I was seated in a chair and it was freezing, the air was so cold it send shivers through my whole body. It was like everything was out the reach, whenever I reached for a thought it left me there alone lost. My heart was also beating uncontrollably fast, my vision blurred with darkness like it was wrapped around me in a cold embrace. It didn't help when the air was damp and cold, the air smelled like a combination of wet earth and mold.
I could hear small noises around me, like mise running around on the floor. When I was little I was once lost in a dark basement and the only thing I could hear back then was the rats creeping around. I was curious to find out what all the noise was, so I decided to go and check out. I immediately saw the small disgusting animals eat the meat off a cat, the blood still fresh signalling it newly died.
I was bare feet, the imagination getting to me. They could for all I know chew my toes off. I tried to lift my feet, but they were tied against each other, leaving it impossible for me to walk around or move them. If I tried opening my eyes wider, I couldn't make out a single thing. Maybe it was the fabric I had over my eyes and tied behind my head?
I groaned in pain when I tried to move my head to the side, my whole body reacting immediately. It was sore, my muscles stiff and too tired to move. I wanted so hard to remember where I was now, why the hell I was in this place and how I got here. I tried to shake my hands loose from behind me, trying to get out of this bad dream I had. It was no escape for me unless I had something sharp.
"So..." A voice interrupted the silent air. Making me stiffen. "What do we have here?" Someone asked.
Then it all came back to me, the dark raspy voice, the sounds of a young man. The guy with dark, brown, curly hair, and emerald green eyes. It was shot back into my mind, like someone firing a gun, aiming it right at me.
I thought he offered to drive me home because I was cold and by myself. However, I was wrong and I couldn't be more wrong. I was far away from home.
I was trapped, trapped with him. Trapped with his secrets, his torture, his stinging pain, his delicate skin, his memories, and his love. I was trapped in a world I didn't know I would be able to escape. I was trapped with a guy that made me develop the Stockholm Syndrome, and little did I know I would fall deeply in love with him.
______.______.______
It all started with the party I went too. I don't even know why I accepted it in the first place, I guess I'm just a person that is afraid to say no. In case it will go down.
So, I said yes, with a little bit of force of course. I remember being dragged out of my house, not even close to choosing my own shoes. So, I ended up with my dirty converse and a black dress that squeezed my curves perfectly. I hate to wear dresses, but sometimes on special occasions, I have to sacrifice myself. I said no at first, but sadly they wouldn't take a no for an answer, so they threatened to come and drag me out of the house. Which they did, so here I am, standing alone in the middle of the living room, at this stupid party trying to blend in, but I am far from what the other people here is. They like alcohol, drugs and games. While I? Well, I like to stay at home, read books, watch movies and daydream about the perfect man.
The last thing I daydream about, that is what girls are most curious about. However, when I say he has to have ginger hair. They just roll their eyes and leave me alone. Why is ginger guys worth walking away from? It's so special and if it is the right person, you can look absolutely perfect.
However, back to the night.
The music, it was just too loud for my ears. I just couldn't understand how someone could be in a house like this, listening to music this loud. I think the people going freely here, has a death wish or something. Not that I can say anything, because I was here as well. The floor was shaking beneath my feet, making the beat of the sounds go like waves through my body. As I walked, I passed many strange sights, like people eating each other's faces, some girl grinding herself against a boy's crotch. Or some people having sex in the far corner of the living room, people were just too drunk to even notice the people around here.
And me, well I was so confused and felt so out of place here. I blinked a few times, trying to get those images out of my head. I was trying desperately to find my friends that dragged me here. They told me every five seconds, that this would be a great party. Typical college party, they said.
Is this typical? Then, I don't even wanna know what extreme partying is. I knew that this was never a good idea, I've never been the person to show up at frat parties. I just never blended in, I was always called the nerd, so I guess they imagined me with books all day long on my bed. Which is true. It was just better to lay in bed in my sweats and study literature all night.
