At the void, at the darkness of my own mind I could hear my own loud heartbeat pulsating through the nothingness, almost like a buzzing sound inside my ear, as if a small bug had made a nest inside my head, right under the skull.
It was excruciating, the agony of having it in, of the need to get out, of pressure building up with the sound of my heartbeat.
Thump, Thump...Thump thump.
Thump thump thump thump.
Faster, than faster, a strong drumming sound inside me.
A tingling sensation raises the hair on my body, an electric current zippzapping on my skin layers.
I could feel something in, brushing against my insides, brushing the skin from within, almost like a pressure, a weight expanding from my core.
I sense some movement amidst the darkness, among my confusion, but it seemed rather odd, like, as if... I was the one moving, which did not make sense, I think, trying to find balance and reach out for my body, as if relearning how to move, how to fill attachment towards those limbs of mine. I could feel my own raspy breath and the coldness creeping in from my bare feet.
ThesightthecoldthebreaththesoundthenoisethesmellssomuchIcouldn'tbreath-
I open my eyes, white and black mixing in my foggy vision. I brush my eyes with my hands, trying to focus, a bitter taste in my mouth, a strange moisture sticking to my body which makes me look down to barely see my own hands, the nails black and broken, dirty underneath like they'd have never been before.
My belly was heavy but that was the least of my concerns right now I quickly realize once I look down and find myself naked, my bare feet burning with the snow, the cold wind making my body tremble uncontrollably, a furious shaking that makes me unable to control my own body, barely managing to half-hug myself, being careful not to bite my own tongue.
And, not surprisingly, things could get worse for my head was heavy, a pounding headache that makes mind appear to be underwater, and flashes of images passing like lightning, so bright it only manages to hurt me more as I try to close my eyes for naught.
Calm down child. Some words resonate softly somewhere around, but in my current state I could barely think, even more speak or see anyone. This way you will end up hurting yourself even more. Relax, let them come to you.
I try to, but it is hard when everything hurts and I'm starting to freeze to death; far worse than that is when the flashes start to take shape, of red, of blood, of anger, how I could feel underneath my muscles, a strange confidence taking over me, a powerful feeling that made victory certain for me, all doubts vanishing in the wind.
I could feel the power of my teeth, my jaw, able to pierce flesh and bones, my claws, the strength of my legs, piercing and smashing, fierce in every move, a deadly machine, hunting his prey.
I knew my place then, that I have never been prey, that I was born a predator.
And I have finally woken up, hungry for flesh that has been denied for me before.
Never more.
The flesh the bones the whimpers of pain, a mixture of the fight that was set loose, a pure, instinctively wild clash of claws and fangs, of fur flying and blood spilling.
Fur…? Claws? Fangs?
Oh God no…
I turn around and throw up, a river of bile coming out and pushing everything that was weighing inside my stomach; and I swear I wish, until this day, that I didn't look.
But I did.
If the brown-yellow liquid wasn't enough, beyond the smell there were pieces of meat floating; and more bile came out when I saw an eyeball floating amongst the pool.
I close my eyes after more than enough is pushed out of my body, nothing left beyond the bile now, making the taste even worst and the persisting gag sensation annoying as there was nothing left to throw out, the emptiness of any vile thing making me feel a little; very little; better.
You will be alright love, is always like that at first. A soft yet strong woman's voices speak out of nowhere, making me jump up and look around, only to find that I was still completely alone.
Oh no now I'm going crazy, that, that's great, why not, just add a voice in my head to the mixture, as if I wasn't fucked up enough as it is.
Calm down darling I'm not- I mean, I'm technically I am a voice in your head, but I'm not only that. Look, what I'm trying to say is that you are not crazy.
That's what all voices in heads say.
…What? It is not. Anyway, let's just… just calm down first ok? My name is Luna, Enzo, and I'm your wolf.
Wait, there are so many wrong things that I don't even know what to question first. A wolf talking? As a voice in my head? How could it be my wolf?
And why it had a female voice?
Wow, wow, calm down, let's talk about it first, don't panic on me darling. I know you haven't had anyone to explain all of this to you, that's why I just need you to hear me out ok?
Not all werewolves have, but some strong individuals have a conscious wolf spirit when they go through the change. It is normal, so don't worry about it.
As for why I have a female voice… well, I think now is not the best moment to talk about that darling.
No, no more secrets, talk now! I think angrily as I come back to my senses, looking around me and searching my surroundings, trying to figure out what happened and where my clothes were; and trying not to touch anything, my bare feet were enough to give me nausea again.
Beyond the smell of vomit of course.
Explain to me everything, now, I think once more, already at my limit with all this shit going on. I have the right to know what the hell is happening to me, so talk wolf!
Silly you, I'm not speaking, wolves cannot do that, is that your brain, to understand me and my thoughts, turn them into words, that's all, but I'm smart all right.
Stop with the pointless chat wolf and tell me what the hell is going on!
…Alright darling, I will tell everything, but please call me by my name. But uhm… where should I begin? How about giving you directions?
Flashes of memories, of me running down the hill behind me, comes naturally to my mind, as if a lost fact remembered, guiding me back towards where I came from.
Only that it wasn't me walking.
I'm sorry if it all seems… weird to you darling, is just that… last night I had to take over for a little, but I won't do it again.
Take over? How so? Then the attack, the zombies, the wolves, Kira, all came back together. You… save me?
Us, I saved us.
I don't know how to feel about that. Hell, I don't know how I feel about any of this.
Of not being human anymore, for starts.
But is funny now that I think about it… what type of attachment I have to being human?
Well, one thing at a time. Let's question this… wolf of mine first.
Ok, so you are saying that… you are my wolf? How does that work?
Is complicated, but I'm like another part of yourself and yet you at the same time. The practical difference that I can give you is that I'm here to help in your transition, to guide you and help you, us, through all of this. You can say that I'm like… your guardian angel.
…Hard to believe but, you know, if you asked me a week ago if I believed in werewolves, I would give you a deadpan no as an answer, but now…
Alright… so you took over?
Yes, I forced a change before our time, so I'll need to sleep for the rest of the day, so we need to do this quickly.
I'm running out of time so I'll ask you to listen to me without questions until I finish, is that ok darling?
Sure, if you answer my questions.
Deal, but do not stop moving, you are a young pup, you are not totally formed so the cold will still affect you.
Didn't intend to stop thank you very much.
Ok, so I will explain to you, about alphas, about Moonmates, and about… rare cases.
Well, charming, that definitely does not sound good.