the deadly grasp of a rope that you willingly tied around your own throat. The tears, spit, and snot that leak out of your face while you dance violently in the air as you try to tear at the rope, regretting your decision. It's quite an interesting thought for such a cliche way to kill yourself."
"Stop it..."
"Or maybe they slit a deep line on their wrists. The blood, the warmth, oozing slowly out of your body as you begin to feel colder than hypothermia. The clear water begin to turn a beautiful red."
"Stop it!"
"Or maybe that derp line is on their throats-"
"STOP IIIIIIT!!!"
I can't take this. Please...no more...p...lease...
"STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT STOP IIIT!!!! JUST SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH!!! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP...SHUT THE FUCK UUUUP!!!!!!!!"
I wanted her gone.
"Are you an adventurer...or a killer?
A killer? How am I a killer? No...I'm an adventurer...right?
"Face it Hiro..."
The voice was coming from right where I was standing. That was because...
"...you killed your parents."
...the one speaking...was me.
The wooden step on that I was standing on suddenly snapped and caused me to fall right through it. I quickly set my leg free and bolted down the staircase, through the church-like room, and out through the entrance of the building. When I made it out, I suddenly saw my hands engulfed in black flames. In fact, my entire body was engulfed in black flames. I pulled out my sword and sure enough...it was engulfed in black flames.
"Heh...hehheh... I let my thoughts get out of control again," I said to myself. "Dammit."