My friends were gone the minute I got here. They told me they were going to find their friends, and come back. Now I just looked like a loner, walking around, kicking plastic cups away from my path. I walked through the crowd of people, their shoulders bumping into mine, making me almost trip over my own feet, but I collected my balance quickly and kept walking.
Suddenly a drunk guy walked into me, spilling his full cup of alcohol onto my dress. I stumbled towards a guy and walked accidentally into his chest, however he grabbed my upper arms and steadied me rather roughly.
''Hey, look where you're going.'' He yelled rather annoyed. I looked up fast when I heard his voice, and I widened my eyes at my own mistake.
''Sorry,'' I mumbled and kept my head low. I was the typical girl that was so shy of speaking to guys, so when it came to my dream man. Well, he needed patience. I didn't feel like looking someone in the eyes, but I just accidentally considered his green gems.
"You should probably sit down, you look quite out of it, girl." He told me. I couldn't help but laugh at his attempt at starting a conversation, or maybe I just took it all wrong.
Is it something I hated, it was someone girling me.
I looked up, my cheeks red from the warmth in here. I shook my head with a fake grin on my face. "First of all, my name is not 'girl'." I shot at him. He didn't seem interested in talking to me when I turned mad at him. "And second, I don't want to be here and sit around. So, if you don't have any people here you know that can get me home, then I suggest you to just leave me the fuck alone." I said calmly to him but rolled my eyes.
He looked immediately at me, his brow raising as he stared at my face. He then smirked and crossed his arms, I looked at him as he looked around maybe scanning the room for someone. "Well..." He looked back at me, smirking at me. "Girl." He shot on purpose, making me glare at him. "All the people here are probably drunk. I mean who the fuck turns up at a party to not get drunk?" He asked me with an eye roll.
"I do." I shot back. He then laughed and grabbed my upper arm. He dragged me through a crowd of people and I tried to yank my arm back. He stopped in front of the bathroom, and the music wasn't that loud here, so it made me relax a little bit. I wiped off some liquid on my skin and immediately opened the bathroom door when someone walked out. The guy followed me inside and locked the door.
"Now we can talk." He said as he leaned up against a wall, crossing his arms and tilting his head to the side. He made me feel small now because I didn't really realize how tall he was until now. Even if he was relaxed up against the wall, he was towering over me. I was so small, I hated being this small. "So, what to do you want to fight about?" He said with a sigh.
I frowned at him. Did he seriously think I wanted to fight him? I started to laugh at his comment because that was so stupid. I grabbed a bunch of paper and put water on them to wash my dress, it was all sticky now. This drunk guy probably had some sweet drink with a lot of sugar in it. "I never wanted to fight you, you were the one who got mad at me for accidentally walking into your chest," I said a little irritated.
He looked down at me, making me look up at him. I was so small compared to this guy, so I shouldn't really start this argument with him. "Well, then I suggest you look where you are going next time." He said a little irritated himself. He seemed a bit too calm for my liking, so I just backed off a little bit and looked away from his face. "I guess I am the only one who hasn't been drinking yet. So, I am the only option you have, to get home." He said. I immediately looked up at him, not wanting to believe him. But when I looked into his eyes once again, his pupils looked normal. Neither of his actions were stupid either, so I kind of believed him. His eyes were not red, or glossy from the alcohol. He didn't smell like alcohol either, he smelled like cologne. Which were a little bit refreshing. He also walked properly, so I knew I didn't have any other option than him.
"I hope you're joking." I murmured under my breath. He seemed so rude and selfish, that he was the last option I wanted to take.
"Well, the clock is ticking. And I am not going around without alcohol much longer, so I guess you should start appreciating me offering you a ride home." He said a little bit mad. I sighed and just turned my back on him to throw away the wet paper.
