For the last two years, he thought that he would have a proper conversation with her the next day.
The living always put things on tomorrow.
Two years passed like that. To be honest, he had been finding excuses. He's a ghoul and she's a human. He didn't think that he would ever fall for a human. But why did he fall for this woman?
It might have begun with her strange scent that got him curious for the first time. Then, it could have been those rare smiles that she showed when she read books. It could have been glimpses of her soul that he caught on various occasions.
Sometimes, she would doze off, drooling on the counter. There were times when he caught her stretching her arms like a lazy cat. Sometimes, she would be drawing or writing something on the paper.
He heard more about her from Mr Emerson whenever Mr Emerson visited the hospital. He always read the stories that she posted online. He always read them, hoping to get to know her more; however, he can't deny the fact that it was a struggle to keep his eyes open while reading her stories.
When he saw her nearly lifeless body that day, he felt fear for the first time. It was the fear of losing her, though she was never his from the beginning.
***
Eli is unfazed by her outburst. He's been a little worried about the reaction between the life treasure and her body. The anxiety in his heart is lifted when life treasure on her finger glows brighter.
Nell gawks at him. Then, she lowers her eyes, clenching her jaws. She purses her lips tightly and tries hard to take off the ring. He watches her with a grin on his face. Anger is better than nothing. Anger is a sign of life. If she stays silent and unfeeling, she won't ever get the urge to live.
"Why is this not coming off?" She finally loses her self-restraint and yells at him. "How did you even find out my ring size?"
"I held your hand for hours when you were unconscious." Eli chuckles. Her cheeks are turning red in rage. What a delightful sight! AND he might or might not have cast a little spell on the ring. She won't be able to take it off without his assistance. "It's quite plain, isn't? I was in a hurry. I couldn't get a better ring for you. I will make up after we get married. Let's go. The office will be closed soon."
"Listen to me clearly." She creases her foreheads, eyeing him with wariness. "I AM NOT MARRYING YOU!"
"Why?" He asks her. He knows what her reasons are. It's a little too early for marriage. She's not on the same page as him. Nevertheless, he wants to hear the reasons.
She grimaces at him. "How long have you known me? Didn't I tell you that I am not a sane person? You should find a decent woman -- someone who can love you back. Stop doing these things. I don't like you. I won't change my mind even if you turn into a woman. I made up that lie because I wanted you to stop. I don't like women or men. Love doesn't have any place in my life. Doctor Sanguine, if you like my house that much, you can stay there as long as you want. Let me go."
Silence ensues between them. She is taking short breaths. Her forehead is sweating. She squeezes her eyes and slaps her chest, opening her mouth wide to inhale. She's having a panic attack. Eli presses the switch to open the window of the car. She puts her head out of the window, inhaling the frigid air. Eli strokes her back in silence.
***
It's strange. Why did I ask him to let me go? I belong to no one.
He rests palm against my back. I feel his heat seeping into my skin, stirring my body in a way that I don't like. Still, I can't find the strength to turn around and face him or drag myself out of the car. This silence is uncomfortable. It's been a while since I felt like this. I used to find comfort in silence, but this silence is scaring me because it is threatening to break my shield against everything including myself.
"I will never see you again if I let you go."
Devil was right. He's too dangerous. I have been underestimating him. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I don't want to feel. I won't feel. I am not feeling anything. I exhale. I am lying.
"Marry me because I love you."
I have heard those wretched and selfish words before. I stare at my wrist. Is it raining? It must be.
The meaning of his name was rain.
He called me his shining light.
He betrayed me because he wanted to live.
But he died in the end.
I have been wondering why. I know now. I nearly forgot that person's face. His laughter. His smile. His promises. Even His dying breaths. If he lived, he would have looked like Eli. He would have had the same playfulness.
"Doctor Sanguine, I can't hold your hand." I smile at Eli. "I am sorry, but it's impossible between us."