He awoke to the sound of birds chirping.
Jian Li groaned from how stiff his whole body felt, and he opened his eyes to the sight of trees straight above him. For some reason, he was lying on a forest floor. He pushed himself up off of his back, his unbound hair tumbling around his face as he tried to figure out where he was. He could recognize it, but he couldn't quite remember it.
Then the memorizes flooded back to him.
Instantly, water started dripping over his cheeks again.
Jian Li grunted, and he rubbed at it his eyes to no avail. He couldn't make them stop. He could very clearly remember the cold corpse of his Empress, he could still feel the cold skin against his hands, could still see the happy look on her face.
But he could also, very clearly, remember slitting his own stomach open in his loss.
If he was found, if he was healed, then he should be in bed. He should not be in a forest, without any pain from his stomach's slitting.
But no matter now odd he found that in the back of his head, the only thing he could think of was his Empress. He couldn't manage to focus on the oddity of it, on the strangeness that he felt in his body, on the off-sense of his balance, even when he was only sitting.
The sun had moved a great deal in the sky when he finally managed to retain some sense of self, and decided to venture back to the palace. He wanted to see his Empress again. What if all that was but a dream? What if she was still alive and well, still pushing him away because of her jealousy, what if she was still there?
What if it was all a dream? What then?
Jian Li found himself on his feet, leaning against the rough bark of a tall tree, and slowly started making his way back. He knew roughly where he was now, now that he wasn't in the midst of crying.
It was a part of the garden of his palace's grounds. Meaning he wouldn't have to go far, to find his Empress' palace.
As he moved, he vaguely noticed a difference in his balance. It was as if he was slightly heavier on the front, as if he was just a little shorter, as if he didn't quite weigh as much... but his mind was so preoccupied with making sure that his Empress was okay, that he didn't care. So what if he had suddenly been crippled, or lost weight, or been abandoned in the woods for some reason. None of that mattered in comparison to his Empress' wellbeing.
He stumbled his way out of the small groove of trees, probably not as big as he had first made it seem. He didn't seem to be able to focus very well. His mind kept spinning in circles, from the bloodstained bed, to the corpse of his beloved Empress, to the pain of dying and the relief of know that he would be with her in death, as he had promised.
And then he was here, and the hope that it was all a dream rose up and threatened to drown him.
In light of that, he could have turned into a rat, and he wouldn't have noticed.
Jian Li hurried onwards, uncaring of whatever manner he presented himself as. If he seemed insane, ill, or sick, it didn't matter. He had a place to be, and no time for such petty concerns.
He managed to cross a large portion of garden before he was spotted by a young servant. He didn't recognize her, but then again, he had never bothered to remember them. He glanced at her, at how shock she seemed, and guessed that his appearance must really be dreadful, but then he the thought left him.
His Empress, his Empress, his Empress... if he was still here, after that vivid memory of dying, then surely, surely, she was as well. No, she must be. He wouldn't allow anything else.
And if she wasn't... he'd just have to find another knife.
"Imperial Princess, what — what happened?!"
The voice came from behind him, and he ignored it without question. There was a ringing in his ears, and he couldn't manage to keep his hope down, his heart beating faster with every step that he took. He was getting closer.
Something blocked him. He stopped abruptly, staring with furious eyes and a snarl at the upstart maid standing in front of him. At least she had the sense to bow, but that didn't change the fact that it he wasn't in the middle of something far more important, he would have ordered her whipped.
He was the Emperor, who did she think she was to stand in his way?!
"This servant apologies deeply to Imperial Princess Yi, but you don't look well. Should I call a physician?"
How forward of her. And so what if he didn't look well, that wasn't odd, he had slit his own stomach open!
"Get out of my way, impudent servant." he ordered.
He had places to be!
The girl frowned, and really, she couldn't be more than thirteen, where was all of her courage coming from? "Imperial Princess Yi, you need to take better care of yourself."
And now she was ordering him around?! "Step. Away." he bit out harshly, his eyes glaring holes through her.
Finally, she came back to her senses and stepped out of his path. Immediately, he continued walking, picking up the pace. With every moment that he couldn't see her, the fear made his heart hurt, and the stone on his chest pressed down ever harsher.
Therefore, it was reasonable that he didn't notice the servant was following him, until she talked again.
"Where are you in such a rush to get to, Imperial Princess Yi?"
"Tsk." Jian Li crossed over a bridge with a glare permanently painted on his face. "I am going to visit Empress Lan."
There was finally no more inane questions coming from the servant. As such, Jian Li directed his entire attention to making sure he got where he was supposed to. Somehow, it had been a long time since he had walked these paths, since he had last even been in this garden. Why was that, he wondered.
Then he remembered that she didn't like it.
It all came back to her, didn't it?
He hurried over the rest of the path, walking so fast that he was nearly running. He took corners at such high speeds that the only reason he didn't crash into other servants was his excellent sense of balance.
Finally, he arrived.
The Joyful Palace, built especially for his Empress when they had first married.
He didn't bother waiting for the guards to open the doors. He walked over and pushed them open himself, hurrying in and trying to figure out where his Empress would be at this time.
There was a part of him that wanted to throw up at the idea of going to her bedroom, because what if... what if she was still...
Regardless, he couldn't stomach it.
There was a patio, wasn't there? It was a nice day, from the little attention he had been able to spare it. Perhaps she was there? Without thinking about it, he stalked over through the palace, until he got the right door. He pushed it open, stepping outside again to an encased courtyard and the patio.
Where was she? He turned his head in all directions, utterly unconcerned with the no doubt mad picture that he must be making right now.
That was when he heard it.
The sound of laughter.
His head snapped around so fast he would have feared it would fall off, if he still cared about such things. There, at the edge of the patio, next to a flower garden, sat a little kid. A child, no more than a year old, babbling and laughing as they tried to eat the flower in their hand.
And next to the child sat his Empress, looking so happy that she glowed.
Truly, she was glowing. The sun's light made a halo around her, the air coming from her and the child warm and beautiful. Jian Li felt his heart thud to a stop in his chest, before it started pounding even faster. Because she was here.
Sitting on the edge of the patio, her legs tickling the flowers below her, and her hands around a child that smiled and shone almost as brightly. His feet took an involuntarily step forward, a burning need to touch her erupting within him. He needed to make sure that she was real. That she was warm. That she wasn't...
She had been so cold...
He stumbled on his step, and the servant that was still following him caught him. The sound of it caught the attention of his Empress, and she turned her face toward him.
But there was only distant politeness there.
"Imperial Princess Yi." she said, her voice cold enough to freeze him into a block of ice. "What are you doing here?"
He couldn't say a word. It hit him then, what everyone had called him.
But who was Imperial Princess Yi?