"I'll rather walk home." I groaned as I turned back around. I pushed the guy away from the door and unlocked it to get out. I could feel his eyes boring themselves into my back and it made me shiver slightly. I walked towards the huge kitchen and looked over at the alcohol table, maybe one wouldn't hurt? I looked at all the things I could drink and bit my lip in concentration.
"You okay there?" Someone asked me, I looked up at a raven-haired boy, he mixed some drinks together for someone next to me. I knew I didn't know him, and I've never seen him around before. So, he was probably not from here. I lived in a small town outside of London, so everyone knew everyone, kind of. When I think of it, I've never seen that guy from earlier either.
He looked up at me with a small smile. "Can I get you anything?" He asked me. I looked up and tried hard to decide, but the truth is that I have never tasted the alcohol. So, I didn't know anything about it. I looked up at him with begging eyes, and I think he got the hint and started to mix something. "They say that cherry and vodka is a good combination. So, I think you would love this." He said with a polite smile. He mixed them up and gave me the cup. I took a deep breath and tasted it, and it tasted good. I grimaced when the bitter flavour of alcohol came afterwards.
"Good?" He questioned me. I smiled and nodded as I took a new sip. He grinned and gave me thumbs up. He seemed like a guy that I would enjoy spending time with. So, I stayed here with him. "So why are you alone?" He questioned me. I frowned and leaned up against the kitchen counter.
"My friends ditched me for some dudes." I tried to say in a joking manner. He hummed and looked at someone entering the kitchen. "Harmon, why don't you keep this beautiful girl company? Her friends ditched her." The raven-haired guy said and looked at a guy that walked up next to me, pouring himself a cup of something.
"Trust me, she's beautiful on the outside. But on the inside, she's probably an ugly bitch." The raspy voice from earlier said as he stood beside me. I don't know if I should be offended or if I should thank him for calling me beautiful. I watched him mix something and I suddenly started to panic.
He was the only one who could get me home. I would probably get murdered by my parents if they ever figured out that I went outside after 10 pm. I looked at the Harmon guy and immediately snatched the cup away from him and threw the other one in the sink, and started to drink from it. I started to cough and make grimaces, that was shockingly strong. He wasn't even done mixing it, so that's probably why.
"What the-"
"So, Harmon was it?" I questioned between coughs. I pulled myself together and looked up at him. He raised an eyebrow at me, and I grimaced a little by the taste of whatever he tried to mix. "First of, this tastes awful." I muttered and put some 7-up innit, hoping it would taste better. "Second, I would really like you to drive me home." I said fast and he just looked at me like I was crazy or something. I might admit I was fast there, however I couldn't find a better time to say it. I stood there looking up at him, waiting for his answer. I expected him to tell me off, or for him to spill a drink on me, however what I got as an answer, wasn't what I expected at all. He started to laugh at me, and it seemed like he really enjoyed it. I tried hard to not say he was handsome, but I know I was lying to myself. However, he was beautiful on the outside, and an asshole on the inside.
"You really think it works that way?" He asked me while shaking his head. I nodded my head and looked over at the other guy that seemed interested in us for some reason. "So now you want me to drive you home?" Harmon asked me and shook his head with a snicker.
"Well, yeah..." I said and sipped at my cup, and regretted it immediately when the taste of alcohol filled my mouth again. The 7-up didn't help at all. "You're the only option I have, if not I would take someone else." I shot back at him when he just kept that stupid smirk on his face.
"Babe, listen..." he started and grabbed the cup from my hands. I felt my face lose all colour when he started to mix again. "If you apologize, I will reconsider." He said and smirked down at me. I frowned and looked up at him, reconsider what? I already apologized for walking into his chest earlier, so what should I be apologizing for? I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I straightened my back and looked into his green eyes, it was something about them that made my body shiver when he watched me like a hawk. "I'm sorry for bumping into your chest earlier, it was an accident. I was too lost in my own mind, to watch where I was going. So, I apologize." I said with such passion and more acting in my voice. He seemed surprised by me apologizing, but suddenly he just huffed and grabbed his mixed drink and walked off. I widened my eyes and looked after him, I guess I just apologized and looked like an idiot.
