"She's pretty. She's smart. And her smile is charming."
Arthur's words have been ringing in my head nonstop since last night. No matter how many times I told myself to forget about it, I could not stop thinking about it. And I knew that he was not lying about it, because Craige also told me the same thing before. That was just months ago but I felt like it's been years already. I almost forgot about his words if it weren't for Arthur.
I discreetly looked at Craige who was busy playing with his phone. We haven't spoken a word to each other since getting on the train. I usually initiated our conversations before, unless he had something important to say. And when I don't, he would also just stay quiet and play with his phone like he's been doing for the past 15 minutes.
And at the moment, I didn't feel like talking to him at all.
First it was Ameera…
Then Katherine...
Then Clarisse…
And now, Ameera again?
The competition is way too tough and they're all very pretty.
One was the classroom's Muse.
Another was the campus sweetheart.
And the last one was a model that got recruited to be an idol.
'You don't stand a chance.' A voice in my head snickered.
I mentally brushed that thought off as I looked out the window with a bitter smile. 'What are you thinking about, Zeanne Haile? Why bother comparing yourself?! You're just a friend! You're not even in the competition!'
The voice once again snickered and hit me straight to the heart with its words. 'Hypocrite.'
That one word kept my thoughts blank for a couple of minutes.
I was just staring out the window without thinking. And before I knew it, I fell asleep.
I woke up a ten minutes later with the scent of cinnamon and didn't have to open my eyes to know that I had his jacket wrapped around me. Again. This happened a couple of times before. 'Have I been complaining in my sleep about being cold? Why does he keep giving me his jacket?'
Instead of getting up, I turned on my side with my back towards him. I wanted to keep the jacket to myself for a little longer. I was not feeling that cold despite it being in the middle of winter, because I had my own coat on me. It's just that having his jacket gives me a different kind of warmth that I could not explain.
It's both comforting and painful at the same time.
But I wanted to keep holding on to it.
'Is this a sign of being a masochist?'
"Ehem."
I flinched when I heard him clear his throat. 'Does he know that I'm awake already?'
I stayed quiet and waited.
But a minute or two passed without him saying a word.
*cough*cough*cough*
I sprang up from the bed, turned to him and immediately cursed myself for acting hastily and making my concern for him so obvious. He looked surprised and froze for a second before drinking from the bottle of water in his hand. Then I noticed the empty blister pack by the table which made me scowl. "Are you sick?"
He opened a new bottle of water and offered it to me which I accepted. Then his voice sounded really hoarse as if he was having a hard time speaking. "That was a quick nap. You should sleep more. There's still more than two hours left before we arrive."
I gestured towards the empty medicine packaging. "You are sick."
He looked at it as well then he quickly grabbed it and put it in his bag. "I'm fine. Just a sore throat."
"You take lozenges for a sore throat. Not paracetamol." I pointed out because I was able to read the familiar word on the foil earlier.
"I'm impressed. You know your medicines well." He smiled but it looked so weak to even reach his eyes.
I stood up and went to his side. He moved farther to the window and kept a distance between us. He even tried moving his head away when I tried to check his temperature. But I managed to reach out and touch his forehead which was burning. I quickly wrapped his jacket around him angrily and also took off my coat and layered it on top. "How long have you been feeling sick?"
He didn't complain when I dragged him to the bed and made him lie down. "When I woke up this morning."
"Are you crazy?! Then why did you come today?!"
He covered his ears. "Zee…"
"Ah… sorry." I apologized quickly in a softer voice. I completely forgot that people with fever would usually have heightened sensitivity. I wanted to smack him but I had to refrain myself.
"I'm fine. I already took medicine. Just need to sleep it off."
"Suit yourself. It's not like we can ask this train to turn around." I was about to move to the couch when he held me back by the hand.
His eyes looked really droopy and out of focus. And kept blinking as if trying to fight off drowsiness. "Sleep with me."
My face burned up at his words to a point that if we checked both of our temperatures at the moment, mine would definitely be higher. Luckily, he had his eyes closed after saying those words. And my voice remained calm thanks to my inborn skills. "Are you asking me to get sick with you?"
He laughed weakly, showing off that sharp tooth that I've come to adore. "Don't worry. Idiots don't catch colds."
"WHAT THE F--" I stopped myself and took a deep breath to calm myself down which made him chuckle. "You do know that the only reason that I'm holding myself back from hurting you is because you're sick, right?"
"Thank you for sparing me." He peeked at me with one eye and the corner of his lips lifted. Then he pulled me towards him and forced me to lie down. "Just for a little while. I'm feeling really cold. I need body heat."
'Ha! You'll definitely get lots of that. I think I'm running a fever as well.'
I turned my back to him and put my hands on my burning face.
'Zeanne Haile! Down!'
It didn't even take a minute before I heard a soft snoring behind me. But I could not bring myself to turn around because he was snuggled close behind me like a puppy. So for a couple of minutes, I tried meditation and thought of other things to calm myself down. And when I did, I finally felt chilly without my coat on. Then I remembered that the blankets were kept on the top bunk. I was about to get up to get them when an arm suddenly wrapped around me and tugged me backwards.
"Zee."
'He's awake?!' I stiffened. Unable to move. Unable to breathe. "Huh?"
"Where are you going?" His voice was really gruff.
"B-blankets."
I felt him shifting then he made me turn towards him and pulled me to his chest with my head resting on his arm. He then shared my coat with me and put his other arm around me again.
*pop*
That was the sound of my body thermometer breaking.
'What the hell is going on? Is he being delirious? Is that it?'
I couldn't dare look up but I frowned when a thought hit me.
"Hey, Craige. Are you awake?"
"Mhmm."
"Do friends do these things?"
"What?"
"Sharing body heat." I almost applauded myself for being brave enough to say those words out loud.
He stiffened. "If Kath had a fever, would you do the same?"
'Kath? Since when did you get familiar with each other?'
But I was not brave enough to ask that. Instead, "I guess so. If she's being clingy like you."
'Knowing Katherine, she'd rather collapse from fever than let anyone know that she's sick and ask for help.'
I felt him relax. "Then please pardon my intrusion. Sorry for being clingy."
My head was still in a chaotic state, trying hard to adjust and get used to this kind of set up. It's my first time having a close guy friend. Considering everything that he knew about me, he might as well be on par with Katherine as my 'best friend'.
"Is that what we are?" I blurted my thoughts out loud.
"Hm?"
"We enjoy each other's company. We traveled many times together. And you know my darkest secret that even Katherine didn't know. Best friends. Is that what we are?" It was weird but I felt an empty sensation in my chest as I asked him that question.
Was that even possible?
Was I even making any sense?
There's such a thing as an empty sensation, right?
There should be.
Because that void feeling in my chest has grown larger when he finally gave me his answer after a long eerie silence.
"I guess so."
"I see." I muttered numbly.
'Best friends. A male best friend. I shouldn't be treating him differently right?'
I was not sure. It's my first time having a male best friend. And being in close proximity with one was something that never crossed my mind. Even Arthur and I keep our safe distance with each other. Although that's probably because we always get on each other's nerves when we're together.
I felt like an AI being programmed to understand a lot of things that I didn't know about.
There's a lot of questions that needed to be answered.
There's too many thoughts to organize.
And there's just too much information to process.
But just like any computer that's on the verge of overloading, my brain too needed to shut down.
Strangely, as soon as I let my mind relax and stopped thinking, I felt a lot more at ease.
Too at ease that being in this position, which initially made me feel nervous and awkward, now felt really comfortable.
And I fell asleep.