We all settled on a radio station that played a bit of everything. I looked out the window. The scenery had changed from the city. There were now fields of grass and tall trees. The pale blue sky stretching for miles…. It was peaceful.
"How much longer until we get there?" I asked Sophia. "Oh, only about fifteen minutes or so…" Twenty minutes later, we pulled up outside a small cabin made of logs. There were trees‟ surrounding it and a flower garden surrounding the front of the cabin.
"It is beautiful" I murmur to myself, but not that quietly because John looked over and smiled at me. It wasn't one of those mocking smiles that he had been giving me of late, but one of the smiles that he used to give.
The heart-stopping, genuine smile that made me fall in love with him… Maybe everything would work out… and for the first time in a long time, I was hoping that it would. I was still in love with John. You would think that remembering that you are in love with your kids' father was a good thing.
But I have news; it is, not at all. I tried acting nice to him after Justin and Sophia left, but he thought that I was playing some stupid joke on him. I wasn't! I was trying to be sincere. Right now I was sitting on the porch, wondering if it was worth it. Even if I did try to make things work with him, he wasn't going to want to try. I mean I screwed up his life plans…
he wanted to travel the world, have fun with his friends and instead he was saddled with three kids and he didn't like the mother of his kids… the only reason he slept with me was that he was drunk. I looked back and it always seemed that he found reasons as to why we wouldn't work well together. Well if that is what he wants then ok.
He will have it; I would give him his space for the next three weeks. I sat there, tears falling without permission. I wish I could turn back time to when things were ok… I would make things right, maybe then he would still love me.
***
I was cooking dinner on the second evening since we had been forced to come to this place. John had been out to the lake near the cabin all day.
That is where he spends all his time. I had harbored some hope that he would come around, maybe notice that he was in love with me, but he had not. "Amelia?" I heard him call from the front door. I went to see what was going on and I started laughing.
There stood John wet, from head to toe. "What happened to you?" I asked, still laughing. „What does it bloody well look like?" he snapped.
I stopped laughing almost immediately. I forgot that he was the cranky John. "Sorry. Dinner will be ready in about half an hour, go shower or something" I said harshly, trying to stop the quiver in my voice. I was NOT going to cry. So he was a royal, class „a‟ jerk.
All I had to do was to wait out the time until it was time to go. I went to go back to the kitchen when his voice called out again.
"Do you maybe want to help?" he called "By doing what?" I yelled at him furiously "Hmm, a towel might be nice right now" "Screw you, John! Get your towel" I retorted "Hey I think you already did, but thanks for the advice" he smirked, and walked towards the bathroom, tracking mud and water all through the house.
I stormed back into the kitchen, I was furious that he was talking to me like that, but at the same time, I was trying not to cry. I missed the part of John and mine‟s relationship that was all love and friendship.
Back then he would have punched anyone that talked to me like that. I went back to making dinner, the tears falling at their own accord.
"Amelia?" questioned John‟s voice quietly from the door. My back was to him so I tried to discreetly wipe the tears, but I felt his hand on my waist and he turned me around. When he saw me, or more like the tears, his face changed from confused to worry almost instantly.
"What is wrong? Did you burn yourself or something?" he asked I tried to pull away from him, but he held me tight. I did not want him to see my tears or my vulnerability.