I turned my gaze to the raven-haired guy and looked at him, he just shook his head and walked up by my side. "Whatever that is making him this arrogant, it's not okay. I'll stay with you, and he can go fuck some chick." He said and grabbed my shoulder as he pushed me out of the kitchen. "Manners Simons." He yelled after him. I gulped when I was left with this handsome guy, he at least seemed much nicer compared to Harmon.
He mentioned us to walk towards an empty couch. We sat down comfortably, and I smiled thankfully at him. "That guy was a pain in the ass." I murmured and sighed. I sat the cup on the table and looked around the house. I spotted the famous Caroline Michaels in the corner of the room snogging a random guy. She probably didn't even know his name, or what he was like. We used to be friends when we were younger, but she pushed me away. Telling me I was a limp, and a loser. So, we just grew apart.
I watched the guy touch her curled blonde hair, and tugged at her roots. He even pushed her hard against a wall. I could feel my throat get dry, and I grabbed my cup and took a sip and looked away. Her dress probably did the show. She wore a red short dress, with a black leather jacket covering her shoulders. Well, now the jacket was half past her shoulders.
I looked to my side at the guy. He seemed to be looking around for someone he probably knew. Perhaps he was just like me? Alone. His eyes suddenly just looked at one certain spot. I looked fast his way when Caroline was heading our way. She sat down next to me. I scooted further away from her and raised an eyebrow.
Wow, the bitch just sat down next to me. Wouldn't think she would do that, to be honest, no one wants to be with me or even touch me. I guess I can thank her for that, she always threw words at me in school. Called me mean names, and talked about me to people that didn't even know me. But she was the most recognized person at my school, so people would probably listen to her and her lies.
I looked fast away from her when she looked at me. Wanting to give her a hint that I didn't want to have a lovely conversation with her. However, I felt her boring a hole through my skull. I bet her eyes could kill anyone staring.
"The party is great, isn't it? It took some time planning it." She said over the loud music. I looked down with a frown, so it was probably her party then? Well if it is your party, so no. "I see that no one is chasing after you." She added with a smirk. I just kept my mouth shut, annoying the hell out of her. "Caitlyn, why are you even here?" She asked irritated when I wouldn't answer her. I sighed and looked at her, I should probably open my mouth.
"To annoy your face." I shot and smiled sweetly after.
"Well, you do annoy my face. Go and find a boy or something, I would do that if I was you." She said too calm. I turned my face and scanned the room.
"I bet many people being here is a bitch like you. So no thank you." I said and leaned back. I could feel the boy next to me was interested in our conversation. I knew by the start he was one of those who loves gossip, probably. "And you are not me Caroline. I don't need a dick up my ass." I snapped. She seemed first surprised that I answered her the way I did. But she changed her facial expression into a grin. I wondered how good it would be if I could slap that grin off her face. She would probably spend a lot of money on plastic surgery, it wasn't like she didn't already spend money on it.
She held a cup of vodka in her hand. I could smell her breath when she was talking, and she didn't look sober at all. I looked away when she looked back at me. "How did you know that? That's the best, but what do you know. You haven't even tried." She said and shrugged. She then took a sip of her drink. She looked at my dress and touched my hair. "Cheap dresses isn't a thing around here." She said with a hint of humour in her eyes.
I looked directly into her eyes and leaned my face close to hers. She smiled cutely, and I just didn't know why, but I smirked at her. "Well, find a more expensive one then." I shot back.
She was going to open her mouth to say something back. "Stop insulting the beautiful girl." I looked to my side to hear the raven-haired boy talk, just now I realized his big blue eyes. They kind of made me relax here I was, even if I was here with Caroline.
Caroline huffed, and crossed her legs and leaned back in the couch. "Leave the ladies alone. Would you?" Caroline slurred.
The guy just laughed in a mocking way. "Well, real ladies don't act like you do." He snapped at her. His jaw clenching. She just rolled her eyes and looked away from him. "Why don't you find someone more like you, someone you can mess around with?" He asked, he made it seem like an easy question people asked nowadays.
"Yeah, I will." She said quickly and got up. "Have fun you two." She said and took the cup with her. "And, Caitlyn. Don't let your saliva get all over my cousin's face." She laughed and walked off to whoever she was going to show her boobies to. I sank down on the couch and looked down at the fabric of my dress. I started to pick uncomfortably at it.
"Don't spread your legs too much open, Caroline!" Her cousin yelled back. I think she pretended she didn't hear that. He looked at me and leaned back in the couch. His pink lips smiling at me, his eyes were now shining. I can't say I didn't want to take out his eyes and eat them.
Suddenly the raven-haired guy leaned closer to me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and leaned his face to my ear. "Sander." He said in my ear.
I looked confused at him. "Hmm?" I think I was too dazed to hear him because I had a guy almost in my face.
He smiled widely at me. His eyes shining more now. "My name." He laughed. "It's Sander." He said. His straight white teeth showing. I widened my eyes in realization. I've never talked to someone like him before, no one usually talks to me, and here he comes twice. "Hey, want to go out?" Sander asked, and pointed to the door behind him. I looked over his features, he wore all black and he looked very handsome wearing black too.
Perhaps he was different, he hasn't done anything yet. Maybe he just was this guy to look after trouble, and ease it all down?
I nodded and stood up. I pulled my dress down. Sander grabbed my cold hand and got me safely through the crowd. He looked down at me and smiled a little. We walked outside, the wind hitting my face. I didn't mind it, because I was so hot right now. It was very revealing to take some air and it wasn't that many people outside, most of the people outside were mostly asleep. It looked kind of horrendous. "So, tell a little about yourself." He said with a smile, as he stepped over a body and helped me get over the guy. I couldn't help but laugh at this.
I wrapped my arms around myself. "Busy parents, had once a brother, I have a cat, love school. I love reading. Hate parties." I said with a shrug.
He looked down at me and smiled weakly, his eyes shining again. "Then what are you doing here?" He asked me.
I shrugged and looked down at my feet. "Exploring," I said shortly and laughed at my own answer. "I mean I am a tiny little person in this world,'' I said and looked at him. He seemed confused about what I meant. ''And you know, It's a huge world out there. And I don't live forever, so I have to explore." I said thinking out loud. We walked around the house. "And I can't get home." I laughed. I jumped when a guy suddenly jumped out from somewhere and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, the cup in his hand as he almost brought me with him to the ground.
"Hello!" The guy slurred and tilted his head to the side and leaned his head on my shoulder. I tried hard to not panic as he leaned himself on me. "I am having fun..." He slurred and sipped at his drink again. "Fuck, I have to piss." I watched him as he stumbled somewhere to pee.
When I looked at Zayn, he seemed really confused but he just laughed. "Well, your answer was nothing I expected." He told me. He seemed satisfied by my answer, so he didn't say anything. He then smiled at me. "You know I have a feeling that you are this person who thinks low of yourself." He said. He then furrowed his eyebrows and bit his lip.
"Really?" I asked with a chuckle. I wasn't exactly happy to hear that. "You haven't really met me yet, and you already jump to conclusions?" I questioned with a sad laugh. Sander was right though. I'm always thinking low of myself. I'm not a special person, and I'm not a hero.
How good wouldn't it be to feel special for one day? To maybe be a superhero or someone that makes other people feel special for one day?
I know that people say that you will find someone one day that will make you feel special, and will treat you like you're a breakable diamond. I'm still waiting for that day to come.
"Don't think like that, it's kind of cute and sad at the same time," Sander explained and ran a hand through his hair. "I think you're pretty," Sander said and stopped me. I turned around and my eyes found an interesting plant. I didn't know why, but those words didn't mean much. We just met, and he doesn't know me. "I even think you're perfect." He said to me.
Really?
I then laughed and shook my head. I looked up at the mysterious guy in front of me, wearing all black. "No one is perfect. We've all done things, things that make us sad, angry, depressed, stressed. Nothing is perfect in life, we all have our insecurities." I said to him. He then put his hands down in his pockets and looked at me.
"You have a lot on your mind, a lot to say." He laughed. I just rolled my eyes and kept walking with him behind me. "But I can think someone is perfect. I maybe don't know what you are supposed to be when you're perfect, but people take the word perfect differently." He said. I stopped with a small smile on my face and looked at him. "And for me, the word perfect is a normal complement. So, I think you're perfect." He said and shrugged.
''Perfect is a word of purity, that you're beautiful, and nothing is wrong with you. Perfect is when you don't have problems, and families are happy all the time. Perfect is when you have everything. When everything is right, and you don't have worries about anything in this world.'' I said. He looked at me with awe and then walked up next to me. "But thank you I guess," I said. He just nodded as an answer and messed up my hair. I laughed low and pushed my hair back on my head, to make it okay again. I looked down at the ground and wrapped my arms around myself when a chilling breeze hit my body.
"You can take my jacket if you want to." He offered.
"No, I'm fi-"
I sighed when he laid the jacket around my shoulders, however, I smiled up at him. Not really thinking he would be that kind of a guy.
"Thanks," I said low, he looked at me and smirked when I blushed. I looked down at my shoes and we came to the front and I stopped and looked at him. "I should get home, I never really wanted to go to this party anyway." I laughed and Sander grinned and considered my eyes. "And people seem to be mad at me for some reason, so I should just walk home," I said and shrugged.
He stepped closer to me and gave me a hug. It surprised me at first, but I soon wrapped my arms around him, trying to take in the feeling of warmth. "Thanks for the hug." I muttered out of the blue. He chuckled and squeezed my shoulder softly with his hand.
"It was nice to meet you, Caty." He said with a smile. Sander is quite handsome, the way his dark hair is styled in a quiff on top of his head, and his smile is just so warm. My mother always wants me to look decent even if I go to the grocery store because I am a woman and women are meant to look beautiful. However, it's tiring to keep putting makeup on to make the bags under your eyes disappear, and hide how fat you are under some baggy dresses. If she knew I had been talking to some guys today, at a frat party she would totally lose it. She would lose it when she would see one of them was covered in tattoos. I'm not a big fan of them, but if the person wearing them likes them I am not the one to judge. Sander has them, I can see one of his tattoos sticking up from his shirt.
"Harmon has them too" My conscious tells me. I frown at myself, I just wish she would shut up sometimes.
I looked up when he waved his hand in front of my face. At least it's okay to think that someone is handsome, it's not wrong. I walk in the school halls sometimes and just admire the guys, many of them are handsome.
"It was nice to meet you too," I said with a smile and pulled back. I looked up at him and smiled softly.
"Just keep my jacket, you need it more than I do." He said to me. He then stepped back and waved awkwardly and started to head inside.
"Sander!" I yelled. He turned around and raised his eyebrow.
"Yeah?" He answered. I slowly walked towards him and cleared my throat. "Thank you." I murmured. He then started to chuckle.
"It's okay. Harmon is a dick anyway, beautiful on the outside but an ugly bitch on the inside." He mimicked. I couldn't help but to laugh, he was a good person. I murmured a quick goodbye to him and started to walk my way back home. It would take me an hour, but Harmon seemed to like his alcohol more than to help a virgin in need.
I sighed and wrapped the jacket more around me. Would I meet Sander again? I kind of clicked with him, not in a romantic way perhaps. But in a friendly way.